₦airaland Forum

It will be worse if the economy was good and these men have money, look at countries with good economies, are they all getting married? when you have money to sleep with any girl you want, marriage wouldn’t be your priority.

The reasons why people aren’t getting married any more is because values and culture has been eroded. In the past people had to get married to have sex. Men and women couldn’t even be seen discussing in a private place, no dating or nacking.

Now that sex is free, one less motivation to get married.

Klass99:
I like your entire take on this, it's reasonable, candid and mature.

1, 2, & 3 are so on point. I wish I could like this post 60 times.

Gracias Amiga!

femalecobra:
Are you married pls ?

Not married but I have being in live in relationships before.

Marriage is boring. Once you know and accept that fact it won’t be a problem to you anymore

What you call boredom others call tranquility. Focus on your individual lives, be happy individually and you definitely will be happy as a couple.

Try the following;
1. Touch - some people only touch their partner before and during sex. When you sit close to her, put your hand on her shoulder, on her thigh, stroke her hair, give shoulder massages, kiss non sexual kisses. Touch shows admiration.

2. Do something to surprise your partner at least once a week or month. It could be something as small as a love card, flower, cooking her favourite meal, buying a dress etc

3. Put the phone down, let it be a rule that when you are together there’s no phone. If she had an important call she can answer it, but chatting and talking to friends about random things should be dropped.

4. Marriage isn’t all about cute pictures, laughter and enjoyment. Marriage is less sex and much boredom. If you don’t want to be bored stick to fwb or casual dating.

In the olden days couples needed themselves. They were like pieces of puzzle that completed themselves. The guy had roles and the lady had roles too. The other could not play the role of the other. So they needed themselves to survive.

These days people want themselves. The guy can cook, clean and do all the things they needed a woman to do, the woman makes her own money and can do all the man would do.

People are complete by themselves now. While needs are permanent, wants are temporary e.g the things you needed as a child you still need them e.g food, shelter, clothings. Your wants however as continued to change, from wanting toys, Barbie dolls, to wanting bicycles, to wanting a phone to wanting iPhone etc.

[quote author=bukatyne post=91655666][/quote] buka wahala. If fleek is still in school in 2022 she may be too young for me. I finished school in 2011. Although at quite an early age. If I do the maths she’s still a baby. I no be Oga Ned Nwokwo o.

Alexaonfleek:
You can't compare a thug to a sex freak.
One is bad,and the other..not so.
You can bring out her freaky nature,how?
Expose her yourself in both theory and practical...if you know what I mean lol
Be a good and patient teacher while at it too.
Except your girl naturally has low libido or she's a deeper life extremist,I don't see why she wouldn't turn freaky for you

Lol maybe I used the wrong word, let’s say tough guy like you said. If you date a gentle guy and try to make him a tough guy it may not work out well for both of you.

For example, when I broke up with a freak ex some years ago, I got a decent girl and I tried to buy her short dresses, she was totally uncomfortable with showing her legs, fixing her nail, heavy makeup etc I found myself complaining occasionally about it. Till I found out people are the best version of themselves when you let them be themselves.

In the bedroom she wasn’t as free and adventurous as my ex, so I stopped waiting for her to initiate sex, be dominant in bed etc I just took charge of sex totally. At first I thought she didn’t like me enough to initiate sex or want to eat me up during sex. Till I accepted her for who she was and loved her for it, the relationship was not enjoyable.

Alexaonfleek:
I think you can have both.
Try and bring up the 'freakiness' in your decent girl

Not so good, if a girl wants a thug as bf and decides to date me and change me and bring out the thugness in me, I wouldn’t like that. You want a thug, date a thug. You want freakiness? Date a freak.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Still isn't mutually exclusive with a freak in the sheets.

Alternatively, you can bring out the freak in your 'good girl'.

Send invite to us, I want to eat party jollof with plenty plenty plantain.

*I wonder how it got christened that.

What happened to party rice or jollof rice?

Lol I gotcha. rice stew very plenty. Lol when you see party rice it could mean fried rice or rice and stew. When you say jollof rice it may not be the smoky party type. Party jollof covers all the bases.

bukatyne:
I think the issue started from your mind.

A 'wife material' and a twerker/freak are not mutually exclusive.

An immoral girl can as well be frigid in bed.

So what will you do ten years down the line after marrying your wife material and the desire for the private twerker has not gone?

Lol, the desire for the twerker is long gone. From numerous experiences I discovered that the freak and the good girl is usually mutually exclusive, or maybe I was unlucky that many times.

