₦airaland Forum

Chaiiiiiiii

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

no time to check time🤣😂

@op

The chances that she will try to change if you carry out what you intend to do is quite high. If she changes, are you willing to continue with the marriage or you just want out?

Na wa! people go see red flags but still wan chook head… they go come dey ask questions that they already know the answers to.

Intellectual discourse! Love this!!!

Jozilinn:
he hardly say anything on the phone oh,he feels like he's doing her a favour,then later he would put it on number busy, only for him to start threatening her that nobody in this life can advise him because he knows what he's doing. How can a man leave the training of the children to his wife,school fees,heath bills everything highest he brings out is 1k and tells her he doesn't have,her tears are really tearing me apart I have asked her to record him talking so I would know the kind of person I am dealing with,gosh the words he was saying was so hurtful all because she has female kids, like they aren't kids what is now the expense of her stay there,he won't deny what he said but will say she's not wise it's her fault, this and that....is better she comes home maybe we can remove some things from one side of the house and give it for rent so there would be money to care for her, she's wasting her life there because whatever she earns is for the children and the last time I did video call with her she was looking so sick as well. Yes he does beat her and tries to choke her when they are asleep, this is the 4th time he's strangled her like that. But I will still be on the lookout for more suggestions on the comments section.

If the bolded is true, remove her from that house to avoid “had I known”. God forbid something bad happens to her, you will not forgive yourself because you knew the situation and you didn’t do anything about it.

Ideally, she should be the one to remove herself but since she is still there, you fit help her condition.

Na beg I dey take beg you… please return that young girl back to her parents. You can assist them by sending upkeep to her parents for her.

FYI, when she said she wanted to come stay with you it wasn’t because she wanted you and your wife to turn her to your maid, it was because she wanted you to “spoil her silly” as per big uncle.

Are these two the only children you have? do you have children for your husband?

Wahala

You don’t have to resign your job just yet. You can take leave and go with the kids to survey the land.

It’s not only them o… even their mothers treat the white wives better even if she’s the mother’s age mate 😁😂

No do pass yourself!!!

You better be wise because it’s after the ceremony that the real expenses will begin. If your wife to be cannot talk to her family and help you out then you better help yourself.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

From the bolded, it seems you’ve been sex starving your husband and that is what led to the fracas.

This matter tie wrapper but my advice is that whatever the case may be, prioritize your safety. If the marriage ain’t working, try separation.

Is it that it is a taboo for your sister to work or make her own money? No where in your write up did you state that your sister has a job or has money, yet you didn’t offer her the job even when her husband doesn’t want it.

Empower your sister, that is how you can help her and her family. There are several families with similar or worse men but because the women are doing well financially everyone thinks the husband is perfect; not knowing that it’s the woman that’s covering up for the man.

For a family to be run successfully, money has to be made. Who makes the money is a topic for another day

Opinions are cheap everybody has one so, do you!

As long as you know you’re doing your best in your marriage then you’re good to go. No do pass yourself. Your husband will be alright las las.

Become scarce/not readily available. Set boundaries so people don’t have access to you easily.
Ensure that those that have easy access to you are those that respect you and reciprocate your nice gestures.

Familiarity breeds contempt and see finish.

[quote author=Sxyhalima post=124467228]yes he agrees but still says i should have waited to see if she would change[/quote]Hmmm… She won’t change o!
Don’t allow him gaslight you. You are not yet married and he is already blaming you for stuffs, what happens after you get married?

There’s no perfect anybody o!!! Peace of mind is paramount

By the time the mother shows you “shege” after you have gotten married, all the perfections you are seeing now will disappear before your eyes. If she was with her own husband it would have been slightly better, at least the man would be curbing her excesses.

Has your husband moved to the village?

WTF?!
Is this also meant to be called “marriage”
This should be moved to crime section abeg!

3 months old baby ?!
Is that baby not meant to be on exclusive breast milk? Therefore, the baby should be wherever the mama is.

Why are you stressing yourself?

Allow your wife take care of her people. They are coming around because they love their daughter and to support her during this time. Even if it’s only garri and sugar with ice water that’s available for them to eat together I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.

Don’t use your hand to spoil a good thing. It’s not about what you can or cannot provide for them. They are not coming over because of food or what you can provide abeg! Stop overthinking things.

