₦airaland Forum

Samshumy:
No he doesn’t. He washes his clothes only. He doesn’t do any house chores.

Ok. We see where you learnt it from. Upbringing really plays a major role in marriage. Most ladies should observe their men's fathers to have an idea of who they are marrying and what they are getting into.

Samshumy:
If he starts doing chores now, anytime he stops, the wife would nag. So it’s better he doesn’t do any chores apart from his clothes alone

How you expect a married man to be doing household chores is what i don’t understand. This is Nigeria and not America or Canada

Is that how you run your home? What is wrong with a man doing chores? Is he above it? Didn't he wear the clothes that need washing? Doesn't he live in the house? Will it deflate the ego?

UjuJoan2:
These are not 'small issues' . . . these are HUGE issues.

1. You married an abusive man with no conscience and empathy. Do not stoop to his level by shouting back and fighting him. Learn to ignore him. He knows the right thing to do but chooses not to, there is nothing you can do about it. making it an issues will only add to your blood pressure. And fighting and quarreling will only lead to you guys raising violent children.

2. Reduce your expectations of your husband . . you want him to put his clothes in the laundry basket, help with chores, do school work for the kids e.t.c. and these are ALL his responsibility but he chooses to abandon them to you, someone he thinks is NOTHING. You need to show him strength in these areas where he has failed.

I believe every woman who chose to marry a NIGERIAN man should be ready to carry his responsibilities as well, since our culture encourages men to be lazy and dependent on women. Of course they think it makes them the head and in-charge, but in truth, there are only displaying weakness and indiscipline.

If you are lucky like some of us, great . . . . IF not, then resign yourself to fate and don't let it bother you.

3. You are taking too much on yourself, why not get a full-time help? Even if it's a young child.

Before I got married, I used to think I will live without helps, but it was not a realistic expectation . . the children come quickly, the pressure of work is high and the husbands are usually non-nonchalant. So I got help(s). . . .Full-time! You are lucky you work from home so you can efficiently supervise them. You can still bathe your kids to avoid accidents, but they can dress them, feed them, load the washing machine, and other chores that contribute to your pressure.

4. Your husband TRUSTS you, he just doesn't want to acknowledge it because for some reason he think it will make you better than him. HE has this need to control and subdue you. He is very insecure and if you let him, he will keep bringing you down to his level. In any case, if he doesn't trust you what difference does it make? Stop letting that bother you. Face your home and concentrate on improving yourself and your business.

Try not to lose yourself in this marriage because it will not be worth it!!!

Very apt. You analyzed it so well especially the bolded part.

A lot of Nigerian men have this twisted mentality about marriage being a place for them to play god and institute a dictatorship atmosphere. It's really sad

From your writeup, your husband is selfish. He doesn't want his life to be too altered with marriage. He still wants to have his sleep, freedom to do anything he wants at anytime

He has not yet accepted the responsibilities that come with being a husband and a father. As the kids grow up, they will most like grow distant from him and it is later when they are adults he will wonder why they don't relate well with him. It is not rocket science. He is not getting involved in their lives... ordinary revision with them he cannot do. He cannot sacrifice his time and energy for them.

Doing chores or helping with the kids doesn't make a man less than he is. I cannot count how many times my husband has cleaned the house, done laundry, etc. I even live our kid in his care if i have to go out and he is home.

Marriage is a joint force between two people. All those abusive words need to stop. They don't help a person's self esteem especially when it is coming from someone who is supposed to love you.

Enough said

Samshumy:
Your husband loves master and slave relationship and it’s not a bad thing either way. It’s not a serious issue, try and get another househelp who can stay till 8pm or around such. The only thing your husband needs to do is to reduce the way he talks rudely to you even though i also love such character and i exhibit such lol

This is for the husband...please do not start what you can’t finish, you can wash your clothes only. Don’t help in any house chores no matter how small because the day you stop doing the house chores, there will be arguments and misunderstanding. So don’t do any chores. I repeat don’t do any chores. You can wash your own clothes only but don’t let anyone blackmail you into doing chores because you’re a man. But stop the way you talk to the wife rudely

Master and slave Relationship in marriage is not a bad thing? Seriously?

And you are advising the husband not to help with chores? Is this how you run your home?

