₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=614263.msg7824237#msg7824237 date=1298999214]You can cuss suga. I did it for you. Hey! How you be?

On the real,

I have nothing against people doing online dating, phone dating, and air dating. I am simply saying that we have to be careful whom we are talking to because everybody is not their true self on the FIRST GO and that is the truth for all. We as human typically put our best foot forward when we initially meet anybody regardless if they are male or female. We have been raised to show our best and impress the rest for which why people are most likely polite, respect, and courteous upon meeting for the first time in this case talking on the phone.

I am not saying that you can't fall in love but that is highly unlikely to fall in love with someone you haven't spend physical time with them. You can develop feelings but we need to understand that feelings and emotions are two different things. Feelings are something that is vibe related meaning that it feels good to be talking to a man or a woman. Emotion is innate and think of it like a baby. You nurture the baby, feed the baby, touch the baby, and teach the baby the ways then the baby become a fruition of your hard work. That how love is. It is not something that you can go to the grocery store and say I want ten pounds of love and now I am in love. That not how it works. If that was the case, EVERYBODY WOULD BE IN LOVE.

So again, be careful and enjoy yourself.[/quote]What it do Mrs. Chima!

You are sooooo silly girl. OMG! I can cuss? Lol Too funny! You just make my every time I log onto these boards.

On a serious note, you did touch on some very good points. In the past, when I was immature, naive and not game to the real world. Anybody can be what they want to be in "cyber world" contouring themselves to appease the other party on the other line. But I strongly recommend to meet this person as soon as possible. As alot of times, that person is usually not who they said they were, embellished on the "truth" and in alot of cases, you have no chemistry whatsoever in real life. Believe me, livedit has "lived-it" before. Why waste precious time that you will never get back.

Nothing like being in-love. Aahhhhhhh

[quote author=Mr, Cork link=topic=614578.msg7824469#msg7824469 date=1299001036]livedit . sweeery can i love you? [/quote] You silly Mr. Cork.  


[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=614578.msg7824529#msg7824529 date=1299001595]We all live in a world that is saturated by WANTS. We as humans are not conscious of the fact that we should be focusing on what we need. What we need is simplicity. That all we need, but we all want to be better than the next person so we lose focus on simplicity. The grass isn't greener on the other side. What is on one side is typically on the other side[/quote]Good point Mrs.Chima! I agree.

MRbrownJAY:
^^ the benefit of the doubt is when they FIRST ask for money, when they come a second time for more while they haven't even given you a kobo from the first loan THEN that's when her BRAIN should have taken over and override and erase whatever signals her "irresponsible" heart was sending.
Sadly that's what happen when people put LOVE above common sense. Some religious people out there do exactly the same things on a daily basis. . . . Broke as a church mouse but still giving the little they have left as "offering" for some bloody "miracles" lol.

Anyone who stops using their brains in life is a damn fool!

Sadly, that does happen with "religious" folks.  In Malachi, the bible says how can a man rob God from tithes and offerings.  All man, when working, should give your tithes and offerings is optional and can be whatever you want it to be.  God does loves a cheerful giver and it IS written in His word, that he will give it back to you 10 times multiplied.  But when you giving to a man/woman, and God's spirit has not led you to give that person, and like Mr.BrownJay said, you don't have two dimes to rub together, then you ARE setting your ownself up.  "Religious" people don't give for the right reason.  Mainly they give because they "think" it's the religious things to do.  So when they end up in situations like these, they get mad at God and the world.  

Let me stop, because livedit is about to get to preaching up in this piece.  Bottom line, if you haven't prayed and sought God first, and you just take it upon yourself and giving "random" people your money like that, then you become foolish.

For the majority of the people, I would say so. So I voted "yes". It's nothing wrong with wanting nice things and having nice things. While on this earth, you should enjoy your life and have the best things in life. That's how God intended it to be for us. Not struggling with poverty and sickness. However, some people intend to "idolize" these "things" and therefore, these things can become a curse rather than a blessing. Then this is where the problem comes in. When people would choose to have money, cars, houses etc. over God. Forgetting all about our creator during the midst of these things. That is why the bible says, I do believe in Matthew 16:26; "What does it a profit a man to gain the world but lose his own soul." Meaning when you die, none of the cars, money, houses etc. goes with you when you die. But today's society under Satan's influence has corrupted so many minds and souls that it's sad.