JennyJossie:
Thank you all for your contribution. The lady in question already have an ND. The relative is an in-law [sister's husband] and there is 100% asurance from him. But intended husband? We don't know how well or good is his work but he said he is ready to take reponsibility. We don't even know him in person including the lady he want to marry. She has an handwork but not longer good.she is just at takingcare of the children till she goes to school

Hope it is not the relative’s children you have been taking care of all this while instead of honing your tailoring skills and making money for yourself?

You better use your tongue to count your teeth… Person wey no send you go school all this while, it is now that opportunity for you to move ahead via marriage is available that he is making promises… smh

momsloved:
I have done all that. He said his mind is mind up.

Your husband has indirectly told you that you’re on your own. So what kind of future do you want for yourself and your children? This should help influence your decision.

About two women I know who found themselves in this kind of situation stayed back in the city because of their children. As long as you’re ready to work hard and generate income for yourself and your children you will be fine. Start talking to everyone you know now as regards job, funds, alternative accommodation etc so that after your husband leaves you won’t be stranded.

Hope you have savings and/or investments?
Hope you and your wife have your own house or you’re working on your building project and possibly other projects?

After all the suffer you said you suffered, I hope for your sake your answer to the above questions is Yes.

That business your wife started is meant to be your family pathway to financial freedom but it seems you’ve allowed others hijack it from you.

Na so… 😂🤣

So heartbreaking (That’s if this is true).

Graduated with a 2.1 in economics from a federal university yet you subjected yourself to this kind of ordeal

So if he refused to let you leave, you wouldn’t have left? Someone that you should have blocked him and his family everywhere and face your front and future, you’re still whining about them not calling you after all you said you went through. Abi what did I just read sef?

Women!!! Abeg you people should stop falling hand. You should be thinking of how to write ICAN or ACCA and up your game if economics would not get you the job of your dreams.

What about your coursemates etc in the university?Your colleagues while you were in the financial institution? This is the time for networking.

Chaiiiii

Person get mind deduct 12k from 45k monthly salary..

Still expected to resume 7.30 am to close 10pm…

how does a person survive or endure this kind of harsh working conditions

Even if na to dey drive keke napep on hire purchase, e better pass this kind job. At least you’re your own boss and you would make more than this at the end of the month. You can also start YouTube channel or any other online thing along side.

Oga OP, deliver yourself from this bondage that you’re in. Don’t let fear hold you down!!!

gmacnoms:
The air hostess ask me wetin I want. I responded with “hot chocolate” , because my wife don tell me say our tea (bournvita, milo and milk, etc) na hot chocolate them Dey call am outside balablue.

Na so babe say no “hot chocolate”. Haaaaa!!!!

Na so I say oya give me that thing you are sharing. She couldn’t understand. I had to point to someone close to me having the something, because I cared not. Sha ko wa, whatever it was.

Na so babe asked “you mean coffee?” Na so I halla “Yes”, coffee. Na so we take settle that one.


As she give me coffee, na I say “oya give me d oda one”. Babe looked confused. I had to point to another person eating the thing. And she asked “you want sandwich?” Aunty, oya “EGBE KINIYEN WA, EMILOKAN”. At that moment, I Understood Asiwaju’s plight

When I collected the sandwich and coffee. It felt like I won a trophy that arsenal couldn’t.

Even my son was so happy and proud of me, when he saw me returning with trophies.

I no even remember to snap until I finish am.

😂😂🤣

calmandwild101:
I got sacked from work. And I have been staying at home for a while.sometimes I do call her for financial assistance. So when she learnt I am out of job she believes I will be the best person to manage her business.depending on her for almost everything is what I don’t want.And am scared I don’t want us to have issue because she and her sister are all I have got for now

Is she not going to pay you for helping her manage the shop? You better discuss with her and agree on how you will get paid. If it’s via commission on sales or a fixed salary because this your questions get K-leg.

It will also be a good idea to discuss how long you will work for her before you start your own business and how she intends to support you in achieving this so you don’t have to depend on her for long.

I would advise you guys go ahead with all your plans if you’re serious with each other.

Get married and include her in your application as your dependent.

She should also continue with her Poland visa runs. If she’s granted she can go ahead for nursing there while you go to uk for your program. Poland is about 3hrs by flight from uk, you guys can be shuttling while doing your programs.

If Poland doesn’t grant her visa, she follows you to uk and seeks other options to pursue nursing there.

If you both have enough cash to fund both of your programs in the uk, she can go to uk with you to study nursing and let go of Poland.

ednut1:
personal information on resume like age, sex, state of origin, marital status are not even included . So be like this op don smoke igbo🤣

Hahaha😂