₦airaland Forum

Ardar:
Nope that's not what you said.

Maybe you should read the comment I quoted and read mine again. She seemed to be blaming the man like the lady wasn't part of the sex.

But if you didn't get it, I am only responsible for what I write and not how you choose to interpret it

Ardar:
Why would a man put his carrot into a woman without wrapping it with waterproof.

Men should stop allowing their carrot to possess them into mindless zombies.

That's how one wanted to slot his unpackaged okra inside but I kick him off and made him tie his vegetable.

Assuming say I be wicked person wey carry STD na so him for collect one.

My point is (why I quoted the comment I quoted) that both the guy and the girl are equally responsible here. Except it's rape, both of them are to take responsibility.

Roycemadeit:
Shebi they said raw is sweeter

Ok o. Let the memories of the raw sweetness give them strength to take care of the child that comes out of it.

LadySarah:
Why sleep unprotected with someone you have no emotions for.
How would you as a child feel if you are a product of such loveless copulation?

Who are you leaving the single mom for?

Why would a woman open her legs and allow someone have unprotected sex with her. Is he her husband?

Why should a lady try to pin pregnancy on a guy that has not even made any commitment to her. Something that protection or using "morning after" pill would have sorted out

hisgrace090:
Patronizing Nigerian made is it now by force?

Why did they then close the borders and force is to patronize Nigerian made?

Mazk:
it is clear this man cannot afford to pay her back.
if you have money and he ask for loan, give it to him as a kind of gift not borrow.


you will be surprised to know the money she borrowed him may have been used to cater for their home

It's better he returns it or meet her half way. They should have an understanding because he might need to borrow money from her again. And the fact that he doesn't pay back will make her refuse.

zeb04:
Is there a reason you didnt want her to go or were you just trying to exercise your “Authority ?

If there was a reason, why didn’t you tell her. Eg I wouldn’t want you to travel because blah,blah, blah, instead of NO.

Note: you are dealing with an adult, not a 6 year old child.

My thoughts exactly. Some men act this way. When there's a misunderstanding, they try to exercise their authority and act as stumbling block in their wives' ways.

Plus a man might know that he has offended his wife but pride won't let him resolve it and apologize. Instead, he puts all her action under a magnifying glass and count everything she does so that he can wriggle his way out of admitting his fault and apologising.

OP where do you fall?

Kennedyiheme02:
A friend just told me he had a married woman with kids, give him a Mouth Gig in his car just right front if the home dhe lives with her kids and hubby while they were inside.. this happened in london by the way

Lol guess what technology and changing roles in society has changed the traditional relationship and marriage as we know it in the 60s.. its a suicide mission... dont try it

How come you don't have stories of women that have been faithful to their husbands through thick and thin?

Would you even cite such examples that involves faithful wives? Nah. It doesn't fit into your narrative.

DrTee1:
Reading doesn't appear to be a great hobby of yours, lady.

If it were, you would possibly have found out that I had previously addressed every part of OP's subject in a different comment - long before you nosed into mentioning my monicker.

Assimilating is something that has evaded you obviously. Or you just allow wanting to be right block your ability to assimilate properly.

Let's end this unproductive conversation. Have a good night

DrTee1:
Aunty,

That's my daily responsibility - and if you had read the entire thread before jumping to write at me, you might have found your answers.

If a person can work at school A, there can be no viable excuse for being unable to work at school B - except hospitalization. However, in this instance , she was found in the old posting on Monday morning. If a 32-year career civil servant is unable to continue working for genuine health reasons, such person should genuinely retire.

Her home isn't a hospital anyway.

To be successful in Nigeria, we simply need to eschew negative energy and deceit really.

Uncle.

There were other factors she mentioned aside distance.

That's my point..

DrTee1:
Something is really wrong somewhere.

Aside that this story is from one perspective, another huge concern is the grammar: Lexis, structure, tenses, construction.

Mum is the best teacher you know. She is a primary school teacher. That suggests she teaches at the elementary level where one of the core subjects is English language.

I'm afraid you may just have 'fallen hand' very badly - in the Nigerian lingua - and you have not covered so much in glory, at least to buttress your best teacher assertion.

As to the matter at hand, there are established ways in the civil service to resolve disputes: Teaching Service Commission, Civil Service Commission, and at the extreme, the National Industrial Court.

However, excuses like distance of assignment from residence shouldn't arise, really. It isn't an excuse to be officially considered at all in that line of responsibility. If anything at all, it should be lobbied for, under the table, and not presented as a major issue.

Best wishes.

