₦airaland Forum

NoToPile:
Loool, its Lagos and others

The bolded is what I have been saying, let's flip it, ' A woman works till she enters the house. At home, she wants to bath and sleep' . we both know its impossible but a man can do it. Except you are saying we don't have women who work and get home at night.

This negates your last paragraph, someone is actually doing it more - now it might not be the case of every family at least to a reasonable percentage let's say 60-70% this scenario always play out.

Let's not mention rent and school fees, lots of families share these bills in recent times.

My point is I feel a female who has to work all day to provide money and still has to 'work' the homely jobs after getting home is doing more than a man who works to also provide the same money only, as you know he can come in bathe and sleep but she can't.

Anyway I understand if you don't understand my point.

In court, you'll be a badass lawyer! You are hinging on technicalities: the 1% and making a huge case out of it.

As much as a man wants to sleep at home, he actually doesn't. I wrote all that in my last paragraph. The woman usually makes up for the less work in maintaining the family by providing the funds in catering for the children and kitchen. Men happily switch those roles in developed countries, and high brow Lagos anyway. There are few men who do nothing at home, if any. Usually, with grown kids and nannies, there's little work on the home front for the woman's exclusive attention in today's world especially with washing machines in every home and the average Lagos family buying food on the streets rather than cooking in their small houses.

There's nothing special about working class couples splitting the bills. More often than not, it is split according to earnings - and most women marry upwards, to men who earn more than them anyway.

NoToPile:
I understand your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs perfectly, how sex relaxes men and all that but I just want to point at the bolded.

It's actually special when you have to hustle hard like a man and still come back home to start all over again working.

That's what makes it special , The man that is available for one intercourse daily most likely has no more work at home ( this is for a sizeable amount of men) the woman who might be unavailable for intercourse has worked as hard as a man out there and will do more work when back home, its not rocket science she will be tired, she's human after all.

Except there are pallatives,help etc it will continue to occur or as some women do they will just let you do the do while they just lie there some men will also complain about that too, that the woman is not responsive during the act.

The problem is a lot of men like you have stated don't see anything special in a woman working hard all day as a man does as they don't understand that the work still continues at home until men understand this point, issues like this will continue to occur.

This is also a reason why as bad as the economy is and all hands need to be on deck to provide income for them family ( in reality how many men can provide ALL the family needs in this buharis economy) I try not to fault full time housewives, let them stay at home do the work all day , try and rest in between , let him go and bring the money we will all spend and hopefully she will be more available for once a day intercourse as making money is not her concern .

Wait first do married people really have sex daily ? In this same Lagos.

First, not everyone is in Lagos. Lagosians tend to think their small landmass is all of Nigeria. Lol.

Secondly, you seemed to skip the crux of my final paragraph analysis and dwelt on the outlier. Indeed, the average man works twice as hard as the average woman in today's Nigeria. Underline average: 1 in 2. 5 in 10. 100 in 200. The hardest jobs are male dominated, isn't it? Someone recently joked that beauty products have women headlining their advertorials while men are the poster boys for analgesics. The joke tells a deep message.

A man works till he enters the house. At home, he wants to bath and sleep. The average working man - you are right - wouldn't necessarily be able to have sex every day. Primarily, as I wrote earlier, good women should be sexually compatible with their husbands and should before then, have express channels of verbal and non-verbal communication to know when the man wants to be served the midnight dish and when they want it from their men.

There is no excuse about a woman working at home. Men maintain the houses anyway: electricals, wiring, cars, repairs, gadgets, lifting heavy objects, installations etc in the house is often left for the male gender who often doesn't complain. Let's not talk about buildings and house rent.

My point is that nobody does it more. So there are no excuses for the scam sex that dries off after marriage by many of female gender in our society.

oyatz:
1) In this part of the world, our culture demands that women minimize the ways they express their sexuality especially married women.

2) Teenage girls generally have higher sexual libido and strength than married women.

I wouldn't think this is entirely true. I have read a research work conducted by a Sociology and Demography lecturer as a part of her PhD project where cultural expectations of older and married women as pertaining to sex across different cultures in Africa and Asia was reviewed.

