nams77: I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi? I always advocate hearing both side of the story though I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack! Cc bukatyne
Thanks for the acknowledgement
No one should put anyone through emotional torture in the name of marriage
You see those women here supporting nonsense from their fellow women, they are yet to experience the content in the cookie jar of marriage
nabiz: To go straight to the point, this is the second time my five years old daughter is telling my wife that she loves me more than my wife. This is giving me a great concern. I have a wonderful family infact my wife is the best woman on earth. I don't really know why my daughter should be saying this. I love my wife and prefer my children to love her more. Pls do you think the five years old girl meant what she say. What should I do or what should my wife do. I have notice that my wife is not have about that. Pls advice me
I stay with my sister, they av a 3 bedroom apartments. And I stay in one of d room because z closer to my office and I go to my house on weekends.
But since I moved in, I observed dat her husband always beat her.. I don't know if he just started or he has been doing dat before...because my sister has never complained to us.
Though, if not dat I leave with dem, I will advice every lady to pray for dat kind of guy...cos he z so caring, Av time for his family, comes home early, religious, doesn't smoke nor drink. Most times do d cooking if he comes home before my sister.
We r a bit close, cos z a cr7 fan, n we go to viewing center to watch champions league together, ( he prefers viewing centre Dan watching at home).
When I tried to discuss the issue of him beating my sister with him, he was so angry, and he replied dat z not my fault, dats y dey don't want a third party in der ouse cos ppu will never mind der business.
I also tried talking to my sister, she said do I want her to pack out of her husband ouse or wat do I want her to do if av not gotten another husband for her. Dat every marriage has issues. N she warned me not to tell our parents.
Actually, z not always a serz beating, may be a slap or two, den my sister will lock his shirt n dey will start abusing each other...after some minutes dey will enter d room n by d time dey come out z always settled. Most times I will just hear d sound of d slap in my room, by d tym I rush out out, my sister wud av locked his shirt n dey will start abusing each other. When I try to intervene or settle it. The two of dem will tell me to leave dem alone dat dey will settle it. But I feel bad whenever it happens cos I will feel guilty for not speaking out if domestic violence leads to my sister's death someday.
Please advice if I shud report to our parents or not.
The best thing is for you to pack out and get a room
Who knows, you could be the cause of their quarrel
She may be the cause of their quarrel
Both of them understands themselves very well more than you want to
Your sister is not complaining
Make sure you mind you business but do well to pack out and leave them to their world
BrotherJesu: Hello house pls i need your candid words
I am in love with this Idoma princess. I know i love her, alot and I think the feeling is mutual. The problem is she has got a serious eyes problem, both eyes and she is 28. At some point, especially when she stress the eyes maybe reading for long or staring at a screen for long she develops severe migrain hence, she feels so uncomfortable. Sometimes she complains of very blur sight, othertimes she says she doesnt see at all. Although, she has been to the hospital and they advice surgery, we are both scared of the surgery been done in Nigeria, she is currenty applying an eye drop tho. From our conversation her grandmother had same defect and she bacame blind later on bfor she finally died at old age. I love this girl, alot. But, i honestly dont want problem in life later on. I am afraid she might loose the eyes later on. What would u guys advice.
If you can afford the cost of the surgery, let her family handle it while you contribute what you have
If you know that you don't have such money, don't go too deep because pulling out will be difficult
eboniest: My fellow nairalanders, listen to my story It happened about 7years ago.My mum attended a certain on man's church and the church happened to be owned by a family friend. My mum served with all her heart in this church even though my dad is late.. During this time,we were struggling to survive as nothing was moving atall for my family.After a while this man advised my mum to sell her only land property she had in order for her to start something.She and the man went together to sell the land not knowing this man has some mischievous plan.After it was sold for 4.3m, unknowing to me ,my mum gave this man 3.5m out of it saying that she used to sow a seed in the church and she had only 800k to herself..After covering some few expences like payment of school fees for me and my younger ones cause I was still in high institution that time,then paying of house rent and starting of a little buisness, she complained that the money has finished and she has been back to square one since then and she never opened up that she gave this man that some of money until yesterday that she opened up to us.. l have been very furious since yesterday cause she has been struggling since then with no money or family to rely on cause she's a widow and this said man has relocated his church to Abuja..So am seeking for advice, what can I do in this situation to collect the money back . Thanks..
