₦airaland Forum

brownemmanuel43:
Op must be a Yoruba man

Why you talk so? Lol

gnykelly:
55k is like $100 for a family of 5 in a month... that is like $20 per month per head. you are living way below poverty level. what you need is daily money cos you won't be able to do or concentrate at work.

find korope or napep for hustle in 6month you should stabilize.

you have to do something different and radical to your finance.

therein lies your solution.

Op, look into the bolded. What you need is more income. No need to be fighting and regretting that you’re married, the truth is that your income isn’t enough and your triplets are here already.

Rather you should start appreciating your wife so that she go begin to pray for you make you prosper well well... the woman dey try abeg!

By the way, you can also add your location and skills to your story for possible opportunities. E go better!!!

Iamafinegirl:
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.

The man is most likely sexually frustrated and there is no way you can fully see what marriage to him feels like with this your arrangement.

Ezkid:
What will happen if the injection are being delayed till we are able to?

Infants should receive Hep B immunoglobulin immediately after birth — preferably within 12 hours of birth and certainly within 48 hours. Its efficacy decreases markedly if given more than 48 hours after birth.

@op..you can read more about it online

The nurses should have informed your wife about it before now, you can confirm from her

NoToPile:
I believe the mum tested positive for hepatitis B so they should be given the injection to prevent mother to child transmission I think.

Those stuffs are very important, those babies need that injection ASAP.

Seconded!
This is different from the routine vaccination done for babies so should not be taken lightly

mabeni:
but she for at least talk to her daughter or commanded her to go and bring my food.

Command ke?
Anyways, she no want make una use her to settle the matter(s) in za oza room

Mama is simply minding her business (the baby). She know say husband and wife mata no be today e start and e no dey finish

Rob2121:
Thank you guys for all the contributions. We have tried OI, and IUI multiple times and it failed. we also did IVF and it failed. We can't however adopt a child here as we won't qualify, surrogacy involves money and for now, I can't bear the financing either IVF for her or surrogacy.
I can't force someone to talk if she intends to keep malice, refusing to eat and wouldn't listen.
I will make a plan for is to come home and hopefully she will get some space. My problem with coming home is my parents, am sure if any parent hears the full story of which they are not aware of before, they would not be understanding and things could become worse

I just want to address the bolded in your write up.

1. You can adopt from Nigeria being Nigerians. If you're serious about adoption, you can start the process now while in Botswana so that when you visit it will be faster to complete the adoption process.This is what most people abroad do because either they do not qualify or the process is more tedious overseas.

2. You don't have to tell your parents the full story... Use your discretion to save your home and help your wife. It's not everything the eye sees that the mouth speaks. Be wise!

I think you should allow your wife travel home to see her family in Nigeria. That may give her some breathing space and help her relax from all the pressure and tension she's under. Also you will have some breathing space to think things through which may be good for both of you.

Fluids and more fluids!

Your wife should take lots of fluids ....water, tea and milk, ogi/pap and milk, custard and milk, juice etc etc. For some women ogi and milk helps increase the flow and for others, tea/bournvita/ Milo/peak milk does the magic etc etc

Also baby sucking directly helps stimulate the flow so she should not stop putting baby to breast...

@op, except you cannot conceive anymore, I don't see what the problem is.

This is 2020, there are various information / resources on how to conceive a son from tracking your ovulation to using the chinese calendar to gender selection...

Discuss with your husband and know where he stands in all this because some men are okay with having just two kids irrespective of their genders.

Be grateful to God for your baby and reduce exposure to your mom and others that won't make you appreciate the gift God has blessed you with.

Essenza01:
Jobless husband diaries!!

Here are some guidelines for unemployed husbands with working wives., when you read through with an open mind, you would see it's not she looking down on you, it's just you being smart to be able to have your sanity and getting some advantages while praying for a change.. Hang in there guys, you are not alone, tables turn... you would be fine.

1 - Never discuss your predicament beyond the normal and never show weakness in front of your wife.. "she dont want to see hopelessness"..

2 - buy a lot of noodles, you would be needing it a lot, especially during your strong head periods, you dont win most fights, most fights end with "Oya buy it naa" that's usually when you add the convo to your lost battles ..

3 - your meals majorly come in two options if any
Rice or noodles?
Beans or noodles?
Eba or noodles?

Semo or pounds is too stressful, dont opt to make ... stress was only the surface reason given to you..

4 - sex is usually delayed, when ever you see one just accept and be ready for maybe max two position change, some styles may be banned..

