₦airaland Forum

bigiyaro:
OP u are very correct, after ur blood family have finished raising and molding u, one woman will enter and start forming 'my husband' while she was never there in the beginning. some migth even leave when the going gets very rough but ur blood family will still be dia for u, they were around when u have nothing and will still be around when u have everything, a woman was complaining about soup in one thread because of the Hubby's brother, what if it was her own Darling junior brother? Let us beware of such stingy and self-centered women.

Please who is supposed to bring him up and mold him before? The doctor? Upbringing is not a favour.

Family interference in marriage should be minimized, from both sides. At least the wife too has family. If she also brings like 1 or 2 relatives to stay, it will be a problem.

Inlaws should be managed. Though there are some that come and want to be treated like royalty

Westernlove:
This one here loves "male sexual organ" like no other thing lol......Aproko lady..

Try to make sense in the future

singleguy03:
I can't help but point out the fact that guys here seem to enjoy cruelty towards women.

I have also found out that all this cruelty seem to originate from this red pill philosophy currently sweeping the Internet.

Below are screenshots of some really hurtful comments I have found.
Guys please why is this so?

All of them are either young or without sense or young and without sense.

Because it's senseless pointing one finger at someone while the other fingers are pointing right back at you.

They will either grow up or outgrow it. Till then...

Arthur21:
did you notice in one of your screenshots that the moniker uyai.lincomparable that insulted a female is a fellow woman?

Your analogy is biased! Have you seen ladies like lilmi.ssfavy,funmisticqueen,pu.ssywar ,mi$$ghosted,r!ele,poccohant.as,or buda.atum(who calls all men pigs) insult guys before? Are you aware horsebands is a tag to replace husbands by NL ladies?
Nl is fu¢ked up,a lot of mad people,but you always maintain the narrative that men are the bullies here. No one ever talks about broke shamming.
Its a two way thing,it seems men are the most cruel because of their population seems more.should the population of women be equal or more than men then you will see how they will bully us

Do you see girls like magnoliaa,makydebbie,ariza,michellekabod2,redcreme21(now blue03) get bullied or insulted? Why is it some particular ladies that gets
insulted?

Redpill ain't responsible for cruelty towards women (they are redpillers like pansopist, capslocked,mrbrown.jay,etc that don't abuse ladies).
To every action is a reaction,your vibes determine the reception you receive. I don't think any sane NL male will out of the blue throw shades on a female unless he has noticed a misandry trend in her posts or he is childish

In the screen shot, the person was actually insulting Uyai. She wasn't the author of that message

mimimile93:
my mom suffered, trained me. denied herself some good tins of life just to give me the best. then i made it. a gold digger came in and u say i should choose her over my mom? miswisdom u dont hav an atom of wisdom

Who else was meant to train you? The nurse?

You didn't land on this earth by mistake. Your parents probably prayed for a child and you were born. So who else will now care for you?

mimimile93:
my comment was a trap. now we all have seen her true color

You are the one trapping yourself. The joke is on you.

mimimile93:
This ur response shows the kind of a woman u are. I pity that innocent man.

You wished her death and you expected her to response with what? And now you are turning around to say something silly as this. Fear God now!

mimimile93:
my mom over my wife anytime any day.

No problem but she should stay with her husband and take care of him instead of looking for how to dominate her son's home

Jenny44life:
I have been visiting this forum anonymously, I just created an account to get this off my chest.
I am not necessarily looking for advice, I just want to get the story out and maybe get some other perspectives. This is a long one and I will be talking about some the issues I’ve had with my mother in law.

I and my husband live in the US, we’ve been married for four years. We both work the same hours and make almost the same amount of money. We both contribute 50:50 to our expenses and savings. I do most of the house chores: cooking, laundry and general cleaning. I don’t mind doing it since it’s just the two of us and we clean up after ourselves, and he steps in whenever it is overwhelming (often without me asking). We are very alike, we have the same values and we never fought. We have disagreements but they were always settled without shouting.

