₦airaland Forum

It was Danjuma's younger brother that married Caroline. Dude didn't have respect for her hence why he could sleep with different women and treat her like poo. After all,what was she going to do? He knew that she married him because of his brother's wealth and name. She wasn't even smart enough to use his connections to set up a business for herself /expand her brand while married. This is what i'm trying to tell Funmiqueen and her ilk. A rich baller will not respect you if you are not on their level and have nothing to offer besides your beauty.

ornicus:
You mean Caroline danjuma. And the moment she divorced her husband she reverted to type. Who was that late thug life ex bf she had?

Do you honestly think that social class is restricted to men ? You don't agree with my final statement because it doesn't suit your narrative of what class is. Class is about background. The only reason why men marry women that earn less or are of a lower class than them is so they they can feel in control of their family life. Nothing more. Have you ever seen the son of a prominent Fulani/Hausa/Kanuri family marry a poor girl? Never. They have a strict class structure that ensures that the wealth remains circulated amongst themselves. Do you know that Indians practice a caste system and the son from a prominent Indian family will not be caught dead with a poor girl?

Rich men who are either self made or from wealthy homes only marry women who they feel will add to their life not subtract from it. In fact, rich boys are the worst and have little respect for the poor. Look at Agbani Darego. Do you think that Danjuma's son would have married her if she didn't upgrade herself ? As for ladies going for men above their class, if a woman is at the upper crust of society who else will she go for if not her class How many people are at the extreme upper end of society? Don't just type sweetheart, think as well.

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

Yes! Most Nigerians believe that social class is restricted to money. That is a lie. Class is your family background. Your background determines your mindset. The environment you grew up in, the schools you attended, the caliber of people you socialize with and the way you talk. That's why there's a difference between old money and new money. Anyone could have money. Yahoo boys and drug dealers are seen as rich but can they interact with high society? Impossible. Their poor background and dubious characteristics could easily be sniffed out by those who made their money legitimately/grew up in affluence.

The mannerisms of someone from the upper class/upper middle class is very different from someone who comes from a poor background. People from affluent backgrounds do not make noise the way these new money guys do. Compare the behavior of dj cuppy, the Indimi girls, Ibru girls and other women from rich homes compared to the likes of Tonto Dikeh, Toke Mackinwa, Linda Ikeji or Regina Daniels. The latter grew up from working class backgrounds which they haven't been able to shake off. The latter feel the need to show that they have "arrived". .

A lot of Nigerian men believe that once they have money even rich girls will submit to them which is not completely true as a rich girl doesn't know what it's like to suffer and would see their brash display of wealth as a symton of poverty of the mind. The same way a rich guy look down on poor girls and don't respect them if their parents are nobodies.

desvi:
the social class is closely linked to aspects such as language, manners, lifestyle and values
it's not only about money
so yes, marrying someone with a similar background may have many advantages and enhance compatibility
who wants to teach their significant other how to behave and how to talk?
on the other hand, some people's posh behavior may come off as awkward or even arrogant in some circles

I have been observing comments on Nairaland males and females for sometime. The women are either broke shaming the men or the men are slut shaming the women and always complaining about Nigerian women being parasites. If it's not that, they keep insisting that the women should submit to their authority. I have decided to add my two cents to the issue.

As the topic says: "marry within your class". It sounds shallow and elitist. I would not argue against that but one has to face the reality of Nigerian society. We live in a society where the income gap between the rich and poor is at astronomical levels. The middle class, which used to account for a significant percentage of the Nigerian population from the 60s to the late 80s, has been in significant decline no thanks to the likes of IBB. Right up to the 90s, it was very common to find kids of all classes attending Government schools such as King's College, Queens' College, Vivian Fowler and the likes. The same thing with primary schools. Kids from various backgrounds interacted, formed bonds and in many cases, married each other forming the upper middle class. Rich kids and poor kids formed the upper middle class. All was good.

Then came the 90s and 00s. The economy crashed, the Naira lost it's value and the cost of living quadrupled resulting to economic hardship for a lot of people. The rich retreated to their estates and sent their kids to private schools while the middle class and poor couldn't keep up thereby resulting to a huge gulf in class.

