₦airaland Forum

WhyMe222: I don't even know where to start. Sorrow, depression, dejection, resignation etc, all now knows me by name. The love is dead, I loath her for the betrayal, sex is dead, joy gone. It's been 8 months since I made the startling discovery, I have tried to live like It didn't happen but that didn't work. I have tried to brace it like a man and move past it, that too didn't work. We have had several talks about it hoping it will heal my wound but it ain't working too. I have lost my strength to move on, my drive for success and happiness is dead. I roam aimlessly now most times not having a clear vision cos my mind is messed up. Several times I narrowly escaped ramming into a car ahead of me. I look at women now with disdain (my apologies) and infidelity boldly carved on their foreheads.

What got me all messed up like this? I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. How did I get to know, I stumbled into an amorous email exchange between them when I wanted to help my her apply for a job which has a better prospect than where she was then. It was the subject of the mail that arouse my curiosity. The subject says "Ifemi" which in Yoruba means "My Love". What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still breast feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months). Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of months time and is blessed with an adorable daughter. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn't go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated.

I am barely sticking what is left of the marriage just because of my little girl. She will be 2 in no distant time. Separation and divorce is my only option now since every other option has left me worse off. I have lost so much weight in these few months. I also want to state here that I have never cheated on my wife before. I keep asking myself what will push me to cheat because sincerely, my wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad "Guy, you carry eye enter wife market".

One question I want answers to now is: our court marriage did not happen here in Lagos, can I file for dissolution of the union here in Lagos?

sincerely, i dont know what to say, i wish i can suggest a/some suggestions, but sincerely, this one fall my hand big-time, and since adultery is the major acceptable reason for a divorce and also, since that is what you think can heal you up from this mess, i will say......goodluck, because, i dont know how to beg on her behalf, since i know definately that i cant do it, so, i cant condone whoever commits such great abomination.

However, @op, i will sincerely beg you not to allow your decision affect your child negatively, show her the love, care and protection she deserve, shes such an innocent child and should not be made to suffer for the sin which she knows nothing about. Also, never speak ill of your wife to your daughter, because, such is not good for her psychology, and her self-esteem too may be at stake, if things do not go as expected around her, so, pls, take care of this area and be a man.
Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and all that happens to we humans are lessons, i.e we learn everyday through what life throws at us.
Wishing you goodluck and divine wisdom to handle this issue as expected.

Yeah!
It could only be found at Bata or Lennard then, back then, in my secondary school, we werent permitted to use rubber sandal, so, this is what most of used then, very durable, i used mine for 2 years+ before it became an under-sized for me........lol
but, i think recently, i have started seeing it again on school girls o, but, just few girls, maybe, its back again.

As a matter of fact, i lived with my maternal grandma in my primary school days, and then, sometimes, when she put up some attitudes, i wondered if she was actually an adult or a toddler, but, all the same, we related quite well, just like two kids living together, i mean we were just like friends, because, she used to talk and behave like my age mate then, and the bond was so close between us, that we could hardly do without each other. As time went on, old-age related sicknesses became more rampant, and my mum moved us to the town, she really took care of her, but, because of the bond btwn me and my grandma, she always wanted me around her, and she even preferred me to other people attending to her, we maintained this until her departure, and i was actually the last person she talked to before she gave up the ghost, and what she said........................"omo a toju e, omo a duro ti e lojo ogbo, ma sukun ti mba ku o, asiko mi ti to, mo nife re, sugbon ko si nkan ti mo le se si ki nma lo" , i was in J. S 2 then, and i understod all what she said, immediately, i rushed to my mum's shop to call her attention to what she told me, and alas!, before we both came to the house, she was gone, i cried alot, but, one thing i was certain of is that, she was adequately tolerated and taken care of, even, when she was behaving like a toddler.

I still miss her till date, but one thing im grateful for is that, i gained alot from her, as an adult full of experiece.

