₦airaland Forum

HelloHolla:
Good evening everyone, I've been a guest for quite a while, created an account cause I need advice from the audience.

How long should an engagement ring be worn for? I've been engaged since last year May (dated for 4yrs), my Fiance hasn't talked about proceeding to do introduction or marriage, it's like he just proposed to me because he felt like.

This man has refused to be on his own, his Grandma and 5 siblings (younger and older) live with him and he takes responsibility for them all, two of his siblings living with him also have their partners living with them. It's only a 3 bedroom flat. I feel like quitting the whole thing cause I don't feel comfortable going to his house. When I do, he wants me to cook for everyone which gets me strained.

With the look of things, he has no plans of moving out for them cause he rented the apartment, neither do they have intentions of moving out on their own, it's more like a family house. My period is two days late and I'm scared to the marrow.

Please advice me on what to do cause I can't live with him if they're still there after marriage, he's not even talking about marriage, I've not asked him yet so as not to sound desperate but why propose if you don't have plans of doing the next thing after a max of 6 months?

He's 31 and I'm 24

Thanks.

The guy in question is not ready for marriage in the next five years

These are my reasons

He rented am apartment that harbours every members of his family, he can't force them out and he can't afford to go get a private one for his personal accommodation

His siblings are benefiting from his charity and they are staying with him to get the balance they need to stand

You will have to live in that same house with him if he should marry you and it means you will have to be unhappy with it where as he sees nothing wrong with it

He engaged you because he knows that you guys have been dating for four years now and you are looking forward to his engagement, but bear in mind that he can't move a step beyond that because he doesn't have the ability to start a family when his siblings are yet to get there ground

He doesn't even have the money for the marriage and he wants you to keep marking time the way he is marking time and as you do that with him, you are on your own

As you keep living with them, your money, energy, sacrifice are going into the family yet no reward for it

My advice, prepare your mind to quit the relationship as that's the only way to move on with your future

Meet him, remove the ring and give it to him, tell him you have tried so far waiting for him to seal the relationship but from the look of things, he is not prepared and you have to move on

If he pleads with you to bear with him, tell him you will bear with him but the ring have to be removed from your finger so that your hand will be free

If he says he is ready, tell him to give you time, but make sure you give him the ring back to his palm and don't receive it back

Before you do this, be prepared emotionally so that you don't have a heart break

It's been long they strike last

bobkezel:
Thanks a lot.
But, can the affidavit of marriage be used in place of marriage certificate?

That affidavit covers traditional marriage

If you want marriage certificate, you get it from church and local government marriage registry

luminouz:


Even you?

Funny how y'all triggered by the story sha

Most of the stories here are for entertainment and we can make contributions even when we know its not real

Winneygirl:
Spent 10 years plotting a revenge?
Evil fool.
I wonder what he will spend the next 10 years of his life doing... Probably monitoring her and not living his own life.
Vindictive fool.

For the rest of his life, he will remain alone and miserable for plotting something like this 10yrs ago

cococandy:
But he can be affected .

Yes

HelpeeDeck:
I understand, is vice versa

Yes

Impostor:
Hello NLders

I just want to share my experience. I want people to learn from others.

So recently I started dating and meeting women with the mindset of getting married as everyone around me keep shouting that I am getting overripe. Some are even wondering if everything is ok downstairs lol. How can you not be married up till now? You know those types of comments. But how could I have gotten married when unemployment no release me until 36? Nigeria is something else. It was at that age that I finally landed a decent job. I am even lucky to be where I am now.

So many youths are underemployed/under paid. Less than a month ago, a good friend who is also my course mate messaged me to express his frustration at teaching somewhere for 50k and he said he's now ready to make money anyhow even if it will take someone's blood . It's just a threat out of frustration.

The problem now is that I don't know if there are still good women like our mothers in this country. I have met so many young girls that I have stopped trying, the quest and hunger of these girls for money is just too much.