Am so sorry to tell you to leave everything to God
She hide something of that nature from you and that was how she lost it
The pastor took advantage of her and played a smart one for her
For you to take up such issues after seven year be ready to pay police to look for him and you know what it means besides there was no document to back it up
Learn from her mistakes
Just tell God how you want him to punish the man and make life a living hell for him on earth
semade8076: straight to the story. my wife is from akwa ibom and in her mid twenties . . well, before we got married, i'd rate the sex 90% but now we married, two kids, i'd rate it 15% its a "tale" that women from that region always go the extra mile, maybe she did during the relationship but marriage has been different, and she feels those stuffs done during "single-ship", for lack of a better word are "b1tchy" [in her own words] need ur views.
It's not supposed to drop to that level just like that
Running the home with children can zap energy from mothers and child birth too
If she is over loaded at home, help her . If the children are disturbing her, take them out let her have break
If she is over labouring herself, slow her down by assisting her
She will have desires for sex when her head is free from tension and wahala at home
4thFreedom: I appreciate your response, but they are just kids, 7 and 10 years old respectively. They refused to drink garri and I have done my best to make them to. It's well. God won't put us to shame.
Where are their parents, if they are 7 and 10yrs, that means you too you are a teenager
Mrstoned: I am just curious to know the effects and implications that one can expect from what my wife of 10years said to me this morning.My wife told me as I was about to make love to her that,she doesn't love me again,meanwhile, I was sucking the breasts when the bombshell dropped,I went ahead to remove her cloths and went down to do the normal duty.But I have been cold to her afterwards,cos I kind of feel strange presently, I don't want the cascading effect of her words to gofar,I might not forgive her.
So if I may ask,is it possible she was pulling my legs,also considering she has never said something like that before,even at times of difficult and problematic issues.
When a woman opens up to say such, don't take it for granted
You may have made her to start losing intrest in you either through love making, your attitude towards her and the kind of people that are giving her the attention you refuse to give her
Seat her down and let her know that you can't afford to lose her to anyone, she should tell you what made her to say so
Just listen to her and make something out of it
If you don't handle it well, she may find joy outside
Pls have a heart discussion with her and meet up where you are lacking
MizJaY: sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all
You are already in and I pray God gives you wisdom to handle your marriage
If he likes forming or carrying faces for you, pls allow him to do that as much as he wants
Feeding a family is more expensive than paying house rent and school fees I wish you can swap the responsibilities
But I will advise you cut down expenses from the beginning to the end
If you run generator till 10pm reduce it to just two hours or don't bring out money for fuel, finish your duties on time and be set to go to bed early
You must start saving, I don't know about tomorrow but start saving, so that you don't get stranded
Cut costs and start saving, forget about what he will say or react, his plans may be different from yours
nnamdibig: You said you are setting up your business and upgrading yourself. In that case, if you are truly looking for love, don't put your child in of the conditions for someone to love you(to avoid stories of he hates his step child or the real father has been disturbing my marriage). Take care of your child through your business and if he loves the child along the line fine if not fine too. Look for love for yourself alone and let the lover know you have a child and not with condition to love your child also.
You are right, she shouldn't make the love she wants the man to give her child be a condition
She should take care of her child with her resources
And allow love to take care of she and the man if she finds one
emotionada: I am a man of 37 years old currently earning #30 000 monthly. I am too conservative and much of an introvert. I stay indoors too much which started during childhood as my siblings usually leave me at home and go out and it soon became part of me.
I have an issue. I know the clock is ticking but I can't help it. I often come across ladies I feel something for and wish to approach but I am a private person and care too much what people will say about me coupled with my low finances, I let them go despite some of them looking prospective.
What should I do?
Shake those silly thoughts of your mind and come out of your low self Esteem life and move on
Make friends and associate with people
Be a man and learn how to approach a woman.
I f you don't learn how to relate with women, you can't handle marriage
Smithwesson7: He has been a wonderful person. A very intelligent and smart being.The defender and provider of our family. He is a selfless and generous person but things are beginning to go south for him He works in the private sector but there is rumbling in his organization (maybe due to corvid 19) and if he doesn't act fast, he will be left in the cold very soon( dropped) It hurts me to see my senior bro in this situation as he has been a pillar to everyone. Things are in a terrible shape for him He is 41 and have a small family. What skills can you suggest for him to acquire so he can be self-reliant.