Effectively, there were two findings: those that align with your postulation and also encouraged polygamy, being that the men married younger women and left the older women to care for the family and children - and the other finding where women were allowed to pursue their sexual needs inside and sometimes outside of the marriage (especially when married to older men or men with many wives who did not touch them). If necessary, I could search for and quote the said research project.

Regardless, it is the 21st century where men and women are equally educated and given equal rights as well as freedom of expression. Women are expected to marry their best male friends - ordinarily - with whom they feel at greatest peace and communication with. So this excuse would really not arise, if that is so.

oyatz:
You are right to some extent.



However, for struggling families ,child birth coupled with raising children while working hard as women reduces sexual appetites.


Sugar mummies and Cougars are fairly well to do and have enough money to take care of their problems thus have free time to think of 'enjoying life with good sex'

Women that are carrying children on their backs, hawking from morning till night while carrying consummer products on their heads,who get home in the evening to prepare (poor) dinners for their families don't have the luxuries of watching porn and trying to practicalize what they see on porn sites.

I think this is fair. I like this robust response.

Now, it is a woman's personal fault if she marries a man who does not work at least AS HARD AS she does. When that is not the issue, then it is assumed that the man works just as hard from morning till night, as the woman.

What many women do need to understand is that sex is an antidepressant and a natural relaxant for a man. It has little to do with whatever exists in pornography. At the end of it anyway, pornography is filming sexual acts between men and women in many instances.

Regardless of how hard the average man works, he is usually available to have at least one round of intercourse on the average day. It helps to relax and sleep and wake up with a clear, balanced mind ahead of the next day's work. Get it, the way to a good marriage is said to be a full stomach and an empty scrotum.

A sexually starved or frustrated man is scientifically proven to have higher than average levels of testosterone and androgenic hormones. This drives their alpha masculinity and sees them aggressive. The one who enjoys regular normal sex, whether from his wife or side chics is likely to have low or normal levels of testosterone and similar androgens running wild in the bloodstream.

In many marriages, women even use sex as a weapon of family negotiations. This repulses many men and opens the door wide open to extra marital affairs. When women learn these things, life would be a lot easier for both parties. It has little to do with porn.

If you are male, imagine having to solve algebra when you have blue balls. You can never succeed. A poor man is not to be refused sex by his wife, really. When it comes to hustling, the average woman does not hustle as hard as her male counterpart for daily bread anyway, so what is the special thing about a woman working hard all day like the average man does?

Do women hawk or do business harder than men?

AgentGoat:
Child birth kills sexual appetite gradually.

Says who?
Do you have some scientific proof of same?

Does childbirth reduce the hormones or pleasure nerve endings? Why are there so many sugar mummies and Cougars? Why is gigolo an informal job?

Guy, get it: the women who claim this never exactly loved their husbands for WHO their husbands are. They got into marriage for what they wanted to obtain from the man: a plush wedding where they dance (and contribute little or nothing financially), the societal esteem of being Mrs something, a man to take care of their responsibilities etc.

When children come, their attention shifts completely to the new creature that is entirely dependent on them. The women then invest all their attention on the child(ren) for the same reason as with they got into marriage: to get an assured future from the children when the children grow!

Meanwhile, the man is slaving himself and working extremely hard to pay for the children and family upkeep and development. He is hardly ever around at home as a consequence, unlike the mother. Guess what? The mothers subsequently appear to the children as the more caring parent and are often 'preferred' by the child(ren), regardless of their gender.

Look, if men could share the pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding role with women, men would be doing it the 'designer' way, trust me. Don't think I'm thrashing about. A lot is said about the unbearable pain of labour - until you see Fulani women in labour being completely silent all through. When you experience that, you'll know it is not entirely unbearable after all.

Like I wrote earlier, we have been scammed by women a very long time ago. We live all our lives and die for them with, often times, little or no acknowledgement of same by the female gender. Rather, they'll project their cases while men suffer in silence and project bravado.

Gentlemen of Nairaland, have you all noticed that no married man has written on this thread to say that his WIFE's sexual appetite is more than his?