You are unemployed and you want me to buy you an iPhone of 150,000 Naira and she was making so much noise about it. Meanwhile I use a phone of 30k lol. Almost all the ladies I am meeting are unemployed and expensive. I met one girl awaiting NYSC, she told me straight up, that I will have to be taking care of her, that she's tired of dating broke guys so she has decided that any man she wants to date will have to be responsible for her completely. It sounded like a transaction. Though she's a very pretty, tall girl but I am not even after all those facial beauty.

Another lady told me she has half of her rent and she's looking for the remaining half. The stories are so many, I could write a book with them. I don't even know how to get working class ladies. But I have now realized that Nigerian ladies are not even the problem, it's the economy. Many young ladies are struggling just like guys and the only way they can meet up with their bills is by dating 3/4 guys.


Advise from my experience.

After my NYSC, over 10 years ago, I had this mind set that I won't get married without a job or funds to take proper care of my family. I think that mindset MAY be wrong, so many people still think this way.

I will advise you look at it again because it may take you 15/20 years after University to become comfortable (not your portion). Let me be sincere with you, this Nigeria is getting worse by the day especially with the type of leaders we have, who think only of themselves and their families/tribe.

For example, you can see for yourself what is happening with the outbreak of Corona Virus in the country. After 2 infection, people started advising that we should stop foreign flights, they refused until so many infected people got into the country, now they are running up&down. If we are lucky to get good leaders after now, it may take another 30 years of continuous good leadership to save Nigeria.

My advise is that after your NYSC, if you have a supportive family and a good/understanding girl friend, just marry her and start your family. You two will Hussle together and God will bless your hustle. You may ask why? Because most people finish around 25. If it takes you 10 years to become stable and get married, if you are lucky, you will have your first child at 36, 37. By the time you are 50, your child will be in junior secondary.

Be wise money is not everything.

You made sense

If you want to be with a woman and both if you will have to struggle to make it, just respect yourself when you have made it

If you try to outsmart her or treat her bad after success

She won't take it lightly with you

englishmart:
If you were to share 100k between your parents, how much will each get? And why?

Me, I will give mom 70k and 30k to dad. Reason is, Mom needs a little more love for her enormous sacrifices. Woman has starved and done a lot of strenuous jobs to keep us going

Your sharing formula is good, part of it will still go into the family feeding

Don't be surprise your dad's own will finish before your mum's own, even without a penny being dropped at home

bobkezel:
Good morning guys, I'm confused with something. Does someone that wedded traditionally use "single" or "married" while filling a form or document. For eg, bank form, recruitment or job form, nysc form or any other documents.

Once you have done traditional marriage but yet to get English wedding

You are already married, all you need is affidavit of marriage from the court to back you up on the absence of marriage certificate

Remijuice:
Please Forgive my Grammar.

A man and a woman living together as husband and wife with kid(s) but are not legally Married. That is, no Traditional or Court Wedding.

If one of them decides not interested in the Union, should he/she go to court before they are Separated?

Modified: If there is no Divorce Proceedings, what happens to the kids?

They should peacefully go their separate ways

There was no formal marriage activities binding them

They met and started living they should also separate themselves

If men takes their wife as their sister, there won't be any quarell

They just want to Lord you, even if it means using forces

charles009:
The last few days has been hell for me. The entire world has been held hostage yet some people are yet to come to terms of reality mostly in Asaba where I live.

I stay in a two bedroom apartment in an estate, neighbour's have been trooping in and out as of nothing happened, the one that annoys me most is when confronted on the need to practice restraint, I hear one of the most annoying things that the God they worship won't allow the virus infect them, therefore we are free to live careless lives without precaution. Absolutely preposterous.

Infact a lady returned from church and was continuously banging on my door for over 30mins, when I eventually opened, her issues was she has neither seen my family. Nice gesture I exclaimed but please stay in your house for crying out loud..... I banged the door. Maybe I overreacted but desperate times deserve desperate measures.