He is not very bucks-up now as he just finished burying our Dad.... Pls kindly suggest something he can learn. Sorry for the long epistle Tnx
Learning a skill without him having a choice of what to learn and at his present age will be a challenge
Let him learn how to sell food stuff and with time he will expand
Caringfather: Good evening all Pls is it wrong for me to buy my wife niece under wears? I have 3 children 2 girls ages 11, 7 and boy 4 , my wife niece is also living with us she is 15. I buys my children clothes including their under-wears without my wife complaining I was the one that bought my first daughter her first bras too.
When my wife niece came staying with us it was 2018, I noticed most her clothes were native and wear out , I have given her the money to buys new clothes for the child but she never did. For 2 years now this girl has grown so much and still wearing the same clothes and I really feel ashamed every Sunday when we are going to church ,our kids are looking very cute and this girl is looking unkempt all the time , I have talked to my wife but she doesn’t seems to care about her.
I took all kids out for clothes shopping just before this pandemic and I bought clothes including under wears for all kids but my wife wasn’t happy because I bought bras and under wears for her niece . She said the clothes are fine but I have no right to buys under wears for her . She accused me of sleeping with her niece which is not true , I only did it because this girl was in need of clothes just imagine for 2 years no clothes while she keeps changing our kids wardrobes like every 4-6 months.
I have no intention of sleeping with her niece neither am I sleeping with her. I take her as our first born and am like her father. If I want to cheat on my wife , there’s plenty women around me , no way I will stoop so low to sleep with her niece , I have daughters , sisters and nieces what I don’t want to happen to my kids then I wouldn’t do it to another person child. My act was innocent but my wife is angry. Please be honest with me was my decision wrong ?
Don't allow her kill the caring spirit in you
If she feels you are sleeping with her, tell her to send her home
noakchukibadan: Hello, Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another. I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member,many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage, although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children does anything wrong, she always those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me. She can go for months without we talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, i have begged, cried prayed . I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.
OTHER INFORMATION. 1. I can say conveniently that their is no money problem at home. Finance is okay. 2. I went to see her father 2 years ago the man said unfortunately he can not do anything . This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life. 3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. . 4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dare not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her. 5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.
So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.
Every year for 5 straight years , she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never came bother to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May , and as I write, no happy birthday yet.
I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.
I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also. This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore. I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of her blood pressure 2 years ago.
If you can't stand her any longer, you have to go for a divorce and you can't be living in the same roof and be talking about divorce
Alternatively, ignore her and stay happy by over looking her silly attitudes
You are too young a man to develop BP because of emotional torture and depression
Get a friend and relax your self with your friend if you find happiness in her and let her know everything
If it happens that you want to marry her, team up with your family
JOBgame: i had tried yoruba,hausa,igbo,igala,idoma,ijaw,tiv,efik,tsekiri,margi girls but all are heart break&love peddler please is there any other tribe
ladkud: Please your advice is needed on the issue of my wife whom I got married to December last year, I discovered she is in love with another married man and having intimate affair with him. Now she told me she is pregnant now and am doubting that am the father of that child. please dear nairalanders your advice is needed, this lady is the person I spent a lot of resources on that even want to lead me to broke.
Control your spending or you go broke and no one to help you out
Be caml until the birth of the child and go for paternity and the results will determine your next line of action
Meanwhile report her promiscuous life to her family and let them be aware so that when you start, they will not blame you
Sususy: I'm not willing to get married if I don't have a job,(As a woman).I need to be financially independent in my husband house. i.e, no job,no marriage. Hope have made the right decision?
It's a wise decision and help you to have your own source of income rather than hoping on him which can trigger anything
kunlesehan: Serious Advice Needed Here oo LOCKDOWN AND WEDDING PALAVA:
Traditional Marriage was fixed for 29th of March and Wedding was Fixed for 4th of April, the Traditional marriage was done and dusted but wedding could not hold as a result of #COVID-19
Now Pastor said the lady must not stay in the man's house till after wedding, pls advice. Can a man still stay alone and marry his pillowcases even after traditional wedding, if you are the girl what will you do in this case, because the father said he has given his daughter out in marriage.
What's your take on this...
This is what you get when you are loyal to your pastor
Odingo1: I am really tired of the situation, always get angry if I ask her about her daily activities or her movement, lie most of the time and always said she is sex starved. We don’t live in the same state but have met 1 month ago(That is after visiting her for 3 days and leave, not upto 1 month she will be complaining bitterly of been in need of sex).Always bug about sex. I will tell her that this sex of thing is even a sin that she should be more into church issue then we will begin to quarrel about that. Hardly go to church or pray, Any advice on way forward or for me to jakpaa. She is 23 and I am 29. The relationship is 9 months but so deep that parents of both side know each other.
