₦airaland Forum

thesuave10:
So if only him can answer that why are you so adamant that he is not trustworthy and this is disloyal?

For obvious reasons.

Suddenly he is not picking calls or returning them. Has he explained to her. Why is he now scarce? You can't see anything wrong in what tge guy does.
You do not know it all. You don't have to right. Your way is not the only way.
Why are you trying to prove a point to everyone? The guy is wrong!!!! If you borrow money, and you start hiding, your character is questionable.

thesuave10:
Of cuz he was . Now do some thinking why do you think he responds to texts and not calls?

To avoid confrontation maybe. But only him can answer that.

Yoshy:
In my case, a girl did exactly all you mentioned.

If a babe borrows, same thing. You cannot trust someone like that. People take advantage of love to do all sorts. It doesn't show integrity.

thesuave10:
This is your problem. Your bias towards men on this issue as a result of your irrelevant experience has clouded your reasoning. Look at the case for its facts and for its facts alone

Even with my "irrelevant experience", i still don't hv a bias. I draw my conclusion objectively basrd on whay the OP said but u men believe it is the fiancee right to borrow the money and keep mute.

Besides i was responding based on what someone else mentioned. You were not mentioned.

thesuave10:
Read her post again. He replied to her text and said he'll pay her back via text but without a specific date. So not picking calls is logically and equally related to the fact that he can't be trusted? again I ask, is this the right decision given the Available evidence at the moment. Answer the question like a woman

After several calls, the best he could do was a text. When he needed the money, wasn't he spending time with her and call her and responding to her calls?

thesuave10:
Feel free to say your mind. Do you believe that is best decision cuz I don't think you understand the points people are making.

People can be bias.

He is owing her...not saying anything about it and not picking her calls....

Does that seem like a guy that can be trusted?

OLUJOSHINS:
This is not a baiting situation. He is not a broke clueless guy. He has his own company. His business is strong enough to pay her salary for life (recycling business is quite lucrative). He just needed a little assistance to get back on His feet.

& by the way, You can start showing undying love for your partner before you get married. As a matter of fact, You should start showing undying love for your partner before you get married.

My ex owned his own company. His business was strong enough to pay my salary for life. He just needed a little assistance to also get back on his feet which i obliged. But he still used sweet mouth till he disappeared.

Showing undying love without using some aspects of your brain is what makes ladies lose track of what is really going on. Not all men are sincere...put that in mind.

thesuave10:
A question for you. Threatening to end her relationship because of those her reasons is it the right and wise thing to do at this point?

Looking for another reason to call me "bitch"?

Consider all the information she provided and advise her like you would a sister.

LordKO:
@OP

Don't allow anyone to guilt trip you into believing that you're wrong with your actions. For one, a debtor remains a slave to his creditor until he redeems his pledge, therefore, it behove on him to pacify you, either by reimbursing you within the agreed time frame or give you cogent reason why you should grant him more grace of time to enable him reimburse you (in case if he's not in good financial stead yet). What you owe him (if he comes out clean) at this point in time is understanding since both of you had a romantic relationship. His said acts of avoiding effective communications with you in particular and keeping you in suspense in general smack of ungratefulness and conceit on his part - whether he has genuine intentions or not is irrelevant.

As for those talking about "men ego" as they reason for his irritating attitude, didn't he realize that he has ego problem before he solicited for the financial assistance/partnership from her? I mean, only small-minded people exhibits ego - effacement and humbleness remains the best recipe for any sane person (business person or not) that wishes to attain a greater height in the business world in particular and life in general. It's unfortunate that small-minded people do mistake virtues like self-effacing, humbleness, sincerity and compassion as signs of weakness on the side of one that possesses them. In fact, the worst mistake someone of the noble leanings can ever make is having someone of the small-minded leanings as a partner/friend.

