₦airaland Forum

That's why you lots have the highest rate of poverty in the country and one of the highest in the world. No planning, no thinking about the future and no regard for the consequences your actions would do to society at large. This is why Boko Haram and Miyetti Allah are causing havoc all over the country. If you lots understood the concept of family planning, you wouldn't be migrating to the south and causing all sorts of nuisance on the streets.

vic17:
all this get rich before marry happen only in the southern Nigeria or part of middle belt....go to the north who cares abt money before marriage

Actually, you are the ones that are delusional. I have spent at least 30% of my life abroad and have dated and interacted with women from countries such as Aruba to Singapore and they aren't as materialistic as you lots. If you had looked at my profile, you would observe that I have also defended Nigerian women on this forum. I grew up on the Island and went to some of the most expensive schools abroad so trust me when I say that you aren't on my level.

You lots have a poor reputation abroad for being overly materialistic. Even the ones from privileged backgrounds are no different. Just go to any university in the UK and Ireland that has a lot of Nigerians. You would wonder why they bother studying abroad if they still have the same mentality as those who went to Unilag or IMSU. I don't just wake up and give random statistics. Nigerian men abroad, especially in the U.S., have alternative options. Ask yourself this question: "how many famous Nigerian men who either were born and bred abroad or spent most of their formative years there are either dating or married to a fellow Nigerian?" A small minority. They are either with mixed race girls, other black african girls or white (especially Eastern European) girls. Even Mikel, who only moved to England when he was 18, is in a long-term relationship with a Russian woman.

I know so many girls from elementary, high school and university who have relocated to Nigeria in order to get married. Relatives too. Heck, a relative based in Canada brought over a guy she knew from LASU over to Canada as she couldn't deal with the mentality of western guys. Competition abroad is fierce. To be honest, it not you lots fault. It's Nigerian guys who overhyped your importance that are to blame for your behaviour.

Ziggylady:
Delusions of grandeur best describes many of you Nigerian males....Only Nigerian guys know who is on top and bottom of the dating game in the World....

You better get busy with your lives cos it looks like Nigerian ladies have little time for you whinny cry babies...

You spend 24hrs on Nairaland wailing about Nigerian ladies yet one hardly finds Nigerian ladies doing same...tell me who is senseless now?...una road far.

I thought that I was the only one that noticed this. Nigerian girls have poor conversation skills. This isn't even about chatting to random strangers online. Even the ones you are dating, being hooked up with or even so-called "friends" have this mentality. You try to get to know more about them but they cannot initiate a conversation on their own. They will now come online and give silly excuses that they aren't into you even though you are dating! Only those who have lived abroad for a substantial period of their lives are better. Most of the Nigerian girls in Nigeria have zero personalities and expect the man to do everything.

This mentality is the reason why they are at the bottom of the dating strata abroad. No one has time for that crap in the west.

Shut up! Just Shut up! When Jonathan was in power, you lots all went out in the streets and rioted. You even put the country into a standstill for 3 days but Jonathan's government did not react violently. The country is worst now than it was 7 years ago and what are you lots doing about it? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because you are cowards and hippocrites. I am not making any excuses over Jonathan's administration but the truth has to be told.

You talking about an election been conducted less than 6 months ago.Let me tell you something, in any democratic setting, if the President who is the commander-in-chief of the armed forces, cannot do anything about the insecurity of the country he should either resign or be impeached. Dilmer Rouseff of Brazil was forced to resign due to protest over a corruption scandal. The former President of South Korea was forced to resign after nationwide protest over a corruption scandal.The Governor of Puerto Rico was forced to resign over a bloody TEXT MESSAGE! Nigerians deserve their rulers and the society they live in. I spit on all of you.

Newboss:
Wrong!

Nigeria is a mess but not being ruled by a dictator. Election was conducted less than six months ago. Nigerians still voted the same Buhari in. In fact, Sowore was no where to be found.

Can't we be rational in this country? Is it Buhari that is littering the street with plastics and all sorts of trash that should be disposed in a waste bin?