I think the reason is that stolen water is sweeter. Even the Nymphs stop being generous (to their husbands) once they are 'safely' married, more often than not. They may resume the generosity with side-boys for extra cash while married, but would hardly ever daily pester their husbands for intercourse even if they did so before marriage.

We have been scammed as men.

claremont:
Those medicines are commonly prescribed for HBP. The ban could have been avoided if the athlete had informed the committee of this condition which is common amongst middle-aged black men. I can't figure out how a commonly prescribed diuretic will make an athlete perform better.

You read and dwelt on only half of the report. You can use any drug prescribed for your use as an athlete by a Dr, but MUST apply for a therapeutic use exemption (TUE) if the drug contains substances on the WADA prohibition list published annually.

This is public knowledge. It doesn't matter if the drug is for Malaria or hypertension, asthma or depression. Drugs that can provide competitive advantage or diuretics that can mask the use of drugs with competitive advantage are all on the prohibition list.

The entirety of the Sporting World knows this. Of course however, the athlete and or his National Federation/International Federation can approach the Court of Arbitration for Sports (CAS) for a review if they feel hard done.

Recall that the captain of Enyimba, Austin Oladapo was caught in similar mix recently. There is no space for such excuses as ignorance of the established laws of free and healthy Sports.

Whitemoney has been a gentleman on the show. He deserves to win.

Angel is better not commented about.

Was always worried about her skin that appeared quite bleached.

Wishing her the best going forward.

You mean that Nigerians in London still latch upon this unscientific idea of calling 'fire' upon known and perceived 'enemies'?

This is an alien culture!

We expect that when they live with those who brought the religion to Africa, they would have learnt the 'normal' way to serve God in the White Man's way!

Heck, some of these people would still be calling fire upon enemies if they make it into heaven, certainly. And for those who make it to the left side of that divide - ultimately, well, who would you call fire upon? Cos their brains are already wired to call 'fire' and 'death' upon 'enemies'!

Here is the story of the rich making more money from the lopsided system we run in Nigeria where there is no social security net or structure for those in the lower socio-economic classes.

For one, this narrator had rich parents with 'connections' adequate to sponsor him/her for education in Canada and USA.

That's the upper 2% of the Nigerian society.

To invest a lot of hope in such story as this for those with beginnings outside of that socio-economic class may be a recipe for depression.

If opportunities like this were readily available for the average citizen, we would have less male internet fraudsters and female semi-prostitutes amongst our large youthful population. There would also be less interest in FG N-Power 15,000 or 30,000/month schemes. Even the National Assembly gets into huge rows over 1000 units of N20,000/month jobs in every LGA.

Here is a young person netting sweet millions and attending N150k Dorime parties. I wish!

Women can be very interesting.

Same person, possibly the same day but totally different appearances/impressions.

One picture in green, her mammaries appear so large they are almost occluding her throat, barely allowing her gold pendant somewhere to settle - in a Gbe s'oke style that leaves you wondering 'kini Aunty yii nwa kiri gaan' Set yin ti le jare. Aunty no gree, she pushes it into your eye as she touches the puppy. Oops, the melons must not pop out. ����

In another picture, she's looking like that sweet Aunt we all love to have, our sweet godmother we always long to see.

I prefer the latter.

Happy Birthday Ayo Adesanya!

Read all 17 pages over a week or so - in between my schedule.

Happy Birthday Tourist123. You took us on a fun ride.

All the best!

BRATISLAVA:
One of the most revealing posts on the forum.

Thank you.

If more married women read this and work hard at it, many marriages would survive better.

The soul of any marriage is usually about a full stomach and an empty scrotum. An unhappy man wouldn't discharge his scrotal content at home - and all men need to do that regularly.

It is what leads to the Chidinma Ojukwus of this world, you know.

Men have their own problems, but it can be easily avoided by marrying good men for character rather than money. Women own the marriage - and the home.

A lot of backlash here is because of ignorance. Unfortunately, ignorance isn't an excuse in law or medical sciences.

Prednisolone is a banned drug in Sports. All Sports Physicians SHOULD know this. It doesn't matter whether it is abused in Nigeria or bought freely over the counter in Nigeria or not. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) code has the drug on its list of banned substances as its use is against fair play in Sports.