5 - dont come home drunk, I repeat.. dont come home drunk..you remember the pictures of samloco playing "jobless old drunk" in movie scenes... you look exactly like them to her..

6 - some eatable and chewy chewy groceries stops being in the fridge because you are home most-times and eats to chase boredom.. there is always a secret stash in her room for groundnuts, sharp biscuits, cashew nuts, sweets, etc.. she knows you know, take reasonably

7 - you are at your lowest, dont bring friends doing well too close home, otherwise you might get depressed from comparison

8 - in your many many ideas, you know broke guys reason business ideas like Warren buffet , always sieve out the good ones, because telling her some kind stupid stupid ideas would make you look jobless and stupid also.

9 - the best way to dodge Bill's is to watch your words, avoid some topics, you need to be one step or two ahead everytime.. e.g TV shows, movies, food, clubs etc...
- TV shows - dstv bill comes up
- Movies - cinema bill comes up
- Food - restaurant and taking out comes up..

10 - Do house chores, pick mopping... it's easier, you only start when she is done sweeping and dusting, she goes to bath, you zig-zag and get back to watching (how do they do it) ... use water, avoid bubbles on tiles.. you would redo that work even if its next week..

11 - dont leave the sink messy, especially on work days when you are home job hunting and she is out hustling, bro it's an important rule from a man to a man..

12 - with your many insecurities and the devil trying to use you to bring out your alpha Male, pick your fights... yes they would come, but there is an extent to which a broke man fights and argues..

13 - you would owe her cash a lot, she knows deep down that money is not coming back, but be ready to be dragged about it to pay for essentials you cant do without.. she would pay eventually when you have curled away asking God why.. allow her have it, it's one of her high moments.

14 - in your midnight cries, yes "midnight cries" is most times once a week or twice sha, depending on the days activities... dont disturb her sleep...

15 - be transparent, remove password from your phone, laptops etc... if she is being faithful, infidelity is not something you want attached to "cheating jobless old man"... you cant be broke and cheating, they dont work together..

16 - read, read, read... you have to pass her in something, current affairs, global happenings, worlds economy etc... it is an edge when you throw small small insults inside conversations "so you dont know kyari is dead" those are one of your few high moments..

17 - early morning gisting with her while she baths and makes up, makes her happy.. you can lend some money during those hours.. those are your bankable hours, if you want some extra cash, offer to drop her at work, that's if it's not your duty already oo..

18 - at all, at all, try to provide for fuel for generator, darkness and a man being in the house dont usually go together.. you might start having complex..

19 - always use your car weekends, thats if you have not sold hers and she is using yours. When you use your car weekends for functions not personal waka, she chips or outrightly buys fuel that you can manage during the week for your job hunting activities..

20 - look good, work out and have your CV handy. you need to look the role she currently tells people you are doing.." Frank is okay, he is inbetween jobs, but trying out some ideas with friends".. if the friends ask for your CV, always have it handy, delay is dangerous...

21 - dont be gluttonous, eat moderately like a normal human being, if you finish your meals for the week by wednesday, be ready to fall back to your noodles (refer to rule 2) and yes you would come up with different flavours of home made seasonings only you can eat..

22 - try to curtail your mood swings, she is the only one entitled to it, you need to be happy with smiles when she is making conversations..

23 - make business calls or pretend to make business call.. it's important, it gives her hope you are connecting.. "my brother me and you know say na 10k you dey shout like that for"

24 - go grocery shopping with her, you get to use the opportunity to throw drinks into the cart and remove face immediately, if your eyes jam.. you would return that drink ooo..

25 - if she sends you a link from work, read, watch or chat her to discuss with her, otherwise "what are you doing, that you didn't reply my message follows" , what you were doing must have financial gains ooo never use "I was sleeping" as excuse... dont even try it..

26 - dont call her family, send text message if you can.. dont let them remember you ooo..

27 - during your few chances of sex, dont shoot in, "I repeat", dont shoot in... you may find yourself outside by 1am looking for postinol 2
. the stress in looking for the drug would surpass whatever you managed to enjoy.

28 - be ready for "mistakes" of giving you cash in front of people , it's not everytime she remembers to call you to the corner or give you her card.. it's one of those moments you want the ground to swallow you up.. but my brother "dem no dey use shame swallow spit".. it wont last forever.

Let's me rest here first and continue later... but in all, I love my wife... she is that woman that has your back 100%..

The table has turned for me and am back to my responsibilities, it was a tough period, I learnt a lot, from Anger management to laws of power, it's not a fun place to reside in for a long time....