We shall all grow old, but it is what we sow that we shall reap, some people accuse their older people of witchcraft, whereas, it is tolerance that they really need, when it is their time, they also will be accused of the same.
"eni to sin iya e nihoho, to mu omo e dani, nso fun omo e bo se ma sin oun"(anyone that buries his/her mother nakedly, with the knowledge of his child is indirectly telling the child how he too will be buried).
May God help us all.

byvan: Most times cuddling the child and letting him go from behind will save the interruption.My first son is fond of interruption,but I had to improvise instead of stopping half way.

^^
yes, what she said......

The fact is that, the man thought he knew everything about his wife, not knowing that he was wrong, now that he knows, i think he will have to confront her to know the next line of her action, i mean, if shes ready to quit the bad habit and repent or she will prefer to follow her lesbian partner and forget about her marriage.



#Human heart is desperately wicked, who can know it, says the word of God and this is a typical example.
May God help us all.

LWKMD........
Why on earth will i remain on my knee after greeting, whether she ask me to rise or not, all i know is that, once i have greeted her RESPECTFULLY, i stand up immediately.

So, op, do the same thing, you dont need to wait for her to ask you to rise before you do, show respect, have standard and maintain it.
May God help us all.

LWKMD........
All these DIL and MIL drama sha.....
May God help us o

And what is so special about this dont we Nigerians eat salad and other foreign foods here

What will you do than to inform your so-called bf and get prepared to be parents. Children are blessings from Almighty God, so, relax.
If you both knew you werent ready, what happened to protection, i mean CD, for safety sake.
Abeg,congratulations, wishing you safe pregnancy and joyful delivery in advance.

This thread has the potential of opening our eyes, i tell you, im really subscribing.

I think its african, or even Nigerian, and very or most common in our Yorubaland /culture, its a way of showing respect to someone old enough to be your mum or dad, i guess, but i also think some people are being too extreme about the matter.

I have a friend who told my kids that the day they call her mum-x, (her children's name), that she will slap them, i later jokingly told her that those kids are right, but she insisted that kids who call someone old enough to be their mother by their child's name means, if she doesn have a child for now, they would have called her by her name and such behaviour shows tht the kids are "asa"(not well mannered), in this case, what do i do?

Now, my kids call all their father's sisters "big mummies" and also all my siblings "big mummies and big daddies"(my hubby is d only guy and the last born and im also the last born of my mum), is that all right?

We already have the number of children we want...........................T......H......R......E....E....


But, op, i must be sincere with you, i love kids a lot, i could have determined to have 6 or even more, but, our nation's economy is what handicapped me.




@all, no matter how few or many our kids are, may our labour on them never be in vain, as we know their begginning, may we not know their ends and for those who are believing God for kids, may God answer your prayers and grant you the desires of your hearts....... Amen.

Pls, @ all and sundry, i have some questions......what does it really cost to dress decently and responsibly?
Do we blame it on civilisation or what?
Do we say its caused by westernisation or what?
Or is it in the name of fashion?
What exactly is wrong with dressing decently and responsibly?
Thank you.

[quote author=Mynd_44]How are you so sure the guy is not okay with it? For all you know, the guy might think the gown is the most beautiful dress in the world.

Remember what Jesus said about cleaning the outside of a cup while the inside is rotten? Well how are you sure that apart from the dressing, everything else about the woman is not all heavenly and kind?

FYI, you can't measure the morality of others based on your standards ma'am.

May God help us all[/quote]Can you remember the saying......."you are addressed the way you dress".........no matter how godly she might be, no one will see her for the first time with this type of dressing, that is showing all her endowment, and not think otherwise about her.

Haba!mynd, dont fall my hand o......see her ni...p.ples nigboro oshodi, and you are here telling me blah,blah,.....about her character.

Okay, i have one question for you, can you allow your wife dressed like this on your wedding day, just like this, with gbogboe, gbogboe outside like this, just answer yes or no, then, i will know what to say.
Thank you and may God help us all.

