₦airaland Forum

Are costs for baby food, biscuits, cereals, indomie, bread,milk and other food items you typically buy in a supermarket covered under breakfast cost? Not to mention the cost for fried rice, chicken and chips when home cooked etc. These things add up.

Exhausting stuff

merahki:
Good morning
I am obsessing about this issue now
Feeding is a big responsibility but when providing this it is the only financial responsibility a woman has in the house? I think it is fair oo
The couple has 4 kids (5, 7, 11 and 13 years old) for instance and live in a 2 bedroom flat. The man has a Toyota Camry and the woman a Toyota Corolla (she either bought it before marriage with her own money or the husband got it for her after they hooked up)
I am trying to calculate the monthly household expenditure for this unit

Monthly rent 25K
Power -15K, water(they buy from tankers and must be most frugal with it to use up one tank load per month)-4K, petrol for generator @3litres only per day-13,500K, petrol for the two cars-56K, dstv compact (the minimum that can serve up some fair cartoons and football)-6K, cooking gas-5K, pure water @1bag/day- 3K, (128K so far, I hope)
Then paying school fees, not top notch private schools at all @ 150 each child times 4 is 600K divided by 12 -50K
This would most probably increase with increasing age and and level of education with Common Entrance,JAMB, SSCE,NECO, postUME etc all lurking/looming

Oil servicing same three changes per year (usually more but let’s make it three)@ 6k/change is 18K and times 2 cars is 36K then divided by 12 - 3K
Clothing money for a year- 150K divided by 12- 12500K (I am sure I underquoted this one, maybe twice what I have submitted even)
Okay toothpaste, toilet rolls, soap, body lotions, detergent-?5K
Total so far -190something
Miscellaneous has to come in, maybe-10K? So monthly total spending for the man is the above

Then the woman has to provide the food? And cannot buy in bulk because erratic power supply and etc? Say buys 4 chickens per month 10K and beef of 8K? Rice 50cups/month 5k, beans 40cups/month 3200K, crayfish 1painter 2500K, dried fish withstock fish 5K, tomatoes and pepper 10K, garri 6 painters 2100, yam 2K, vegetables 3K
Ogbono 800, egusi 10 cups- 3000
Breakfast stuff 1K a day- 30K (100K so far)
Okay this is a lot of spending
Feeding is huge, but any woman who can do this is a pure gem to her man.
I would want this kind of woman for my brother

In the scenario I created, the man spends 200 to 205K every month, and the woman spends 95-105K every month
I actually like it, they are both showing up, and the man is doing substantially more as the head of the house
Supposing they were both working with the Federal Public Complaints Commision and each is paid 150K/month, how would they do it? The man has to have side hustles, plenty
Marriage in a country without any form of government financial support or risk protection is a huge thing to undertake
This couple with the hypothetical salaries should have just have one child, or two at most
But they are most likely to have 3,4,or 5

I have exhausted myself, and I don’t know why!
Cheers

O me of easy humor...

merahki:
His post cracked me up too
But when he scolded you for being of “easy humour” I ran away
(I think he was being modest though)

The earlier you agree that no one has the answer to every question, the better for your threads cos you seem bent on selling your opinion that there's nothing like marital rape n yea I said opinion, rather than fact.

I subscribe to issues being addressed rather than swept under the carpet. In the interim, while the issues are being worked on, what happens to chilling till the issues are sorted out or working on getting your spouse in the mood. If spouse refuses, u halt advances. Anything other than that is rape and unjustifiable, in my opinion.

Re women raping men, an earlier female poster wrote bout her hubby traveling for 15 hours and being too tired to have s.ex. Now, if she had gone on to sleep with him without his consent, are u suggesting its justified because it's her marital right?

bukatyne:
Interesting.

Outwitted by other posters you say?

I do not create thread to battle wits. If you go through my threads, you would notice they are for educational and discussion purposes.

No amount of discomfort would change the fact that there is nothing like marital rape.

And the earlier intending wives know this, the better for them and the society as a whole.

If they have issues in the marriage that would prevent the wife from joyfully making love to her husband, they should sort it out.

I am not surprised that posters only seem concerned with the wives.