The bolded is the part by picked out. Did you not see the part where she said she has high blood pressure and she submitted her docs report?

Lumpyy:
Imagine!!!!a 7months old baby is to be left with her brothers wife OVERNIGHT without feeling funny,I dont know how people think!!!!

All the people commenting that she's selfish,proud or castigating her, all have entitlement mentality. They are not thinking objectively and removing sentiments.

The brother's wife feels entitled to the other woman's child because she lost hers. She wants another woman to submit her own child to her, using her grief and loss as blackmail.

The people talking nonsense won't release their children for someone else to assume the mother role while they are still alive. But they can come here and misyarn.

sassysure:
That is very insensitive of her.
I was shocked to the marrow.

A child she dont know his fate tomorrow?
A child that may open an unimaginable doors to her just because she used that child to do a selfless act.
We are Nigerian women and we know how we are.
Most of us that have kids unknowingly mock the rest who don't have any around us yet we pretend we sympathise with them.

That woman won't steal her child. Just an avenue to heal

If she dont know it, in hospitals, a woman who lost her child is allowed to go and stay with new born.
Why do doctors allow that?
Cos we are so self centered in this country, we sometimes behave worst than animals.

I lost a child once. Not my first but I was on constant supervision cos I nearly ran mad.
My friend parked all her family to my house and started going to work from my house.
When she came up with the idea, I was just nodding my head. She took over everything for like one month.
The day I screamed at one child for mistakenly pouring hot soup on his brother was the day she said I'm back and packed her family back to her house.
Let us show love.
This country is filled with artificial or eye service love that's why we are where we are today.

At the bolded, do they allow her take the newborn home or even carry out of the nursery?

Showing love doesn't mean releasing your baby to someone else for hours to help with the loss of her own child. Don't you think the mother of her child needs to be with her own child?

We are too sentimental in this country and sometimes we allow it override reason.

EricSmallz:
You are selfish sha. 5 kids? If you were my wife, I would instruct you to gift that child to that poor woman. 4 kids are more than enough. Do you want to eat some? And from the look of things, your husband is even broke o. He can't even afford to rent a house, but you are just giving birth like bird. What if God gets angry and withdraw the kids?

You can't be serious with this comment. So because she has 5 kids, she should dash one out? Whatever the case, she's not responsible for the woman's loss or delay in birthing a child.

It's just like saying that because you have poor people around you, you shouldn't spend your money so that it won't offend them.

funmisticqueen2:
And dumb enough to be bearing children for this half man you call your husband. You both deserve each other

What you actually lack and need to try working on is EMPATHY.

Not everything has a quick and easy solution. It's annoying to see some things happen and some people accept them. But all we can do is advice, encourage and pray for a way for them.

When you find yourself in a difficult situation or dilemma, you will probably be more empathetic.

It's your baby and should be able to decide how long she spends with someone. And you are not supposed to feel bad about that because you are the mother and would feel the need to be around your baby.

Please ignore those saying you are proud, selfish or that you are giving birth when someone else is looking for a child. That's just funny. They need to direct all that to the One who gives children.

I don't like when people try to use culture, seniority, africanism, etc to cover up what should not be. She actually needs to get help to get over the loss. Using your child to do that might not be convenient or you.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Oh yes. If any of the mum that comes around for Omugwo is either too old or too lazy to do the needful,then the husband should be the one going to the market or better still employ the services of a nanny to do that if he is too busy. Not a woman that just put to bed.

Do you know what these women pass through during and after child birth? The squatting,the very hot water massaging to heal her if there was a cut during the process of pushing? Or stitches in the case of surgery?

If men can't protect their wives,who will?.

Note I never said men have lazy mothers.I don't know where you got that one from.

My wife gave birth and I was the one that prepared her food that day and took it to the hospital before her mum came.

So romantic. Some men do not even know their way around a kitchen. Others don't feel they shouldn't be bothered with cooking.

But from the comments of a lot of guys on this forum, it's obvious they won't protect their wives but rather take sides with their families at every point.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. I read her comments and got so angry with her. Why is she putting the blame solely on her MIL and exonorating her husband who didn't see anything wrong in what his mum and siblings were doing?

Is it not the priority of the man to protect his wife at all times?

Can't the husband caution his mum?

The MIL got it all wrong, yes but the protector of the house lacked in his duties.

Well...it was mostly 4 of us at home and hubby was at work during the day. I didn't bother reporting to him. What I was going to do was in my mind. Besides they were staying for just one month.

