₦airaland Forum

Lucasmuyiwaa:
God bless you sir.

Amen and you too.
Don’t let anyone emotionally blackmail you because they won’t be there when kasala burst.

Enough drama for one day. Make everybody rest!

Go and see them tomorrow or even weekend sef and after the discussions leave. I think it’s time you get your own place… see finish don enter una mata.

rickpat:
don't destroy your relationship with your daughter cus of something you read online bro...let me even ask you...will you treating your daughter this way prevent her from accusing you of raping her if she wants to?..


face your family... leave what goes on or has happened elsewhere....kids are quite sensitive...your daughter will soon notice the changes and it might start affecting her psychologically...be wise bro .. before you start what you will regret...good
luck

Gbam!!! U spoke my mind.

Cherish what you have. Don’t use your hand to spoil a good thing. Fathers and their daughters are usually 5 & 6.

For her to say that to your face means that she doesn’t rate you at all at all…

That is to say, you neva find wife ooo. When you find your wife, you will be her option A not backup plan/option B…Z

My question is this: the money the lady’s family used for the wedding, why didn’t they use it to establish their daughter and set up the tailoring biz for her? Why delegate it to her (future) husband to do that?


Parents, please be empowering your daughters. It helps them make better choices. Thank you!

That girl just dodged a bullet!
You have a girlfriend you claim to like yet you are trying to get into the pants of someone you don’t like… smh

BluntTheApostle:
First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

Then you should stand your ground and propose an offer to her that she can’t refuse. Since she’s still dependent on you… discuss your fears and concerns with her and then offer her a reward or incentive to enable her finish school and be financially independent. If possible, you need to also find out what is making her to be so desperate.

In future she will thank you and if she doesn’t, you will know that you tried your best to help her not to settle for less.

@op,

No where did you mention what your niece does for a living or if she has a source of income. This is 2022, a 20 year old girl still has some years ahead of her to be financially independent before getting married which is a huge advantage. I personally think this should be the focus of y’all.

Instead of spending lots of money on her marriage, you can use the money to set her up or even send her abroad for her masters if she is done with university. Getting married to a guy that is still “struggling” and living in family house shouldn’t be the focus abeg.

Discuss with her and let her know that this is the time to maximize the “youth” advantage she has.

@op
You need to set clear boundaries, otherwise people will use you (or continue to use you). The same way they sent their younger one(s) to you, you also need to send her back with a clear message letting the older siblings know that they are now responsible for their younger one(s). It’s time for them to also partake of the “blessings” too by helping their siblings.

Proud Dad!
That is how to enjoy life… Celebrate what you have!!!

Vyvyanvyvy:
Thank you everyone for your advice. Just to update you . I sent him my number yesterday and he called few hours later we had discussed about the meeting and children arrangement and I couldn't believe my ears when he said he want to support his children 100% but he want them to start staying with his sister in the house he built where his sister is staying with her family because inhave other children and he don't want me to neglect his children needs because of my other children, he want his sister to train them so I can focus on my other children . He ask to meet today and he want me to give the children to his sister this Sunday he will do everything for them. I didn't want to be rude and I told him I will think about it and will give the answer today when we meet. Which will never happen I will not give them away , the same sister that haven't bother to look for them for 9 years and why would I give her my children for. I have blocked him already it is not worth me wasting my time with them.

Chimo!!!!
What did I just read?
Pls contact a lawyer ASAP!!! This man thinks taking care of his children is a choice.

Set up a meeting to meet with him but make sure you go with your lawyer and do not let him know you are coming to see him with a lawyer. He must not escape back to wherever he crawled out from without starting to pay his dues including the 9 years arrears…

Amazingbaby:
I am,but he keeps calling me acting as if everything is alright,does he have partial amnesia,I prefer tackling things straight up than pretending.it is one of my flaws.
My self development is coming from ignoring myself for a long time,this situation might be a catalyst but I haven't been feeling fulfilled for long.

The bolded is the reason why he is saying those things to your mother… that you are nagging, don’t give him peace etc etc

You need to work on that flaw and learn to master your emotions. It’s not about pretending, it’s about wisdom and understanding the “art” of being a woman and where your strength lies.

Do you have to pick his calls? Even if he’s calling to act like everything is normal; you not picking his calls will send a clear message to him that there are issues that need to be discussed and would allow him miss you. Hopefully that “space” will remind him of how valuable you are to him.

Even when you start working, do you just blurt things out to your coworkers or even boss because you don’t know how to pretend? There is an art to these things or else you would have to be changing jobs over and over again.

Like I said, self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage to achieve this.

From this your update, it doesn’t seem like you have been minding your business ooo and taking the advice you were given in your previous thread fully.

Don’t go and spoil a good thing (didn’t say perfect because there is a difference) because of your inability to master your emotions.

Self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage before you develop yourself.

Story for the gods
Among other things, she helped you finish your house without insisting that her name should be on the documents…. Hmmm… abeg talk another lie…

For the sake of the kids, your family cannot just stand by and watch. Because whether you like it or not, this may backfire in future. How long do those kids want to remain at home before they start school? How old are they?

Maybe education is not important to your brother also, because I don’t see why he can’t take some few days off work to go register those kids in school if he can’t get his wife to do it. Doesn’t the wife have family that can speak sense into her? If that doesn’t work, your brother can make arrangements with other neighbors or even the school for pick up and drop off of the kids. Also, any family member that has some free time now, can go over and help out with the kids and ensure they go to school.