I agree kokoye, it IS unfortunate that things like this does happen to people. MrBrownJay made a good point about how you didn't know this was/would happen before it actually happened. But at the same time, some people try to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Nobody wants to believe and/or accept that the love of their life will rip them off.

This is why it's EXTREMELY important to keep God first and seek his face before you give yourself to someone (relationship). He will tell you, all you have to do is ask. It's unfortunate, that not everyone know God and don't know that they can seek him for guidance and wisdom with your life. With that being said, most people like this will fall "prey" to these cruel people. Some are young, some don't know better, some just desperate, some are foolish and some are just going to make mistakes. You have to live and learn from your mistakes. You have to be careful whom you give your heart to. That is why the bible says that you should guard your heart with all diligence. Because as stated earlier, sometimes "love" can be blind.

To me it sounds like she is having extreme difficulties moving on with her life. By you two still in constant contact, that is why she is having this difficulty. If it was truly over between you two then it should be over. That is why she or you haven't moved on with your lives. So I think if you two don't plan on getting back together as a "couple", then you should let her go so that she can release you from her heart. Why prolong the hurt? It will only get worse. Here are the lyrics for you to this song my friend:

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I'd try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I'd try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

Anything is possible.  But quite frankly, I believe someone can fall "in-like" not "in-love".  I believe these "girls" fell "in-love" with the "ideal" guy they think this person is over the phone.  Looks may not actually matter to everyone, but I still feel, they are working off of their "emotions" rather than what's really in their soul and hearts.  Because as someone mentioned earlier, you can chat, text, IM, even do webcam and think the world of this person and feel you two have this great imaginerable "chemistry" and then when you actually meet in person, either you or him or both like what the?? What was I thinking? So many people can develop that false sense of security with the person on the other line that's when their mind "tricks" them to believe that they have met the man/woman of their dreams.  But when in actuality, you don't know this person from Adam.  So you have to be careful whom you talking to and investing all your emotions in, you never know who you are actually believing in.  God blessed us all with common sense and his spirit to lead us if we listen.

Sounds to me that she is a good person with a good heart, but have trouble communicating her feelings when she's update or/and feel *crossed*.  Threatening to leave the relationship is like an automatic defense mechanism of "I'll hurt you first before you hurt and leave me".  Outside of those "issues" you appear to be satisfied and happy with her.  You can try relating your feelings to her in a non-accusatory or angry way OUT of the bedroom. Maybe while you two are out driving or chill-laxin together and tactfully bring it up and let her know how that makes you feel when she does that and if she could try discussing things out a little bit more so that you both can understand each other better and be able to communicate on a more mature level.  No relationship is perfect and disagreements will happen from time to time. But behaving "evil" or unreasonable is not a sourceful or healthy way to establish a successful relationship.  

Overall, you sound like you have a decent woman, but just a slight mean streak when crossed.  Just keep God first by praying for wisdom, revelation and guidance in your relationship. If you are not already, try to be or remain open-minded, loving, patient and kind with her to work on her inequities.  Everyone has something about them that's imperfect and can work on.  It's all apart of being human.

The only thing you can do is apologize for it and ask for her forgiveness and never do it again. It may take her minute, but she will get over it. But expect her to be checking out all your comments to anyone here on out. Especially if you have any contact with the female you complimented on.

These social work's have their good points, but they can also sometimes be the "death" of some relationships. You have to be careful what you say in "cyberworld" period. Because once it's out there, it's out there forever. Good or bad.

As shy-one pointed out, my fiancee and I also write little "lovey" notes on each other's walls and I'm sure it probably makes some people sick reading all that "gush", but hey, so what? If you don't like what you reading, don't read it.

But on a serious note, if you want to get on her good side, give her time and try to make it up to her. I'm assuming you compliment her on her wall as well so you shouldn't be in that deep of water. If you don't, you better start.

Like someone mentioned earlier, that they have invested rather themselves, money, time, emotions etc. into the relationship and feels it's not equal or being reciprocated.  Basically "she" is beginning to regret or bitter what she do/did/done for that "person".  More like a frustration complaint of maybe feeling taken for granted.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=610902.msg7788212#msg7788212 date=1298495281]Heey Livedit girl! I know the wedding day is near! [/quote] Yes girl, it's been so crazy these past few weeks and STILL got a month to go! Yikes! I'm so excited but yet nervous! We have everything almost together now. Thank you God!