How does this relate to the topic? Well, due to the gulf in class, a lot of people (especially women) see marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. The rich do not want their kids to bring "liabilities" to their lives. When you are considering marriage in this part of the world, one has to factor the fact that when you marry someone you marry their family. If the family is dirt poor, they will see you as their source of livelihood. If they are rich, you could feel very intimidated with their lifestyle.

A lot of guys on this forum have this mindset that women, regardless of their wealth, should submit to them for cultural and religious reasons. I ask: do you expect a woman who grew up in Banana Island or VGC to leave with you in Mushin, Ipaja or Agege ? I ask: do you expect an ajebutter who grew up with nannies, washing machines and microwaves to physically wash your cloths and serve you food while kneeling down Even the women who are high earners/self-made, do you expect such women who go to exclusive events and hang out with big boys to call you "daddy", "my king"? This isn't about putting women in a pedestal but acknowledging the differences in lifestyle and mindset.

Same goes to women. Do you expect a guy who worked hard for his own money to marry you because you are pretty and can cook ? Or a guy from a privileged background like Paddy Adenuga or Yusuf Buhari to sweep you off your feet regardless of your background? You must be joking.

Abeg, Nigeria is a very stressful country. With the financial pressure that men face and the increasing level of domestic violence and misorgyny towards women, people need to be very careful about who they want to marry. Men that want total submission should go for women who will not pose a threat to their manhood and women should cut their cloth according to their size.

This is why I keep saying that Nigerian men are confused lots. African men are polygamous in nature yet you quote the Bible whenever your wife doesn't respect you or cheats on you? It is better to be openly polygamous and let your intending spouse know that you are entitled to marry a second/third wife than to go to church and swear before God and man that you promise to be faithful to your spouse. It just makes you a hypocrite.

I am not saying that many men who took their vows do not cheat, they do it with sense. They wear condoms at all times and do it discretly without the spouse knowing about it. It is better to find a woman who will stimulate you and keep you interested during the marriage than marry someone you are not sexually attracted to and cheat in the name of her being "boring" and "nagging".

Western mentality is detrimental to african women yet you use the Bible (a western import) to emphasize and assert the role of women in a marriage? Were your great-grandparents using the Bible or Koran to govern their marriage? Can you confidently say that your great-grandfather wasn't a polygamist practicing another religion during his time? You lots are so hypocritical and you do not even know it.Let's call a spade a spade.

Lastly, what is "African"? Do you know that Ghana is a maternal society? Kenyan society is also very different. Do some research about the continent you come from and stop pouting rubbish here.

CorperKola:
I could say the opposite. Find the person that has what you want . Simple!
The Western mentality is detrimental to africam women and is ruining lots of relationships!

I am so tired of niggaz complaining about dating/marrying women who earn more than they do. When they tell you to marry women of your levels, you will not listen. A woman who is a high salary earner is not going to endure your "Headship" B.S. Even the religious ones can only endure for so long. I'm not giving these women any excuses on their behaviour but something's got to give guys.

When you find yourself in that situation, you have to bring something to the table in order to make them appreciate you. It could be your intellect, charisma, bed skills or character. If you really want someone who is going to "submit" to your "headship" then marry a someone you can control. Otherwise, you have to change your attitude and be smart.

You cannot be whining about poor girls bringing nothing to a relationship but sex and then when you find someone who brings more than that, you nag that she's not respectful enough. The reality on ground is that most Nigerian women regardless of class are very materialistic. Choose your poison.

Nairaland is not a blog that you bring this sort of issue to. A lot of the men here are misorygnist and abusive. I mean, the third response to this topic was already insulting the OP without bothering to understand her post! Another suggested that she endures all that crap that she's going through for the sake of her marriage even though she's in the States! I am not saying that she should seek a divorce as it's not a good record to have. Both parties should take a time off and meditate on their situation. If your man really loves you, he knows what to do.

OP, go to blogs such Bella Naija where you will find like-minded people who can give you a reasonable advice or ask family friends, your husband's extended family members, mutual friends, senior mentors, who can be neutral, for advice. You can't expect rational response from a blog where topics such as "I am 30 and I want to groom my 16 year old girlfriend for marriage" or "do I need permission from my husband to buy property?" or "I am tired of my girl's pussy" are on the front page.

