₦airaland Forum

Biglittlelois:
We are not talking about foundation here, we're talking about what will make a marriage bearable to some extent, and money is a key factor.

We were actually talking about foundation and basis for control, not what makes marriage bearable. Saying that whoever has the money is the one that should have a say in matters

Biglittlelois:
You need to come back to earth, as much as the three things you mentioned is important, money is also very very important, even poor people strive everyday to get the dough, because they know that having excess money makes all things easy.

Who says money is not important. But is it the foundation of a relationship? I am sure you know what foundation means.

Under16:
Hope u know there's a part that itches? That's the part that should house d water yam paste. Oh i miss my ex Uduak

I didn't know any of that. We just know not to rub leaves or paste on your hands to avoid itching.

Mariangeles:
I never knew cocoyam leaves were edible. Wow.

That is what is called nkukwo...the cocoyam leaves.

Under16:
You be real Akwaibom chick. Na cocyam leaves i sabi, i learnt it from one of my exgalfriend from that region..in absence of cocyam leaves u can use pumpkin leaves. If using cocyam leaves U wrap from the outside part of d leave. i.e the inner part stays out while d outer stays in

Pumpkin leaves still tastes kind of hard. If I don't see cocoyam leaves, I don't make the dish.

My mum always wrapped in the inside of the leaves, not outside. That's how I learnt it. Growing up, it was our Friday night dinner. Our house was was always full most fridays because of ekpang...lol

NoToPile:
So I decided to make ekpankukwo.

We have another version of it in my home town - Ikokore which I do prepare well, major difference is the wrapping with leaf


The story is it was delicious .


Pocohantas I followed your receipe it came out niceeee.


Does anybody have any hint on how to suck that periwinkle? I got the ones still in the shell, the woman that sold it told me to break the pointed end, the thing inside still wouldn't come out while eating.

Looks delicious.

I prefer it with cocoyam leaves though. That's what is originally used.

DrLiveLogic:
Interesting. So what would you say is the right foundation?. And what should be the basis of authority and control, then rather than money?


Funny you, whatever I read in those books can at most form my personal opinion. I was asking what yours is. Could have stated it in a few words, couldn't you?

God (Marriage should be a three fold cord..husband, wife and God
Friendship
Consideration for each other
...etc

DrLiveLogic:
Interesting. So what would you say is the right foundation?. And what should be the basis of authority and control, then rather than money?

Marriage counselling and books will be of great help to understand this. Intending couples and couples having difficulties should avail themselves of these.

eni4real:
He gave her a shelter. Growth is not difficult when you have a good shelter!!

We have different mindset and views. Let's just discontinue this argument while we are still civil with each other.

Have a happy Sunday.

eni4real:
You can only speak for yourself!!

Younger wives are not above their husbands financially!!!

They grow up financially in their Marriage

But the husband has always bear the lion share of the financial responsibility from day 1..

Respect Men, they allow you to grow

Indeed! Growth doesn't come from the husband. A man that wants to suppress his wife is not fit to be a husband

bukatyne:
Hmmmmmmmmmm

Then the man makes the money and treats the wife like trash and on and on.

While not condoning laziness, layabouts and financially irresponsible husbands, respect should never be based on what he brings to the table IF he is working hard at it.

I do not think the husband has overstepped his boundaries advising his daughter to read because the wife bought the form.

Does it mean that if the man does well and start paying the girl's fees, the mother cannot advise her?

If the man hits it big and builds a house tomorrow, the wife would have no say in the house /home?

The wife was very disrespectful to her husband.

Very.

Perhaps, all she wanted was a money bag.

This has been the problem in many homes. Money is the basis of authority and control. Money! Money!! Money!!!

In this family, it is obvious that it is only the person who brings in the money that has a say in that matter. Their foundation is obviously wrong.

eni4real:
Stop saying 'Many Ladies'

All those student getting married and all those corpers with wedding ring are definitely not on the same level as their husbands in Financial responsibility!!

Men should give up their headship status?? God Forbid!!!

All those ladies working and making money with wedding rings are definitely on the same level or above their husbands in financial responsibility!! We see things from different views. While you see the supposed liabilities, I see the contributors.

If giving the headship status will stop this whining everytime, it should be considered.

Tabasco23:
but in this case it's an issue of the man bringing the money if it wasn't I won't be here supporting one gender

In which case?

In real life, both man and woman work and bring in money. So men need to slow down on all the "I go out there and make the money" talk. It is becoming false.

eni4real:
The way many ladies start up in marriage: Younger, still jobless, still a student, still serving, has no responsibility of funding Wedding, rent, etc,.

The way guys start up in Marriage: Older, MUST have a job, have responsibility of funding bride price, wedding, sometimes take care of the wife's family need, have responsibility of paying rent , school fees and house upkeep!!

The difference is clear!

That is not usually the case. Not every lady enters a marriage jobless. Many ladies contribute to their weddings these days. I for one and ALL my friends were all working and earning when we got married and contributed. I even went with my then fiance to the market to buy the goat, drinks, etc.

The lot that feel marriage is an avenue for them to become liabilities to the men should not overshadow the ones who make the effort. But I get it... that is all the men on this forum see.

Besides, being the head of the family comes with responsibility. Men should give up their headship status already so that we can stop hearing all this whining and complaining.

eni4real:
Her clarification is not true!!

