₦airaland Forum

Because a lot of these men use their money to wield power and control their wives. And so they are afraid to be at the other end of the power struggle

Man or woman...money will bring out the tendencies that are already in you. It will bring out the real you...if you are rude, mean, selfish, controling, etc

dukeprince50:
my wife cannot be more successful than I am, if she works overnight, I'll work overnight and over day, If she works 24hours in a day, I'll work 48hours in a day, (don't ask me how that is possible)
If she becomes a Dangote, I'll become a Billgate, if she becomes Billgate, I'll become Billgate+Prince Saheed+Beezos. If she owns a private jet, I'll own an airport.
If she owns a submarine, brother I'll buy Atlantic.
If my wife wants to b successful, no problem, but to be more successful than I am? She may be more successful than I am sha but she will need to be very successful and remove all limitations that hold women cos I go compete shege comot for ur eyes.

Is this the famous "Nigerian man ego" speaking? If she is going to be more successful, no amount of "harder" work can save you. It's not even about working more or harder. Someone like you would sabotage your wife's success just so that she won't surpass you.

They should face their issues. Assemblies of God that is always fighting for one reason or the other... leadership, etc.

lilwetdick:
At the bolded shows the importance of money in a marriage. it is easy for a marriage to work in a loveless marriage with cash than in loveless marriage without cash.

marriages are going to money problems but many of them are staying because of the children and our negative view of divorce, check that marriage and see the frictions, the lack of communication, the nagging, the lack of sex and many other problems we do not see.

Money holds a marriage strong, infact money makes love sweeter.

It's important but not the most important. Married people are telling you that it is not the foundation of a marriage but you are stubbornly pushing your money sermon.

You as a single person, do you know more than the married ones that have the experience and have been in and out of money problems? No. But you are so sure that money breaks marriages.

Lack of money doesn't break marriages but the inability to manage the crisis arising from money problems.

Or do you think that when there are money problems, a marriage breaks up and then when the issues are resolved and money is in abundance, they come back together? And they keep breaking and coming back?

Mizwisdom:
This is an example of what I'm saying, this young man is thoroughly spoilt by his mum, she's virtually enslaving herself yet he doesn't understand that he needs to lend a hand so that she reduces her stress level and extends her life span in the process. She cooks akpu after work and still sweeps the entire compound before leaving for work as early as 6am, if this isn't slave master relationship what is it? when this guy marries he can't help in the house because his mother never taught him. It's a vicious cycle, enjoy it like that OP.

Really when i read his comment, i felt really heartbroken for his mum having to do so much...how she would have felt.The fact that he said it proudly, praising her slavery is puzzling.

lilwetdick:
Most marriages crash because of money even when there is love..there is a limit to love and friendships.... love at first might be a great motivator for both couple to come together but when reality strucks, no food to eat, no money to take care of kids and pay bills lets see how love and friendship will solve the situation.

you dont have to be a millionaire to get into one but you need to have some cash to substain and make one work..this is reality and not hollywood movies.

They don't crash because of money. They crash because they were not able to manage the financial difficulty at that time.

Or do you think all the marriages that are still going strong never went through money problems? Why didn't they break up? They looked for a way around it and out of it. Afterall, their vows said "for better for worse".

The ones that broke up at the sight of money issues had nothing holding them together except money.

I met mine. We were in same class in training school. Till today we call each other "twinny".

lilwetdick:
i can imagine, anytime there is an economic meltdown, many marriages get destroyed.. I think people won't believe the number of marriages that just act like strangers in Nigeria because of the lack of cash... no money..no sex, they just stay in the marriage just because of the children.

If a marriage crashes because of money, it means that money was what was holding them together. No love...no friendship...just money.

And if they claim to love each other, it is not the lack of money that broke them up but their inability to manage the situation, stick together and find a solution.