That written, prednisolone, like most steroidal medication, can be used by a player/athlete if absolutely necessary AFTER the Sports Physician/Club Doctor has requested for and filled a document called THERAPEUTIC USE EXEMPTION (TUE) which is sent to the competition authorities on the same day the drug is given to the player or immediately afterwards.

I have worked as an international doping control official for CAF in the past, so this is basic knowledge. The team doctor knows all of these - and these questions are asked by the Doping Control officer from the player and his/her team doctor before the urine sample is collected after the match. It doesn't matter if the player has had a million negative doping tests previously.

He had a banned drug in his system without a TUE form WHEN THE SAMPLE was taken. Any other explanation AFTER the result is released is inconsequential. The forms filled during doping control tests specifically asks the following, more or less, among others:

What drugs is this player currently on?
Does he have a TUE form?
Are there specific drug declarations that the player/team doctor wishes to reveal at the point of testing?

This is just for education.

Indeed, Nigeria should conduct routine doping control tests in the football league. It is the reason why many ex footballers are not compatible with the society after their careers end - as many players in Nigeria play under the influence of many medications to boost their performances. In many instances, these drugs are harmful in the short, intermediate and long term as well as often unnecessary.

Long term use of Prednisolone, as commonly as it is abused, for instance, can cause severe adverse effects in chronic users/drug abusers. Such include adrenal suppression, kidney damage, predisposition to fractures, water retention in muscles etc which can really lead to major injuries and/or disabilities sooner or later etc. All these take a long time to show - and the abuser may not easily link it to the drug until a Doctor reviews the drug history of the person in the hospital to identify these.

I hope Nigerian Sports authorities can ring major changes in Sports Medicine and routine investigations in Nigeria in the light of this Oladapo unfortunate development as well as the ban of 10 Olympic athletes over their failure to have routine drug tests in Nigeria. Apparently, Oladapo and the athletes didn't know this would happen.

However, there are Sports scientists and Sports Physicians with experience and expertise in Nigeria who know. Nigerian Sports administrators know these people. We should engage them to do their work.

Professor Anugweje is the number one name in Sports Medicine in Nigeria. We didn't have to wait till the Olympics banned our athletes for failing to do out-of-competition tests, despite qualifying for the Olympics on merit, before we put up a structure in place manned by professionals, to do what we knew we should do.

Come on Genies! Proud of you all.

#SybilIroche

Vaughanlanrewaj:
Very valid and intelligent points. I think our legal system is largely to be blamed for it. The case has taken more than a decade and I won't be surprised it goes on appeal and on to the supreme court, taking more years. N25Billion in 2009 was $172.4m which is currently worth N77.6 billion today. That fund was used to fund wastages along with unquantifiable waste of man hours. Why should it take 10 years to establish the difference between professional negligence and criminal negligence for a publicly quoted bank that is under supervision of regulators and auditors? It's completely preposterous and a huge drain on us all. The justice system is way too slow and is encouraging resource allocation inefficiency. The judiciary needs to help us in this country. If they don't do their work more efficiently, the system will eventually consume them too.

Thanks for sharing this. I didn't want to go this deep initially.

When we dig deep enough, we'll find out that Atuche and co only possibly stepped on some toes or fell out with some co-conspirators to have been brought to this point.

It is all 'sakamanje', in my view. Sakamanje means 'make belief' in Lagos Urban lingua.

The Nigerian system is monumentally flawed. The richest of the rich ALL have stories like this. There's hardly a clean billionaire in this country. It is a class system that seeks to enrich an ultra-minute corrupt few so as to maintain the now-weaponised poverty as some political armoury that never runs out of ammunition.

Consider this, for instance:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10165892940685144&id=645765143&sfnsn=scwspwa

The speed or otherwise of the Judiciary is only a symptom of the Cancer. Nigeria is on life support. The mills of Law all over the world grinds quite slowly, but is expected to grind finely. In Nigeria, it grinds slowly and is often ambushed to break down midway.

Consider Orji Uzor's conviction and its magical overturn!

This is very revealing.

It is both good and bad. Good in the sense that some maladministration has been identified and proven in court.

Bad that it got this bad before the extent of maladministration in the bank was identified. That's also an administrative flaw by the agencies, ministries and departments of government that should have oversight responsibilities over the bank.