About a year ago I had to take a very important professional exam. We discussed about my study plan and agreed that I should dedicate two weeks before the exam and focus on my studies. The plan was to work half days and then use the rest of the day to study in the library. We met as students, so we are both used to studying at a particular library till very late. Everything was going great until his mother said she wanted to visit from Nigeria. The time of her visit included my study and exam dates. I told my husband that I will be unable to host his mother properly while she is here and that it would be better if she comes after that exam. My husband thought about it and said he wants her to come, that he will take care of her when she is around. He said since we married, she usually spends time with me, and he has not had alone time with his mum so he will take this opportunity to do so. I agreed.

When she arrived, I discussed with her how I am studying for my exam and will not be home often. That she should enjoy her son. While I was studying, I would leave very early and comeback after everyone had slept. I was surviving on 4 hours of sleep. I eventually wrote the exam and passed (Woohoo!) and things came back to normal. She left a day after my exam and before she left, she called me and my husband to pray for us. That was when she started telling me how I am a bad wife, I am not taking care of her precious son, my work is not more important that feeding my husband, this is the reason why we don’t have kids and so on. I was shocked. My mother in law has visited us 3 times before in the past and has seen me cooking and cleaning. During those other visits, I was the one that did everything for her. She also called her two brothers and sister that live in US to tell them she was on her way and also reported me to them. I respect those people so much and have never had an issue with them. I hated that my reputation was being tarnished. They talked to me over the phone and asked me to be a good wife. I did not say anything and neither did my husband. I fully expected my husband to stand up for me, but he did not. When his mother left, we had the first and biggest fight we have ever had in all the years we’ve been together. We dated for 3 years before marriage. It was explosive but we eventually settled and even got counseling from church. We apologized to each other and moved on. But my relationship with my mother in law never recovered. I just couldn’t go back to being close to her like I was before. It dawned on me that she did not have my interest at heart. She is a career-oriented woman and retired as a director in the civil service, so I expected her to be understanding. We still talk on the phone but not as often as it was.

The present issue is that I am pregnant. After talking to our doctors and my sister in law, me and my husband have decided that we don’t want any live-in visitors the first month after the baby is here. We want to spend that month just as a family and bond with our baby. Then we can have his parents and my parents come stay at different times. His parents were going to come first and stay for 4-5 months, my parents would come later and stay for another 4-5 months. I have applied for my maternity leave and he also took time off work so that we are both home when baby gets here. All our family members are on board with this plan… except my mother in law.

When we told her, she started crying on the phone, saying she wants to see the birth of her grandchild. She was present in the hospital for the birth of my sister in law’s baby and she had assumed she would be with us in the hospital for our baby’s birth. Even if she is around when I give birth, I am sure I do not want her in my room while I have vag.ina wide open and in a vulnerable state. I have left my issue for my husband to deal with. They have had numerous discussions about it, and it is going nowhere. My mother in law has told other family members about it and just this past weekend, I received two calls from his aunties in Nigeria. I am not sure what she told them, but they told me that I should not try to separate a grandparent from their grandchild. She also called my mother and tried to get her on-board saying that they can both come and witness the birth of their grandchild together. We heard from my sister in law that my mother in law has already started looking at flights and will book one soon.

My husband and I are tired. We are unwilling to compromise as it appears mother in law believes she can override our decisions, we think this is the time to start exercising out authority as parents. Father in law has promised to talk to his wife but I am not sure what will come of it. The whole thing is causing us stress.

Maintain your stand. You and your husband should be able to make decisions and stand by it. When you start compromising and relaxing your decisions, you will have to continue because she will always try to overturn it; when she knows that all she has to do is call everyone to call you.

It's manipulation, and it shouldn't be encouraged. She should respect your decision and not try to have her way. You and your husband make the final decision

kunleweb:
Pro Woman You ladies of this our generation should Sha be go gentle on us when you finally get to the highest office of the land o

I am gentle. I love me my men. But you know that carrying a child around and solely taking care for one is quite challenging. Having a car will only make her life easier.

Opeyemiebun:
Evening guys, please I will like to seek people's opinion concerning this issue that I have in my home.

I am a married Man with a Kid. Before marriage, my wife has a federal job outside Lagos while I run my business in Lagos. Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle. I have to be fair to her as she has been giving her all in this marriage and I so envy her strength to make things work despite the distance.

We had our first child last year and she is going to a year.. We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes.