Can't we see that we're the cause of our own problems, not government?

If you put Sowore, that's when you'll know what a dictator behaves like. All the signs are written all over him. Dude literarily said he can't be judged by a judge. This guy is against Democratic principles. He only chooses the one that suits his agenda.

This is something every smart person should have spotted. We can't risk a military coup through this aimless nonsense.

What I am about to say will be met by denials, insults and criticisms. I don't care because the truth needs to be told. I always try to be neutral when it comes to Nigeria but I cannot in good conscience deny it anymore. This is not about tribe or religion but the blunt reality of what is happening in the country.

Growing up in Lagos, especially on the Island, I was oblivious to tribalism and religious differences as the schools I attended (Corona primary and King's College) had students from various backgrounds. Didn't understand the concept of tribalism until my late teens. My aunt, who had worked in Unipetrol (now OANDO), was always complaining about how her directors,who were Fulanis, were always undermining her. This is a woman who acquired a masters degree in Oil & Gas Law from the prestigious London School of Economics (LSE) in 1977! Her bosses did not have half her qualifications but were the ones calling the shots. She wasn't the only one. One of my neighbours, who worked for First Bank for over 20 years, had the same complaint and she later had to resign in order to set up her own shop as she couldn't take their crap anymore.

The two examples I have given are just a scratch beneath the surface of what has been going on in this country since the end of the Civil War. Southerners and Christians from the North Central, who make up the bulk of educated intellencia in the country, work as technicians, advisers but their bosses cannot even produce their certificates.

Look at Mohammed Tanko. This man has the confidence to tell the country that he does not know where his certificate is. A bloody Chief Justice of the Federal Republic of Nigeria does not understand what "Technicality" is. Meanwhile, the next in line is Bode Rhodes Viviour who is a well known Judicial figure in the country. His Judgments are there for everyone to see. Does Tanko have any Judgment that has been published and is on record?

Take a look at his boss. The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria has refused to produce his school cert. How is it that the Vice President of the country is a Professor of Law and his boss does not have one tenth of his qualifications? Before people talk about his experience as a Military Governor, Head of State and Minister of Petroleum ask yourself how did he get there? Do you honestly think that he would be where he is today if he was from another tribe and religion? The Constitution has asserted that all you need to be President is your school cert. Does that make sense in a country that has produced some of the brightest minds in Africa? A country that has produced Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala and many others? There is no top university in the world where you will not find a Nigerian student. Nigerian immigrants are the most educated immigrants in the U.S.

In the most recent elections in Lagos, i noticed that market women, agberos and the lot were canvassed for votes. The middle and upper class who should have been at the forefront of the voting process were nowhere to be found. Look at the people controlling transportation in Lagos and other big cities. These guys take drugs, drink ogogoro and do not have any value for their life and their passengers but those same passengers put their lives in their hands

To conclude, I am not biased towards Northern muslims only that they should at least bring in their most qualified. Sanusi and the late Ya'ardua are very educated and you could see their achievements.

Nairaland is full of fools and idiots. These politicians ,regardless of tribe,religion or party, do not give a damn about you! They send their kids to the best universities abroad where they all get along despite differences in tribe or religion while you clowns chest beat over their achievements simply because they from your tribe! Most of you clown have not seen the four walls of an airport while these guys are jet setting over the globe, staying in the best hotels, eating at the best restaurants and buying choice properties in the most elusive parts of the world. Keep shouting PDP or APC, IPOP or Afonja while their children's children will remain part of the 1% of this country. You are nothing more than useful tools needed to keep them in power while they circulate the wealth among themselves. Zombies. I spit on you.

Not surprised from the comments here. Any woman who is not conservative and submissive regardless of her class is a hoe. If you lots had a brain, you would realize that Cuppy is in the entertainment industry. She is trying to promote her brand and reach out to the International audience by tapping into Joshua's fame. I keep saying it:a lot of people on this forum suffer from poverty of the mind.

