₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Shy-One link=topic=619037.msg7871628#msg7871628 date=1299597547]I won't date a man who is out of shape - big belly - NO WAY

It is important to be in shape and if you are not in shape you need to get yourself together before you give yourself to another person. No matter how long it takes - you should focus on yourself. Before you share yourself with another.[/quote]So you saying if a person is "out of shape" then they don't deserve love and happiness? I'm not in "shape" <--(thin), and I'm in a more than satisfied and happy relationship. I've never had any complaints about me lacking in *anything.* You feel me? I use to have that mentality too that I didn't deserve a real man and to be geninely happy because I was big. My body size don't make me who I am as a human being and determine my worth. However, everyone IS entitled to be with whom they want to be with and has the freedom to choose to be with whom they want to be with.

Hmm, I always relayed a "broken heart" the same as "broken spirited".  But then again, the bible do say: "guard your heart with all diligence".  All the same.  Whatever the real meaning is, it's a very deep emotion/feeling and it's something nobody wants to go through. But eventually one time or another it will happen.

Regardless on how to end a relationship, it's going to hurt.  Rather it be as quietly, politely or lovingly. Granted she feels the same deep feelings as you.  With any loss, you are going to be hurt, heart broken and grieve.  That's all apart of the healing process.  But I can tell you this much, if you both agreed that it's best to part ways, then it's best to do it now than later.  The longer you hold on, the more harder and confusing it's going to get.  Ending a loving relationship is tough on everybody and alot of us has already been through it and probably even going through it right now.  But I'm saying all this to say, if you need to find the "right" words to say goodbye, you can seek God for wisdom and guidance or just let it drift away naturally by no more contact no matter how bad you get the urge.  Sometimes it's best to just back away and walk away peacefully and don't look back and keep moving forward.  The pain won't last forever.  That's IF you allow it too.  Just move on with your life and she will do the same.

[quote author=deal_ordea link=topic=618517.msg7863163#msg7863163 date=1299507663]If you love someone, but you know they aren't right for you what do you do? Do you take the chance? Or do you let them go?, What if everyones against you, nobody wants you to be together, they all say it will end up wrong, do you still take that chance?



Take note of what I highlighted above.  If YOU know this person isn't right for you, then WHY would you waste your time on this person.  Frankly, rather or not if OTHER people approve of my relationship or not is irrelevant since it has NOTHING to do with them.  This is YOUR life.  The only opinions matters here is GOD, you and the other party involved.  That's the end of story.  Anyone else, far as livedit is concerned don't dictate to me who I should and shouldn't be with.

However, if you feel deep down in your heart/spirit that this person isn't right for you.  Don't waste your time.  Move on to find someone else who IS right for you.[/quote]

@ Inked_Nerd and fstranger3 -  thank you both so much!  Yes, I'm very happy.  I know livedit like to get carried away when she talks about God and her man.  But it's all the joy I have that only comes from the goodness of God above.  It's been a crazy several weeks and it's almost over with.  The anticipation is killing us both.  Anyway's, thank you!  

My original "mission" as you call it coming here was to learn more about Nigerian culture/people. In the process, I felt that I could share some of my experiences and/or encourage people with any advice I feel would be relevant or helpful to them. I love people and love to help people. Besides, what's not to like, some of you are so hilarious, I can't help but to continue my "mission" of coming back to these boards.

Because that "man" didn't love you in the first place.

I still don't know the difference between the tribes. Igbo, Hausa, whatever, Really, I could careless, it's about that particular man. Is he a good man? Will he treat me like the Queen I am? Is he respectful, love God etc. Right now, I'm currently engaged to a wonderful fine Yoruba man (March 26th is our wedding date) and I couldn't ask for anyone better! Yes, he works my nerves sometimes with his playfulness. But his overall character and how he treat me is more than a woman could ask for. I am very blessed. If the man/woman treats you right, you are compatible spiritually, physically, emotionally and they are a good person inside and out, I say go for it. Each man and woman have their own uniqueness in them and the tribe their from is irrelevant to livedit. Last time I checked, their are only two species, male and female human beings.