The good girl with few friends and little social media presence has been the most compatible for me.

CanadaOrBust:
But the below screenshot is telling u that Google is wrong

Thank you for the info, It’s clearer now.

baralatie:
if the girl tells you she is 400level student in university of Lagos with a valid student id card and you both went to knack somewhere.
if a police officer should flag you both down and it happens that the girls real age 17 years 9 months .
the police and her parents have legal standing to throw in jail ,you and you d.k. for a whole baggage of offences stating from 14 years to life imprisonment.

so the next time you enter a club ask for her birth certificate before story that touch!

Lol this isn’t true. The fact that she was in a club where only 18 year olds can go in is sufficient reason to believe she’s 18 and above. The club may be in trouble but not me. I don’t know whether you are being sarcastic with the birth certificate statement.

tee59:
I see nothing wrong here. If it we're to be guys given gifts by opposite sex, I know it wouldn't cause much trouble like ladies.

Nobody of the opposite sex buys you undies with a pure heart. Very soon he will ask you to test it and send him pictures with a pure heart.

As for the phone, I don’t see anything wrong with it, most guys just feel nobody buys such expensive gifts for just a friend.

One of the easiest ways to get a girl in bed is by spending on them, almost every guy knows this. hence the jealousy when someone starts spending on their girlfriends. Would you be comfortable if a girl out of pure heart cooks for your man all the time?

I think each states set their own laws. In Lagos state it is 18, but a quick search online will show you 11 years is the Nigeria age of consent.

The age of consent is 18 in most western countries because that is the age a child is allowed to move out of her parents house, the age a child is allowed to graduate highschool, get into college, buy a cigarette, alcohol etc.

In Naija we have people going to university at 15 years old, finishing secondary school at 14, getting into the club without ID checks. The question is if I meet a girl in 200level in the uni in quilox, am I supposed to ask for her age before taking her home? If I don’t will that be considered rape?

bukatyne:


So how do you intend to get your freak on when you snag the decent girl?

And what is freaky freaky to you?

Lol freaky like, she takes charge in bed, wear lingerie with stockings, introduce hand cuffs, twerks and other bad things. My priorities has changed. I would rather a mother/wife material than a twerker/clubber aka freak.

I use to like a decent girl, who’s a freak to just me. Now I realize it’s almost impossible for people to have that dual personality, so I have cancelled the freak part, I settled for decent.

Do you think you are boring? Or is it because the girl said so? The best self esteem boost is to love yourself the way you are.

There’s no rule that says a guy should be the ‘romantic’ or ‘interesting’ partner. If she wants romance let her initiate it.

I think you should look for someone who likes your boringness. They have enough crazy for both of you.

So you had two bad sex and now think you are the originator and sole owner of bad sex? Someone can go 5 rounds today and not be able to get it up tomorrow, or go 1hr today and can’t go 5 mins tomorrow.

Stop making it a problem or your problem, that’s what will make it keep happening. When next you have sex;

1. change pace frequently (go slow, then go normal, then go fast etc)
2. Change style frequently (missionary to doggy to cowgirl to standing etc)
3. When you sense yourself cumming, pull out and kiss or give head or do something else before you continue.
4. Quit smoking or unhealthy eating too

This are some tips to help you last longer in bed.

It’s almost impossible for a man to control his sexual urge. Sex for men is an achievement, and the need to achieve is the highest need of man.

What needs to be controlled is knowing when something doesn’t serve your interest anymore, you know when a woman is trying to influence you with sex, you know when you are being used and you say no to it. Channel the sex drive and testosterone to another girl who won’t use you.

So master the art of saying NO to sex with users.

Start calling then. She’s not a chatty type. Another way is to ask open ended questions. Not questions she can say yes or no to. E.g how was your day should be replaced with tell me how your day went.

Why do we always like to compare the male and female gender? We have different struggles and different expectations thrusted upon us.

The only reason why men continue to cheat is because women do not dump cheating men, the reverse is the case for men. Just like you won’t see most guys break up with a woman for being broke, the reverse is the case for women.

The reason why women tolerate cheating men is because it’s hard for a lady to get a meaningful relationship, it is far more easier for men to get a relationship because there are more women readily available for long term relationship or marriage than there are men. Most men will not date/marry if casual sex was readily available e.g look at the number of your male celebs totally uninterested in marriage.

When a man is caught cheating he owns up to it, he either apologizes and accepts he messed up or tells the girl well that’s who I am, take it or leave it. When a girl is caught cheating it is because her man did something and she’s only getting back at him, when will you folks learn to own your decision to cheat? Accept your hoeliness as a man accepts his doggliness.

