JONNYSPUTE:

. And is it wise for a lady to be waiting upon a man before she could get up her feet and find something doing at least to sustain herself?

Where did i say it is wise? Why should anyone date such a girl in the first place?

luminouz:


Yen yen yen... Local hen

You raise local hens or what?

livebyday:


I do,and my type have their lives figured out
.they don't come to a relationship seeking assistance

So it feels natural. Yes we support each other but it's natural

Not some one sided chorefest

You just said you support each other. Is it not the point I made? When a husband decides to go back to school and the wife works harder taking care of the home, is that not support? The person going to work everyday that comes back to meet a warm meal at home is not being supported? Think well next time before calling someone's post trash Mr. Adult. Bye

livebyday:


Helping someone get a job? Next thing I should lecture and teach nuclear physics ?

Is this an academy ? Look I come to a relationship to rest not do more work

Then date your type. Simple.

livebyday:

Please read my last post aunty
Don't be so salty

I read it. It is trash.

livebyday:


You sound idealistic and not realistic


My dear I repeat , it is called self development.

This kind set you have is why marriages crash . You have two people of different backgrounds with their own baggage coming to a marriage with expectations?

A marriage or relationship isn't where you go to fix your issues ! You are an adult fix yourself before getting committed to a relationship.

So if you come to me with nothing but culinary skills as your knowledge base then that is entirely your fault

I am not here to fix you, it's hard enough fixing me talkless of you

This is why I always say, not everyone should be in a relationship or marriage! Some people just have the wrong ideology.

Your partner isn't there to fix your issues, this is why alot of relationships in Nigeria feel so stressful and tiring. Because alot of womenhave your mindset and come there with their baggage looking for whom to dump on .

If you are old enough to decide move in with him then you are old enough to have figured out what you need to doing to fix your life

Nobody can fix anybody. The word is encourage. Spouses help each other get jobs, get another degree or start businesses.

livebyday:
[s][/s]

This is utter trash

It is called self development! Self development!!

Self being the active word! Meaning tis something you do yourself!

Grow up Madam

You and the op are the ones writing trash. Any man that sees that his woman has no plans for her life can encourage her to be a better person.

Esseite:




Do the people that make the Jean's have two heads?... is it not the same blood that flows through your veins that goes through theirs?...

What has all the jeans you have been wearing added to your growth in life?

Okonjo wear majorly Ankara and today she is a more renowned African than you and myself with our Jean's..

Ankara originated from Europe. Most of the Ankara's you see are imported. So you can now see how westernized Africa is.

Noneroone:
Pls stay married in your lane. Happy people don't get defensive. you sound disoriented yet want to advice another.

for your education, love is unconditional but marriage is very well conditional. You must love everyone but you must not cross every boundary if you want your marriage to stay strong ,last long and have a Compact family. culture and value compatibility are part if it. Any Igbo man that marries a Yoruba woman must have been in a wrong place at the wrong time when he met her. There is not political correctness about it

Any body that marries you must be really desperate.

YourNextLevel:
Stay away from sugar and drinks that contains sugar

Drink oat meal and avacado pear also water and kpomo meat because of fiber

kpomo does not contain fiber.

Godislove1234:

Thanks brother

It is too early to create this thread. It is not her parents that will give you the list. It is her kinsmen. Her parents don't have a say. You must buy everything on the list. Even if they let her go on credit, it will be recorded that you never completed the rites. So get the list first before celebrating.

Slynation:

Ibo is the correct way of spelling Igbo....
They don't join two consonant alphabets together in Ibo, unless it's a consonant vowel sounds....
You may not understand this tho....

The CH in Chukwu is a vowel sound right?

kuluTemper:
You must have watched too many foreing movies, just watch Nigerian home videos and you will see that the crime scene is already conteminated by people and further conterminated by the Nigerian Police.

What you haver described is the ideal, but welcome to Nigeria.

Contaminated

dannyla:


Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

Your mom will be fine. Tell her before he tells her. This is not enough reason to marry him. He does not love you.

Henvest:
There is this shop I normally stock my house from then. One day I came to buy things as usual, the guy, the owner of the shop introduced one girl to me telling me she is his sister. After that day I stopped seeing the guy but only the girl in the shop.