Oh my, I'm glad these facts don't apply to ALL Nigerian men because I know for a fact that more than several of those are completely WRONG!

MOBO999:
16 FACTS ABOUT NIGERIA MEN

10 – Foreign women can’t resist them.
11 – Nigeria men are big down here and can fill you up, no matter how wide Nature
or child birth make you. (not all)
12 – Sex means nothing to Nigeria men; don’t use it as a weapon on him.
13 – Nigeria men were not made for one woman alone. (soooo not true)
14 – Nigeria men don’t care about your satisfaction in Bed, he just does his thing,
but he will be the best in bed, you ever had in this life ( A PROMISE). ( , riiittteee)
15 – Every other Black race hates the Nigeria man, South Africa, Ghana, Zimbabwe,
Jamaica, Angola, Togo, Benin, Senegal, Mali, Kenya, Mauritius, Gambia,
Malawi, Mozambique, St Kitts, Bermuda, Trinidad and Tobago

I love my soon to be Nigerian hubby, but if you let him tell it, HE feels like HE is the lucky one.  livedit is one of a kind

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=610902.msg7787713#msg7787713 date=1298490148]Mr. Chima is trying to figure out a successful DEFLOWERING process without pain and discomfort. Virgin power![/quote] You're so funny!  

I think anyone who is sexually active period no matter if it's regularly or occasionally should get tested.  So many people get caught up in that "I don't have no symptoms" or " I don't sleep around with random partners so I don't need to be tested" or another infamous thought, "that person *looked* healthy so I'm sure they don't have anything."  Like Mrs. Chima said, that is why HIV/STD's such a high epidemic in this nation because too many people are afraid and/or careless to get tested until it's too late.  So I agree, I think it should be a prerequisite to get tested regularly if you plan on dating and becoming intimate with your partner(s).  Just being sexually responsible and mature and frankly, it's for YOUR own good.

Ivynwa:
@Livedit
Sweetheart, don't you think that in this type of case that the poster is only assuming that he can only find out the truth from his fiance and not from our opinions and the assumptions he is luring us into making too. Sometimes people are better off with directions so that they can make up their mind for themselves and not conclude from their assumptions.
I have seen a young chap that concluded that his fiance was doing some wrong he was not sure of just because 3 or 4 nairalanders agreed with him, I have even seen one that jilted his gf just because a nairalander that knows the girl's family bad talked the gf's sister. Hope you understand my drift dear, I will always be a fan of your humble and wise ways of advicing all the same.

Livedit always encourage people to make their own decision when it comes to any dealance with their lives. I, for one do not let any one dictate to me what I should do about my life. As livedit will do what she feels is right for her. Any advice/opinions I give on these boards are just that. Opinions/advice. I'm assuming no one who comes to these boards will actually let a complete stranger(s) dictate how to run their lives. I welcome all comments and advice, but in the end, it is the person who has to make up their mind and make that choice.

I'm a realist and don't believe in playing games with people's heart. I'm going to tell it like it is. I feel, if somebody is not feeling you anymore or what have you. Then tell me, why waste this persons time playing games. Life is too short as it is. And time is one thing you can not get back. I'm sure more has went on more than what the posters who comes to these boards. For we are outsiders looking in. I read the facts and then my comment is from what I personally interpret from what they posted. I could be wrong or misinterpret what the poster wrote that is why I always encourage people to pray because you can't ever go wrong with God for he knows all and knows what's best for his children.


My apologies as livedit can not just only give advice. As she can't help but to voice her opinion(s) too!

Not much more you can add. You pretty much covered it. However, I think the most valued key to obtaining and sustaining a successful relationship is "Keeping God first in both of your lives." Having a strong prayer life with your Creator and by doing this, he will reveal to you and him that it was Him that ordained you two to be together.

I'm almost inclined to agree with the others.  The fact that her "behavior" changed so suddenly and you claimed that you no longer became a priority in her life raises some serious red flags.  We can all assume maybe she has something going on in her personal life, school or social life as to why she distant herself from you.  But what really draws some pertinent suspicion is the fact that she arrived earlier and didn't even tell you she was there. 