Reveal it na. Your train of thought is the reason why Nigerian girls are seen as being very materialistic abroad. It's so bad that many of them are running to Naija to find a husband because very few guys can deal with such a rigid mindset. Women of other nationalities are not saints but they don't have this parasite mentality you guys have. Change your mindset.

funmisticqueen:
yinmu, i wont reveal secrets here anyways

Well, like i said, if a woman is at the upper crust of society she cannot do better than her class. In fact, some of them have no other option but to look for men at a lower level e.g. Oprah, Madonna, Alakija, etc. Agbani was able to marry above her class because as a former Miss World a lot of men desired her regardless of race or religion. (B) She has her own money and can afford to buy her own house. A woman at the bottom of society also cannot do better than her class except for luck and grace. Class is more about background than money. You cannot come from a poor background even as a woman and expect a guy from a privileged background to respect you.

funmisticqueen:
i never implied that a girl should sit still and look pretty, agbani darego still married someone above her class

I agree with what you said. I corrected myself to redefine what the[b] real[/b] meaning of class is. Finance is just one aspect. Anybody can be rich but your background is what sets you apart from the rest. Those people you have mentioned belonged to an older generation of men and women who, regardless of wealth and class, were very traditional. They grew up in very conservative times.

This thread is for young people below the age of 40 who plan to marry. The "millennials" as they are called. I am part of it. They grew up in a different time where the world is far more liberal and connected than ever before. Our generation is more materialist than ever before. All I am saying is that due to the ever widening gap between the rich and poor in this country, many see marriage as a means to escape poverty which is not right. The lack of job opportunities for young people does not help matters. You should marry someone because you are compatible with each other. You can deny it however you want but a gulf in background has destroyed a lot of marriages. "Love" sadly wasn't enough.

Acidosis:
You have a point, but class as you have defined it is not limited to finance. Class could also mean culture, religion, moral beliefs, family values, and education.

A feminist should not marry a cultural or traditional partner.
An atheist should not marry a religious person.
A polygamous person should not marry a monogamous partner.


The above is what it means to marry within your class. Wealth may not change a person's religious or cultural beliefs. We have seen wives of Governors, Presidents, Vice Presidents, MOGs, Prime Ministers, Lawmakers, go on their knees to greet their partners/elders. Yet, a broke and frustrated nonentity who is grossly misinformed about feminism will find that gesture offensive.

Not everyone losses their senses, religion or culture for a few millions.

It was Danjuma's younger brother that married Caroline. Dude didn't have respect for her hence why he could sleep with different women and treat her like poo. After all,what was she going to do? He knew that she married him because of his brother's wealth and name. She wasn't even smart enough to use his connections to set up a business for herself /expand her brand while married. This is what i'm trying to tell Funmiqueen and her ilk. A rich baller will not respect you if you are not on their level and have nothing to offer besides your beauty.

ornicus:
You mean Caroline danjuma. And the moment she divorced her husband she reverted to type. Who was that late thug life ex bf she had?

Do you honestly think that social class is restricted to men ? You don't agree with my final statement because it doesn't suit your narrative of what class is. Class is about background. The only reason why men marry women that earn less or are of a lower class than them is so they they can feel in control of their family life. Nothing more. Have you ever seen the son of a prominent Fulani/Hausa/Kanuri family marry a poor girl? Never. They have a strict class structure that ensures that the wealth remains circulated amongst themselves. Do you know that Indians practice a caste system and the son from a prominent Indian family will not be caught dead with a poor girl?

Rich men who are either self made or from wealthy homes only marry women who they feel will add to their life not subtract from it. In fact, rich boys are the worst and have little respect for the poor. Look at Agbani Darego. Do you think that Danjuma's son would have married her if she didn't upgrade herself ? As for ladies going for men above their class, if a woman is at the upper crust of society who else will she go for if not her class How many people are at the extreme upper end of society? Don't just type sweetheart, think as well.

