₦airaland Forum

How a sane man sleeps with a prostitute still baffles me.

With children growing up, we can't really predict how they will turn out. It's just for us to keep doing our best with what we imbibe into them and keep praying that they turn out well.

Get close to her and try to understand her. Aside being a disciplinarian, be a confidant and mentor.

Davash222:
To marry a Nigerian woman is one of the deadliest things on earth.

Yimu

djon78:
I wonder why many people were criticizing and insulting the op. A baby right from time is meant to sleep in his/her crib.
All this sleeping with children isn't right.
Those supporting it are primitive.
Husband and wife must have there time to themselves. Bringing a child into the mix is wrong. children should learn how to stay in there space and be independent.

I personally will not tolerate that. There must be space and it's meant to be respected.

In fact my daughter is so independent that she requests to be put in her bed. She started sleeping on her own bed right from birth because I had heard and read about parents struggling to get their children sleep in their beds later after they had allowed them get used to sleeping with them. And I didn't want to go through that.

There are some practices parents do that give them unnecessary stress later.

lalopeto:
Ehn... he will still get it but not as satisfactory as when the wife is still a nursing mother now. He should be patient at least she still meets him in the other room for the thing. Me wey i never Bleep my own wife for over 5 years nko and we are still husband and wife, bride price fully paid

5 year?? . What hapun?

deavicky:
get someone nice to be staying with them. I'm already foreseeing same thing in my home too. But i have to plan ahead.

Let your wife train your baby to sleep in his/her own bed right from the hospital. That's how to nip it in the bud.

LieDetector:
her bad attitude should be the reason. Being red pilled just helps you not to be too broken emotionally. Admittedly It's hard. A blue pilled guy wouldn't break up with the kind of attitude she put up lately. He would have considered it meagre.

What's this categorization of men? Red and blue. What is wrong is wrong. So if a guy breaks up with his girlfriend because she is a liar and for indecent exposure, it means he is red pilled? Please let's get back to the days when people used to process things and communicate like literates.

lalopeto:
IN AS MUCH AS I AGREE THAT OUR MAN SHOULD BE CONSIDERATE OF THE WIFE THIS PERIOD OF CHILD BEARING AND PARENTING, AFTERALL HE STILL HAVE BLISSFUL SEXUAL MOMENTS IN FUTURE WITH HIS WIFE AFTER THE CHILDREN BECAME GROWN UPS. IN THE SAME VEIN, WE SHOULD NOT ALWAYS MAKE MEN FEEL SO EMBARASSED FOR REQUESTING FOR THIER MARITAL RIGHT AND DO YOU KNOW THAT SOME MEN WILL EVEN GO OUT TO SATISFY THEMSELVES WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WIFE FOR THE TIME BEING TO AVOID ALL THESE SHIT YOU PEOPLE ARE POURING ON HIM. WE SHOULD ALWAYS RESPECT PEOPLE'S PLIGHT AND RESPOND WITH ALL COURTESY MATURITY . NOBODY KNOWS YOU COULD BE IN HIS SHOES IN THE FUTIRE

In the future ke! What about now?

madridsta007:
Spoil your wife.
Take her out; shop for her; actively participate in taking care of the kids; have date nights, etc. Do what you did to woo her.

You’ll get sex easily.
At least this is what my friends who are married and in your situation do.
Find a way around it. Do not, do not look outside. Please.
All the best in and with your marriage.

So a man has to do all this to sleep with his wife that exchanged vows at the alter about her body not being hers alone? Wrong!

So will she also take him out, spoil him, buy him gifts when she needs sex?

Don't rely on what your married friends say. You can only know the truth when you leave with them in their room. When you get married, you will be able to comment better.

Nwakannaya1:
To get some things clear, you need to do paternity test on both kids, I think she's tired of pretending.

At 8years, many kids are already in the boarding secondary school. Learning how to survive independently.

On a second thought, I do not advise you to take this decision below, but if you will do, you will be surprised how your cosmology will change. Forget about her emotional needs, provide her material needs, maintain your self discipline, and watch her be the one at the receiving end in a few years time.

She will even call your whole village to come and ask you questions, by then, you have already gotten used to surviving without her despite not cheating on her. However, this is highly not advisable.

You took the words right out from my mouth. 8yr old that should be preparing to go to boarding school is still sleeping with mummy and daddy. Some parents are their children's undoing.

It's little things like this that cause problems in marriages but people are taking it lightly and making the op feel he's wrong. But they don't realize that little hinges swing huge doors.

May we not use our children to spoil our marriage.

emmachukwu99:
OP you sound immature!! What do you expect? Your wife is willing to be with you and satisfy you by telling you that you guys can be having sex in the other room after putting the kids to bed.. What again do you want??