I know she goes through a lot taking care of the baby without a car and I know how tedious it is for her to manage.

We are both young (I am 30 while she is 28)
We got our first few properties this January and we planning to do other things as we both bring money together to get things done.

We have plans of getting our first car within a month and my wife suddenly demanded that she also needs a car where she is due to the stress she goes through daily picking my child from creche and managing that with her own job. I asked that I employ a helper for her but she doesn't want.

She plans on getting the car within the next 2months with her own money. My issue is that I am business oriented and see it as a waste of money buying 2 cars when we can buy one and invest the money for the other one.

I am a Civil Engineer and my Job requires I get a car for mobility.
I feel guilty by trying to stop her from getting the car while I get mine and at the same time, if she get one I will also need to get.

I have been cracking my head up trying to see how we can go about it without hurting her and be fair to her as she is the best woman I can ever ask for.

What should I do, should we both get cars and let other stuffs take it course?

Let her get hers first. She needs it more especially with moving a child around. You said it yourself. After a while you can get yours. Or how would you feel driving around knowing that your wife is not finding it easy transporting herself and your child?

kingxsamz:
It is wrong if they don't have a solid reason why they sacked her.
If she committed any crime while the husband was away, then it would be right to let her go.
But if she's been diligent and hard-working, firing her would be wicked and inhumane.
So there you have it...

Ok.

Just know that an employer can disengage a staff at anytime, just the same way a staff can resign or just up and leave at anytime.

kingxsamz:
seems you're not sure where you belong.
This is a matter of right or wrong.
So answer, yes or no.

Your blackmail won't work.

I am not the yes or no type, so quit.

Let me paint another scenario for you...

Let's say a wife and husband agree to get a maid. He travels and says she should continue with the search while he's away. She gets one and has paid her for one or two months before he gets back.

He gets back and sees the maid and says he doesn't want that one for one reason or another. That the wife should ask her to go. They fire her and she's out of work.

Is this wrong?

kingxsamz:
Would you consider it just?

It's a yes or no answer.
Stop saying things that are not relevant.

And what would my yes or no do for you?

Is everything always black or white?

uncastableodd:
guy I just got my salary yesterday and I dropped money for her and the son. So issue of money is a no no

"The son". Do you mean "your son" or "our son"?

Dropping money for the house is routine. Did you try to get her extra care since you found out she might have an infection?

Why is your fist thought cheating? Are you anticipating that she would cheat?

It seems you have been reading Nairaland a lot because of your cheating suspicion.

Please be a husband and not a terror

nwanneni:
Lol,same way you can't represent what you aren't.
I know you are speaking good for women in their rot phase,a category you clearly belong in.
No worries,it is what it is.
You and the rest of the women in their 30s lack lustre,period.

As I said, you can't speak more than your brain allows.

nwanneni:
It is not belief but fact!
A woman has to be really pretty for her to still have lustre in her 30s.
You talk about exposure?So because I and other sane men see older women for what they really are means we aren't exposed?Do you know how unpleasant looking most women in their 30s are if their clothes are taken off and also without their dulux paint(make up)?
Marriage is for complete happiness.Yes I agree older women are better to interact with and most are more sensible than their younger counterparts,but looks are also important.
If you enjoyed the woman when she was in her 20s,that's different,not marrying her when the rot-phase has initiated.
That is something only poor men or opportunists should do,not a burden hardworking men with some achieved goals should bear.
Imagine waking up to a rot-phase woman every morning by your side till you die,something you never enjoyed for a day all in the name of exposure.
That's pure cheating and foolishness.
By the way,just what my "yard" looks like this cool morning....
I'm sure you,an exposed woman is somewhere right now in bubbling lagos traffic struggling to be on time in your 200k/month job.Don't even reply me,save that energy for manoeuvring with your Kia Rio/picanto in the traffic ahead of you
So much for an exposed woman.
The way some of you,rot-phase women make assumptions baffle me.

All you have spilled is based on your exposure and mentality. You cannot do more than your brain.

IyaTola:
I initially saw an advert he put up on a thread showing different cars for sale and I playfully showed interest in one. This man called 7am today to give me lecture on why i shouldn't own a car because I am single and that it will chase real men away from me. I was and still am dumbfounded till this moment so I said let me ask everyone here.

