RisenPhoenix:


Such concern about wanting to change his mind shows a simp mentality. It IS the wife's chore. Tell him that he's right about that but a man can help out with the chores ONLY IF HE WANTS TO, while a man's real chore is about making money for the family.

Otherwise, your approach will empower his wife to make him wash her undies in future and he'll have you to thank for that.

Rubbish. Before he gets married, who will do all that?

Belafonte:


True you can’t reason with a mad person, but walking away doesn’t cure madness, it only postpones your interaction with said madness

So she should be slapped?

Homeboiy:



I had such scenario

We were arguing and she said I should shut up or she will slap me.

I shut up, and kept quiet, after her ranting

I sat her down and told her that,that day should be the first and last day she will use such words on me, to avoid a bad omen.

Till today,she never tried it again

This oga should have kept calm and address the issue later when her sister might have left.

Cool.

Belafonte:


Walking away is not proper communication. That’s a recipe for her even becoming more brazen.

I agree he let it linger too long though

You cant reason with a mad person. Walk away and come back when she is calmer.

Belafonte:


Not that I support physical violence o. But as an expert communicator, what would you say is the appropriate answer to her telling him she’d pour water on him too ? Because I truly don’t know what I’d have done. I’d be speechless probably

Walk away. The problem is that the issue escalated till it went out of control. The period the wife was given silent treatment and maltreating the girl should have been used to communicate and sort out the issue.

greatme2good:

Leaving without at least informing her husband?

She was supposed to inform him. But saying let you see how she will go out and leave the kids at home is not cool. She can't be around 24-7.

Theunbreakablem:


Thanks have spoken to my mother in law on the phone , have told her everything that has happened in the house that I wanted to send the girl back to her but she pleaded with me that my wife had called her earlier in tears narrated everything and she admitted to be wrong and will change , begging her mother to plead with me to keep her sister with us. She promised to come over next week and have a chat with both of us.

Hitting your wife is wrong. Learn to communicate and avoid violence. Send that girl back. That talk about sleeping with her from your wife is disgusting. That girl is a teenager and shouldn't be in such a violent and unhealthy situation.

greatme2good:
Return the sister to her parents and don't let her have any house girl or relative to stay with again. Let's see who she will leave the kids for while going out.
But Op you are wrong to have slapped her and it seems there's no deep communication between the two of you coz her cursing you and her sister means there's something she's suspecting. Do not slap your wife again, apologize to her for slapping her.

So the woman is never supposed to leave the house because she has kids? Mind you I don't support leaving the sick child for a long time.

ctbhola:
I do understand you,cos I myself did a little traditional wedding for my wife,,but what is hurting me the most is that she went for a legally married man from her tribe,while she knows that the man is legally married to an akwa ibom woman who has children for him,,must she becomes a prostitute or an adulterous woman simply because a man has not paid her bride price,must she pay the man back with following a married man,,where is the Christian virtue in that? And the man has already made up his mind to do it,but with what she has done,,even me I will not accept her back,

1) They are not married so it is not adultery
2) Christian virtue after living in sin (fornication) ?
3) Why do you keep laying emphasis on the akwa ibom wife? If the man's wife were from Urhobo would it be better?
4) The man cheated on her when he has not paid her bride price and you want her to remain?

1x2x3:


So if you are married and you ended up getting a house help which your husband pays for, would you say he's helping with domestic duties or not?

Even with househelps, wives still do chores. Will he do half of the remaining chores the wife will do?

seanwilliam:
you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

Practice it in chores as well.

olabrinks:
Good. Wait until you get married first and you have to deal with in-laws with different personalities. Then you’ll have the right advice to give to this woman.

Don't be childish please. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. You don't know me or my status. Give your own professional housewife advice and move on. I'm sure you didn't read where i said she should be more tolerant. Please move on.

olabrinks:
Are you married? I highly doubt it, I’m sorry.

Okay.