One day I traveled, while on the travel someone called, introduced herself and explained who she is. Obviously she took my number from my younger brother staying with me. She pretended to be angry with me for not telling her am traveling and for me not knowing her name before then. Of course I apologized but she demanded I should take her out when am back before she will accept my apology I obliged.

I came back kept to my promise but made it in an open place, National theater precisely.
But then she booked another date next week but insisted it won't be open place anymore.. The rest is history.

One day I came to her shop to buy something and over heard a close friend calling her Iyawo Ossy, that wasn't the first I heard someone address her as Iyawo Ossy but I become curious this time because this person is a close friend and should know better. She tried to wave it with excuse of anybody is free to call her what they like but when I insisted, she finally opened up.....

Ossy was not her brother but her fiance with whom she has been together for 6 six years.
But, according to her Ossy is waiting for her to take in before going to see her people.
The reason why both of them chose to be telling people they are siblings remain a mystery to me till today....

I got mad and call it quit with her for trying to use me to secure marriage. The whole relationship did not last up to 2 months but obviously it was a bit late already.

Weeks later it become obvious she is pregnant, deep inside of me I felt am responsible, but when I ask her she insist it belong to Ossy. I push but she stood her ground insisting it belongs to Ossy.
She went further denying the timing of the pregnancy, if doctor is saying 2 months she will be claiming her pregnancy is 1 month.

To my greatest surprise become hostile and start avoiding me even go further to claim they went for paternity test and the result shows it belong to the guy.

I gave up, dust my self and moved on.
Nine months later she put to bed to a girl..
Months later I move out of that area.
One day my phone rang it was her, she demanded that she need to see me, that she has an important discussion with me. I opt to recharge and call her for us to do the discussion on phone but she insisted so I sent her my new address.

Two days later she came, what she came to tell me was that she is leaving the guy that the marriage thing is not working.
She was seriously crying all through I tried all i could to console her but then one thing lead to another sex happened again. When she is about to leave she told me that am the father of her daughter not Ossy. That the story of going for paternity test was true but that the test never happened because the counsellor they meet ask them to go back and rethink it again but the Ossy changed his mind at the process.

I laugh off the story and asked her to take her leave because to me she is just trying to activate her option B. Two months later she called to inform that she has not seen her period I told her am not Interested in her stories again but then my conscience was never at peace. I keep asking my self what if pregnancy and the girl truly belong to me?

One year plus later I decided to go look for them I told my girl, now fiance and she give her support ..

What I saw when I reached there almost make me cry, her condition is so bad. There and then I decide to come in and start assisting her as much as i can pending when I go for DNA. My family kick against my decision, their reason is that the girl story is not to be trusted, on the other hand my girl was supportive but kick against DNA claiming if it is done and they are not mine my feelings for the kids will change.
But from then I start taking care of their feeding, schooling, clothing, rent e.t.c

After like a year my girl suggest I open business for the girl instead, so that she doesn't have to come to me for everything everytime except school fees and medical bills.

I bought the idea and asked the lady to go look for shop ...
While on that i told her of the need to open account for the kids.

Two days later she came back to tell me that her brothers said she should not change the name of the kids...

That the kids will bear the name of who ever that marry her or the name of her family if the person don't want them.

Now what happened was that, she once told me that she need to change the girls surname to mine. Before then i don't know their surname nor attach any importance to it. So while discussing the idea of opening the account for the girls I innocently suggest that she go do the change of name before opening the account.

I was hit by her responds and her body language so I told her that she and her brothers can go suit theirselves, that from then henceforth I have hands off her matter.

Later that day she called and begged but I told her that the only condition for me to keep assisting her is that she will change their names and also release one of them to me.

She said i should make out time and come down to her base so that we will discuss it. I discuss it with my fiance and she permit me to go. When I get there and raise the topic she flame up telling me she won't try it, that that is the position of her family.

Obviously she was expecting a fight or angry reactions from me so that she can push her terms and agenda to the table ..

But was disappointed when I don't fall for that, she start begging that she can change their names but can't release any to me. I told her is no longer an option.

The meeting end at that and I took my leave, go with the start up capital i was meant to give her for her business.