Congratulatins, bro,
God's protection on you all.
May God protect the baby, strengthen and restore the mother and provide for you to be able to take care of them appropriately.

Lenghen our grandmas- lives as well.
Congratulations.

[quote author=Mynd_44]How are you sure it went wrong? For all you know, she might have had it sown like that on purpose[/quote]even, if sown like this, its still very wrong........haba! What again is she keeping for the guy to admire, appreciate and enjoy, some ladies can go too extreme............this is just toooooooo extreme.

@op, everything is wrong with the wedding gown, no responsible lady dresses like this on her wedding day and even, at anytime, the guy better shine his eyes weli-weli, anyway, they might both be the same sha, no offence intended.

@op, this is very possible, but that woman must be a very irresponsible woman, wishing the little girl dead means she already knew, before the girl got sick that the girl is not her hubby's child, but decided to keep it secret to herself, and allow the man to believe that the child is his, haba! How wicked, "inu ma jin o"
i wish the girl quick recovery o, but the woman should better own up now, because no matter how long lies travel, it takes a minute for truth to catch up(bi iro ba lo logun odun, ojo kan ni otito a ba).

@op, dont try it!!!


i also have long hair, and the maintenance is becoming something else, but hubby is long hair freak, i remember the first and only time i told him that i will love to cut my hair low, he said........"dont you dare it, im so so in love and proud of your hair".


And for dreads, abeg, that to me looks too wield for me o, plus hubby do not even like it on ladies, he says it makes them look like ..............
So, for now what i do is to braid, or sometimes, basket weaving, (he so much love this on me) and sometimes too, i fix weave-ons, maintaining my long hair is tedious jare, but since i wont have a look hubby wont appreciate, i havent cut it.
So, my dear sister, since you know he doesnt like dreads, look for other hairstyles that is comfortable for you and he will also appreciate and admire, knowing fully well that he also will not have a look you will not appreciate.
One thing i want you and other ladies to know is that, if your hubby makes any comment on you or your hairstyles, its because such man still love you and has time for you, once the love is no longer there, he wont even notice you, not to talk of your hair, so, its better to do the hairstyle that they will appreciate and admire.
May God help us all.

Is he the first born? If yes, that could be a reason?
Is he naturally cool and reserved? If yes, that could be a reason.
Is he exposed to more than one language at the same time? If yes, that could be a reason.


However, does he hear and understand when he is talked to? if yes, then, no problem.
Does he cry aloud when hes crying? If yes, no problem.
But for full confirmation, take him to a peadiatric doctor for proper evaluation.
It is well and my regards to him.

This is the link........read through and laugh tire




https://www.nairaland.com/1205705/how-embarrassing-it-get-during#14462534

I love eating tuwo with luru, from hausa tribe.

During my SIL's last pregnancy, she used to crave for match sticks, she claims that match stich are very tasty, later, i tried to buy chewing sticks for her to be chewing instead of match stick, but, na lie, the thing just reduced, all match stick she suppose to use for lightening stove, she don shop dem finish....lol


i think i have share it once on this forum, when someone opened a similar thread, infact, you need to see that thread, you go laugh tire, may be later, i will check for the thread.
May God help us all,

byvan: It doesn't mean he does not care,most men have a selfish streak to their person.Advice him to install a cable,so he caN watch from home next time.Let him know you were upset with his previous action.once its football time,most can't think until the match is over.Don't sweat it,its just a 90mins affair.

you are correct, but even, if hes installed cable at home, he would still prefer watching the football outside with his friends, that makes the whole watching more interesting for men, also, the fact that these men are together makes them to be able to analyze the match better, and truthfully, watching football all alone can be boring.