Loyalty is like a two-way traffic light, its reciprocal. People should stop mixing up disingenuousness for cleverness. Someone that ethically doesn't merit a loan from another isn't worth keeping closely - I dislike small-minded people. So also as one who can't extend a loan to his prudential partner/friend isn't worth keeping closely too - self-centered and selfish people irritates me. Whenever I look around what I normally see are frenemies that disguises themselves as partners/friends; Pretense, disingenuousness, feeble-mindedness and hypocrisy are the order of the day.

On the flip side, it's irritatingly appalling that many (both sexes) has turned this forum to their aggression visit ground. If someone somewhere betrayed/dumped you - with or without your making - that shouldn't be reason enough to develop needless hatred for the opposite sex or being biased when an issue relating to an opposite sex is being discussed. A thread like this shouldn't be a battle ground for people with bitter life experience or misandrists or misogynists or chauvinists.

I like your objectivity...not necessarily taking sides but dissecting the issue with the information available.

If the guy had put her mind at rest and asked for more time for one reason or the other, it would have been better. But he isn't even picking her calls and guys here are still blaming her. It beats me!!! For them to even say she only gave half of what he ask already spills greed and being ungrateful. They talk like the money is his birthright.

It is her money to give or not to give and he is NOT her husband. Engagements/relationships get broken everytime.

Women are always victimized here a lot and it is getting too much. The younger guys are taking cue because the older ones that are meant to be sensible are belittling women and always using fowl words to address them.

What qualities attracted him to her? Did he overlook these signs?
I think he should report her to someone of authority since she cannot listen to him.
Also, he should ignore her. Women don't do good with being ignored. Ignore her to the point that she would bring people to beg him and then he will give her conditions.

You should never have left the room. The baby is crying. The baby does not belong to just you.
Besides he is your husband. Talk to him. His ego has to be thrown out the window.
Ask him "guy what is the matter?"... "what is going on?...we can't be sleeping in separate rooms..."

Ask questions...talk. he is not a god or up there that u cannot reach him. You are one and from your vows, that body he is hoarding belongs to you too

OLUJOSHINS:
What is the point of saying for better for worse if you will treat your man like a complete stranger in a situation like this.


Believe me, He will pay her back. He might just be taking time to come to terms with the character she showed him when He was down.

They have not said for better for worse yet. Marriage requires trust. It is not a fiancee or boyfriend sometin. Besides some guys use marriage as a bait.
From experience, it never ends well cos the guys try to play a smart one.

Daeylar:


Ignore that one quoting you jor, that's how he has been quoting me and everyone else, he is ignored forever let him get the attention he is desperately craving for from else where,

I want a guy to come and say his wife to be who he loaned money is behaving exactly like the guy in this story, I want to laugh at the hypocrisy of most nairaland men. That's the day that you will know that what the guy in this story is doing is wrong.

I will ignore the child.

Men here are too quick to just attack women even when the man is CLEARLY at fault. They didn't even acknowledge that she gave him the money. I don't know how they think.

thesuave10:
Who is this ÎMBECILE. Bîtch swerve jare

You almost sounded intelligent but your dumbness has been unmasked. You need more vocabulary "Mr Bitch"

Yoshy:
Well, it's from a guys point of view, maybe you girls understand better.

The fact that he is being elusive and not even picking up or returning calls is cause for concern. I don't know if men find it particularly difficult to return money they borrow from their women because most of the women i have related with never get their money back.

The men either disappear or start trying to use love and marriage to cover up. They could even become abusive towards her, saying she is not a virtuous woman...blah blah blah.
Let him borrow from his friends instead or they sign a contract with witnesses.

thesuave10:
Bîtch FÛCK off

See what parental negligence causes...producing children that become nuisance to the society.

pocohantas:
Believe me...I know their tricks. They are more skilled at their own, you won't even know what's happening. Unlike women that drop all their ego to beg...men will hold on to their own like oxygen, then you the woman will be looking for a way to fuel it for him. You have to show love na, you have to show you're different from the materialistic Naija women...

