₦airaland Forum

If A happens, a woman will use B,C,D,E,F,G as an excuse to leave.

midnighter:
Since this is a first-time occurrence, they should sort it out and resolve it themselves.

He doesn't need to involve her parents yet. Just the threat of doing that is enough for now.

Reporting her to her parents is overkill

I do not see it as an overkill because if it happens again and he retaliates, she will get her parents involved and they won’t believe she slapped first. It doesn’t have to be her parents, maybe her sibling, but it’s good to have a trusted third party bear witness.

Good for you for not reacting violently. Now warn her sternly never to repeat what she did to you ever again, also report her to her folks and let them know the next time it happens you would retaliate.

If you do not do this, your wife will hit you whenever you have a misunderstanding, we make acceptable what ever we condone. i must commend you again for not reacting violently, you are a better guy than most of us. If you do not handle it now she will soon start slapping you in presence of visitors and outsiders.

bukatyne:
A man's relationship with the mother of his child (especially when they are married/living together) is every important in the child's life. You cannot be maltreating his mother and expect the child to love you.

That aside, there are typically two snearios:

1. A couple's relationship breaks down however both parties are still involved in the life of the child. The father/absentee parent understands that the beef is with the spouse and not the child. Here, there is no absentee parent, just co-parents who are trying to do their thing. I am sure a number of people remember going to dad's house for a while, going to mom's house, the parents visiting etc. The other parent is involved.

2. A parent (usually the father) due to bitterness towards the mother severed the relationship between the woman and the kids they had together. The man has no input towards the kids because he knows that tomorrow, the kids would come look for him (religion, forgiveness, culture and tradition) etc. He neglects both mother and child. This is only excusable if the father did not know about the existence of the child.

In no 1, Irrespective of what the father did to the mother/themselves, the father has a relationship with the child. The child might be unhappy about things with his parents or even side the victim (his mother here), he/she still has some sort of relationship/access with the father and can even broker reconciliation if inclined to.

A child has to forgive the erring parent because they are our parents and forgiveness is a prerequisite to obtain same from God. But to demonize the parent who supported them under the guise of been manipulative?

Na na na!

I also know deadbeat mothers whose kids don't send and worship their dad, I know fathers who visited kids with nothing when the mothers kicked them out. The children still have the memory of 'my dad checked our homework then' so the mother couldn't demonize him. I know mothers who sneaked to visit their kids when their husbands sent them away after breakdown of the relationship.

There is NO excuse for a negligent parent who knows about the existence of his/her seed.

I totally understand your points. However, in this case;

1. As a child whenever you see your mum cry, it is interpreted as due to maltreatment, you don’t care to find out what happened, whose fault it was etc. It is always natural to be on the side of whoever tells you the story of what transpired, usually the mothers and definitely they tell the story in their favour.

2. This guy never said his dad kicked him out or stopped taking responsibility, he said he disconnected from his father in protest to the way he ‘heard’ his mom was been treated. So I’m guessing he had several fights with his dad and the relationship went sour over something he clearly never understood as a child.

3. The mother being the only parent who was there for him is an absolute great thing. No one should downplay that, but she wasn’t perfect and that’s what the OP is acknowledging. When couples fight, it is the responsibility of the adults to ensure the kids do not pick sides. It is best not to tell them in details what is happening. Tell them your dad and I loves you but we aren’t happy together etc. That way nobody is blamed in separation or divorce.

4. The father isn’t poor or on his dying bed, he isn’t the one seeking reconciliation. The OP is trying to fill a void hence he’s asking for his dad forgiveness and not the other way round. I do not believe that it is culture and religion that make people seek forgiveness from a wicked person. I have a friend whose dad left them, he never wants to talk about the man at all and my guy na pastor. I think it’s the realization that things were not how I saw it as a youngster that make people repent. E.g the prodigal son.

5. I hope you will agree not to involve the children in parents conflict. A child never easily forgives someone who maltreated them, they only forgive the misunderstood. See Tonto Dike’s case? Tomorrow if king wants a relationship with Churchill, will you call him ungrateful? That your mom loves you doesn’t mean she can’t manipulate you.

OP is this what you really want for your life? Got married at 25, divorced at 29. If you continue like this you would have gone through 4 women by the time you are 40.

Sit down, ask people who lived like that in the past, most of them are filled with regrets. You say you are unhappy with the marriage but you are only unhappy with yourself. You trained your mind subconsciously to think you were trapped, that you could have made a different choice.

You can’t go back and change the past, you can only accept it and make peace with it. Start seeing the woman as your wife, the one you choose to be with and things will change for you.