The point is that women are not the winners in marriage especially now where both husband and wife go out there to bring in the money. This is especially for couples or men who see money as a weapon of control.

eni4real:
aging is for everyone. I was correcting her wrong analysis!!
She want men to thank ladies because they are ageing for men/ marriage!! That is a fallacy!!

Everybody ages..

No she was trying to clarify the assumption that it is women who benefit from marriage.

Obviously fiction, because there's no way both of you couldn't have reached a compromise that you had to totally agree with her on the exorbitant plans.

eni4real:
All that will also happen to her body if she doesn't get married... It's called ageing!

Thank God men also age. If not, women would have been dragged more than this

I don't trust such people. Some.of them pray but they are terrible people. That's how my sister's neighbours pray like the devil is after them.

Their intense prayer life didn't stop them from tapping light from my sister's flat and sending their son to steal fuel from their gen. Meanwhile they can pray and do church service in their house as if they are good people.

leokid866:
Boss you have nothing to fear....if it's the first or third round you should be worried but a second round release is basically calmed milk.....you have nothing to fear....

I can't stop laughing

8. They married those Nairaland guys with a warped mentality about marriage.

Ariza:
Well it's not Right. A husband is the head of the house and should be pampered, After going through all stress to bring home money for the family,I believe he should be worshipped,spoon fed and laid on the table after eating. His wife shouldn't forget to bathe him on the same spot, dress him up and then appeal to HIS ROYAL MAJESTY to go to work the next day. Yes! It's not easy being a Man mehn!

In this day and age where the woman also goes through the stress to bring money home, I hope the guys here will agree she should be worshipped too?

On this forum, people are too money conscious. That's why a lot of men here believe bringing in money should make them gods in their homes. If the tables are turned and she's the only one bringing in the money, will they agree that she should enjoy the same privileges? The house chores should automatically shift to the man and he should worship her.

sassysure:
The problem we have in various Nigerian marriages is that we all marry for the wrong reasons.
When a babe is solely after money, a man will see her as an object. We have shown countless times that money rules. Anything u bought is an object to u to be used as u wish.
From dating, to the exorbitant marriage rites including wedding just to please the girls( believe me, majority of the guys want very simple wedding).
How then do u want to be treated?
We want oyibo treatment of equality but we wouldn't do what their girls do. Can we forgo the material things attached?
Can we stop demanding(as our rights because they are dating us or married to us)?

The truth is this, until we stop demanding and accepting, they will continue to see our ladies as commodity.

I have never seen women as materialistic as Nigerian women in this world. Non.
We chop and close mouth. The politicians destroying this country, who are the wives and side chicks or girlfriends?
U and I.
What do we do with what they give us?
Throw party around and live extravagant lifestyles.
We hardly ask what they do to make money, we simply collect and when it stops coming, we nag or look elsewhere.

See, the foundation is very flawed. So if we are busy blaming the men, it's equally vital to take part of the blame.

We want to eat our cake and have it.

I remembered just few months into marriage and a supposed good friend was advising me to ask my husband for a car. Few months!
Do I really need a car at that moment, no but her reasoning was that I deserved that as a wife to ....
Men work with these pointers. U can never have it all.

My point is that ladies should stop projecting themselves as commodity, cos when u do and u got served, stop complaining.

In a the 190+ countries in the world, have you ever lived in another country aside Nigeria to make this conclusion.

I get your point. But such a conclusion is biased and not based on facts.

There must be something he is good at...something he can do to bring in money. Just putting all his hopes on getting a new job is not wise.

I don't even understand how pride will stop a man from looking for work outside his state or stepping up to support his family.

Maybe you should declare a cut in your salary so that there isn't enough to give him while you can buy things for yourself and also save. Because you need to do something drastic to push him to get off his back. He has become comfortable knowing you can handle everything.

bukatyne:
Ha! complementary, that's cool.

Perhaps if your enemies are both stuck in the elevator, he will perform CPR on you and hopefully, all your kids pick his calculation guruness

They must

bukatyne:
*Lookatyou*

So did you get what you wanted?

And why?

Lol...yes I did. His nose is pointed and bigger than mine. And he's a guru in anything calculation.

Why?
I have a small nose. My friend used to make jest of me that if I am stuck in an elevator with people with little oxygen, that I'll be the first to gas out cos my nose is small.

Secondly, I always hated math. That's exactly why I picked English as my course of study.

LordReed:
Really? I thought it was palm oil that caused it to come out red.

Well...I have never used palm oil for moimoi. When I want it to come out red, I make sure to add sumbo.

Liposure:
ewo igi gbu nmadu

Lol...I had to ask my husband to translate for me.

Under16:
Really, i thought tatashe is the reddestest?

You thought wrong

Under16:
I thought tatashe is reddest?

Naaa. Shombo is redder than tatashe. Tatashe is good because it has a sweet taste.

BlueRayDick:
Lunch: Fried rice + Stew + egg + snail

Someone once said that people who use stew with fried rice have trust issues.

Under16:
Abeg the women on this thread. How do i achieve a red colored moi moi. The one i did last i didnt enjoy it..it looked white. What do i put inside the beans to get the color. Make una help me with tips my woman don travel and I want to cook the moi moi again next week. Make una no laff me o

Tatashe or shombo. Shombo is redder