She sent people to me to beg on her behave but I insisted. Finally she agreed, but with a condition that she (the first girl) must be up to 5years which is few months away then before she release her.

I sense lies in the whole thing but my girl insist I should release the fund for her to start the business of which I did when her pressure become much.

Since then I still pay their school fees nd medical bills...
Late last year the small one did surgery it was on me.

The 1st is 7 now the 2nd is 4 years old.
This year she said she wanna marry, that someone is asking for her hand in marriage
I congratulate her and wish her luck. Then ask her her plan for the kids.

What she answered me is " let the will of God be done"

I called the woman, her friend who first told me about the marriage thing, after much drilling she open up that they have agreed with the man that he is going to marry her the kids.

I don't have any problem with that even though I feel used but my only problem is why lying to me again? At that point am yet to pay their graduation /party fees out of anger I decide am not going to pay it again. I told her to go meet their new father to pay the remaining, but my conscience kept battling me.

My fiance is extremely mad at her now and have withdraw her support and insist I cut of with her entirely .

I understand her, she has been very understanding, supportive and always fighting for them even without knowing them or them knowing her.

I feel so bad for putting her in that position.
That becomes a very messy situation for me now becus I cant afford to ruin my relationship / marriage because of a renowed liar.

But what will be of those kids if I hands off them keep am awake some times at night because I don't wanna be that father that abandon his kids but I cant afford to do anything which my woman do not approve or take her for granted in anyway.


Is obvious she is trying to blackmail me with the kids, But then am not even sure if they are mine ,and she have refused to release them because if she do I can be able to go for DNA. And know what next from there.

For a while now we have not talk, She called two weeks ago that the kids wanna talk to me obviously for school fees I turn it down and warn her against calling my line again ...

I don't know if that is right, I'm confused now.
My another worry now if those kids are mine is,
When it comes to Education we are at opposite end.

She don't attach importance to education but me I attach so much importance to it.
I can't trust her with the education of those kids.
Please I need advise on how to handle things.

Sorry to say this... You don't have sense at all.

JeffreyLiaison:
She's cooking as if they swear for her.
Only insane people put tomato inside okra soup.

That is pepper!

colestephan86:

And who told you there are no poppers in your trophy countries, my advice to u is work hard make your phone charger no first you blow.

Poppers

sammirano:

Na them sabi, when you get to France they don't consider you.

Okay. We are on yorubaland I guess.

itsme01:
i like the infussion of yoruba to better capture the emotion and feelings

And the readers that don't understand Yoruba?

Charleys:


There's nothing like okra soup. It's okro soup.

Okra is the name of the plant while okro is the name of the "fruit" it bears.

At the end na the same thing

Lol. Please this is not true. Research first before putting some things on nairaland.

Ginaz:


Body shaming ? Did I call her unprintable names? I said she should cut on her weight , she’s big already. Where is the body shaming biko?

I’ve never called someone out on their weight before , but this just got to me cos she’s a pretty lady. Stop crying cow like I have committed a treason. I stated an obvious fact!

My point exactly. 'obvious fact' means you don't need to say it. Congratulate her and move on. Bye.

Ginaz:


It’s only in Nigeria someone would talk about weight it feels like a bad thing. Abeg sweve.

Everywhere o. Some people call it 'body shaming'. Ever heard of that?

Ginaz:
Beautiful couple but tell the lady to cut down on her weight. She’s big already.

The comment about her weight is not necessary. I'm sure she already knows she is big.

MrBrownJay1:


again, as soon as kids start to go to preschool, many have absolutely NOTHING to do... and bored out of their mind.



it has all to do with the fact that this is what SOCIETY expects of men and women.... and if you believe that both men/women are the same in marriage then fair enough. so what is your solution to the main issue then?!

many of you ladies are quoting me yet very few of you are bringing any possible solution to the table....

I still don't know where you see these women that have nothing to do. Even women in the villages go to the farm. But I rest my case.
Women quoting you had to leave the topic first and face you because your fallacious statement was distracting. The topic is another big fallacy. In my part of the world, people care for both parents. So we need to ask the op again where he got these facts from.