Marriage takes work and the way your marriage turns out is based on the work you put into it.

sparkle7:
Nope. I was helping the little rat with year 1 physics, Math and some other courses she finds difficult.
After much much, I thought I have a Girlfriend.
Babe lets date and her anwser was and i quote ' No! You are more of a Teacher to me. And whereas, I have a boyfriend '
My eyes cleared that day. I realised i was fooling myself. Upon i didnt charge for my services to her. Others were paying me for teaching them but i didnt collect a dime from her. Time wasted, energy expelled, sailva wasted, and brain stressed. Foolish girl!
Why didn't you meet your fuvking boyfriend to teach you?

So the teaching package was supposed to include dating? You should have told her na. I had a guy who taught me some courses i found difficult in year one but he didn't ask me out. Besides can't you help without expecting in return?

Guilderland1:
Thanks Bros, but very unfortunate, I have done all this before, to the extent of locking my Dad in one room at about 1am, he said none of us will sleep that night, all this things happened this December - January.
You can't imagine ur dad telling you, ur mum and siblings to leave house for him at 2 am. To where, you can't imagine him shouting on top of his voice and that dead hour... Several time mum left our house to her dad's place, at her age...
We don't even ask him to provide for the family but to stop violent.

I don't think there are about 5 people like him in Nigeria with this kind of character.
You can't imagine my dad stoning my mum and everyone, and funny it will be, if you asked him what is the issue believe me he will start telling you stories of what happened 5 years ago. He will tell you how the did not bring food on time, how they did not do this or that....
The worst is that, he can't even buy common fish for soup but we eat daily from whatever mom cooked.
People said we should remove our heart from him and allow him to live his life.

BUT my dad is still young and healthy to be lost in the cold hand of alcoholism.

The only lessons I learned from his condition is to hate alcohol with great passion....

Thanks for your contributions.

How can you help someone that does not want to be helped. He is still young and he cannot piece his life together. Is he a child?

How can you even say someone that stones your mum and sends her away is a nice person. People like your dad are too lazy to face life's challenges and take responsibility.

He has resigned his fate to drinking and will want to reap from his children when they start doing well. My candid advice would be for mum and children to move to somewhere else and leave him live his life or you could keep dragging him through life as you go

Guilderland1:
God forbid, my Dad will not die because, despite his condition I still loved him dearly and pray for him daily. By the grace of God, he will be healed and become a good testimony....

Why are you wicked?

I don't think it is about being wicked or declaring that your dad will not die. But those daily habits of your dad have a resultant effect on his health and life eventually.

He is putting his organs at risk and that is on him.

joa2013:
I agree but it isn't all Nigerians that are dubious. I volunteered myself to champion the cause because of the state of the school at the time we came in, so bad. Many parents have started expressing appreciation for the little we have done but guys who suppose to contribute to their alma matta but are unwilling should not be discouraging those who are willing by calling us names, cheers.

Well you can't change people's mindsets. They may think you started it to be able to enrich your pocket. It is the way they left the country and they were probably like that when they were here

I don't know how to switch on camp gas myself. In fact i am afraid of it.

But that is not enough for both of you to fight. You can try to understand each other instead of both of you trying to battle for power

He was rich and then things went bad that he has to work with LAWMA. What kind of man is that? He must have the brains to do something better. Someone that had wealth before

Just another hasty generalization from a narrow minded person.

Nigerians have created a reputation of embezzling and trying to cut corners. Right from the leaders down to the common man.

Although there are still many honourable ones and people with integrity. However the bad eggs have made the good ones seem bad.

It always seems like men cannot handle when things are not rosy. The wives tend to be the one to hold up the family while the man tries to drown his sorrows in alcohol, etc... trying to run way from the problem and avoid confronting it.

sisisioge:
Let's tell her the truth. Sometimes, our men break these women into several pieces after these scams. Imagine if she's your daughter, won't you want to tell her the absolute truth? Mommy ke, calling non maternal females mommy is common here. Most children are compelled to call women on that arent their mothers mommy to show respect, especially in the local settings . My Nieces and Nephew sometimes call me mommmy when my mom wants them to remind me that I'm older than their mothers . Whew!