You want her to leave 7months old baby and be curdling you instead? You no get topic abeg.

What would happen if the children sleep in their beds and the husband and wife sleep in theirs? Is the co-sleeping the normal form of things?

koyyes:
Did you really read the op's post at all? or are you just expressing your usual spite against your fellow woman?

Are you saying the wife is right to co sleep with her children, especially with an 8year old?

LieDetector:
I have this girlfriend. We've been best friends from 200L. Started dating after we graduated. Believe me when I say she's very pretty with nice body. However, she has a problem I've tried to see if she'd change in the course of our dating all to no avail. My ex lies so much and I've always told her how lies make me see her as a hoe. She'd aplogise and say she lied because she didn't want me to feel bad. I wouldn't want to start recounting incidences where she lied but it has never been on cheating occasions. I trust that she has never cheated.
Also... She's someone who seeks social media validation. She's a social media freak. Always posts pictures on social media which I have absolutely no qualms with. But there's been a recent development that has warranted me to bat an eyelid. She recently went for her NYSC and her use of social media has deviated from the normal. If you check her WhatsApp status. She now goes on making Snapchat videos exposing massive cleavage and flaunting her bum, I've cautioned her on that but she'd only skip to post those stuff after a day then she resumes the following day. It's obvious she's now drifting away from the good girl she's been to the bad girl I've hitherto prevented her from being. She now barely replies my messages and now lies randomly to manipulate me into thinking she still 'loves' me. I found out one of her lies recently and she went ranting and trying to emotionally blackmail me. Being red pilled, I've chosen to call it quits since the relationship isn't as smooth as it was. This is someone I planned settling down with but her quest for social media validation and youthful exuberance has blinded her from seeing the bigger picture. I only pray she finds the happiness she seeks.

Do you want to break up because you are red pulled or because she has a bad habit of lying and being indiscreet on social media?

ovielistic:
Thank you unlike some clueless girls misyarning nonsense here

It just that when someone or people start doing things in a particular way, it becomes a norm. And people like to put sensitivity into everything. "Instead of you to help your wife"..."she had a baby and needs your support"..."all you are thinking about it sex and yourself "...blah blah.

I want to believe it's the single ones that are making these ignorant comments. They should not forget that both the man and woman had the baby and not just the woman. The woman is the one whose body and hormones were affected but the man is also part of the process and he should not be neglected.

midnighter:
WHAT is the 8 year old girl doing in your room! Bleep!

That is totally crazy! Let me go back and read the OP again because I seriously dont get it!

Call me a bush woman but which book did she get the "attachment parenting" from? Attatchment ko, Weave-on ni

INSANITY! How can your wife be advocating for growing her first daughter into a weakling

WHEN is she going to go and sleep in her room OMGOSH. Im screaming

SO you havent had your wife to yourself at night for 8 GOOD YEARS! I cant stop screaming

And people are saying he is selfish. How can an 8year old be sleeping in their bed. Some mothers should be sanctioned. Very annoying.

famzynet:
Advice like this causes doom in marriage. Sex is an important factor in marriage that helps to bind couples together. The man clearly stated how it hurts him. Having children in marriage should not stop them having sex. Besides,a 7mth old baby should have a cot and not sharing bed with the parents. The matrimonial bed is for the husband and wife. Kids should sleep in their room. If the man goes out for another woman,you will then see the wife reacting. The man has very good reason to be angry . He did not marry his wife for kids to come and separate them. He married to be loved,cuddled and cherished also. Some women can be so selfish after getting married.

The bolded should be written on a marble.

Kiezodumah:
Guy u dey dull jare. She is a nursing mum and still looking out for the first child ,so what ?? Must u have sex in the bedroom or on the bed. U be old skool. U also have issues of ur own. Spice up ur sex life bro.
Make love in the kitchen, kitchen cabinet, on the sofa, in the bathroom, living room,on the dinning table, the bath tub,different styles/ position, make sure its a long and sweet one.
All those points and locations make sex adventurous and not a routine encounter where u always in/ on the bed,same place evrytime. Doing it differently makes each encounter never easy to forget.
Na ur wife go dey find u come almost every night..

Why do they make baby cribs? Why do parents buy them when they are baby-shopping? Just to use it as decoration while the baby still sleeps in the parent's bed.

The interesting thing is that it's not the child's fault but the parents, especially the mother. If the child is trained from day 1 to sleep in his/her own bed, they will be fine and grow to love their space.

And I doubt that it's just about sex. A couple need their private moments in their bed. I can't imagine not being able to hold my husband and sleep.

bukatyne:
You have no inkling about what marriage is.

By the time the husband grows cold and gets used to surviving the marriage emotionally without her, I hope she marries those kids.

If she not behaving like Alpha & Omega over those kids, she would actually get her husband to be more participatory if it is an issue.