Should we assume that husbands are never 'raped'?

I agree with you on this. Typically, I tell people that people often pass on their cultural and personal preferences as religious positions and then look for Bible verses to (mis)quote.

eyinjuege:
Many evils are perpetuated under the guise of religion. There is always one reference or the other to back it up. However, its left for decency and humanity to see through and know what is evil is evil.

Frankly, I think it was the religious views to buttress her opinion on rape that I felt was rather misleading.

truthsayer009:
I'm actually happy that your thread was deleted. Your title is misleading & you know Africans don't read. Coupled with the fact that you also used Religious views to express your points.

The

Dude, I try to see the humor in life's situations. Doesn't mean I'm dumb....

Richy4:
Okay... If what I have posted made U happy, I'm glad for u... It shows that you are easily amused

Neither do I

bukatyne:
I don't get you.

Not really interested in going back and forth with you as you are entitled to your opinion. However, my point remains a reasonable husband typically will wait a minimum of 6 weeks cos its in the interest of his wife's health and wellbeing. What then is the big deal in chilling for a bit to ensure your spouse enjoys sex to avoid messing with your spouse's mental health and wellbeing? Or doesn't the hubby get hor.ny during the 6 weeks wait?

bukatyne:
What has a husband chilling after birth got to do with the topic?

Not really interested in going back and forth with you as you are entitled to your opinion. However, my point remains a reasonable husband typically will wait a minimum of 6 weeks cos in the interest of his wife's health and wellbeing. What then is the big deal in chilling for a bit to ensure your spouse enjoys sex to avoid messing with your spouse's mental health and wellbeing? Or doesn't the hubby get hor.ny during the 6 weeks wait?

bukatyne:
What has a husband chilling after birth got to do with the topic?

imagine. Let's call EFCC for her

soberdrunk:
NA DEM!!! "Nigeria is hard!!" "Nigeria is hard"!!! Yet they are eating what Queen of England cannot eat...... See full lap and 2 vice president and it's not your birthday ooo.....

Minister of enjoyment...

odeguaomon:
Pounded yam and banga soup.

Yeah, it is assumed and if I was asked, I will have said yes, my consent is required. If after giving birth, a husband Is asked to chill at least 6 weeks before sex and he doesn't die, cant fathom what's so difficult about holding body cos a spouse said no.

bukatyne:
During your wedding ceremony, when you are advised to satisfy your husband sexually, tell them you will be giving consent to do.

This literally cracked me up

Richy4:
It seems you are new on Nairaland.. That's why you were irritated so quickly by the moderators /Regina and family...

There was a year Tonto Dike was reigning supreme on Nairaland more than this new girl...that was even before she got married... then when her wedding came up hmm mm!!!!!

Then there was Another year, The Madness of Look Alike....
"They said I look like RMD is it true? " then that OP will fish out a horrifying picture of himself.. then it will move to front page...another will comeup with...My neighbour said I look like Jennifer Aniston see my pic ETC... that was what happened through out that yr..

Another year was... InI Edo shoes and chioma chukwuka shoes who wore it better... Tonto dike's makeup and Toni Braston's makeup who wore it better.. Jim Iyke skinny jeans and Mike Ezuronye Skinny jeans which one is better

If I didn't break my phones all those years.. Then this Regina or whatever her name is will pass too...Just keep faith

A man can be sensitive, selfless, loving and Hor.ny. No good quality a husband exhibits exempts him from listening to his wife's NO and abiding by it and vice versa.

bukatyne:
True change can never happen until we understand what was wrong with the old system and teach people better.

While I understand the emotions of the thread (wives were maltreated etc. etc.), we are going to create another set of problems tilting overboard.

Instead of teaching women that they are not bound to have sex with their husbands or have autonomy over their bodies (which is not true especially in a religious marriage), teach the men to be sensitive, selfless, loving and considerate.

Any other way will create people who will come out to vehemently 'campaign' against it while more men will physically abuse their wives or as 'cool' husbands cheat and ruin the family.

Same problem with women's rights.

wife material raised to power one million

Why?? any updates

Imogenn:
I am so thankful guys. !!