The same as why alot of women lust after a man. Man or woman, you see something very appealing to the eye, you want it. Or lust it. Depends on your mentality and/or self control of how you act on it. Men are visual creatures and was made that way. Blame it on all that testerone in their body. They are who they are.

Not ALL women are materialistic. Let's keep it real, man and woman like to have nice things etc. Nothing wrong with that. But that's not what I look for in a relationship. I don't need a natural man to take care of me. I look to God as my source. I seek a man with quality, not quantity. He can have all the money in the world to buy me the world literally, but if he don't have that "inner quality" which actually determines the man he truly is, then he keep it moving.

  No, more like little BOYS lies come with an expiration date.  A real man 1st will know who he is in Christ Jesus.  Don't have time nor have any interest to play kindergarden games with people's hearts. In addition to having God in his life, he will also possess great integrity, maturity, security and respectful enough to keep it real with a woman if he ain't feeling her to begin with.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=625880.msg7940193#msg7940193 date=1300478197]Hey Girl! I agree and that why I said that I will never be unrealistic. It is easy saying what you won't do until the time comes then it is like DO OR DIE.[/quote]Sup Mrs. Chima girl!  Exactly! I remember growing up and I would see my older brothers use and play women. And I'd be like, that would NEVER happen to me.  Those women are pathetic and dumb. Can't they see they being played.  That was how my thinking was back then.  And then who would think, years later, livedit became one of those women.  So again, "Never Say Never".   

It's possible this person may be dehydrated and/or have diabetes or something. I use to date a guy who had that same issue. But what made it worse is, he occassionally had "toxic" bad breath for which I didn't kiss him at all. So yes, that was a 180 degree turn off. Far as the saliva on the sides of his mouth, I really don't think he could help that part much. I would have him to stop talking which is why so much spit was accumalating, wipe his mouth and swallow his spit first before kissing him. But I never did any deep kissing with him. When I look back before livedit matured into a real woman, I should've addressed that issue to him because I'm a woman who likes to make sure everything is tight on me and I like the same in return. So my point is, I would tell that person the deal (kindly) by letting them know that is something that bothers you. If it's a medical problem, then you will either have to deal with it, don't kiss at all, or just leave.

Then why get married then if there should be an expiration date?  You vow to love each other and become one in spirit with this person for the rest of your life.  That is why you date this person first and get to know them to decide rather or not you two are a match and if this is someone you spend the rest of your life with.  It's even in the vows. "Through sickness and in health, richer or poorer, for bad times or good times."  It doesn't say do you vow to love one another until you get tired of one another or "fall out of love with each other" or some other silly reason.  You are vowing to be with that person until DEATH do you part.  That means, your marriage suppose to end if one or both of you die.  Sadly, this day in age, alot of people do not respect the sanctuary of marriage and marry for all the wrong reason and with the wrong person.  This is what happened when God isn't first in a marriage and HE has ordained it.  Just sad,  

MrBrownJay is right.  If he is like this now and you have talked to him and his not willing to change his ways.  Then it's only going to get worse if you do decide to proceed with this wedding.  Have you two tried pre-marital counseling?  Would he be willing to at least try that first? For a person who is irresponsible and immature who is not man enough to take responsibility for his actions is someone you may want to reconsider marrying him right now.  This is only if, he is set in his ways and not going to change at all.  Then on top of that to disrespect you like you are a child. 

I would highly advise seeking God and praying for wisdom and direction at this point.  Because like MrBrownJay said, what kind of example will he and YOU for allowing it, to set for your child/children if you plan to have any in the future.  No one deserves to be treated like that.  Mutual love, respect, open communication and trust is pertinent in a relationship.

I would say: "Never say never. " So many people like to use that word and then end up one day doing exactly what they said they will never do.  What I can say is: Through the grace and mercy of God, I will never do blank in a relationship.

Next time, he will just have to be careful whom he lay down with. Make sure you know this person's health history first and your's. Don't matter if the "pearl" "looks" nice or "smells" nice, it STILL can be carrying some kind of infection.