People who are going through unhappiness in their marriage do not just ‘meet someone else’. They tend to stay away from women and commitment for a long time. Your own unhappiness is a result of your thoughts.

To answer your question, you aren’t legally married, you don’t need to go through court for a divorce. Just gather the family and tell them it’s over.

Cheers!

Isn’t a child reuniting with his father suppose to be a good thing? The only lesson learnt here is never make your child pick sides in a feud they are too young to understand. The children will always pick the sides of the mother because you hardly see a dad explaining adult issues to their kids.

The reason he is giving his dad a chance is because his relationship with his father was formed not out of his own experience but his moms. This in no way invalidate his moms love for him.

Some of you in a bid to blackmail the OP are even saying he’s now an abuser hence the reconciliatory moves, do you bother asking what his dad felt when his own seed took sides with his ‘enemy’? the hurt, the betrayal?

The women here are only pained because they now realize that you can not make a child hate his father because you hate him. The child will always look for his father or mother as long as they are alive.

PS: I have seen children gone in search of their birth mother who gave them up for adoption. How’s that different from this situation?

From the days of Eve, women have always pushed boundaries of change. Eve wanted to be as wise as God that’s why she ate the apple.

Just a few years ago women were told they couldn’t wear trousers, today every woman is wearing one. Women were told working was reserved for men while they just had to chill and have everything given to them, today we have women struggling to work.

Women are change agents, they never like things as is. Whether the change is bad or good doesn’t concern them, so long as there’s a change. Unfortunately when the punishment of their change comes even men will partake of it, just like the times of Eve.

If we need real change in Nigeria we have to elect a female president. Nigeria could get worse or better but it will never remain the same.

You are not fully over her. Why? Not because you dream about her but because you are trying all your best not to dream about her. Stop drinking and getting high, stop bothering yourself about the dreams.

These Xenophobia people, let them kill themselves. Nobody cares

numbers 5 & 9 very accurate, nothing a woman hate more than a guy going broke.

If a man loses his job his woman will leave his ass. She may not leave the first week or the second but the countdown has begun - Chris rock

You need to talk to her boyfriend as a gentleman. Tell him his girl likes you and both of you can be playing her because she isn’t right for him.

The girl will cheat on her boyfriend either with you or someone else. Just ensure you use protection with her and don’t fall in love with her either.

exstreve:
People really don't understand what contentment is.....
Most davido fans think wizkid is in competition with davido, and to be very honest he is not....

Wizkid grew up very poor, I mean really poor that if you see some of his throwback pictures you will almost shed a tear or two for the boy.[/b]

I think you are exaggerating here. While wiz may not have grown up wealthy like Davido, he wasn’t very poor. His Dad is an Alhaji with 3 wives. He went to lead city university before he dropped out in his second year. Tuition in leadcity cost over half a million naira per session.

Well the man she marries may live to be 103 while you go before 50. Then she will write a story saying if I had married him I would be a widow by now.

Truth is life isn’t predictable. I wish you long life and I wish her happiness in marriage.

It Depends!

If it is your decision to be a virgin and you have kept your virginity despite temptations, it is something to be proud of. A tough accomplishment.

If you want to get laid but you can’t get girls and that’s why you are still a virgin, it’s something to be ashamed of because you have failed in your task to get laid.

AlexB300:
Please i need help, I don’t know why this happens to me all the time. Anytime I’m upset, i get angry. I need your advice please.

You can’t choose what happens to you, you can choose how you react to it. When next someone does something that upsets you, you can choose to laugh over it. You just have to be aware and conscious of your actions. Only you can help yourself.

Did she ban you from visiting her? Maybe she doesn’t like the people you stay with or she’s not comfortable with them. Talk to her and ask her directly why don’t you want to visit me?

..

hopefulLandlord:
someone who hates a god is NOT an atheist, he/she is a MISOTHEIST
Freeze never called himself an atheist, if you have proof he did then provide it Who is "God" and what did he say "don't do"? do you think this category of atheists eat cow meat just because the Hindu god Vishnu is against it?

Well then we have more Misotheist in Nigeria than we have Atheist. I live in a country where more than half the population do not believe in the existence of a God or god, but they never go around insulting those who believe in a "sky daddy". If you believe there isn't a God, what a theist chooses to believe shouldn't be of any concern to you. These category of atheist major problem is the christian God, like i said most of them are disgruntled church goers. I have never met an atheist who formerly believed in Vishnu, maybe when i do i would be able to answer if they started eating beef after they became unbelievers.

hopefulLandlord:
Tell us where Freeze ever called himself an atheist or admit you made that up

Freeze doesn't need to call himself an atheist before you know he is one. Did Mompha ever call himself a yahoo boy? freeze Modus Operandi points to that of a typical atheist. Freeze countless times has expressed disbelief in miracles, how can you believe in God but think every miracle is fake?