Finally!!! Someone who understands. Many women just focus only on the children and neglect the husband.

People here don't see that the OP is a man who loves his wife and wants that bond with her. Most men will look outside and allow madam concentrate on the children.

Vortex369:
Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

Seriously, you guys won't understand. I am a woman and I have a child but I understand him quite well. Even when children start coming, couples MUST endeavour to maintain their own bond and relationship too. And it's not rocket science. I don't like my daughter sleeping in my bed because I want to be able to roll over, occupy my space and cuddle-sleep with my husband. Having her there would be uncomfortable.

We trained her to sleep in her crib from when she was born. Because this kind of things cause couples to become distant and disconnected. It's something we were warned about in marriage counselling...to try to maintain our love relationship when the kids start coming.

Op is not stupid or silly or mad. He's a man who loves his wife and misses her. Some men will keep quiet and get their satisfaction outside and let the wives concentrate on the children.

daddytime:
Are you in a competition with your kids for mummy's attention.

Something has got to give with kids in the mix, and that is sacrifice.

The kids can sleep in their bed. They should be trained to do so. Couples need their space and privacy in their bed.

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

There is nothing wrong with what you are asking for. In fact it's needed and it's important for wives to be able to satisfy both the kids and husband. But many of us allow the kids distract us and take all our attention.

I was warned seriously about this in counselling and from older ones. So I trained my child to sleep in her bed right from the hospital. I used to get up from bed to pick her up from her bed to breastfeed her. I only co-slept occasionally when she needed extra attention. And once she's fine and asleep, she's back in her bed. It made her get used to her bed.Once a mother starts co-sleeping especially for the sake of breastfeeding, it's hard to stop.

Most times it's the excuse of waking up to breastfeed that causes this. I did exclusive for over 4 months but we didn't co-sleep.

Instead of moving out of the room, you should have spoken to her about what you think about the whole arrangement. I understand you well, because I like to cuddle-sleep. And having a child there will spoil it.

And please don't let anyone think you don't love your kids because you want them to give you and your wife space and privacy in your bed. You both need it.

mimimile93:
I KNOW A HOE WOULD COME OUT HERE TO DEFEND HER KIND. GOD PUNISH EVERY WIFE WORLDWIDE

Really? God punish every wife worldwide? Really?

Simplyleo:
The man disguising is not my problem.

My concern is the married woman who was ready to be laid on her matrimonial bed.

Cos if the man wasn't caught, he would have banged her on that bed and nothing will be heard. It is most likely that wasn't the first time.

If I was there, I will simply ask the man if that was the first time. And if he said it wasn't the first, I will try my best to prevail on the gathering so the man can be set free. The married woman whom he came for must be a dog.

What about a man that risks his life and disrespect the marriage of two people, went into their house to sleep with the wife? When there are so many single ladies out there.

Both of them are crazy

Slawormir:
Damnnnnn niggarrr

Have that shitty app on my phone but haven't used it

The only thing on my mind is how to bang one of their agent ( one beautiful slim girl) that talked me into installing that app on my phone

I called her last week she just dey form one kind thing!
But i go call her again on Saturday.
Me must bang that girl

Do you know how many of you are calling her? I am sure she installed for other guys that want to do same. Join the queue

pmoye:
I wrote what I wrote because I both understand your experience and that of your former employers.
I have bosses at the place of my work. But I also have a CAC incorporated company with 12 employees.
And I know that no matter how good and considerate the boss is, there are more employees who see their job as no more than an opportunity to get paid regardless of whether or not they are productive.
I hardly waste time in showing these individuals, which sadly are in the majority, the way out.
My pay structure is directly tied to productivity. I have a core pay that I remunerate a particular position with, and their salary increment is directly linked to how productive they each are as determined both by customer feedback and sales report. I do this to make them realize that my staff's financial promotion is directly tied to the profit we make as a company.

Yes, I also know that there are so many horrible bosses out there. Perhaps I am also horrible to a staff that finds it difficult to be responsible for the profit of the company. And no, I NEVER owe my staff salary. God forbid.

I didn't mean to minimize your experience at all, I only tried to point it out that once roles are reversed and you are the boss, you will understand what several employers face.

I get your point. And sometimes in the year business could be slow. But I am talking about bosses who put paying salaries at the bottom of the chain which comes after overseas leisure trips, new cars and acquisitions, etc.

pmoye:
It is turn by turn. Your turn will come. You will have your own company, and then we'll all see what you'll do better.

I know the ones that don't owe no matter what. Those are the people I aspire to be like...people with conscience and integrity. Those types would rather tell you to go rather than stay and be owed. That the staff would not even want to leave. Or are you not aware that there are people like that?