A close guy friend, calls me out the blue and tells me he wants to cuddle?? Not, he wants to take me out, wants to "kick it" with me, or even sleep with me. But "cuddle"??

Knowing me, I would burst out laughing thinking he was joking around. Don't get me wrong, there are men who love to cuddle. I love to cuddle. But you two are friends, never discussed having a relationship and he just call out the blue and say "livedit, I want to cuddle"?

Well I would think depending on the person at hand, if she is interested in "cuddling" with that guy then I would think she would take him up on his offer. If not, she may tell him to get lost.

Most men aren't big on talking on the "phones" anyway.  If this issue bothers the person, then maybe he/she could try talking to that person to find out why they don't call.  Maybe this is the kind of person who only uses the phone in case of an emergency and rather communicate with their partner in person.  If this person is doing all the calling all the time, stop calling so much.  Continue on with your life. Once their partner realize one day "hey, so and so didn't call me" then they may call more then.  Sometimes people get spoiled and expect the other person to call more than them so they don't have to make the effort.

You two had sex. You asked God to forgive you. Now the bible says you are to completely turn away from that sin and don't do it again as it is forgotten. Now you worrying as to why she didn't bleed when you two fornicated?? What does it matter at this point? I guess I'm not understanding why blood/no blood is an issue with some people. Not all women bleed their first time. As other's pointed out, if she's active into sports she could've broke her hyman then. Have she ever had a thorough exam at a GYN office? It could've been broken then. That's how my hyman was broken. It wasn't through intercourse. Then to, if she's into "self play" with "toys" she could've broke it then. OR, it's possible you weren't her first. What's the big deal with it?

Bottom line, you love and/or care about this person, you two are in a monogamous relationship now. What she did in her past BEFORE she met you is not any of your business. We know for sure, she's not a virgin now. Unless there is reason to think she is cheating or something else going on, why not just let it go and move on with your life? I really think you are "making a mountain out of a mole hill." Let it go.

25omega:
dude you said she cheated on you but you still worry about hurting her feelings if you break up with her

aren't your feelings hurt? did she care about your feelings? and what exactly do you need her for anyway?
Besides breaking up with someone doesn't have to be all dramatic n sh1t you can just let her know that you found out she cheated and you want to end the relationship. Simple

I agree with 25omega. I understand you care about her feelings because you still care about her. It is nearly impossible to break up with someone and they don't be hurt. Granted they still have feelings for you still. I mean, you don't have to be cruel when/if you break it off with her. Most of the times, it's not always what you say, but how you say it. She has proven to be untrustworthy and a cheater. So regardless, her feelings right now would be the least important.

Why would you want to "see" someone who is obviously already in a relationship? That's messed up that she cheating "seeing" you while see is currently involved. She blatantly told you to your face she will be spending time with her "boyfriend" so pretty much you should know where you stand in this "relationship". Now, if she's "fibbing" about even having a boyfriend, then why would you want to be with someone who starts relationships out lying and/or playing games. Having a work "romance" can get really sticky, especially if it don't work out and end on bad terms. Until you find out the real facts, and if you are that interested in her, then I think you need to slow your roll and try to get to know more about her first. You may find out that she is not what she is cracked up to be. My guess is, and it's only a guess, she probably "seeing" other men too! Maybe you need to think about that for a minute.

No, I wouldn't be offended. It's not like he was saying, you would be attactive if you did this or that. Instead, it was you would be even prettier or more attractive if _____. He/she is simply admiring your beauty already and feel by doing this, you really going to be on point. I'm all for making myself look even better for my partner. I care about his happiness as well as mine.