U don't have to like her but u def should do ur best to be nice to her. N FWIW I don't think ure possessed or any similar stuff like that. One saying I like is People do better when they know better and she's still at the formative stage. Please help her know better without suffocating her with sermons but by doing better... E go betta

Laeroy:
UPDATE.

Everything has normalized now!, Thanks to my sister in law, Feeding fee is entering steady now, and I can now take care of other things...

I NEED AN ADVICE (This is what is how feel inside, I've tried battling it for too long, but I need help, I've tried to force myself but maybe I'm just possesed, demonic or something)

It's my sister in law's child, I just don't connect with the girl, I've tried everything I can, but the love I'm supposed to give a child doesn't just flow, I look into her eyes and I always have to remind my self that "she's a child and she knows nothing," and that I just have to like her...

But if u ask me I don't like the girl like I love other children, even before she came to stay with us, there's this thing about her that I don't like..... W a t could be the cause?

Keep deluding yourself....

Davash222:
Now take a chill pilll and ask yourself, who post the unclad photos online Women!! Who are their market target Men!!

As a market woman, how would you feel, you opened your shop and no one patronizes you?? How would you feel, you upload unclad photos and no views??

There’s no negative result coming from watching unclad photos online. We only view and pass, nothing else.

N this is why women hate living with inlaws which guys can never understand. The endless judgements and subsequent spreading of their opinions that no one asked for. Oga was eating without meat, must she complain to his hearing. Anyway dear, be as wise as a dove...what doesnt kill u makes u stronger.

Laeroy:
Mama Zaynie, I appreciate this,but be assured that if I'm being blunt about it, it will cause problems in the family, not that I can't tell her straight to her face that the times her brother refuses to drop feeding allowances then she should be responsible for the upkeep and that of her child, but she's someone who l don't wish we ever have an issue, and the relationship we have built over time is worth more than having to let it break over her brother's Attitude,
Yesterday while we eating during dinner, I took the last meat because sincerely hubby doesn't eat meat except on rare occasions because of his health conditions, as I was having the last bite, she in a low and polite tone said (" Bawo ni bale Ile ma se jeun Lai si nkankan ninu obe" ) meaning how will the head of the house eat without anything in the soup, my response was that but he doesn't eat meat and that's the last chunk in my plate, these observations I'm sure she will tell her sisters, one thing I know is they can't face me about that development but they sure will say some - ve things behind me..

I'm just praying that the money used for the house renovation can come quickly so Dat she can leave or better still I pray God blesses them more so that the problems we are encountering can be solved

I said make up with him cos in your initial post, u mentioned u were not speaking with each other. Have u tried drawing up a monthly budget so he can have an idea of your monthly expenses and ask him to give you at least 10k monthly. Or better still ask him how much he can contribute to the expenses. I must commend you for your discipline in saving money monthly for your kids. To boost your income, u can also try being a lesson teacher or selling on Instagram, maybe thrift stuff. The good thing is that she'll be leaving after the house is completed so try and go through it with a positive attitude.

Laeroy:
Before his father died, the house wasn't fully completed, what I mean is that the house isn't painted and the floor of the sitting room, room, passage, kitchen isn't cemented and tiled. So they were literally living in a dusty house, now that baba is late, they said they want to convert the house to three self contained apartment with the rest of baba's pension when it is collected, mind you, he has four siblings from his mother side 1 of whom is late. And two siblings from his step mom...

So right now , they're in the process of collecting the rest money from the pension administors, after which they can renovate the house and she possibly moves back there..... The said house isn't too far from where we stay.....

When u say make up with my husband, I don't exactly know what I mean, we talk briefly and we greet each other.... Before he left for work, I asked him for money for dinner, he said he doesn't have money.... What do I do?

Bro do u get paid for starting these topics?

Quite annoying... He's breeding resentment in you and i dont blame you but don't let anyone make you act in a way you will regret in future.