Does owning a car as a single lady make one less attracted / unapproachable to real men?

And to the men, do you feel threatened if she owns a car ? Does this really pose as a danger in any form?

Anyways, its my first time here and I said let me introduce myself.

Please get your car and let every man deal with his ego problems himself.

The same men will say they don't want a liability. Their woman must be working. But they want to place an embargo on her owning a car. Very silly mindset.

A man with a healthy ego won't have a problem with it.

Besides what's a car for? Moving around without hassles. I had a car when I was single.

The guy I started dating had just sold his. He didn't have a problem with me having one. He would either drive or recline in the passenger's seat while I drove. We married now.

Some men are so insecure that a car will make them feel threatened and probably emasculate them. Run from those types!

Oddsman:
Busola Dakolo, Timi Dakolo
The Fatoyinbos did not divorce. Neither is their ministry destroyed. They keep inspiring lives.

Truth always prevails in the end, no matter how long

nwanneni:
Any Nigerian man in Nigeria that actually marries a 50 year old woman is either poor or an opportunist.
30 men don dey shout before na 50.
Do you know how women degrade with age?
I've dated women in their 30s,though most of them are kind and loving but that lustre or wow factor is almost non existent.
Age does not favour women,they literally rot with age and only poor men tolerate that rubbish
Spits!

See it doesn't matter if you don't believe it or if your mind cannot conceive it. That is your personal problem to deal with.

Your preference is yours. It doesn't mirror every man's preference.

You need to go out, get exposure, see things that are happening, read book, news, people's experiences, etc. You cannot sit down in your "yard" and think everything is black and white.

You talk about women rotting. How do they rot? Check yourself. It's most likely your rot robbing off on them.

You seem to think it's only women who age. Men grow old and a lot of them become dumber with age and begin to say things that don't make sense.

Kennedyiheme:
do you relate with only men you intend to be cozy or romantic with?.. the women i relate with are just friends or we have some business to do together.. hows that a problem I'm not interested in sparking a romantic affair with them?

When you slander Nigerian ladies, you put us all into one box of conclusion. Even if you have dated up to 100 of them, it's still not enough to draw a conclusion.

But I understand that there's a bandwagon of women-haters and bashers who would never see the good in a woman, no matter what. It's just a mindset/mentality. They cannot see past negativity. And you are nicely tucked-in in this bandwagon. .

In this particular story, if it was the woman who came out with a sob story, you guys would have asked to hear from the guy...that she's not telling the whole truth, she must have done something wrong...typical average Nairaland guy mentality.

But it was a guy's sob story and you guys swallowed it hook line and sinker. No questions asked. Women are evil...this and that. Same guy comes out and says he embellished his story and guess what!! My Nairaland guys are still adamant, because that is how much they hate women.

And because their ego and pride won't allow them accept that they got it wrong this time. Why? Because it won't validate their claims about all the trash they spewed about women. And it's hard for all the hatred and bitterness towards women to evaporate just like that.

But don't worry. You guys will all be fine laslas .

Kennedyiheme:
obviously i have related with women, but not in a relationship or lovey lovey p

If in all these years, the ladies you have related with or been in a relationship with are all the way you say, then I think you might be the problem. You are a magnet to their kind

Kennedyiheme:
i don't even try to establish any relationship.. haven't done that sinve 2015

So you have talked to and related with only guys since 2015?

proclinician:
Would u consider it just or not she's talking nonsense. What is wrong with you?

Nothing is wrong with me. I don't know if something is wrong with you

proclinician:
So so so and so if ur boss fire u just like that not minding how ur job is helping u survive harsh economic realities, u will consider it just?

People have been fired for far less reasons or for no reason at all. A job will always come again. A better one. Besides, she could have resigned from the job for one reason or the other too. Nothing is caste in stone

Everyone is just seeing it from the perspective of the harsh economy.

Kennedyiheme:
maybe you're right. But in this generation and age the good ones are kess than 20% .. i wouldn't take that risk

And you'll keep meeting the bad ones because that is what you expect and choose to believe.