I can bet my left balls that if the OP was financially buoyant, he would never consider marrying an 18year old girl from a poor background. Vice versa, the 18 year old girl would be repulsed of the idea of marrying a 30year man who is 12 years her senior when there are a lot of young and vibrant men in their 20s.

All this boils down to money. By rights, an 18 year old girl is of legal age to marry whoever she wants. People mention Amara Kanu, Omotola and Bianca as examples of women who married at the age of 18 but they forget that they were from comfortable backgrounds who married out of their own volition and are an exception to the rule. All these guys talking about "evening newspaper" are just talking gibberish. A girl who wants to be a slag will do so regardless of her age. The most important thing is their character. A lot of guys are just looking for girls whom they can dominate.

This is exactly why many men in the upper crust of society should marry women of their class. Don't marry women who suffer from poverty of the mind like this girl. These kind of girls will kill you before your time with their financial demands and expect you to carry their whole family along! If these women's fathers had done their jobs in training them, they wouldn't grow up with the mindset that men are poverty alleviation schemes.

That's the hallmark of a sane society unlike this country where people actually brag about driving under the influence while there is no police to stop them. Lawless people. Yet they will blame those at the top for all their problems.

Not surprised at the response from this Forum. They are a reflection of the mentality of the average Nigerian:heartless/lack of compassion for their fellow humans.

SEONaijaExpert:
Walking up to a man is not the function of any lady.

You people have been watching too much telemundo.

Western values doesn't work here, our mindset and society doesn't present such act as bravery.

Here in Africa, anything a man doesn't work for, he doesn't appreciate or place value on it.

No problem. Don't complain when she demands more money from you than what her parent have ever given her. After all, you are a "man" who is meant to do everything by yourself. You should take care of her financially and yourself without expecting a dime since this is Africa. Don't also complain when you text her and she respond with cryptic messages such as "ok", "h" instead of telling you how she feels due to the fact that you are a "man" who must work hard to get what he wants.

bigmic111:
it's vice versa, I cannot in my present state marry any girl below my class, any guy who does that is a FOOL and has shot himself in the foot.

everybody should marry in their class, with gender equality trending everywhere ( eg feminism), no gender is supposed to take care of any gender in marriage. both genders should support each other.

any lady, like this PIN HEAD I just quoted, don't think before they talk. let's all marry in our class and end gold digging! *spits*

Preach bro! I have always advocated that people should marry within their class to avoid disappointment and peace of mind. If a lot of well to do men followed this rule, a lot of these parasites would respect themselves.

They should perform an IQ test and increase the amount of data needed to browse Nairaland in order to prevent scum like you from poisoning the blog space. You are a waste to humanity. Most of you lots have nothing to contribute to humanity but impregnate and have children you cannot feed. Banky and Adesua have achieved more in their career than you have achieved in life. Waste of space.

delugajackson:
If Banky can finally impregnate Adesua then truly, there is hope for this country.

After failing woefully in the just concluded elections, having a child would be his greatest achievement and also a big consolation for his ailing musical and dead political career.

This is why I say that men on Nairaland are the most confused set of people ever. You lots keep complaining that Nigerian women are a liability but you enable their behavior by outspending each other in order to gain their affections. They therefore believe that they are more important than they really are. You complain about Nigerian women abroad being feminists and non-submissive. You then set up threads about non-Nigerian women not appreciating your culture. What do you want? Make up your freaking minds.

N.B. I am a male who's not too crazy about Nigerian women but I don't whinge about the way Nairaland men do.

I have said it several times that love does not exist in Nigeria. The average Nigerian (whether male/female) place their worth based on how much money they have. The average Nigerian man believes that he cannot be "man of the house" if his wife is richer than him and the average Nigerian woman assesses a man's worth based on how much he earns. This is why I have advocated that people should marry based on their social class like the Fulanis do since we place our value as human beings on how much we make. A rich woman should marry someone in her class vice versa a poor guy should marry someone on his wavelength.