And when my husband was home and saw anything like that , he spoke up immediately. For instance, there was a time I told his sisters to wash the plates they used in the sink cos I wanted to make dinner. But their mum said I should allow them finish watching the programme on TV. My husband ordered them to the kitchen and told his mum that she was the one spoiling them.

They left after one month. And before she left, she actually apologized for whatever. But I already made up my mind that she ain't coming for the next one. No hard feelings. Will send her pictures.

Cc primadonnaO

crackkhaus:
What really is the cause of the attitude they displayed towards you during that period?

Apologies if it seems like I'm prying, but I don't think you and your in-laws ever had a good relationship prior to that incident. Why is that?

Hahaha. I thought we had a good relationship that's why I requested they come instead of going to my sister's place as it's our custom.

But I guess the fact that I am not part of their faith/denomination put a wedge between us and the fact that my husband also left that denomination (years before we got together though). And my MIL had asked me previously to help bring her son back.

The denomination that believes that the rest of us are not Christians.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Please be honest here. For the Omugwo,it's your own mum that is supposed to come not your mother in-law except your mum is no more and even in such cases, your siblings are the ones who are supposed to take care of you.

But if the situation arises that your MIL is the one that comes around and your husband didn't see anything wrong for you going to the market in such condition,then blame him.Dont put the blame on your MIL. Your husband is supposed to have sense and know that you re not fit for such duties at that particular point.

Well, my mum is late and my sister already said I would move into her house for about a month(that's how it's usually done) but I was like let my mum inlaw come instead. Plus she' was coming to my husband's younger sisters who just finished secondary school. I thought I would just put my legs up and relax, because I thought we were cool. Not knowing that I was setting myself up.

And I am not the kind that would just keep reporting to my husband. He gets back from work and I am on about his mum and sisters. Instead I endured and dealt with it knowing they would be gone in a month.

My husband knew I wasn't happy during that period but I didn't give him details. The ones he experienced from his sisters, he intervened and scolded them. The ones from his mum, I told him to ignore.

When they left, I told him I would want my family next time. And of course he agreed.

crackkhaus:
Lol, well I went with it because she has shared that stuff before.
I don't think she still has her own mother, if I can remember correctly..

ImaIma1, come and squash the disbelief na.

My husband wasn't always home during the day and I wasn't ready to cause any issues between them by reporting knowing that they were not staying for more than one month.

My MIL even did something to me when my husband was around and he wanted to talk to her about it and I knew it would lead to an argument between them. I begged him not to bother that I was fine.

My own is let them not fight because of me.

JOHNNYSPUTE don't be a Thomas because it doesn't align with your idea of "Nigerian wives"

crackkhaus:
The real question most of you ladies should be asking yourselves is this:
Why is it that anytime the topic of live-in relatives is brought up, it's always the females who are more against it 95% - 5%...every damn time.

That should tell you all that is needed to know, and that's what? That something is inherently wrong with a lot of you psychologically - I'm not even trying to be funny or biased, it's just an observation.
The problem is y'all actually think you're normal, so no chance of engaging parallel thinking.

This possessive spirit of me and my husband alone, I honestly don't know where you people got it from.
Africans (more specifically, Nigerians) have always lived a communal lifestyle when it comes to family, so I don't quite understand if it's modernization or some sort of western influence that has made a lot of women become so suspicious & weary of extended family in their homes.

Some of you will even start quoting scriptures of how a man shall leave his father and mother yada yada yada... forming Christians out of thin air, when we know that you don't even know where to find the book of Obadiah in the Bible without looking at the index.

It's a typical case of trying to be more white than the white man, na wetin dey worry una.
Deep mental fuckery...

You are right. And it's because it's not the man that cares for these relatives when they come. Neither is he the one who is put under criticism or high expectations.

Imagine me going to the market with stitches after delivery even if I had my mum inlaw and 2 sisters inlaw around for omugwo.

Do you think I would want her to come next time I put to bed? No way! If it were my own younger siblings, I would have been able to scold them properly or tell them to leave my house since they were not useful to me. The relatives themselves are not innocent.

youwanbanme:
lolz ! the topic itself makes women person of interest cos its majorly women that have problem puttin up or accomodating inlaws/relative, that doesnt mean men don't av flaws tew buh @least not on these subject matter. if my respond stil doesnt correlate with what you quoted... do you mind making it clearer

If you didn't understand it, never mind.

youwanbanme:
"CONTROL" is one major problem with women, it quiet funny how wives see there hubby relative as threats ... if only women could think logically wives should know they occupy seperate spot in a man's heart , just as family get there own spot so why the tussel.
When a man as the impression his wife loves & tolerate is family ,he will fight 4 her if the need arise without the wife avin to raise her voice. a woman with good heart will tolerate her hubby family cos someday she wil be a mother inlaw tew.