Laeroy:
however my issue is with her brother, this guy freaks me out with his financial woes, we have fought financial battles about who should provide this and that for the family..... I have discussed with him severally that he should set aside a particular income for feeding purposes but he will not listen, he said the laundry business he created is for feeding, the money we make from laundry is not regular, he prefers to buy fuel in his car and drive to work than to provide for the family, He will always drum it in my ears that when his mother was alive, their father was responsible for schooling while their mum took care of feeding and I should likewise do same, when I was involved in the laundry work..... Doing 50percent of the job, despite that I was a nursing mother until I stopped recently, WE basically used all the money for feeding, that was literally me feeding myself, so I told him point blank that he should note that he doesn't feed me in this house, he flared up and said that I involved myself in laundry doesn't mean I feed myself, Dat I was only be supportive, so I stopped doing laundry when I had my second child, cos I felt the burden would be too much for me to bear and made him manage the business himself, since then it's been from one story to the other, he just feeds us when he feels like, not minding that his responsibility is to provide for the kids....He said his salary is for other projects like building house, schooling etc, and laundry is for feeding which isn't regular.....

Please why on earth did they ask the widow to leave and then they kukuma left the house vacant after everything. Ko ye mi o. Do what you can. Be good to her and make up with your husband fast. He def cant be expecting you to feed the entire household on a long term basis. Learn to stoop to conquer. I never learn am finish but that's what our foremothers did. May God grant u wisdom.

Well said

mrAMG2:
Wow. See how hate is just flying here and there.

Madam OP, next time be careful with the sort of words you use. You probably may have typed with a lot of deep seated anger and in the process, used a lot of ugly words.

Now there are people saying you are wicked, bla bla, please ignore them, they’re most likely not married so they know NOTHING about what it feels like for your matrimonial home to be invaded, carefully planned and managed resources shared and promises broken.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow, it is still familiarity that will breed contempt.

There’s only so much good you can do.

Your husband broke a promise by allowing them stay, even longer than anticipated. It’s even more annoying that he’s complacent about the whole thing.

What happened to the house she was living in before? It didn’t collapse did it? No. She just decided that she doesn’t want to stay there alone and then your husband took her in and started making plans for renovations.

NIGERIANS ARE VERY GOOD AT OVER STAYING THEIR WELCOME; even worse, people that visit you without notifying you first.

No matter how much you try to be good and nice, no matter how much you smile with the woman and her kids, there will surely come a time when you can no longer do those things anymore.

Everyone at one point in their lives have had relatives who have come to spend holidays in their homes and after a while, you notice friction beginning to build and eventually, you just want them to go to their own houses.

The woman is only trying to earn more time and favor by being nice to your kids and I’m very sure she knows her continued presence there is just not right.

My dear, it is not wickedness. Do what you can do and don’t do what you cannot do. It’s not by force.

If it was an okay family, they’ll find somewhere to put her. Probably a single person or an older single person in the family or maybe even rent her another apartment.

WATCH, THE RICHEST MAN IN YOUR HUSBAND’S FAMILY WILL MOST LIKELY NOT TAKE HER BECAUSE THEY VALUE THEIR PRIVACY AND UNDERSTAND WHAT PLANNING RESOURCES AND STICKING TO THAT PLAN IS.

Besides, she can’t put her baby daddy duties on you and your husband. Abeg what’s that.

and u don't think it's become an obsession?

Dear op - this is what a future with this guy looks like. Consistent exposure to unclad images will most likely result in treating women as sexual objects, insecurity on the part of the partner and inablity to enjoy sex as u will be wondering if u meet up, masturbation, premature ejaculation. Don't let anyone invalidate how u feel. For Chrissakes u havent birthed a baby yet. What happens if u have a CS or saggy boobs in future.

shortgun:
Op take a chill bill and calm down.
Its nothing....we guys like to look and stare it doesn't mean a thing.
You should only be concerned if it becomes an obsession.

so are u male or female

Stella Damasus 2ce sef, Stephanie Okereke...

ogawisdom:
Give me examples of Nigerian female divorcees that have remarried esp the celebrities or any known name let's start from there.

Will u even allow your brother to marry a second hand? lol

Couldn't have said it better...

sisisioge:
Well done ma...all the divorces and separations you've encountered were caused by either cheating or impatient wives. May God bless all the saints of this world for they are men fa. Cheers.