Marriage is a partnership...a joining of two people to make their lives better. Two are supposed to be better than one.

kross01:
As much as i do not believe all you wrote here, i can easily deduce that your hubby is really not a grown man and does not, i repeat, does not know what it means to be the man of the house. Now if he really will be reading this, let him hear this from me; in my own house, i do the laundry, infact, i don't even know if my wife still knows how to use the machine. What does it cost me? Load clothes into a machine, press some buttons and go sit down somewhere else, what else? I work, my wife works too but i tell you, its only on sundays and some saturdays that my wife bathes our son, i bath him every other day morning and evening. Infact i can tell you for free that my son takes to me more than he does to my wife. Oga sometimes i come back from work and i ask my wife to go sit down while i cook for the whole house. Do we still have issues after all these, sure we do, its part of marriage. The friction is what polishes and brings out the bright shining joy of marriage but till then you must do what you have to do. I believe your hubby's case is a problem of upbringing, i started assuming responsibilities at a very tender age and man you must love your kids. I don't even allow anyone do for my son what i can do for him except i am not around. How can sleep cross my eyes when my child is uncomfortable, how? Oga you need serious reformatting, as in purge your present OS and get your brain a new OS. Savour every moment you have with your family especially your kids, let them have a sweet memory of you always.

Complete husband and father

zicoraads:
Black Panther was definitely overhyped. All the other ones you mentioned are also not that IT.

It should not be mentioned in the same breath with GoT.

All of them are hyped. People were crazy about Merlin and are crazy about Empire. GOT is just another series. Well maybe because i don't really watch anything that has a continuation to avoid addiction and sleep deprivation. But you guys should enjoy

RoyalBlu:
I must be the only one who haven't seen this GOT of a movie.

Me too.

Game of Thrones

Empire

Merlin


Not seen any. I like my sleep too much for one series to deprive me of it. Even the Black Panther movie with everyone going crazy about wakanda, i never watch.

mignone:
Imagine d height of carelessness! Fetal heartbeat, USS, etc. all there to confirm if nt sure

Yeah. She couldn't sue or do much because the doctor was an experienced professional and her father. It was one of his greatest regrets.

Like someone who delivered a baby only for the doctor to realize that they were twins after they had rounder off delivery. The other twin didn't make it

Probably because they are less likely to risk their lives and wellbeing for a few minutes of pleasure.

And women don't need to pay for sex when guys are everything waiting to be called

See my friends pic there. So you guys just go and pick people's pics and post

Jayneek:
Seems you only read the post and didn't read most of the other comments

Yeah.

I just saw your comments afterwards

MissRaine69:
You will find some of the wealthiest people are very tight with money. They don’t believe in all that karma malarkey.

There's a different between being stingy and being prudent. I am sure the wealthiest people give tips and help in some causes and projects to make life better for people in less developed and privileged areas. And most of them give to charities.

Your friend is tightfisted in that area. Have you asked her why she does that? It could be that she has had an experience in the past.

Please what exactly is your sister's part or importance here? Is it because she houses you that you are allowing her run your life. She even asked you to quit your job to stay and take care of her children.

She doesn't even have your interest at heart. She can keep you down as long as it is convenient for her.

You are waiting for her to approve your marriage. Keep waiting until you are 45 and still tied to her. Maybe then, you will wake up. If one way seems blocked, please try another route. Your sister doesn't own your life

Acidosis:
So after making all the crypto billions, you will still settle for 2k dates? Some people had already achieved your 5 year targets, and they have chosen to raise their game. You cannot force a 2k date on everyone. With 2k, you won't even get a plate of food in some restaurants. Life is in classes, so is our pockets. Like I said in your previous thread, how much you spend on your date isn't so much of an issue for me, but seeing how you sat to calculate a 2k expense with no room for contingencies shows an innate issue. You need to fight it.

Acidosis God bless you and you are a guy.

When i said it is mentality thing, he fought it. Why did he even initiate a date? Now he is bragging about crypto and he budgets 2k for a date.

Gaspardd:
Well i had to google it, cus i see u re interpreting everything in terms of food.

Smh.

Should i also post my google search on what is required when you invite a lady on a date?

Just let it rest. As i told someone else, we cannot agree on this issue.

1,400 is enough for a date for you, i disagree.

We are both from different backgrounds and we can agree to disagree.

Ishilove:
The day I was involved in a road accident was the day my mentality about money changed. I'm a very frugal person myself, and although I still am, that day, with blood seeping out my nose, made me realize that life is very fragile and can disappear in an instant, like a puff of smoke. When this happens, everything you have worked for is gone and will not go with you where you're headed.

I'm not a reckless spender and I keep a tight rein on my finances, but when I need to spend, I don't without looking back. I don't deny myself life's little pleasures, and I sure as heck don't put a cap of 2,000 naira on ANYTHING. What is 2,000 naira in Nigeria today? How much fuel can it buy for your car? How much is that for tfare alone? How can that impact on a date, no matter how casual it is?