My message is clear and simple, stay in your houses, do not bring pain upon another with your folly and indiscretion. People are dying and falling like pack of cards in vastly far developed countries, an improvised third world country like ours, we cannot afford to be careless, it will literally be the end for us.

Stay in your damn houses, stay in your damn houses, this shit is REAL.

Don't take it too personal, you are not the only one affected

Only a man will understand a fellow man

Your dad is acting the way he is acting because he doesn't want you to waste by so doing, he wants the best from you

But he has to use other crude measures to get it out from you

Do t let that take you down, be bold and strong with your rate of success and achieve good results which will make him keep. Silent over any other staments he will have in you

Don't take his words to heart, you may end up hating him

Just make goid results and he will understand that it wasn't what he was thinking

Beejaynma:
I married this man 10 yrs ago and i have never enjoy the marriage even for one day. He had nothing when I got married to him because I believe everything will be fine if both of us join hands together and work hard. I wish I married a rich man that is giving me all I want and maltreating me as the one I married is treating me.
Several times I have knelt down to beg him for offence I did not commit just for peace to reign. I hate malice and he likes it alot. He can keep malice for 6months without talking to me. I know I have made the gravest mistake of my life because this is not the marriage I prayed for. I wanted a friend as a husband but God gave me a boss that always see me as subordinate. I don't ask him money even when I know he has numerous girlfriend that he's spending for. He always defend his girlfriends anytime I challenge them. Honestly am dying slowly, i decided to end it all last year by taking poisonous liquid but I survived. Am just so lonely and I don't want to cheat, honestly I don't want to. Am trapped already and he told me I can't take his 2 kids away because I told him I want to go and get apartment. My kids are my life and I can't leave them.
I know there are lots of responsible married people here, please is this what marriage all about

Sorry about what you have been passing through

If you go to court, the court will grant you custody of the children

But if you can't do without those kids, stay there and sort yourself out

Let him keep his malice and you too over look his attitude

Behave as if you didn't see his attitude and he happy

Kerp friends that will understand what you ate going through and let them know that you need them to keep you at peace

If you have a source of income, start saving for tomorrow

As for your husband, pray that God will do something that will arrest his stubbornness

Be strong and don't let your spirit to go down

Be happy with yourself and don't take your life, he has nothing to loose but your children will loose you

fineboynl:
water is luxury in this part of the country. we only get supply by tanker.

Even ordinary well for washing or flushing

Which area are you talking about

Surfondsystems:
I am going through some family dispute which requires legal redress. I am hoping to find good legal representation against my dad. I am willing to go through some details of what i am seeking legal counsel for as soon as i find someone here who is willing to take my case up.

I think you need to give us details of the issue or issues between you and your dad

You may get a good advice here

What about your mum and your siblings

Are you the only one affected or the entire family or you are the most affected

What is your present status, working or student

Just explain in details what is happening and you may get a lawyer or refral here

Or you man not necessarily need a lawyer but ideas and dialogue

ofemigeorge:
God will richly bless you sir.

Ma'am pls
Thanks for the prayers

JONNYSPUTE:
.... There's always a very wide gap between a logical reasoning and emotional reasoning. Here Ma'm, all you typed was based on emotions.

That us women for you

Everything they do is based on emotions

Apart from pregnancy, which bond mother and children by nature

Children prefer any one of the parents who does the followings to them

Being polite with them

Tolerating them with their flaws

Accepting them with their troubles

Giving them listening ears all the time

Provides for them, small chops in between meals and when you cone back from work

Playing and watching the cartoon with them and ask them questions base of the activities from the programme

JONNYSPUTE:
....Story.i know of a man in PH that was giving his wife all the good things of life but she was busy giving those things out to her pastor. The one that broke the camel's back was when she stupidly gave out her new car to the pastor.

Forget about treating a woman right just pray to be involved with one that have small sense.

Look at this,do you think it doesn't happen?