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

Yes! Most Nigerians believe that social class is restricted to money. That is a lie. Class is your family background. Your background determines your mindset. The environment you grew up in, the schools you attended, the caliber of people you socialize with and the way you talk. That's why there's a difference between old money and new money. Anyone could have money. Yahoo boys and drug dealers are seen as rich but can they interact with high society? Impossible. Their poor background and dubious characteristics could easily be sniffed out by those who made their money legitimately/grew up in affluence.

The mannerisms of someone from the upper class/upper middle class is very different from someone who comes from a poor background. People from affluent backgrounds do not make noise the way these new money guys do. Compare the behavior of dj cuppy, the Indimi girls, Ibru girls and other women from rich homes compared to the likes of Tonto Dikeh, Toke Mackinwa, Linda Ikeji or Regina Daniels. The latter grew up from working class backgrounds which they haven't been able to shake off. The latter feel the need to show that they have "arrived". .

A lot of Nigerian men believe that once they have money even rich girls will submit to them which is not completely true as a rich girl doesn't know what it's like to suffer and would see their brash display of wealth as a symton of poverty of the mind. The same way a rich guy look down on poor girls and don't respect them if their parents are nobodies.

desvi:
the social class is closely linked to aspects such as language, manners, lifestyle and values
it's not only about money
so yes, marrying someone with a similar background may have many advantages and enhance compatibility
who wants to teach their significant other how to behave and how to talk?
on the other hand, some people's posh behavior may come off as awkward or even arrogant in some circles

I have been observing comments on Nairaland males and females for sometime. The women are either broke shaming the men or the men are slut shaming the women and always complaining about Nigerian women being parasites. If it's not that, they keep insisting that the women should submit to their authority. I have decided to add my two cents to the issue.

As the topic says: "marry within your class". It sounds shallow and elitist. I would not argue against that but one has to face the reality of Nigerian society. We live in a society where the income gap between the rich and poor is at astronomical levels. The middle class, which used to account for a significant percentage of the Nigerian population from the 60s to the late 80s, has been in significant decline no thanks to the likes of IBB. Right up to the 90s, it was very common to find kids of all classes attending Government schools such as King's College, Queens' College, Vivian Fowler and the likes. The same thing with primary schools. Kids from various backgrounds interacted, formed bonds and in many cases, married each other forming the upper middle class. Rich kids and poor kids formed the upper middle class. All was good.

Then came the 90s and 00s. The economy crashed, the Naira lost it's value and the cost of living quadrupled resulting to economic hardship for a lot of people. The rich retreated to their estates and sent their kids to private schools while the middle class and poor couldn't keep up thereby resulting to a huge gulf in class.

How does this relate to the topic? Well, due to the gulf in class, a lot of people (especially women) see marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. The rich do not want their kids to bring "liabilities" to their lives. When you are considering marriage in this part of the world, one has to factor the fact that when you marry someone you marry their family. If the family is dirt poor, they will see you as their source of livelihood. If they are rich, you could feel very intimidated with their lifestyle.

A lot of guys on this forum have this mindset that women, regardless of their wealth, should submit to them for cultural and religious reasons. I ask: do you expect a woman who grew up in Banana Island or VGC to leave with you in Mushin, Ipaja or Agege ? I ask: do you expect an ajebutter who grew up with nannies, washing machines and microwaves to physically wash your cloths and serve you food while kneeling down Even the women who are high earners/self-made, do you expect such women who go to exclusive events and hang out with big boys to call you "daddy", "my king"? This isn't about putting women in a pedestal but acknowledging the differences in lifestyle and mindset.

Same goes to women. Do you expect a guy who worked hard for his own money to marry you because you are pretty and can cook ? Or a guy from a privileged background like Paddy Adenuga or Yusuf Buhari to sweep you off your feet regardless of your background? You must be joking.

Abeg, Nigeria is a very stressful country. With the financial pressure that men face and the increasing level of domestic violence and misorgyny towards women, people need to be very careful about who they want to marry. Men that want total submission should go for women who will not pose a threat to their manhood and women should cut their cloth according to their size.