I only come to Nairaland to find out the latest news in Nigeria. Otherwise, you are lowering your IQ by being on this platform. The level of tribalism on this site is out of control. Every thread has a tribal intone. Guys spend all their time slut shaming women while the women create threads broke shaming men. The travel section is a battleground between Nigerians in diaspora and Nigerians in Nigeria. A lot of people on this site are teenagers and unemployed people who pour out their frustration on everybody. Take this forum with a pinch of salt if you want to retain your sanity.

OP don't listen to any of these people telling you to get married. The phrase "go and get married" has led to a lot of broken homes in this country. Many people who don't understand each other get married due to unnecessary pressure from society. You have to bear in mind that these people will not be there when you are facing marital difficulties. They won't be there when you are cash-strapped and need to pay the rent. They won't be there when you have to pay school fees, clothing and food for the kids. Don't do you cannot handle.

If you were not a well known racist, you would have known that they are both from Cross-Rivers. To people like you, anyone who isn't from the West or North is Igbo or "Ipob" as you lots so love to mock them. Later you will complain about whites being racist when you are no better.

Timekeeper:
See two grown up Igbo men opening their yansh... They can't even bring up a good relationship but claim to develop a nation..spit out

As much as I don't really dig Nigerian women too much as they have a lot of issues, i swear that a lot of men on this forum are confused as to what they want.

Today it's "team foreign women". Tomorrow it's "Nigerian girls are the best". The following day it's "majority of Nigerian women are prostitutes". Or "Akata/foreign born and raised Nigerian women are lost". Another one is "village girls are homely and still respect our traditions". Or the latest "Don't take a village girl with you abroad as they will tear eye and dump you after everything you have done for them". I mean, make up your minds for crying out loud! Nobody is perfect.

As for you lots that are based abroad, you have to understand that you are in a foreign environment. It's important to maintain your culture in order to pass it on to the next generation but you also have to bend the rules and be flexible.

A lot of you will be chasing the pretty and flashy ones who will not easy submit instead of the average/chubby ones who would be appreciative of the attention they are getting from you. Open your minds lads.

Do you know that Elon Musk,a serial divorcee, is one of the richest men in the world and one of the most innovative minds right now?

Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world, is currently going through a lengthly divorce. Are you telling me that businesses will not take him seriously when he talks?

You lots need to let go of that archaic way of thinking.

The reason why a lot of corporations prefer married people is because they are looking for people who will be committed to the company for a long term. Singles are seen as a threat as they could leave at anytime.

SURElee:
Have you heard the saying that even in the corporate world, most people considered for managerial positions must be married, because they believe if you can handle a home consisting of wife and kids with the responsibilities and challenges that come with it, then you will use that experience in managing an organization of people to get result, harnessing both their strengths and weaknesses.

I heard this years ago and it made sense to me.

Which is easier to manage a home or political party consisting of many people with varied interests?

Correct me, I might be wrong. I don't claim to know it all.

OP, as an immigration consultant, I would advice you to think outside the box.

You could use that money to start an importation business. That will enable you to be in and out of the country.

Import cheap products from Eastern Europe and sell them in Nigeria.

There is the option of migrating to Brazil and gaining quick citizenship there. Cost of living in Brazil is cheap and you can set up a business there to export agricultural products to Nigeria.

Another option is to migrate to Cote D'Ivoire or other quality African countries and set up a business there.

It's not all about migrating to the west or setting up a business in Nigeria. Sometimes you have to think outside the box and broaden your options.

That's the problem.

The system has been structured to favor illiterates over the educated ones. They will determine the fate of the country for years to come until something is done about it.

If you look at Lagos, agberos have a huge sway over who is the next governor. APC have strategically used them as an instrument to implement their will. Ambode tried to phase out all these danfo and molue drivers and was met with stiff resistance.

Middle class and upper class votes do not matter in the elections.

Ugosample:
You have said it all jare

How realistic is it to raise the tens of tens of millions of illiterate barbaric lowlives out of that state into educated and civil people in the next 15 years?

remember that they are the ones breeding like rats increasing the population of barbaric citizens

now with these defective citizens with their pvc, how can the educated and inform out vote these people?

This means that the hordes of agbero and almajiri and omo alata will always determine the fate of Nigeria


TELL ME one country in this world where the voting population are largely illiterate and archaic like we have in Nigeria, and is either developed, or is on the path to development?