If only this was done in every government institution...

Johncuppa:
It means you didn't read.
They actually did, including mosques and palaces.
Good afternoon.

It is the culture of our people nowadays, quite unfortunately, not to read and digest information before reacting or responding.

You are right. The fellow simply failed to read the article. 'Too long' is the oft-available excuse!

Dear OP,

You may not have gone about this in the best possible way. I understand that you may be hurt - and also young.

However, a number of years ago, a similar situation played out on this website. This is the link:

https://www.nairaland.com/3532584/girl-laments-over-inability-secure

At that time, the Provost of the OAU College of Medicine was Professor Adesegun Fatusi. He is now the Vice Chancellor of the Ondo State University of Medical Sciences, Ondo.

In that instance, the Professor himself created a Nairaland account to address the situation and provide the world with important clarification. It turned out that the said candidate had certain misconceptions. Here is the link to same:

https://www.nairaland.com/3532584/girl-laments-over-inability-secure/4#52165447

And

https://www.nairaland.com/3533651/provost-health-sciences-oau-gives

I'll advise the OP to maximally explore the best opportunities to receive official information from the University, as against the assertion - which may be wrong - that the candidate's marks were deducted.

Best regards.

legba1:
I feel your point, how I wish we can just emulate the whites. But we can't in a lot of ways and for a lot os reasons

Thank you very much.

You would agree with me however that asides from situations where we use our 'cultural values' to oppress ourselves, we emulate the whites in almost every other economic and social venture.

From Sports to entertainment. Even our musicians and entertainers make more money by selling their products to the Western (oyibo market) on Spotify, Netflix etc than the free downloads we do here.

There is no harm in copying good things shamelessly from people far ahead of us and whom we hope to become like.

Seun Anikulapo-Kuti said it the other day, 'if the whites open their borders for 48hours, I would be the only one left in Ikeja...People do not emigrate from here to go abroad. No, they swim through the Ocean at the risk of death in order to escape from the suffering here. It should be called escape, not emigration'.

In the light of the above Sir, do you have a change of mind?

legba1:
I will like to address the "free sex" narrative... In the context of the subject matter. The fact you cohabit with a guy that pays his rent and utilities we both use already placed a price on every and all benefits that accrues from our living together, except you share the burden of the cost which in most cases is not. So the sex in this case is not free, the relationship is not symbiotic and mutual

I wish I didn't have to comment on this thread.

That written, I'll like to make a clarification on your last sentence - having agreed with everything else you wrote.

I think the sex is the only thing SYMBIOTIC i.e BOTH parties indulge in, and enjoy same. In the future, scientists would establish who enjoys intercourse more, but many males like to compare sex with using a cotton bud in the ear.

Besides the mutually enjoyed intercourse, per your explanation above, the male partner - as in most cases anyway - picks ALL (or the lion share of) the utilities and upkeep bills. After all, it is common to hear people say 'a man's money is for the family but woman's money is for herself'.

Many African cultures frown at women contributing financially to the family - which, in my honest opinion, is not simply flawed, is a recipe for disaster in today's world. Do we think the Americans or Europeans run relationships or families that way? Hell No. Couples split bills in the liberal world - whether in a relationship or families!

If I am not mistaken however, in Nigerian law, couples are adjudged as equal before the law.

Where a man picks most bills, houses and feeds a female friend in an affair where sex is mutually enjoyed - then the relationship is one of COMMENSALITY - if not sheer PARASITISM by one partner - but certainly not SYMBIOTIC.

I so submit.

Misterone:
sense of urgency! this is the greatest trash of the century. sense of urgency indeed. this is a PDP that did not complete one single project in 6 good years not even their headquarters. now it is sense of urgency. to do what really? maybe to complete their headquarters.

I agree with you. PDP was bad - but since Nigeria effectively has only two parties, and APC has less is to Golgatha + are planning to hand over to another old man Tinubu to do the entire 2012/2013 Buhari all over again, we may be better with the devil we knew, PDP, especially if they give us a better candidate than Atiku.

PDP didn't complete their secretariat, yes. Has APC got any 16-floor secretariat? Is there a real difference between PDP & APC?