Like you said, pray for good one's

Women going to pastors and serving them is like men have a side chick

Women hate it and men too hate the aspect of their wives going to pastor

All of them are seeking for a listening ear and attention giving

It's not a big deal for getting a job offer at petrol stations

Just walk into the station and ask for vacancies

Jman06:
I haven't deflowered any girl!

I think you should rather upgrade your own level of thinking by not assuming that everybody commits fornication.

Am done with you

Vuvuvuzela:
Hello everyone.

Had to create this moniker to avoid the bashings.

I am 26 currently and I'm single. But my problem seems to be that I'm more comfortable relating and thinking of relationships with ladies older than I am. I have dated in the past (Two relationships) and all were older than me. One was older than me with 5 years and I was very okay with it

I always tend to see ladies younger than me as too immature or unserious. I don't know if this is a problem.

I met a lady in her 30s recently. She's brilliant, a kind soul, crazy and everything I wish for in a lady, but she told me she can't have a relationship with me, although she admits she did actually like me. Her reasons are that I am not ready to wife her, and she doesn't think I'll be comfortable with it in the future

My friends think I'm crazy for liking ladies older than I am. I really don't know what to think anymore

It's not like it's a fetish, but ladies in their late 20s and 30s tend to know what they want, are responsible for themselves, are serious minded. Although they have their flaws, but these are the kind of people I want to get attracted to.

I don't know if this is psychological. Or if anyone who was in these shoes can advise me

Thanks

What I understand here is that, you believe maturity counts in a relationship

You can't handle your juniors because of their premature behaviours

You did rather prefer your seniors whom you believe are matured enough to understand things without much difficulty

You can follow your mind but you have to be respectful because thst you are junior in age doesn't mean you want to ride them or boss them around without making impact into their lives

Just respect yourself and be matured too

Gabrendo:
This video is a proof that women honor their pastors more than their husbands.

The woman continuously served her husband stale foods but the day the pastor comes visiting, she prepares a fresh meal for him. What an irony! But what do you think?

Cc: lalasticla

Watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M098v7CGYss

Treat your woman well and she won't have any need to be clingy to her pastor

kapelvej:
Women are just like that. They value who do not really give a damn about them

That's not true, you are not a woman, speak for the men

Jman06:
Yes, I will discourage her.

That is why I advocate marrying virgins! But you can't compare non virgins(and exes) with single mums (and baby daddies). Single mums have children that connect them with their baby daddies, so the likelihood of still hooking up with the baby daddy is HIGHER compared to non virgins with their exes

That's interesting

Since you advocate to guys to marry virgins, you have disvirgined some of them, so who will marry those ones ❓

You need to upgrade your level of thinking

ofemigeorge:
Please, urgent, I need help on the gender of these Delta names below. which is Male, Female or unisex. Also are there female version for any of the names that are male?

I don't mind kwale(ukwani) names for my baby girl, that as to do with "favour" or "God's plan".

The Delta names I choose are;

1.Tekeme( extraordinarily favoured)
2. Onah (jewel)
3. Omai (He anoints me )
4. Izose(God's plan)
5. Ega(strong)
6.okwetem(He agrees to favour me)
7.onotu(leader,influencial)
8.oteei(he favoured me)
9 otem (he favoured me)
10.tem( favour me)

Which is unisex or female?

I go for tekeme. Favour will follow her all through her life and marriage

fineboynl:
I am tired of the aftermath of preparing semo. my pot or frying pan get urgly. it's too difficult and trying to clean them is too disgusting.

I hate garri/eba reason that it affect my health. pounded yam is my favorite but it's too expensive now and stress with pounding.

I was wondering if there is a way to prepare semo like eba.

There are no other way

Once you are done with semo preparation, soak the put to the brim, by day break, use iron sponge

That's all

Mizwisdom:
There are some bitter guys that will soon take over this thread of yours. You don't need people's advice as an adult, it should be your full decision. That her child will become yours if you keep an open mind and accept her as yours wholeheartedly.

Simple