It's not about setting up office and employing people. It has to be sustainable. Some people just jump into it prematurely and start frustrating their employees.

harbarzzy:
I cannot advice my enemy to work in a one man firm.. especially those ones that call themselves pastor of a Pentecostal church

Ahhhh...you know them. I worked for one..
Chai! I don work for this my life. Husband and wife were pastors. The husband was the MD and the wife had a ceremonial position. She used to come and go anytime she wanted. We never got along because she tried to micromanage me.

It was obvious they used to discuss me at home from the way they spoke. They could delay salaries whilee they are out of the country celebrating anniversary. They could blackmail staff with the there's no job out there mantra. They would even bring external facilitators to talk to talk about growing in a place. That it might not be rosy but it will pay off later.

I left after three months because I couldn't deal with that kind of local stress. Staff had stayed there for long. When I left, it seems their eyes were opened because others that had stayed for years that thought they could not find another job, began to leave. I

Cmeo:
I don't believe these employees are engaged by force. Any employee not comfortable with the work they are doing can easily resign his/her job.

Have you heard the emotional blackmail? Not every employee can resist it. "There's no job out there o" , "You should be happy to have a job, some of your mates are searching", "you are gaining experience"...blah blah

nelson7777:
.I am sorry about your past experiences on jobs, God will give you a better one...

But that aside

Do you think its easy to employ

Do you think its easy to pay someone salary every month,

Do you know that most employees (with their 25k a month) earns more than the boss
Do you know that some entrepreneurs will not earn salary for the next 1 year because they r building the business, but must pay their staffs every month.

Do know some entrepreneurs borrow from families to pay their workers

Do you know that paying salaries is not the only challenge and entrepreneur face in their business

Water, light, signage, waste, council, maintenance, diesel or fuel, e.t.c

Do you know, no matter the economic melt down no matter if d business sells or not, no matter the price of diesel, no matter anything, you have hope at least of getting your salary no matter how little, same can not be said for an entrepreneur..

Do you know the risk, do you know that most of those business you take little salaries from, it was being established by a Loan, but the owners won't tell you..

Do you know how many entrepreneurs that the Nigerian custom has wrecked last year because of the increase in clearing fees, will he call you one morning and say chike I use to clear this clothes 200naira before but now is 700naira, therefore your salary is now reduced to 15k...

Am not in support of owing salries, e.g years back my business was using 3 security, before I had to call the boss and say, baba you no how the country be now pls, I can only afford two, case closed..

Its only when you wear the shoe you will no where its hurts

Being an entrepreneur in NIGERIA, is one of the most hardest, discouraging thing ever..

They decided to take that risk because they cannot work for someone. They have to be prepared for the challenges too. No one is compelled to start a business, especially one that involves paying salaries. Besides, some people start up business prematurely when they should be getting experience, networking and funds.

They think it is easy to just set up office and start earning. If they wait longer, they would gain some expe and education on how it works. But you see a graduate start a business fresh out of school with learning under someone and gaining the needed experience.

africandollar:
Why not go and start your own business too if you don’t like to work as an employee? They that started their own businesses do they have two heads? Start your own business and show them how it’s supposed to be done rather than complaining. Okay?
Else you continue to suffer and smile while bearing the consequences of working as an employee in Nigeria cos no amount of online ranting would give you your rights in an insane country where the Supreme Court makes #4 to become #1.

You that started your own business, don't you have people working for you? If all of them go and start their business, how will yours run? If everyone is an entrepreneur, who will be the employee in that organisation? You guys should think. Not everyone will start a business.

There are some employees that are richer than you people forming entrepreneur that only make occasional money. Entrepreneurs that are still going to beg employees of companies to help boost their business. You better acknowledge employees because they help some of you guys. The ones that come here to appeal to us to use them as vendors. Why don't they go to their fellow entrepreneurs??

Esseite:
No boss is happy to owe salaries, it shows all he has built over the years is crumbling.

But during that time, they still buy new cars, travel abroad while the owe. I can't stand such people..I worked for one. He would delay salaries and now pay half. Meanwhile his children were in British International School and he was staying in banana island. The worst part is that he would delay staff till late. People that were going from ikoyi to abuse agba, Berger, festac, etc. While him, he enters his car and 5 mins he's home.

I didn't let him do that to me. He expected me to come to work on a public holiday but I told him I could not. When I didn't see my salary on the last day of the month, I sent him a text that I had not got my salary yet. He paid in full. Other staff thought I used jazz...lol. I didn't stay up to 2 months there.

pocohantas:
No mind them. Sole proprietorship aka one man business is one of the worst places to work.

Not all, but majority of them have no structure or laid down career path/growth for you.

They'll now come online to be disturbing us.

"I am my own boss"
"I will never work for any man"

Some of them are suffering and struggling. The married ones...being a nuisances and leeches to their wives.