There are ways but the bulk lies on your brother. He needs to take charge of his home.

Is there no other means of cooking asides using gas? If you were not living with your brother won’t you survive? It’s time to start thinking outside the box.

Woundedsoulnow:
. I will meet great people but not in a relationship. Oh yes I am positive about life.

You’re positive about life but not positive about meeting/being in a relationship with a great person? Is being in a relationship not part of your life?This is quite conflicting….

Woundedsoulnow:
. She will always meet a good man. She is a good person. I wish her the best.

Hmmm… what about you? Won’t you always meet a good woman? Aren’t you a good person? Don’t you wish yourself the best?

I think you need to work on your self esteem.

The thought of moving to a rented apartment may not appeal to your husband but the thought of getting his own property may appeal to him.

Move in with your husband into the family house and then both of you start saving together to get your own land and build your own ppty. This may take sometime depending on several factors but the fact that you’re working towards a better goal should help you enjoy/endure the family house.

You have to be wise, it’s not just about paying the rent for one year but can you remain your loving self and not resent your husband while carrying the financial burden of the family for several years? Don’t start what you can’t finish.

I think it’s time you ask your wife to return home. Holiday is over!

cutelekush01:
@ eniolorunfe even if he gives her time she might not allow the woman to come . Obviously she prefers her mother coming, she would prefer spending money on childcare to bringing her in law.

This possibility exists but he won’t be able to tell unless he gives her time. It can actually go either way. She may also be eager to see his mother come due to her realizing the value of £, like someone pointed out earlier.

babajeje123:
I can't really say

Based on this, I would suggest that your mum should stay back for now while you and your wife try and work around childcare together. When she sees how “stressful” this can be, she most likely will be the one to suggest that you invite your mum over and she will be able to appreciate her coming.

Also, It seems you have so many plans and things you want to achieve and unknowingly to you, your wife may feel like she is not in the picture and you are rushing her. Give her time to adjust to life in the UK because no matter how you’re trying to let her see from your own perspective she may never understand it until she experiences it herself; hopefully this will make her more appreciative.

Btw, how old are your kids? This may help people suggest ways around childcare for you guys without putting your home or finances in jeopardy.

shortgun:
I get your point brother, I just feel that doing that will give her my attention that she doesn't deserve.
Also, won't people start to think that I truly have something to hide when I dedicate time, money e.t.c to prove her wrong?
Usually, these type of allegations in my mum's village is always settled by swearing b4 the community deity which I will not want to get involved in.

Abeg this na new year, it’s too early for unnecessary drama. If I were you, I go just dey thank God say the people wey go dey tax me don reduce and continue enjoying my “ritual” money.

aBrownBird:
when he has money he takes me out, anywhere i want to go. i can tell him let's go to this or that place for sightseeing or fun, he'll say yes and take me.

If the above is true, the guy may not be as bad as you’re trying to paint him to be.

Do you plan on getting married to this guy?

If so, then I think that’s what both of you should be working towards because you’re not kids any longer or how long do you want him to wait?

If you don’t plan on getting married to him, then I would say you should just move on rather than waste each other’s time.

I feel most of the issues you raised here would be resolved if you guys get married (and pull your resources together / compliment each other), but what do I know?

@op

I think the focus here should be on how to get your sister to be independent. Once that is settled, other things will fall in place.

Being dependent is not a permanent life condition, she can choose to become independent.

Never say never! When there is life there’s hope!!!

The below picture should encourage you:

Favour2706:
Thank you sir. But this doesn't apply here in Abia state.
Here, B.Edu holders go home with 20k in a big school. And such school is hard to come by.
Home lesson is nothing to write home about. Parents pay you 3k per month to teach 3 kids.

I am tired and already becoming depressed. My children are very hungry as a I type. I have exhausted all options.

God helps those who help themselves!

Start applying for jobs in schools in Lagos and Abuja (and any other state that you know pay well). If you have family or friends there, you can also send your CV to them to help you apply but also make sure you go online and apply by yourself too. It may be better to use their addresses so that it seems you’re residing in the state so ask them for permission to use it.

Also try and connect with some of your course mates that are currently doing well. There are also some online teaching jobs, find out about them and apply.

B.Ed Mathematics is hot cake, no dull yourself ooo

@cryingeyes

Chai!!! all this story for a relationship that is less than 6 months, I wonder the encyclopedia you will write if you eventually marry this guy.

If your story is true and you are serious about getting married, I would advise you to look for someone with the “smallest” baggage there is. This guy is a no-no for you, im baggage too plenty abeg! Marriage is work even without excess baggages. U seem like a novice, I doubt you will be able to cope in the long run.

With this experience I hope you have learnt that avoiding intimate relationships for long doesn’t protect you from the lessons you need to learn. After avoiding for 10 years, you’re back to continue learning where you stopped hence, the earlier you read books, socialize and learn, the faster you’re going to get the hang of it and settle down.

Also you don’t have to be perfect to meet and marry a great guy so stop the self-blame and trying to be miss perfect. You are enough!

Op, you get mouth!!! We are blessed indeed!
Hahahaha

Prospertochu:
I will not divorce her, it's up to her to decide what's best for her to do, if she want to stay with me and be happy with 25k fine and if she decide to leave, that will be fine with me because I won't stop her, if she is kind enough to take the kids with her it's fine and I will be sending that 25k to her for the kids upkeep.

You want her to be kind enough to take the kids with her but you don’t want to be kind enough to increase the family upkeep you give to her to manage...