You can try calling her or meeting with her to explain to her how you feel about this whole situation to get this off your chest and find out her real feelings about you and her. But to me, I wouldn't advise going into this thinking anything will change or get better.  Because to me, it seems she has made you apart of her past.  When someone is important to you, you will find some kind of time to keep in touch with that person.  Especially, if you are in a relationship together!     I would take what she said: not to worry, that she was talking to a "friend" with a grain of salt.  Her actions are saying something totally different. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't try talking to her because it seems that you do care for her, but in my opinion, I think you may need to move on and chalk this up to a learning experience when engaged in a long distance relationship.  But like I said, you never know.  All we can do is assume what's going on in her head, it is YOU that need closure to find out what her deal is or if you just want to let sleeping dogs lie and move on with your life.

Livedit dearly respects and loves her man.  That's not who livedit is.  I don't like chaos/arguing.  It's not only physically draining, but it's also mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining.  If there is a problem or something I don't agree with, what's the point in cussing, cursing, disrespecting yourself and HIM to get your point across.  The bible says the power of "life" and "death" is in the "tongue".  Why not discuss it like ladies and gentlemen?  I don't agree with either wife/men beaters, rather it be physically or verbally.  No one has the right to put their hand on nobody is the way I see it.  If the relationship is not working out and you aren't able to communite with each other in a respectful way, without causing hate, harm, or danger then YOU do not need to be in that relationship. Yelling, beating etc. is un-necessary and also un-civilized.  Life is too short to be "scrapping" over nothing. Why not use that energy towards something productive and useful.

I wouldn't necessarily say livedit is addicted. I just find the subjects more appealing and since I'm fairly new to these boards. I've gotten use to the commonly known people in this section. You all are very unique and entertaining. Flat out, I just like it!

Plutarch:
@livedit,
R u apologetic for being a virgin at 27? Methink u dont need to be.

Oh no Plutarch, not at all. A little embarrassed sometimes of being a "hermit". But nawl, livedit is cool!

What's in question here isn't so much the fact if we would date a man with children, but not being told he has children when the relationship got serious between him and her.  How long have these two been dating?  I can understand his woman would be upset because he never told her up front what the real deal is, because that would make me wonder if he is not hiding something else.  So now this would cause trust issues.  I'm sure she feels betrayed, hurt and not important enough to share something so important as this.

At the same token, these are innocent children who don't have anything to do with this.  So I'm hoping she is NOT taking it out on them.  I would be upset no doubt, but I'll need a complete explanation why he didn't trust me enough and take into consideration my feelings of holding back such pertinent information about himself.  Sure, I can understand he was in "fear" that she would leave, but that's a chance you have to take when you are dealing with another life not just yours.  He didn't give her an option rather or not if she would want to continue seeing him or break it off with him since he have children already.  So it could be a deal breaker for her and it's her every right.  I can sympathsize with her on that.

But at the same time, I wouldn't totally dismissed the guy.  Especially if he has proven to be honest in "other" areas of his life and treated her well.  But ultimately, this is HER decision if she decides to stay and stick it out with him.  You claimed that she "loves" him.  So who knows, maybe once things cool off for a bit and he give her time to think about it, she may give him another chance.  But a definitely sincere apology is in order regardless of his reason behind it.  You don't play with people's lives and emotions like that.  By the way, that comment about (not even angels in heaven couldn't pursway her to marry him) was more than likely said out of anger/hurt.

Trust and open communication is just two of the prerequisite in a relationship in order for it to work.  Right now, all he can do is back off and give her space to digest all of this.  Because of his selfish act (again, regardless of the reason) he have to accept the fact that it could be over between the two of them.  He didn't want to lose her not telling her, but in the end result, it did more harm than good.  So not telling is not the best policy.  Right now, he should be more focus on his children and making sure they are taken care of.  Make sure his life is right with God first and everything else will work itself out.  And making sure his priorities in life is on the straight and narrow.

Bottom line, he made a mistake. He is not perfect. So he should be forgiven despite his inequity. But if it don't work out between them, then hopefully he will learn from this mistake so he will know not to do this again with his next relationship.