MrBrownJay1:


here is a simple clue: if you tell anyone you are married with children and unemployed, most wouldnt bat an eyelid.... now if you say the same as a man, people would insult the bejesus out of you. so yes, many married women out there with children have jobs (and thats great) but thats is not a NECESSITY placed upon them in marriage, while it is for MEN from day one, whether with or without kids.

That is not the point. The point is very few women are housewives in this age and time. Almost every woman has something to do. So men and women are now very busy. So whether people insult men when they say they are unemployed has nothing to do with that your statement that says women sit at home and watch TV. That is what everyone disagreeing with you is focusing on.

MrBrownJay1:


yes sista, thats my honest analysis of family in Nigeria/Africa... sadly you people are blinded by the fact that its MBJ (a man) who says such, while we all know that part of the blame is these same Nigerian/African men who dont allow/want their wives to get a job (to begin with), thanks to their misplaced ego.
again, we have to be honest here. majority of women are NOT desperate for marriage because they want to be on equal ground with hubby, they want marriage so they can become what the Nigerian/African society believes she is.....AKA a cook/cleaner/womb attendant.



how can you call MY opinion a lie?!?!?! call it a wrong opinion, if you may, but a lie?! nah!

Where did you crawl out from? In this 2019? Watching telemudo at home? So all the female bankers, school teachers, engineers etc stay at home all day and watch TV? Interesting. Very interesting.

nkwuocha:
Silly!
You had all the time in the world,but arrogance and cheap popularity was your bane.Even if your father is a wizard,give him his due respect then you distance yourself from anything that might bring unhealthy rivalry.


I have a very good friend.His father lived a wreckless life.He never acknowledged him as a child ,even his step siblings weren't exempted.Infact,the father is very example of a useless man!Didn't train ANY of his numerous kids from different women.But,today he is very wealthy.When he talks about the evil his father did to him,he usually have a teary eyes,but that never stopped him from making sure the old man gets best if health care.Other children no care sef,them dey pray for the man to die sef....if not my friend,they were ready to abandon him in the hospital to die. Infact,they abandoned him!

Now,in as much as he takes care of his father,the lions share of his grace goes to the uncle that trained him.He didn't buy his father an SUV but he bought for the uncle,his mother's brother.His old man is aware but kept mute,ofcourse he knows the one who trained his own son deserves a car and not a useless man like him.

Still not too late.

People are different.

chigoizie7:



Very very terrible, including those around me on Nairaland, of which you are not an exception .

Who says I'm a woman?

chigoizie7:
Come and see all of them shouting career.

But none of them is pursuing any. Well, except for olosho careers .

The women around you must really be terrible.

cipslim:
I understand that when it comes to sensitive topics like marriage and career especially for women, a lot of people have different opinions. Whatever your opinion is I do respect it; different things work for different people. Without much ado, let get into it.

Women who want to have kids should make it a high priority in their early twenties – late twenties to find a “partner”, (Note, I quote a partner, not a husband, as much as I am pro-marriage, it’s just not for everyone and not all women want a husband). According to statistics, it’s harder for women in their late thirties to get married.

Another big reason is because of the pressing issues facing Generation X: infertility. We are experiencing more women having issue with getting pregnant naturally and the cost of IUI or IVF is not getting any cheaper. Honestly, you have your whole life to get a career and you can even change career at any time in life. This is not true about having a baby.

If you are already in your 30s, single and want to have kids, you need to find a partner now. Take that career drive and direct it toward mating because your career skills will outlast your ovaries.

As much as I believe women should not be pressured into getting married as most African parents or families do, the reality is the woman’s biological clock is running. However, there is lots of evidence to show that a woman’s biological clock takes a nose-dive from age 35. A huge percentage of fertility statistics get bad at 35.

Mating ke? As animals that we are na. All you people think about is marriage. This is why Nigeria keeps getting worse. Leave people to live their life the way they choose. So if a woman is getting old like you said and she is single, her priority is to be sleeping around until she gets pregnant? Well done.

GeoAfrikana:

Wife's?

Lol. I didn't even see that. I meant they are not yet married. So it is baby mama to be or girlfriend.

ngwababe:
Until i see his wife's phone or girlfriend's phone, then I will say what's on my mind.

So he is the one responsible for the choice of phones for his wife? She cannot pick the phone she wants?