But classifying them as dumb was unfair naa

Depends on their income and their agreement. They are husband and wife. So they are supposed to communicate and come to an agreement.

favourite787899:
So I have this particular neighbour we have a good relationship. So she stores her food in my freezer. She has a son and a relation living with her(22 23). So this particular day they came to carry soup from the freezer and they met my hubby. He just asked them to go and take from the freezer. Guess what they left with my bowl of Nsala soup. They warmed the soup and eat it, when there mum came back she joined them in eating because they told her I gave them the bowl of soup. Mind you I wasn't at home immediately she saw me at the gate she started thanking me for giving the boys soup. Only for me to check my Nsala soup was gone. I called the son and asked him. He said he taught the soup was for his mum. The same him told the mum I gave them the soup.
I only ignored him cuz of the relationship I have with his mummy.

Ignore ke!! I cannot ignore something like that. In fact i can't stand greed and lies. That would be the last day they keep things in my refrigerator.

Lovelyn451:
just like keeping money with somebody for too long..they'll spend it

Its wrong though

Even if it was for 1 day, those people would have eaten it. That's greed. You cannot take what does not belong to you. That's just a sick attitude by that family.

I remember when my neighbour's fridge was bad and she put her soups and stews in my freezer. Will i now eat it because it is in my care?

omoteacher:




Hunger wey dey naija is scary. Only few lucky ones are enjoying. You never know the last time they tasted such food. What they did is absolute nonsense. Student feeding a whole family instead of the other way round.

It is not hunger. It's greed, covetousness, ojukokoro.

Evercurious:
But you should know that the under tone of your comment isn't difficult to comprehend

This is how people create conflicts in their homes unnecessarily... reading their own meanings to everything and keeping things in mind.

This was my comment:

Try to understand the point and don't be ready to pounce. Both parties need to keep developing themselves.

Compatibility is important in marriage, it bridges gaps. And as i said in another post, it doesn't mean that the couple won't be married forever, it would just help enhance the marriage better

Please point out where it speaks of class and materialism from the above comment. If you can't do that, please go and look for your class and materialism that you have been holding so tightly and trying to force on my comment in another person's comment.

It is terrible especially when your parents have also made you their retirement plan. In some families it is a disadvantage to be the First born especially a boy. Because you automatically become the sacrificial lamb and scapegoat.

May God bless all first boys and give them wealth and wisdom to sift who they should give to

troublemakea:
It's a pity.....smh

But the untold truth is that if the other Igbo officer hadn't poison the killer's mind about money these wouldn't hv happened

Now the police is remanded and the piggy Igbo police man now walks freely .. ....i'm just so angry rinow

it's really unfair the other Igbo officer should hv suffered more

What are you even saying??

Evercurious:
Aching you said? ooh dear, I ll advise we don't visit that You got it all wrong. But learn this, ALWAYS COME OUT STRAIGHT

As i said, i am only responsible for what i say. However you choose to understand or interpret it is your kettle of fish.

Class and materialism indeed

sweetilicious:
Change your mindset.My sister is verrryyyy successful.She is the neck and the husband is the head.They live so in peace.They build castles and invest appropriately.What you beleive will come to you.

Exactly!! People like to focus on the bad parts as if there are no successful women out there that are still living peaceful lives with their husbands.

People should try to emulate the successful ones and not focus on the ones that failed.

Evercurious:
Learn to always come out straight..

Are you still aching from the post from gaspardd?

Because you obviously carry things in mind. Take it easy sha.

My comment on this post is straight forward. I am only responsible for my comment and not for how to choose to interpret it.

Evercurious:
Plz stop hiding under the guise of compatibility Your issue is CLASS AND MATERIALISM

All i see in your comment is a preconceived notion, ignorance and lack of understanding or an unwillingness to understand.

Whatever the case, learn to disagree and comment objectively and with maturity instead of childish outbursts.

Elder0001:
You’re the wisest female on this thread .

Replies devoid of sentiment and emotion, kudos .

This compliment made me blush.

ogawisdom:
Turning their children to retirement plans

Very valid point. If the child is not too buoyant, he or she will be unable to take up projects because of constant sending of money to parents for basic needs and other requests.

TonyeBarcanista:
Your opinion is noted but dismissed entirely

When you get married, all these your James Bond moves will be reviewed . It is easy to say all these because you are still alone and do not have anyone that you are responsible for.