No matter how deep the relationship is, if you can't stand her sexual urge then you are in a deep shit
Crazeman03: Hello Nairalanders, Hope you guys are staying Safe. Please don't mind my writing, I will make it short as possible.
I met this wonderful lady Last year and everything as been going good until 7 months ago when she told me she was Hiv+. That hit me hard but that didn't change anything, she was surprised I didnt react and opening up to me didn't scare me because I'm negative though we haven't had sex yet before the moment.
Now it been 4month we've been having unprotected sex. I'm not afraid of contracting the virus, as she keeps taking are med and viral load is low. I made sure before we went for test before having unprotected sex. Her CD4 count is above 750 and viral load is below 20, which make hiv undetectable in her.
Now one night around 3months ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me, why do I love her knowing fully well about her status because she could believe she will ever had a relationship with someone negative not even in this Nigeria by the way they stigmatize a hiv+ people. I told her the reason and I'm not afraid hiv is not the worse or the baddest of diseases. There are more killer diseases than HIV and HIV is not a diseases but a virus. Only attack your immune system and its no longer a deadly virus.
Now. The problem I have now is that whenever I imagine myself having it and how I will popping drugs everyday, make me kinda moody towards her, because I always keep telling her to always take her drugs. Last night she discover she was pregnant and I'm just imagining things how everything will play out, I know when she will be out to bed she won't be able to breastfeed. People will ask questions. I really need to tell someone in my family but I don't know who. My mom my react and the other person I trust is my younger sister.
On her own part, only her elder sister and brother knew she as the virus. And she had it since 2007.
I only need an advice if I need to tell any member of my family, looking to settle down with her this October.
I appreciate your bravery
If you want to marry her, inform keep it away from your family, don tell your mum
Just go ahead
Make sure you she takes her drugs, follow her to the hospital where she gets her drugs, they will advise you on how to watch yourself
After birth she will breast feed for three months then stop.
If your family ask why she stopped breast feeding, tell them you don't want the breast to slack that the baby can survive on infant formula
landmark86: I graduated from Osun State Polytechnic, Iree. She also graduated from Babcock University.
We both met in 2015 during our NYSC at River State. We serve in the same PPA. She is good, lovely and caring. And to crown it all she is beautiful. I mean so beautiful.
It all started with friendship which later led to relationship. We share so many things together during our time in River State as per what the future holds.
After our NYSC, we both went back to our various base. She is based in Lagos while I reside in Osun. Immediate I finished my NYSC, I got a job with a private organisation as a factory supervisor. But she went further for her Masters in Covenant University, Otta. Despite the distance we still communicate from time to time and at times I do find time to check on her in Otta, while she also do check on me in Osogbo.
After her M.sc, her dad got her a job with a big company in Lagos.
Last year December she came to Osogbo as usual to check on me but fortunately she met my parents and my siblings at my place. They all love and accept her. When she was leaving the next day she told me that her parents told her that they want to meet her fiancé.
12th January, 2020 I travelled down to Lagos to meet her parents. When getting there I met her parents with her only sister. Her dad ask of my parents, state, my qualification and what I do for a living. I told him and immediately he stood up and told me he will never allow his daughter to marry an HND holder.
He said he can't send his daughter to a university & end up marry an HND holder. Never!!! Though my gal is not in support of that, even ever since that time till now she's not her self in that house. I truly love her and I know she truly love me too. But her parents is the major concern. Should I call it quit?
Please your advise is needed, what should I do?
Love doesn't come easy
Since you both love yourself
You have the option of getting an admission in the university of you can afford now and read a relevant course
Or you let her go and find another one if you don't mind
Most parents places premium on their daughters especially if she attends expensive school
sammychimex: Kano Kano this one no be election oh.hmmmmm
With the way Kano is going before the middle of May the would have overtaken Lagos. I saw a video of street fummigation in Kano with almost 100children chasing the fummigation vehicle shouting corona, I realized that this people dont understand what they are dealing with at all.
Family › Re: Time To Divorce My Wife? by frozen70(f): 5:48am On May 04, 2020*. Modified: 4:58pm On May 04, 2020