Lol @ showing love. I became very alert to things like that. My colleague's ex even moved out of his studio and house after she lent him money and refused to pay. She is still looking for him. And mine, a different story...he is probably in Bermuda triangle cos he just disappeared.

pocohantas:
Forget that one, im tongue dey very loosed...but somehow he talks other people are the one with issues...

I have noticed.

He should better avoid me if he wants to be a dirty mouth.

thesuave10:
That's as constructive as your bullshît comment deserves. So swerve bîtch. Get some sense and understanding

If i am a bitch, so is your mother. Grow up boy. Talk like you have sense. I doubt you can make a statement without vulgarity.

pocohantas:
If you think women are masters in reverse psychology...you have never seen men in action. They'll make you the bad one, and you'll try so hard to prove you're not like every other woman

When they can't get you in this spot, they tag you unsubmissive.

I was referring to guys using reverse psychology and emotional blackmail on women.
He will make it seem like she doesn't love him or she is not being understanding. "Is it because you gave me money?"...blah blah blah...
I have experienced this OP's situation and my former colleague has too. Both didn't end well.

thesuave10:
This One is clearly foolish. This is why we have judges and advisers Cuz normal people are ignorant and clueless

You are clearly a loose tongue without direction who thinks he can use insultive words on anyone. Better go and learn how to talk and disagree constructively and stop trying to be relevant by being abusive.

Yoshy:
I made a mistake of putting my money first in my relationship and it turned out bad. Forget the money for sometime, build the love back, try to understand his present situation. I understand he is not being emotionally available hence your concern about his loyalty, maybe he is stressed out cos of his situation, understand him first and if your findings proves he is out to dupe you, then you can use force to get your money back.

Which love? There is no love with the way he is acting. Get ur money if you can and move on. He is not trustworthy.

OLUJOSHINS:
He asked His lover for financial support when passing thru hard times.

She gave half of the agreed sum with the excuse that His business is in a very bad shape that it might not recover from. (This is a massive eye opener. Now he can calculate the strength of any possible support she will ever give him. He also knows the conditions attached to their love now).

He decided to tag along in a bid to rescue his business (This is more or less the same as making a deal with the devil. No more strings attached. just get all the support you can & hope to have enough time to pay back).

Luck smiled on him when she brought in technical support from her end to salvage the situation. (This can be likened to a new investor pumping strength to his new investment to help it gain enough ground to rise again). This is not an act of love.

His business is back on its feet.

The loan shark is knocking on his door.

With time, I believe He will pay her back. But He won't be silly enough to make the mistake of settling down with a woman like this.

Issues like this make me scared of the gender I am supposed to call my help meet.

This the reason why women should think twice before lending money to their bf. This kind of reverse psychology and emotional blackmail.

He should return the money and stop avoiding her calls

Op i hope his name is not Lekan?

Well, from experience and people around me, it is not really advisable to give a guy money even if you are dating or planning to wed. Their mouth is sweet when collecting it. They find it hard to return it .They will start blackmailing you with love and saying you are not caring...blah blah blah.

It is better to draw up a contract and sign with witnesses before giving out money that u cannot part with especially to a bf.

Right now,wait for sometime for the business to stabilize. When it does, request for your money.

Obodo999:
Why are saying "they" instead of "we" ?

Na you sabi

Acidosis:
But you comment about make-up painted face


Why una like lies ??

What has a made up face got to do with adding weight. Focus!!

TourismMan:
Ima, abadie?

Idioko

It is an offensive remark. It is nobody's business if you have added or lost. Nigerians use it as a form of greeting. I never comment about weight except i am asked directly.

I heard it is caused by wearing too many clothes for the baby. That some mums wear thick clothes, cap, flannel,etc in our weather and it causes it

Seems like the statistics were taken from Nairaland.

Obodo999:
lol. I thought women hate sex, they don't enjoy it and it is men that force them into it.

Wow! This is new. Women hate sex? And they are the ones that moan louder than the men...