@op, you are strong, abi, thank God for yourself, that its not beyond redemption, and also, thank God your hubby's favourite club won, if not so, he wouldnt have cared to even showed that he cared about your health after his arrival.
My sister, dear op, TOLERANCE is the word, its just 90mins match, and marriage is not supposed to be about your happiness alone, but also about the other's happiness too.
Though, such attitude might somehow be annoying, but since your case wasnt soooo bad, its tolerable, infact, you sould have followed him to go watched the match together, probably, you would have felt better from all the shouting and jumping.....lol.
Its well my sister, sometimes, its like that, love conquers all, overcome bad with good.
May God help us all.

Dear sister, i love your write-up(i dont know if i should call it a write-up anway), but you seems to be a very good orator, i wish you safe and joyful delivery by His grace.


Meanwhile, after delivery, we(i and other mothrs) are still expecting you to come and narrate your labour dramas and delivery experience. Till then, shalom!

Oh God!
This woman is naturally wicked.
The wickedness had gotten into her brain and has washed away every iota ofmercifulness there.
Poverty has also played on her brain so much that she can kill anybody that dare stand in her way monetarily, because, if she can do this to her daughter, because of #100, then, she can kill outsider because of the same amount.
She is a terrible liar, because what will a 9years old girl be doing outside till 11pm,if not avoiding being killed by her.
My greatest fear..................................
Very unfortunate that the girl has been brainwashed by her mother that shes training her, hope this girl doesnt grow up to be like her mother, with the mind that, that was how she was trained, hence, inflicting pains on her own kids too, all in the name of training them as well,................more reasons why the woman has to be made to face the wrathof the law, to help the little girl realise that what her mother did was evil, and she too should not try it with her kids in future, lest she too face the law.
May God help them o

@op, may God continue to comfort you and your household, and may his soul continue to RIP, God knows the best, nothing happens without His knowledge.
Sorry bro.



@jeffizy........sorry about your loss too and be strong in the Lord. May God give you all the fortitude to bear the loss.



@Jenny, each time i remember that thread, i just thank God for you, you are indeed enjoying God who gives a second chance to whoever He want, so, i thank God for you always, dear sister.




@all, such is life, life is mysterious and very short, lets all strive to live each day as our last day.
May God help us all.

He finally died.....may His soul rest in perfect peace.





May God comfort his wife and give them the fortitude to bear loss. and comfort the people of Enugu.

alutacontinua: For a woman, i might say it depends!
But for a guy, WTH?
How does he want to sustain the relationship financially, mentally, emotionally etc? How old would the girl be?

the lady will be 15

richjah: Please I need to know why 80% of all fathers die before the mothers! You can also observe this yourself and you will realise what am saying is true! How can we stop this?

most "fathers" are older than "mothers" and its very likely that the elder dies before the younger.

So, op, dont attach any sentiment to it.

You said 80% of them, but i say 99% of them are older than their wives, so, its like....."first come, first served".
Thank you and may God help us all.

Giving out gun as a gift to a 5years old boy.
Allowing the boy to shoot at will.
Keeping gun at the reach of children.
All these baffles my mind as i read the news, haba!, guns aint toys, well, what is done is done, i believe this will be a lesson to some people.
May God help us all.

Oh God!
This woman is naturally wicked.
The wickedness had gotten into her brain and has washed away every iota of mercifulness there.
Poverty has also played on her brain so much that she can kill anybody that dare stand in her way monetarily, because, if she can do this to her daughter, because of #100, then, she can kill outsider because of the same amount.
She is a terrible liar, because what will a 9years old girl be doing outside till 11pm, if not avoiding being killed by her.




My greatest fear..................................
Very unfortunate that the girl has been brainwashed by her mother that shes training her, hope this girl doesnt grow up to be like her mother, with the mind that, that was how she was trained, hence, inflicting pains on her own kids too, all in the name of training them as well,................more reasons why the woman has to be made to face the wrath of the law, to help the little girl realise that what her mother did was evil, and she too should not try it with her kids in future, lest she too face the law.
May God help them o.

chikeorji123: @Greatgod2012..l really appreciat ur comment anywhere u drop it kindly keep it up my sister...

thanks, thanks and thanks, may God bless you and all of us..........love you!!!