Meeyankee:

Their house,their house,keep on saying their house. are you sure you understand the story at all? Just note that the lady’s husband and his brother are coming from somewhere. This how some of your girls treat their in-laws like strangers.she for understand the relationship between his husband and his brother or better still leave the relationship back then. Come no be only wife get husband ok. The husband get parents and siblings too.

Nobody is dragging the ownership of the grown man. He is now starting up his own nuclear family which comprises of him, his wife and kids. So any other person is a visitor to that home. It is not his house. It is the husband and wife's home.

Meeyankee:

With all this your advice, I guess the best thing for the guy to leave this house for you and who you are telling to treat him like a baby boy.

When you live in peoples houses, follow their rules. He should go back to his father's house if he can't. Some people will tell you to go and dish your own food or cook whatever you like in their houses. So their house, their rules. Since this is what she wants, he has to comply.

Iwantpeace:
Sorry its a bit long. Its just that I don't like anything that will disturb the peace of my mind. And again I have been to their family house and I know he can't do that there then why is he doing it in my place here

Tell him not to dish food by himself. Tell him you will dish it for him. After cooking, store some in the fridge and keep your husbands own aside and give him his. If you are going out, make sure you keep food for him to eat when he is hungry and tell him. Example: I kept beans for you, you can eat it if you are hungry. Remind him to wash his dishes after eating. Wash your own yourself because it is your duty not his except he offers. Also try to be more tolerant and stop reporting him, he wont be there forever.

Budline1:


So what do you want me to say now? You sounded like you were criticizing the act in your first mention now. You trolling me? Lol

I just have a problem with the word 'help'. Its a normal thing to do. You are not helping by doing it.

Budline1:


Yup. That isn't my duty but If situation on ground calls for it, How is that a bad thing? Like she's not so healthy or heavily pregnant... Are u sure that u are a female?..Was only responding to her based on what she's asking..

What has my gender got to do with it? Nigerian men. So its her duty? These are normal things people do in their homes. Like in the west you said. It is nobody's duty. When you do it, it is normal and not 'helping'.

Budline1:

Of course, why can't I help my partner?

Cooking what you will eat and cleaning your baby up is helping your partner? Smh

bongolistik:
Please I will like your honest suggestion with reasons on this.

She (Let's just call her Ada) stays with her sister and in-law, but her sister that she is staying with, feels she need some space with her husband, so she plans to settle her sister (Ada) in a way, so Ada can stand on her own and leave her home for her.

Ada is also tired of staying in her sister's place and she also need a space for herself. Ada is about 24 years old.

Note, Ada's sister is a police officer, likewise the husband. So on the settlement ground, she gave Ada two options to choose from, so Ada can leave her house and give her space. So she offered Ada to choose from sponsoring her to catering school or joining the police. At least as a police officer, coupled with her force husband too, they will certainly have the connection of easily having Ada join the police.

On the two options, she preferred Ada to join the police than sponsoring her to catering school, while on the contrary, Ada prefers going to catering school, so she can find something doing for herself after the catering school.

Now if you are Ada, what will you do? Will you press on to be sponsored for catering school or just give up to join the police against your wish, since joining the police will be an easier way out of leaving the sister's home?

Please your humble submission with reasons are needed for better decision.

Mode please move to front page

Allow Ada to do what she likes na. She wants catering, fine. Since you specified that Ada needs advice as a woman and you people believe that cooking was programmed into a woman alongside her 'woman parts', then allow her to go to catering school.

Hildagirl:
Please I am currently 8 months pregnant and I just want to know how mothers deal with this. My stomach is filled with black stretch marks all over, they’re not manageable. They look disgusting, I’ve added so much weight and this is making me depesssed. I’m a young woman in my early 20s, what have I done to deserve this? Why do we have to go through all of this just to bring a child into the world. This is affecting my self esteem and mental state. I cry every time I look in the mirror. What can I do about these horrible stretch marks, mothers in the house? What can I do about my low self esteem? I just can’t take this anymore.