Yes, let's agree to disagree.

I am not here to change your mind. It is actually important that people like you are in the country to change the system if you can.

What I don't agree with is you labelling the OP or me cowards for leaving the system and trying to better their lives. People migrate all the time.It's not only Nigerians that migrate.

Hell, the number of Mexicans crossing the U.S. border a month is more than the number of Nigerians migrating a year and believe me Mexico's economy is far better than Nigeria's.

The fact is that the country will experience more brain drain in the next few years due to a lack of conducive environment for skilled professionals to flourish.

Another issue is the absolute disregard for life by Nigerians. Herdsmen kill people and there are no protests. Hundreds of Shites are killed and no one bats an eye. You can go missing and nobody will lift a finger to find you. People are scared of that and want a better environment for their kids to grow up in.

marvinsync:
now first of all and very important , u don't know me to assume I'm gonna oppress people!
all I am is tired of sitting and watching things happen , being powerless to what's happening in the country and I have decided that I will do what I can about it


this is Nigeria not the west? lol ur one of those people , u compare Nigeria to the west when u feel like and when things u don't like come up u remember that this is Nigeria not the west


oh I do accept that we can't evolve with all those issues I just choose to be part of the solution


u just emphasized my point they had people who were willing to change things are u and the op willing to change things? no ur just running away


I said j could travel to the US or UK anytime I feel like I never said I won't and trust me I intend to visit Calabar and again I'm not in support of what happening in the country , I don't know why u keep telling me the country's problem like I was in support or ok with them


let's agree to disagree on this for now



now OP I'm gonna be clear on my point
A COUNTRY DOESN'T FIX ITSELF!
the same way there are people ruining this country is the same way people would be required to fix it or do u expect Nigeria to become like the west by itself?
look at china , India, Ghana , Rwanda etc they are building themselves despite all the issues they were plagued with , at some point in time all of these countries were shit-holes but look at them now .

now gforce5 it's okay if u don't care about the country and want to run away "after all the country has not helped u so why should u help it?" right? it's alright not everyone can be helpful but don't dare try n make me and people like me that choose to stay and invest , grow , improve the GDP , reduce unemployment rate and poverty , people that still believe there are things here that they can do to improve themselves and the lives of other Nigerians , people that wanna be part of the solution , patriots , nation builders, don't try and make us seem like fools ok

all these might seem like story and grammar to u , no problem ,go abroad , but let's just respect ourselves

See. I did not know that she's still there. She's just keeping up appearances in Nigeria.

A lot of them are just in Nigeria to keep up appearances.

It is not easy living in a country where nothing works even despite your wealth and influence.

DexterousOne:
I've read your comment

But want to point out something

Cuppy is STILL LONDON BASED

She be "alejo" for Nigeria

My brother, you are so on point. What that guy doesn't know is that many of us commenting are from upper middle class families.

We were immune to most of the problems in Naija growing up.

Going to the Nigerian Law School opened my eyes to the level inequality in Nigeria.The "foreign" students had better accommodation than the "home based" students.

There is that gap between the rich and poor that you cannot ignore in Nigeria but in the west it is not obvious due to the Government's role in empowering the masses.

Dj Cuppy is only in Nigeria because she couldn't break the British market otherwise she prefers to be in London where she can move around undetected.

If you are from the upper class in Nigeria, your movement is very restricted as there are many people who would take their frustration on you.

Even some of Adenuga's children live outside the country as they have peace of mind in their base.

Ugosample:
Nigeeus operates on a different set of rules

Rich dad poor dad will open your mind about money

But you need MUCH MORE than the principles contained in
that book to succeed in the murky waters of naija.

And coming from an upper middle class home in Nigeria (not super rich, but we are just good) we were immune to most of the issues that hit the country
pumping machines, big gen and all.


But most of Nigeria don t have that, and the country is not in a good shape, neither is outside our enclave safe

Even otedola daughter complains abt it.
She stays mostly in London but complains of how restricted her life in lagos

She is not free to waka about like she does in London, etc etc.
But not in Naija

that is my point

quality of life is not the best in Nigeria