The OP thinks he is being wise but the scriptures said a fool and his money soon parted ways.

This kind of stinginess is mind boggling.

Their is a time for everything. A time to save and a time to spend.

If you invite someone out on a a date, it is doesn't seem like a time to save.

Some people are making it seem like eating on a date is an abomination... that it is gluttonous. Someone even said he would order doughnut and water even without asking. The orientation is different.

And i think there is a misconception about the word "date". It seems there is another meaning in Nigerian English these days.

Ishilove:
Chai, I've never seen this kind of stinginess in my life.

Tufia!

Don't let his "voltrons" catch you o.

They are part of the 2k gang.

Ishilove:
And wetin dey pain pass be sey na the op type dey Sabi hang leg for burglary. After buying the puff puff and doughnut 100 naira, they will expect you to open wide the 'folded gates' so they can enter.

Lol... i can't laugh

Evercurious:
Then how basic is it?

*Yawns*

There is no point. We can't agree on this issue. You believe it is ok for a guy to budget 1,400 for a date, i don't.

You feel the girl is proud and gluttonous for eating something alongside the drink, i don't.

We have our different views and it is ok

Evercurious:
My dear help me ask...Very embarrassing

I don't know why you guys make a mountain out of a molehill.

Food is now luxury or something abominable to be eaten on a date? It is basic but somehow it is being blown out of proportion

MhizzAJ:
My dear some would never ask if you need anything.
Don't you know some men can be very parasitic in a relationship too? Men are natural providers, let them remain that way.


I don't know why this topic keeps coming up, everybodys relationship can't be the same.
If any woman wants to be in a relationship with any man and be forming independent and getting her stuff herself, it's her own business...No woman should come online and tell other women how to act in their relationships..If the guy isn't tired of giving, why drink panadol for another woman's headache.


As long as a man is in a relationship with any lady, it's part of his responsibility to take care of that lady, the lady should be better than the way he met her.It's not about entitlement mentality.. If he can't take care of me, then what I am doing with him...i cant be with a weakling... it's very annoying

Naaa. Not those type of guys. Parasitic guys cannot hide for too long. They will be discovered. If a guy loves a woman for real, he will care about her welfare

Evercurious:
Gluttony is not about the amount but the action

So what is the action here?

pansophist:
Good response, and I agree with your strategy.

Conversely, I'm a proponent for equal distribution of spending, regardless of who does the invitation. This should be the ideal, to avoid embarrassing moment where the non-payer ordered something above the budget of the payer. Like the OP. It is also a known fact that women go on date with a guy they otherwise, will not go out with, just because they will get to eat whatever through their medium.

If I invite someone to my house, then, yes, the onus of hospitality rest on me. If each individuals start paying for dates themselves, sham dates and embarrassing scenario will disappear overnight.

I enjoy objective and reasonable disagreements as this. People need to learn to air their differences in opinion without abusive words.

This issue, i have realized has to do with a lot of factors like mindset and background. I can't expect a guy that is not exposed to understand that you don't invite a girl out on a date and take just 2k even if that is what you intend to spend.

neyobills:
I'm giving you advice free of charge so u won't take your gluttonous instincts along on your next date and scare potential partners away hopefully you might get lucky,he that has ears let them hear

Food worth 1k is gluttonous in relation to your pocket. Don't generalize it.

You can keep your advice for someone who asks for it.

neyobills:
Spend your hubby money on sharwama,do u ever want to be responsible for anything in your life,and your motto is All man for himself,when will u man up and do something for yourself,everything nah my husband go buy am,is that your relationship goals,thank God I'm already married,your likes go make life tire person.

You have no idea but you can keep running your mouth since it gives you pleasure to do so.

Gaspardd:
Going on a date with 2k doesnt need to be justified. This is Nigeria... wtf woman?

Hmmm

neyobills:
I could have decided to take u to dinner at a 5 star hotel tonight however folks like u ain't worth my time, I could have decided to send u the equivalent so u can eat sharwama tonight and not have nightmares of sharwama but I got nothing to prove and nothing to lose to your likes.

I decided to check your profile to see the face of Olomoge but got nothing,however i saw your motto was All man for himself bla bla, bla

So you know how to do all man for himself when its your turn yet u want to use another man money eat sharwama,isnt God just wonderful

I don't even eat shawarma.

Allow me spend my hubby's money. Is it your money? And hope you will spend when you find a good woman.