This is why I keep saying that Nigerian men are confused lots. African men are polygamous in nature yet you quote the Bible whenever your wife doesn't respect you or cheats on you? It is better to be openly polygamous and let your intending spouse know that you are entitled to marry a second/third wife than to go to church and swear before God and man that you promise to be faithful to your spouse. It just makes you a hypocrite.

I am not saying that many men who took their vows do not cheat, they do it with sense. They wear condoms at all times and do it discretly without the spouse knowing about it. It is better to find a woman who will stimulate you and keep you interested during the marriage than marry someone you are not sexually attracted to and cheat in the name of her being "boring" and "nagging".

Western mentality is detrimental to african women yet you use the Bible (a western import) to emphasize and assert the role of women in a marriage? Were your great-grandparents using the Bible or Koran to govern their marriage? Can you confidently say that your great-grandfather wasn't a polygamist practicing another religion during his time? You lots are so hypocritical and you do not even know it.Let's call a spade a spade.

Lastly, what is "African"? Do you know that Ghana is a maternal society? Kenyan society is also very different. Do some research about the continent you come from and stop pouting rubbish here.

CorperKola:
I could say the opposite. Find the person that has what you want . Simple!
The Western mentality is detrimental to africam women and is ruining lots of relationships!

I am so tired of niggaz complaining about dating/marrying women who earn more than they do. When they tell you to marry women of your levels, you will not listen. A woman who is a high salary earner is not going to endure your "Headship" B.S. Even the religious ones can only endure for so long. I'm not giving these women any excuses on their behaviour but something's got to give guys.

When you find yourself in that situation, you have to bring something to the table in order to make them appreciate you. It could be your intellect, charisma, bed skills or character. If you really want someone who is going to "submit" to your "headship" then marry a someone you can control. Otherwise, you have to change your attitude and be smart.

You cannot be whining about poor girls bringing nothing to a relationship but sex and then when you find someone who brings more than that, you nag that she's not respectful enough. The reality on ground is that most Nigerian women regardless of class are very materialistic. Choose your poison.

Nairaland is not a blog that you bring this sort of issue to. A lot of the men here are misorygnist and abusive. I mean, the third response to this topic was already insulting the OP without bothering to understand her post! Another suggested that she endures all that crap that she's going through for the sake of her marriage even though she's in the States! I am not saying that she should seek a divorce as it's not a good record to have. Both parties should take a time off and meditate on their situation. If your man really loves you, he knows what to do.

OP, go to blogs such Bella Naija where you will find like-minded people who can give you a reasonable advice or ask family friends, your husband's extended family members, mutual friends, senior mentors, who can be neutral, for advice. You can't expect rational response from a blog where topics such as "I am 30 and I want to groom my 16 year old girlfriend for marriage" or "do I need permission from my husband to buy property?" or "I am tired of my girl's pussy" are on the front page.

I can bet my left balls that if the OP was financially buoyant, he would never consider marrying an 18year old girl from a poor background. Vice versa, the 18 year old girl would be repulsed of the idea of marrying a 30year man who is 12 years her senior when there are a lot of young and vibrant men in their 20s.

All this boils down to money. By rights, an 18 year old girl is of legal age to marry whoever she wants. People mention Amara Kanu, Omotola and Bianca as examples of women who married at the age of 18 but they forget that they were from comfortable backgrounds who married out of their own volition and are an exception to the rule. All these guys talking about "evening newspaper" are just talking gibberish. A girl who wants to be a slag will do so regardless of her age. The most important thing is their character. A lot of guys are just looking for girls whom they can dominate.

This is exactly why many men in the upper crust of society should marry women of their class. Don't marry women who suffer from poverty of the mind like this girl. These kind of girls will kill you before your time with their financial demands and expect you to carry their whole family along! If these women's fathers had done their jobs in training them, they wouldn't grow up with the mindset that men are poverty alleviation schemes.

That's the hallmark of a sane society unlike this country where people actually brag about driving under the influence while there is no police to stop them. Lawless people. Yet they will blame those at the top for all their problems.