Lastly, I’m a big advocate of criminalizing cheating in marriage. If physical violence (domestic violence) is a crime, emotional violence (cheating) should be too. Research has shown that emotional trauma hurts more and takes longer to heal.

It’s because of control, usually most couples want to control their second half. This is as a result of dependency. If you depend on something for your happiness, you tend to want to control the situation all the time. Once it isn’t in your control you become unhappy.

That’s why you see someone get angry because his wife didn’t sweep or do the dishes, when he can very well just do it. You see women get angry because their man did not grant their financial request etc.

Solution - Your happiness depends on you alone. If you don’t like something your partner does. Your two options are;

1. Accept the situation
2. Let them know you don’t like it, if they can’t change, walk out of the relationship.

You can’t fight them to change. Getting angry only makes you age faster and opens you up to lot of sicknesses.

He’s bisexual, stingy and useless but you remain married to him.

Graxie:
The hijab wearing lady that was killed recently because she refused being raped in her house made most of your arguments flawed. Of course you will have those that will applaud you, a woman who doesn't see rape in marriage will definitely fault girls for being rape victims. Keep applauding rapist, some day, most of your theories will become void by the time you witness first hand experience of being a victim.

The hijab lady clearly falls under violent rape that I removed from ‘preventable rape’. All the cases of “I went to his hotel or I slept over at his place” flying about isn’t preventable? What do you want me to say? Girls should keep sleeping over while trusting criminals not to rape them?

Justbehave:
So what's stops most of the women from calling their husbands daddy?Or the husbands are not old enough?

In the southwest where I’m from most women call their husband daddy, daddy wa even when the husband is not old enough to be her dad.

Are you saying any woman who respects her pastor won’t respect her husband? Is respect for husband and pastor mutually exclusive? Or are most men just insecure? If you don’t want your wife to go to church just tell her not to and if she refuses divorce her. What’s the fuse about?

Warlord2012:
Trash

You could call it trash but you can’t say it’s false. It certainly happens.

In Nigeria any person old enough to birth you is daddy/mummy.

Any person who has a child as old as you is daddy/mummy.

Your Guardian is mummy/daddy.

Any person in a position of influence/power/wealth is daddy.

Your spiritual guardian is daddy/mummy. Even in old times people had father in the lord e.g Elijah/Elisha.

The one without a backup plan. The one who finds it harder to move on.

skymight:
Finally I got an answer thanks so much dear God bless you. How much is the pregnancy test kit. I have not been able to sleep sir, I am here because I need a possible solution thank you for this response I feel relieve a little.

I have never had to buy one myself, but it can’t be up to #2000. You can google ‘pregnancy urine test kit’ to find out how it looks like.

Also if it turns out she’s pregnant, do inform her aunt. The aunt can even take her for safe abortion. If you buy pills and it kills her or affects her adversely you can go to jail for a long time.

Your girlfriend is paranoid.The first symptom of pregnancy is not seeing her period, other symptoms would happen between 6-8 weeks.

Go to chemist, buy pregnancy test kit, let her read and follow the instructions. Usually she pee on it, after a couple of minutes if it shows 1 line she’s not pregnant, if it shows 2 she is pregnant.

Before you buy abortion pills, make sure she carries out the test. 1 week is too early to know.

OP.

We encourage rape culture by not teaching women to report cases immediately.

We encourage rape culture with words like ‘nobody has the right to rape you even if you go to his house naked’. Rapist are criminals they don’t care about rights.

We encourage rape culture by bullying people to silence with accusations of being a rape apologist. If we want rape to end we have to engage in these conversations.

We encourage rape culture by absolving girls of all responsibilities towards preventing rape.

We encourage rape culture with words like ‘no means no’. Action speaks louder than words. You don’t want sex with someone don’t lead them on and then say no at the point of sex.

We encourage rape culture by shielding relatives who rape.

We encourage rape culture when the police cannot bring rapists to book.

We encourage rape culture by thinking the rules, guidelines put in place to prevent it are backwards, uncivilized and meant to cage women. Organizations like deeper life, covenant uni etc have been shamed over and over because they prohibit any kind of unnecessary mingling between genders.

Asides violent rape like Uwa’s case, rape of minors, Armed rape/ use of weapon most rape cases could have been prevented.

Lastly, the authorities really need to step up, the greatest deterrent to rape is when the rapist knows he will get caught. Also the rhetoric that females are better brought up than their male counterparts in Nigeria needs to stop immediately.