Jaybee is right about ending all contact with this guy period. No more phone calls, text, FB etc. with him because all it's doing is keeping you in bondage to this guy.  If you need to, change your number so he can stop calling you.  I know it's hard when you genuinely care for a person, but it's not impossible.  It's only impossible when you make it impossible.   Please listen to what your ex told you.  He told you how he felt about you.  He told you that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you and see's you as a "friend".  Why continue to waste anymore of your time in hopes he will make-up his mind and come back to you?  Why keep prolonging the heartache.  Because to be realistic, you are the only one sitting here with a broken-heart.  You don't deserve this.  You deserve someone who will know what he wants and emotionally available to be that man you yearn to be with.  Someone who is on the same page or wave length as you.  All the while life is still moving on without you.  He is living his life dating and so on and you should be doing the same.  Time is something you can NEVER get back.  As always, you can always pray to GOD to help you, to mend your broken heart, to release this guy from out of your spirit and out of your life.  Because he will do that if you go to HIM with a genuine heart.  But all contact has to cease in order for you to heal and truly move on with your life.  Know in your heart and in your mind that you deserve the best.  And frankly, you're not getting it right now from this guy.  It hurts, I know. It may hurt for a while, because the longer you stay in this situation the harder it will get to get over him.   You don't want to wake up 30yrs from now wondering what the heck happened to your life.  You don't have to miss out on anything else life has to bring your way.  Just try to keep moving forward and DON'T look back.  Because tomorrow isn't promised to no one.  Live your life to the fullest.

Hi kokoye,

Echoing what the others have said, what can I do? Everybody has a right to live their life how they want to. It's all about choices. You can choose right or you can choose wrong. Who am I to judge?

I do not approve of his/her choice, but I still have to respect it. But keeping it 100, I'm completely against homosexuality. It's an abomination to GOD and all I can do is continually pray that my sibling get delivered and set free from that homosexual demon. I wouldn't stop loving my sibling either way or any less if they were gay/lesbian. They are still human and my blood. Livedit just wouldn't be happy about it.

Okay, let livedit get this straight.  You two have only been dating for 3 weeks and you two are talking commitment already? You don't even know this woman and vice versa.  Why not take the time to get to know each other first before you decide to commit to her.  Because it seems that is what she plan on doing. This is more than likely the reason why she is not ready to let the other guy go.  Why don't you get out and date other people as well.  I'm not saying not to date or "see" her, but it's kinda too early to be thinking about settling down so quickly with someone who obviously wants to "play the field".  She just maybe a nice woman indeed, but right now you should take the time to make sure she is the right woman for you before jumping full force ahead.

190:
[color=deeppink]^^ You have spoken well and long!![/color]

Thank you 190!     Sorry, livedit tend to get carried away.  

DEFINITELY! But in a loving and caring way. I say be compassionate about it. If something is not working, then politely let them know. Talk to them, guide them to the right spot to satisfy you. How would they know if you never say anything. They getting theirs and Livedit not down for that "faking it". Because you are the one losing out in the end. You have to take control of your orgasm and speak out to your partner and let them know what's working and what's not working in this case. Sexual compatibility is very important when in a relationship so that's something you definitely need to tackle immediately.

I guess the question would be, what does she nag about? Does she nag about everything or just specific things IE., picking up after yourself, household chores, spending time together, sex, money etc. ?  Has she always nagged like this or has it recently started? 

Women nag for a number of reasons.  Most women nag because they don't feel like you are "listening" to them or they aren't being heard that you are brushing them off like you don't care what they are saying.  Some maybe feel you are neglecting your "duties" in some areas and feel the only way to get something or whatever it is done is to nag you until you get frustrated enough and do what ever it is.  An habitual nagger is usually someone who is unhappy, upset and/or miserable in their current state/relationship.  Therefore, she will nag to whomever will listen.

You can try sitting down having a heart to heart talk with her and discuss this issue of nagging and how it makes you feel when she constantly nags like that.  You definitely need to address this issue if it bothers you this much before you get married. Because if you don't, it won't get better once you get married if you haven't dealt with this NOW.  Because more than likely, it's going to get worse. And we know you don't want that.  And after discussing this issue (note, I said, discussing, not arguing, ridicule, or nagging back) and she continues to do it.  Then at this point you either going to have to accept her as she is and deal with it. Because it could be possible, she just one of those women who likes to nag. Or seek God and pray for guidance on what to do about this relationship. Because you definitely don't want to go into this marriage with "baggage."  That's not a good way of starting off a marriage. Communication is the key and coming to a great compromise that's comfortable or equal for both parties involved.