I'm highly inclined to agree with Shy-One. She worded it quite well. I'm also engaged to a Yoruba gentleman and he is very good looking. I love my little honey bun. He works my nerves sometimes because his so playful and silly, but I love him to death!! Thank you Lord for men!!!! Men rock!! From head to toe. From those big masculine hands, strength, wide shoulders, V-shape waist/hips, their eyes, let me stop! I'm losing focus! Lol , Sorry ladies who don't agree completely with livedit, but men are awesome in their own unique ways! Can't help but to love em'!

koolchicco:
I wasn't on about any parental kisses oh(my GF was their too). Just so that u know.


So the 27 thingy wasn't a joke? Why the belated kiss game hun?

Well koolchicco, it was a number of reasons. Mainly because of my upbringing. My mother was a intercessor for the church, therefore we stayed in church. Sometimes attending 3-4 times a week. Livedit was a home body that stayed home to care for her siblings and my mother. Actually when I think about, I think I was a hermit. My mother wasn't a people person, so she didn't socialize us enough so I was very shy and timid. I had guys coming at me all the time, but because I was shy, immature, inexperienced, frightened among everything else. It took me a while to burst out of my shell. So here I am!

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=597863.msg7660935#msg7660935 date=1296749950]There is no way two people can love similar things at the same point in time. So, having that in mind, define equally yoked for me.[/quote]The bible says: "How can two people walk side by side unless they agree". God is a spirit. Therefore God put people together by their spirits. God will not put together a couple whose spirits are not equally matched (yoked). You have one person serving God and the other serving the devil. Two people who have different beliefs. He has to have two people who is walking the same path to complete his will. Two people who will compliment each other. Where one maybe be weak in a certain area, the other one maybe strong in that area. Two people who will motivate each other, bring out the best in that person, similiar personalities, morals and goals and much more.

Please people, livedit don't feel like preaching today. But if I have too, I will!

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=597863.msg7660848#msg7660848 date=1296749332]Not always. Other reasons for getting maried are:

1. To escape poverty

2. To join the league of the marrieds

3. To raise a family

4. To escape being old and lonely.

5. For career purposes, business connections, etc.[/quote]Because of these reasons, this is why so many marriages end in divorce. God didn't invent marriage just for career purposes, to escape poverty etc. It was "man" who turned it upside down around and twisted it. So many people have strayed away and refuse to accept the institution of marriage. God is love. God can not joined two people together when one doesn't or want to love the other person. There is no in-between or gray area when it comes to love. You either love that person, or you don't. Simple as that. All of the reasons listed above is doomed to fail. These people are marrying for the wrong reason. If the person is marrying because poverty, then maybe it's because they not looking to God as their main source. They possibly put all their faith into everything else but God. I don't look to "man" to supply all my needs because "man" is incapable of doing that. I look to my "father". Because he is the provider, a comforter, a healer, and so much more. He is an awesome God and when you are serving Him, and keeping his covenant and keeping him first in your life, you will never need for anything.

Onyema1:
@livedit you sound so intelligent and stable. Good comment!

Thank you Onyema1! I try my best to help people all I can. I pray everything work's out for this young gentleman.

Okay, isn't Love the main reason why you ARE marrying this person?? It's even in the vows you take to one another.  He can't possibly be "religious" and not believe in "love".  God is love.  So why would I want someone who "feels" they are incapable or "want" to love.  It makes me wonder if they love themself.  If you don't love yourself, you can't possibly love me.  I'm not willing to take that chance of marrying someone who isn't in-love with livedit.  How can two walk side by side unless they agree? That's bible. So NOPE! Livedit can't marry a man who doesn't believe or want to believe in love.  All I see is a trick of the enemy having this guy think like that.  That's not of God.  The devil and his demons are the only things incapable of loving.

I've seen it too. All I can do is pray for these women who are like that. To me, women or people in general in order to build themselves up they have to put down other people is pathetic. Not only does it show that you are unhappy and haven't accepted yourself, it also shows insecurity and immaturity. Moreover, they are living in this "fantasy" world that nobody is better than them nor look better than them. It's just sad, and I feel bad for the people that has to hate on other people just because they are beautiful or/and successful. That's just the way it is. Everyone was uniquely made in God's image and "looks" do not make the person. It's who they are on the inside that matters most.