Most especially:
Marry your friend,
marry your partner in crime,
Marry your day1 niga,
your Gee... when you do, no matter the circumstance, you have some level of peace, some room to pickup and some encouragement to guide you through.

Man wey sabi!!!

Let me also add this:
Marry a kind woman with empathy. Look out for this trait while dating and do not take her for granted.

See broda...see broda...broda wey ....

You better receive sense before it's too late!!!

Congratulations Iya Ibeji
God bless and keep them!!!

Na dem... :

Wahala dey o! On top say your wife is a nursing mother you dey complain like this...

It is well !!!!

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

You're seeing all this (and probably more) and you're still here asking jamb questions on nairaland

God go help you!

See fine children

God bless you momma! You will reap the fruit of your labour and your children will bring you only Joy all the days of your life in Jesus name!!! (amen)


***A man that cannot be a covering to the woman he married has no business marrying her in the first place***

samguru:
You goofed by telling him that you are bringing your son to your new home.
Your husband was aware of your children before you married him, therefore if he truly loves you he would not have declined to have your son live with you.

Going forward,go and get the boy and move him home ASAP and if he pushes your son out,pack your loads and go look for another accommodation and start living your life with your children.

You need to act fast now before that boy becomes hardened criminal.

You just typed my thoughts...lol

@op, your son living apart from you isn't an option and I'm glad you already know that.

peacefulhome:
That guy can even kill her husband just for his selfish purpose. I pity this lady eh.

As in.... nothing good can come out of this alliance. You don't need a prophet to see that...the lady needs to wake up, the matter get k-leg no be small

Creepy...this better be super story

If it's true, you better stop opening the door for your ex whenever he comes around. You should also report your husband to those in authority that he respects so this can stop, because if this continues... it's definitely not going to end well.

Copied...

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

uninspired07:
I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

Except all your friends and family are men, then you should know that there are good women out there, who seek out character in men and place that on a higher pedestal than money.

It's a battle out there...fine...but, BALANCE and WISDOM is Key. Know where to draw the line...Do not approach love relationships as a battle between men and women.

uninspired07:
Yes, I am speaking with Nigerian women in mind.

Of course my approach will differ if dealing with non Nigerian girls.

Thanks.

Too many generalisations...life is not just white and black, there are many shades of grey. You cannot keep on generalising to suit your narrative and justify your actions.

For example, a lady with virtues and a
healthy self esteem would never settle for a man who is only polite to his mother.

In trying to be a tough man, you also need to be a GOOD person to attract good people into your life for love and relationships.

You attract who you are....

Massey27:
Yes I have. Results shows fibroid and weak cervix.

For the above, Cervical cerclage can be put in place to address the weak cervix which I think is the main cause of the recurrent miscarriages. I would advise you visit a teaching hospital and see an experienced OBGYN so they can carry out the procedure on you when next you conceive.

As per the child, others have spoken well...let your husband carry out a DNA test and don't hinder him from carrying out his responsibilities to the boy, if he is his son.

Don't despair, God will bless you with yours soon.

This too shall pass...never forget this phrase!

While you jejely give your husband time to get over this phase as things hopefully get better...
Let everyone in the house start picking up after themselves...

You will be surprised at how much kids can get done in the house with the right incentives... You have 3 kids na ( I don't know their ages but I want to presume that at least 2 out of the 3 of them should be able to clean up after themselves)

As long as everyone cleans up after themselves there wouldn't be so much left for you to do at the end of the day. Also get labour saving devices while at it.

This may just be your husband's way of letting out is frustration with his present predicament. Give him time and pray for him too. I'm not justifying his actions, just suggesting ways for you to manage the situation.

I am soooo angry reading this. What other advice do you need

LIFE FIRST Please!!!

Get your sister outta there ASAP!!!

Every other thing will fall in place.

@ op,

This is a phase in your life/marriage and how you handle it will determine how the next phase in your life and marriage will play out. Pray to God for wisdom as each marriage is unique.

The Golden Rule is always good to live by in every situation one finds oneself: do unto others as you have them do unto you ( if tables were turned). Living by this principle will definitely help you to make better decisions and choices as you go through this phase.

You have everything to gain by checking with your doctor NOW rather than later. All the best!

I would advice you take your child to see the doctor (paediatrician) to rule out any hearing defects or impairment. If a child cannot hear, he/she cannot speak, so you have to be sure your child can hear. Don't just assume that your child can hear, confirm from your doctor. Some parents assume this and then it becomes "late" to fix the underlying issues. Cases are different so confirm all is well by checking with your doctor, rather than waiting patiently. There is nothing to lose by doing so.

LMFAO...