I get his point though. I remember a Pastor gisted us about how they recruited a secretary for him. The final stage of the recruitment process was to meet the pastor. He said when he met her, he told them to tell her that she was over qualified. He said having her around and waiting on him would make him have an attachment with her. And he saw all that just from their first meeting.

These pastors are men. Their reproductive/sexual system didn't join them to get born again. It's just for them.to exercise self control and try as much as possible to eliminate temptation as much as they can. That secretary was probably his spec.

70k for that thing...ok

prinsam30:
The bolded, they ar my attributes, trust me, or do u wanna try me out

Being a freelance "impregnator" is not one of the attributes

You can't be responsible and honourable and be the bolded. So let's just leave the alpha male.matter.

prinsam30:
Seriously trust me dear I am, I don't get too emotional, very considerate and straight to the point that's y I have 6 Kids from 5 ladies all of them through Contract Marriage, the last one contract ends by March ending this year and I'm giving it a rest. I have so many female friends and I choose when to fvck them, Pls pardon my harsh statement

They are usually responsible and honourable. Being a freelance "impregnator" is not one of the attributes

Kennedyiheme:
really now, I've seen alot to know when you give a woman power she gets intoxicated

You have only seen the bad ones and are judging based on your own experiences. Would it be impossible for you to see that there are actually good women?

You should know that some people only have good experiences with women and would argue your stance out with you and you would be at opposite ends.

What I am trying to say is that, it is better to be objective and unbiased so that we don't jump into conclusions and judge people unfairly because we have preconceived notions that impair our judgement.

I have had quite a number of bad experiences with Nigerian men. But I still have an open mind because it would be a fallacy for me to judge everyone based on my experiences and those around me.

Dehindepgenius:
I am almost completely sure you are not giving us the full picture. It would be really interesting to hear your wife's version of this story. As human beings, we tend to tell stories in a way that favors us and make us garner pity. If your wife is the breadwinner at the moment, she deserves your loyalty, respect and understanding. Taking care of the financial responsibilities of a home is not easy. You plan, you worry, you get afraid, you have sleepless nights...especially if your spouse does not pitch in.
Here's what happens. When a man loses his source of livelihood, every little move by a woman suddenly becomes emaaculating. The woman is already under a terrible strain and you are here to barmouth her to strangers.

I frankly do not believe you are doing enough. Factories abound, uber is there, the keke business is there, even uneducated teenagers from the north are hustling and making a good living riding bikes.

Yea, sometimes a man experiences setbacks, my dad did. The true measure of manhood lies in dusting yourself off the ground and trying again. These days sadly, there are too many lazy men who whine instead of actually being men. If you are here bad mouthing your wife, then I'm willing to bet, you do it everywhere. My cousin went through this. Everybody called her wicked. The husband's elder brother was like come and stay with me and I'll fix you up with something. They no tell the brother. Las Las he chases the man out of his home and told everyone to ignore the man because he is lazy. All he does is play video games and sleep.

Society is particularly unfair to women. A quick look through this site will convince any unbiased person of that. You already have men pitying you and condemning your wife which is exactly what you wanted. Oga poster, you came here seeking pity, looking for people to condemn your wife and soothe your ego and you already have faceless strangers doing that, but the truth is you are failing as a husband and a father. These people cheering you on and telling you your wife is wicked are in their ow homes hustling and taking care of their business.

I am a man like you and I will not lie to you. You are your own problem. Take these steps.

1. First of all, love and appreciate your wife. Thank her for all she does.

2. Pray hard and ask God to show you why you are experiencing hard luck. Folks here might not tell you the truth, but you may have a character flaw that is working against you. You may actually be lazy, most lazy people won't admit it. It may also be karma. You may have treated others, including your wife badly in the past hence the problems. Yes, it happens. Find out what the problem is and fix it.

3. Hustle, hustle, hustle! I don't believe in excuses. Real men don't. Meanwhile, what do you do? You can mail me your cv at dehindep@gmail.com.

Your comment was about the wisest on this thread...being unbiased and objective and you are a man!

Most men here are so eager to believe the worst of women and they will rather die before than retract their false statements even in the face of truth.

That's how you know the difference between a man and a boy.

We really need more objective and mature minded men on this forum to block out those angry kids who don't know more than to castigate women.