You didn't respond to what I quoted. You are still going on and on about women's flaws as if men are flawless angels with self control.

AmTruth:
You are right, but this is in most cases an exception. And our concerns is on the general considerations not exceptions.

How many men are comfortable with their FILs living with them? If you are truthful to yourself, you will own up that you can't.

nwanneni:
It's like you don't know how father in laws like to look down on son in laws and feel they know better
I am not bringing another captain in my house that will want to challenge some of my authorities na.
Very natural phenomenon,not about me hating my partner's people.
MILs to me can stay as long as they want but FIL?HELL NO!

And you guys are here back lashing women . Just see what you wrote...this is exactly the issue that causes the issues between wives and mums-inlaw. Someone coming to run your house.

Amtruth
Bigiyaro
youwanbanme

Can you guys see that it's not peculiar to women. See your fellow man

YungJo207:
If you get married and fight alot in your first year then check yourself.

If you get married and you don't quarrel those first few years, check yourself...except you were already cohabiting before marriage.

That's how people keep enduring and keeping everything in mind till they explode one day.

Triniti:
it’s only unintelligent women that I see fighting over kitchen and food, creating boundaries where there should be none. When you taste real wealth, you will know that food is meant to be eaten when cooked and a man siblings is part and parcel of him that no one should ever try to cut off

Being wealthy doesn't mean you condone bad manners. You cannot just got to someone's kitchen and take food from the pot. There are silent codes of conduct in some situations. A brother that does that doesn't respect his brother's wife.

bigiyaro:
Thank God for ur family, obviously u r from a good home. But when u have experienced scenarios where wives murder their own husbands, divert dia husband's wealth to dia boyfriends, poison the kids minds against their father etc etc.....u can't but have a different viewing angle. Like they said, experience is the best teacher.

If you keep dwelling on the bad ones, how will you experience the good ones? Because even if it comes, you will repel it with your already formed mindset and preconceived notions.

I had bad experiences with guys...disappointing and terrible ones. But I didn't allow that experience be my teacher. I still believed that there were good ones. And that good one found me.

pocohantas:
How do they even do it? Pack your bag and go live in someone's matrimonial home. Haba!

This is something I wasn't comfortable with. When my sister put to bed and she had to go back to work, I was the baby sitter but I rarely slept over. I would come in the morning and leave in the evening. Even her inlaws did same. We only slept over when it was absolutely necessary.

We on both sides wanted to give them space because we are 6 kids from my family and they were 7 from the husband's side. Imagine the crowd.

It's a mindset thing. You can't change it. Some people think they have a right in their brother's house and the wife is just an intruder. And the husband doesn't do anything to erase that idea.

YungJo207:
If your siblings first you get money then get married you went to his house and he tells you this your comment how would you feel?

Where was the person staying before?

Why would you want to move in with people that should be focusing on themselves those first years?

The first few years is key in a marriage. Couples fight a lot, they disagree because most times it's new for them and both of you have different backgrounds and do things differently. So that disagreements are bound to happen till you now try to meet halfway, adjust, etc.

At this time, you don't need a family member staying with you, taking sides, going to report one person to the other family members. They will start seeing that person in a bias way. But when you disagree and settle and handle your issues internally, nobody knows.

Visiting is fine but staying permanently is not advisable.

bigiyaro:
No! na you suppose raise him and who said you raising your kids is doing them a favour? of all the man's family, its the woman that is not his relation....smart men knows this fact, smart women knows this fact too hence they buy assets in their children's names, any just like the bible said, a wise woman builds up her home and a foolish woman tears down her home with her own hands.

This thinking is faulty. Once you get married, she doesn't become your relation, you become one...you are her and she is you. And what you can't do to yourself, you don't do to her.

Obviously, not many men especially on this forum understand the concept of marriage. It's a mystery to many. When you say "I do", you interchange your "I" with "we". It's not a selfish institution and its for the matured minds.

I am sure you won't look at your mum as an outsider that your dad just brought to have kids and he puts all his family needs above hers. No! That happy family you are seeing which includes your mum, didn't start with her being treated as an intruder.

And when a man is sick, incapacitated, etc, who do you think nurses him? His mum? Or his siblings will leave their houses to come and do that? That's when you will know that people can actually stay on their own and mind their business, because they will run from your house. My mum did this for 7 long years when my dad was critically ill. It's a good thing he treated her well the previous years before he fell ill or else...