The stretch mark may reduce with time. It is normal during pregnancy. There are creams you can use to control it. As for your weight, if you don't workout and control your diet before, during and after pregnancy, I really don't know the magic you want for that one. You need to love yourself and prepare for your bundle of joy. Please don't wait for any husband or partner to increase your self esteem... Love yourself.

chigoizie7:


The op topic says “ will I still be loved”?

Which means, she needs someone else validation.

The reason why people are asking if she is married is this.

If she is married, then knowing that her husband still loves her the way she is will go a long way in boosting her self esteem and she not going into depression. I mean, if the husband is not complaining, she shouldn’t be asking if she will still be loved.


Now, if she is someone who got pregnant, maybe a mistake or something and the baby daddy ain’t interested in her anymore. She is so worried, she doesn’t know if other men will still love her after the post pregnancy body. As a young girl in her early twenties, we all know that she would still love to date again or perhaps marry someone someday. But then, will the future man still love her? Will she still be attractive enough for men to want her? I guess those are her fears.


So, those people asking if she is married are not out of other. They are only asking that, to know what she really wants.

I think I get his point. You can simply ask what her partner thinks. Asking if she is married is totally unnecessary.

Sparkle777:


Pls read again and read to understand, I dnt use it daily.

It's the same thing. As long as you use it to prevent instead of treating (I wonder where you guys learnt that 'toilet' infections can be treated with that) ... But then, its just my opinion, you don't have to take it or be rude about it as well.

Sparkle777:
Most women have mycoten at home, I just got a pack. I use it whenever I use a toilet I dnt trust. I wonder why she's hiding it from u, probably because u will nag and complain abt her to stupor. You sound like a harsh husband who delights in embarrassing and shaming ur better half, so she avoids u on a regular. As for ur threat, I know u will do it one day cos as the mind thinketh so is he. I only pray ur village ppl do u like that abia man that shot his wife. That aside, sit her down for a romantic dinner and make her feel like a woman maybe she will discard her own planned evil against u,abi u tink say she no get herown mindset?

You are abusing the drug. It may no longer work for you when you genuinely need it.

nigeriagospel:
I have a very brilliant boy of 10 years old heading to jss1 next year.

My plan is, I don't want him to "fed" with just our usual terminologies style educational system that makes many people have nothing to show for their schooling years except knowing to speak English and a certificate alone as skills seems to be the main thing now especially (digital)

My plan is to register him in an IT hub where he can learn programming or a specialise school where he can learn cinematography (music video directing) and also introduce him to YouTube as a good source of learning all these aside the physical institution.

I plan to execute my plan by letting him get the training during holidays instead of the normal lesson and or maybe make him enrol for junior waec from jss2 while he uses one year to acquire the skill before heading to SS 1 .

How good is this plan parents in the house?

I just want him to have a direction at an early age, as in having fun while learning ,I plan to get him some gadget for that.

Find out what he wants to do with his life first. Cinematography ke? If he wants to be an architect or doctor for instance, you may end up ruining him.

Interesting.

We4all:

All rubbish were once great assets.

Continue typing rubbish. I'm out.

We4all:

You think so cos 2 and 2 contains your most cherished act;SEX.

I will call my most cherished act rubbish?

1 and 4 are true. The rest are rubbish.

kayzbrian:
And he dressed to church like this, hear rings, dog chainz....,,
He doesn’t know what he’s even doing there!

Mr. judge it is ear not hear.

Christmasdon:
I want to ask , is this right. ? her best friend a female colleague who came to submit an affidavit near a control post not too far from Nigeria, the day to return to her place ran out of her, she decided to find a one-night hospitality at her female friend of hers. A school course mate to mention. What am asking is that, is it right for she to allow her female friend visitor to sleep together with her on her own matrimonial bed whose husband travelled to the village for a one week xmas/New year festival.
hope you got my message clearly?
Thanks and drop your own personal opinion.
HAPPY NEW YEAR SWEET Nairalanders!
@Mod do the needful.
God bless.

This is difficult to read. Please, edit it.

[quote author=rain21 post=85801770][/quote] Ok.