Most Atheist in naija are aggrieved religious people. They maybe prayed for something at a time and God didn’t answer their prayers the way they expected so they decided to make up their mind to hate God.

You wonder why most of them jump on any religion thread (mostly christians) to rain insults on the theist and God. Few examples of very vocal atheist in naija are;

Ese Walter: An active church worker had consensual sex with a pastor, tried to expose the pastor when things went sour. Openly said she doesn’t believe in God once she couldn’t bring the pastor down.

Daddy freeze: An active church worker who wanted an end to his marriage with 3 kids, the church tried settling things between his wife and himself. He refused and went ahead to marry another married mother of four. The church was displeased and freeze turned against the church and made it his duty to accuse the brethren.

Another category of Atheist are people who want to live without a ‘rule book’ telling them what is right and wrong. People who want to do all the things God said don’t do without having to feel guilty about it. They are quick to bring up morals and conscience but they most times want to choose when to use the morals and conscience and when to throw it out the window.

Lastly most of us do not hate Atheist because they do not believe in God, We dislike their attitude and aggression towards religious people. Can you imagine dating that guy up there whenever you go to church, or even pray he would start yapping of how you are a dummy for believing in a sky daddy.

Most Atheist in naija pray when things go wrong, some of them cry every night in prayers for God to convince them that he’s real.

Some of the owners are diasporans who rarely visit Nigeria.

festacman:
What's does he do for a living? Just curious.

He’s Linda Ikeji’s brother for a living.

Josh Josh, never go broke o. This madam na billionaire meat.

Depends on the reason you want to do it. If you have plans to be in academics or you plan on doing a PhD later in life, do the academic masters.

on the other hand if you want to be in corporate do a professional masters. Professional masters are easier that Academic masters.

Wait the girl trashed you and you still feel confident to post lol. You did not scatter everything, she did with that reply.

1st she is not your babe, second she is not sleeping with you. I like her already.

IamSantafe:
Let me narrate an experience that even made me bring this to this public forum.

We just met only twice, and that was very briefly, we stay in different cities, yet, just via chatting she started professing love, and always asking for calls, and always wanting to see me. Now, this is a very, very pretty and endowed girl. Something happened that I had to go for an interview in the town where she schools, and she was so happy to see me. We met up, and everything happened so fast and she was totally okay with it, even though she has a boyfriend. Now the issue is, I'm falling hard for this girl but, she just wouldn't want to entertain the idea of leaving her boyfriend, even though she still wants me so badly and is even planning for me to visit soon..I don't know what to do..I feel like cutting ties because, I will get hurt in the end. She's really my kind of woman.

I'm confused.

The issue is simple. Do not feel special that someone with a bf gave you the pussy, chances are she’s giving other guys too.

She knows that you won’t trust her if you become her bf, you will think she’s cheating on you like she cheated on him. Now asides the infatuation you have from been pvssy whipped, 4 months after you start dating you may leave her. Then she would have lost out on both sides, her bf and you.

Just stick to the fwb arrangement. Do not feel special because her current bf may have been smashing her while she had a bf too.

Lol who took the picture?

Kokolet11:
Hello I want to help this girl please how should I go about it.

If you insist, take her to the studio let her record her song. Pay bloggers on Instagram to promote it. If she’s as talented as she says she will blow.

Just make sure you are with her all the time. Never leave her with any producer, never even let them communicate with her directly. Be her guide before the wolves consume her.

Kokolet11:
Sorry to say this your thinking is why Africa is still doom till today,you seems to know much about music. please I want to help the young girl, tell me to go about it I will pay for every thing to make her dream come true.

The 12year old girl is too young to break into the music industry now. If you are willing to invest in her buy her music instruments, let her learn to play and also develop her talent. By the time she’s out of secondary school she would have been a pro. How many kids do you see breaking into the industry today? Virtually non. The industry is saddled with woes of drug use, sex, alcohol abuse if you love the girl you won’t want her in the industry at 12 years.

Remember the girl that was introduced to R.kelly at 12? He was sleeping with her at age 14. Remember mochedah? She mistakenly posted her nudes picture while trying to send it to a married colleague Eldee. I’m sure you know what happened to the likes of Michael Jackson, Justin Bieber, Kylie Jenner and many other child stars.

You don’t give strangers your number but you take them to your house? This is the reason why nairaland boys use to bash girls, see how stupid this girl is now.

Now he knows your house, the next time he drops by then he’s no longer a stranger because you have now seen him twice.

If you want nothing to do with a guy, please do not accept gifts from him, it makes guys feel entitled.