Not surprised at the response from this Forum. They are a reflection of the mentality of the average Nigerian:heartless/lack of compassion for their fellow humans.

SEONaijaExpert:
Walking up to a man is not the function of any lady.

You people have been watching too much telemundo.

Western values doesn't work here, our mindset and society doesn't present such act as bravery.

Here in Africa, anything a man doesn't work for, he doesn't appreciate or place value on it.

No problem. Don't complain when she demands more money from you than what her parent have ever given her. After all, you are a "man" who is meant to do everything by yourself. You should take care of her financially and yourself without expecting a dime since this is Africa. Don't also complain when you text her and she respond with cryptic messages such as "ok", "h" instead of telling you how she feels due to the fact that you are a "man" who must work hard to get what he wants.

bigmic111:
it's vice versa, I cannot in my present state marry any girl below my class, any guy who does that is a FOOL and has shot himself in the foot.

everybody should marry in their class, with gender equality trending everywhere ( eg feminism), no gender is supposed to take care of any gender in marriage. both genders should support each other.

any lady, like this PIN HEAD I just quoted, don't think before they talk. let's all marry in our class and end gold digging! *spits*

Preach bro! I have always advocated that people should marry within their class to avoid disappointment and peace of mind. If a lot of well to do men followed this rule, a lot of these parasites would respect themselves.

They should perform an IQ test and increase the amount of data needed to browse Nairaland in order to prevent scum like you from poisoning the blog space. You are a waste to humanity. Most of you lots have nothing to contribute to humanity but impregnate and have children you cannot feed. Banky and Adesua have achieved more in their career than you have achieved in life. Waste of space.

delugajackson:
If Banky can finally impregnate Adesua then truly, there is hope for this country.

After failing woefully in the just concluded elections, having a child would be his greatest achievement and also a big consolation for his ailing musical and dead political career.

This is why I say that men on Nairaland are the most confused set of people ever. You lots keep complaining that Nigerian women are a liability but you enable their behavior by outspending each other in order to gain their affections. They therefore believe that they are more important than they really are. You complain about Nigerian women abroad being feminists and non-submissive. You then set up threads about non-Nigerian women not appreciating your culture. What do you want? Make up your freaking minds.

N.B. I am a male who's not too crazy about Nigerian women but I don't whinge about the way Nairaland men do.

I have said it several times that love does not exist in Nigeria. The average Nigerian (whether male/female) place their worth based on how much money they have. The average Nigerian man believes that he cannot be "man of the house" if his wife is richer than him and the average Nigerian woman assesses a man's worth based on how much he earns. This is why I have advocated that people should marry based on their social class like the Fulanis do since we place our value as human beings on how much we make. A rich woman should marry someone in her class vice versa a poor guy should marry someone on his wavelength.

I only come to Nairaland to find out the latest news in Nigeria. Otherwise, you are lowering your IQ by being on this platform. The level of tribalism on this site is out of control. Every thread has a tribal intone. Guys spend all their time slut shaming women while the women create threads broke shaming men. The travel section is a battleground between Nigerians in diaspora and Nigerians in Nigeria. A lot of people on this site are teenagers and unemployed people who pour out their frustration on everybody. Take this forum with a pinch of salt if you want to retain your sanity.

OP don't listen to any of these people telling you to get married. The phrase "go and get married" has led to a lot of broken homes in this country. Many people who don't understand each other get married due to unnecessary pressure from society. You have to bear in mind that these people will not be there when you are facing marital difficulties. They won't be there when you are cash-strapped and need to pay the rent. They won't be there when you have to pay school fees, clothing and food for the kids. Don't do you cannot handle.

If you were not a well known racist, you would have known that they are both from Cross-Rivers. To people like you, anyone who isn't from the West or North is Igbo or "Ipob" as you lots so love to mock them. Later you will complain about whites being racist when you are no better.

Timekeeper:
See two grown up Igbo men opening their yansh... They can't even bring up a good relationship but claim to develop a nation..spit out