Not having a choice makes one consider them. Both parties are one and same

Eddy has done the right thing.

We are all winners.

What is more important is ridding the country of this APC bandwagon of old people without technological ideas or sense of urgency in delivering good governance.

I agree with him

Chii59:
Exactly. I equally learnt about how bad wearing tights to sleep is. I stopped my little sis from doing that when I found out she formed that habit. Even my roommate in the uni, back then, used to do that. Very bad.
Some of these little things matter to one's health.

Do people wear tight fitting pants to bed?
Ewwwwwww


When does the punany breathe 'natural fresh air' if a lady does that?

People should stop being artificial o. It doesn't epp

Chii59:
I don't wear bras at home. I hate anything holding my rib cage. I learnt early that it is wrong. My tits are still standing. I guess, ligaments at work.

Yea.

That education must be passed across to most ladies.

It must sound very ironical to the average lady around here that ultra-dependence on brassieres actually cause the breasts to sag - but that's the truth.

I was hoping to read this before now:

1. Wearing brassieres from very young ages and for very long period daily ultimately ensures that the Body's natural suspension tissue for the female breasts do not develop properly.

2. This tissue is known as the 'Suspensory ligaments of Cooper.' When a child start a wearing lifting bras (push-ups) as soon as she develops mounds, the ligaments that should naturally hold the breasts suffer.

3. It happens to girls and reproductive-age ladies who wear push-up bras. Notice that the Westerners do not routinely wear the kinds of brassieres that our ladies here often wear which pushes their breasts high up the chest in non-natural fashion.

4. Indeed, the breasts would look firm and perky when fully dressed, but our ladies should now know that when the average man sees fallen breasts, it generates reactions like what this OP has put forth - and can breed resentment either in a relationship or even in marriage, as in this case.

5. The solution, please stop wearing push up bras - and please release the developing breasts of younger ladies from the bras as soon as they are indoors. Some ladies actually sleep with bras on. Nothing can be more wrong!!!

He was to have surgery in American, according to the YouTube video.

Does anyone have any information about that process or procedure before he passed on?

jmonaco:
A video making rounds online captured moment an unidentified woman placed curses on the corpse of a Nigerian man she identified as "Dare".
It was gathered that the Nigerian man died while allegedly having sex with his side chick. The lady who was heard talking in the background of the video, was saying that the deceased got what he deserves. She added that his wife and children will survive without him.

Unconfirmed sources however alleged that it was the wife of the late Nigerian man that was placing the curses.


Here is the video below.. https://naijacampusjams.com/nigerian-woman-places-curses-on-her-man-who-died-while-having-sex-with-side-chick-video/

'You would rot in hell Dare'. Blablabla.

So she says in her capacity as the gatekeeper of Hell abi?

Las las, na something go kill person. When each person's time is up, wherever it happens, everyone's relatives: wife/wives, husband, children, nuclear & extended family would carry on until they themselves die anyway.

So 'Madam curser' should stay alive forever ba, abi she can foretell where or how she would herself die? Issokay...

By the way, the 'curser' isn't likely to be Dare's wife. A freshly bereaved widow of a young man like that isn't likely to be calm enough to make those statements by his hospital bed. She also isn't likely to describe her own self as 'your wife'.

Come to think of it, what's the man's exact offence sef per the video?

Cos dying 'for (over a) man or woman' isn't exactly a new thing or big deal. Men have being laying their lives for other men, for wives or children since the beginning of time - and vice versa.

There is no mention of side-chick in the video. Rather, what is shown is an apparently recently deceased patient on a hospital with an oxygen tank on the left side of the bed being cursed by person with a feminine voice.

For all we do not know, Dare could be a Muslim who died while traveling to meet the parents of his next bride, for instance...

Finally, it is pretty wrong to desecrate the dead in that manner. To record such curses on camera and broadcast it is infringement of the rights of the dead in a hospital. Such ugly situation can't happen in a first world hospital, regardless of cause, course or manner of death. Someone should be sued in that hospital.

The action of the presumed woman behind the recording is also alien to our African culture in publicly speaking ill of the dead who can no longer defend himself.