₦airaland Forum

@Ilovefred - for the most part, you've been given some sound advice.  So livedit won't be typing (or try not to  ) another "book report".  When it all boils down to it, it is YOU who have to live with the decision(s) you made.  We can only give you opinions and advice.  Like others have mentioned, you have to follow your heart and do what you feel is right for you.  We are a complete bunch of strangers and don't know you, him or any of your situation(s).  I can completely understand why the timeline from your divorce and the very short time you two have known each other to get married that fast raised alot of suspicion upon some of us.  But again, it IS your life and you are the only one who can live it.  If you have a close relationship with God, seriously and diligently prayed about your relationship and you are sure that He has told you this guy is good and the "one" then I wouldn't worry about any opinions/comments given in this thread.  Because in the end, YOU are the one who will be held accountable for your actions and have to live with the decisions you made for the rest of your life, not us.  So how we feel and think about this situation is irrevalant and shouldn't hold much water.  Because at the end of the day, we will log off the computer, forget all about your problem and move on with our day.  Rather or not your story is actually true, who's to say.  All we can give you is advice and it's up to you if you want to take it or leave it.  But speaking as a diva who met her fiance online, no one here can not speculate that all online "romances" are fraudulent.  Online dating do NOT make anybody desperate! When did it become final that all successful relationships are established "offline" only.  You can meet "garbage" any where.  You can meet scammers any where, not just through online dating.  I met my ex in person, and that had to be the worse relationship I ever had and I wouldn't wish someone like him on my worse enemy.  He was a liar, a scammer, a cheater and everything else your mind can think up.  I didn't well shall I say, I was hoping it wasn't true at the time, but I learned for myself.  I listen to what people had to say, but I did what I wanted to do in the end.  No one can tell you how to drive, you just have to get out there and drive. Mistakes are a part of life, that's the only sure way you are going to learn.  If you do end up wrong about all this, at least you will be able to say, I was wrong, missed it and made a mistake.  Then you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from your mistake and move on.  Bottom line, all you have to do is pray and listen to your spirit.  In your spirit, you will know if what you are doing is right or wrong.  No one should have to tell you that.

Hmm, how old is this girl?  She seems little young and immatures.  Anyway's, to answer your question, from what you just wrote, I think she cares deeply for you and like you alot but again, that's just my opinion.  All we have to go on is what you just wrote.  We don't know the complete story and actually see how you two interact with each other on a regular basis.  But sense you feel her not literally saying "I love you"back to you,  maybe you should ask her how she really feels about you and emphasize on the word "love" when doing so.   If she nods her head "yes", then politely and kindly ask her if she could say it back to you once in a while for re-assurance of what she is feeling and how happy/good that will make you feel in return.   If she still feels un-comfortable, maybe you can suggest she can try writing it down on a little "love note" and then give it to you.  She could be the type who is shy, afraid or unsure on expressing her feelings.  Does she tell her family members or friends that she loves them? 

It's sad that so many people these days can easily quickly say: " I hate you, this or that" but saying: "I love you" is like pulling teeth with a deep root.   

Quite franky, I think it IS possible in some cases.  Granted you have a strong relationship with God, are emotionally sound and use common sense judgement.  Nothing is ever impossible. People meet and fall in love in all kinds of strange ways.   Dating and falling in love is NOT limited to just meeting in person, bumping into them at a club, church, movies, bus stop, grocery store, bank, on the street whatever,  No relationship is guaranteed no matter HOW you met that person is the way I see it.  But that is how I met my now fiance was online. We faithfully communicated on a daily bases via IM, telephone AND webcam.  I didn't start off loving him as you do have to be realistic living in a world like this.  Like other's mentioned, it is in both parties best interest to arrange to meet as soon as possible.  Because as another poster pointed out, you can have that "chemistry" online, but it's definitely a possibility that when you two meet in person, you have no type of connection or chemistry whatsoever.  Speaking from experience, I've had that to happen too.  I strongly recommend to get to know that person first before investing yourself completely in the starting of a new relationship.  Always keep your options open just in case it don't work out.  I think if you are someone who is going to consider online dating, try not to let months on end or even years go by before meeting that person.  You could save a whole lot of time, money and heartache by not doing that.  Because in some cases,  there can be a big possibility that you two become "familiar" with one another, therefore creating that false sense of security.  So it's best to meet up as soon as possible!  Study that person you are chatting with. Ask questions, try and take mental notes of their answers so you can bring up that same question at a later date but word it differently.    And if it's getting serious, it's no harm in doing a backround check if you decide to become exclusive.  It's true you won't learn everything about that person, but you will learn and have idea of the kind of person you are dealing with.  There are very good con artist or "professionals" who will have their "game" down packed, this is why you need to make sure you are prayed up and in God's word to know, that no matter how good he/she "think" they are in fooling people, you can NEVER fool God.  He see's all and know's all.  

Before I start preaching on like livedit normally does, you have to think to yourself, no one here has personally met "God" in person but yet, many of us (hopefully all) love Him.  You learned to know and love God by praying to Him and reading his word.  But you haven't actually went up to heaven (in your carnal body) and "kicked it".  So why couldn't you love someone you haven't met yet online?

@ Koochicco:

Does it mean u've never traveled outta your state prior to the Korean trip last March

Yes, I've traveled outside of my state. But never by plane. I've only drove by the airport and dropped people off. But never went inside. The other states I've been to I got there driving. But this was my first time flying ever. I wish I could go back, but actually my fiance will be here next month permanently. But we will be flying to his home country in Lagos though. I can't wait. Plus, my sister is going with us. Yes, the only who said that I would end up a sex slave when I went to go visit him. Lol Now they all can't wait to meet him and have talked to him. So their whole attitude has changed against Nigerian men. Now they see not all of them aren't always up to no good. So I'm very happy!

My definition:  A selfish self absorbed unstable woman who will accept, give and do anything no matter what the reprecussion is to get what she wants.

geli12:
Nairalanders,you are too much,tanx 4 your responses, He wants to see his daughter and he is also asking the woman to forgive him for adultery, for leaving her and the baby, also told her she is free to get married, and he wants to find out who she is dating presently.

There you have it ladies and gentleman highlighted in bold lettering!  With that being said, he not serious.  All that's an act.  I hope she don't believe that.  Tell your friend to file for child support and he'll have to take her to court to see that child.  The best thing he can do emotionally/physically for your friend and her child is to leave them alone and pay his child support until he get it together for real.

For livedit, age DOES matter.  I can not see myself seeking a relationship with a man old enough to be my father/grandfather.  I'm not a fan of dating someone more than 5yrs younger or older than me.  But sometimes, you can't help whom you fall in love with.  I'm just hoping as long as this person is legal and mature minded.  For some people, I think too big of a age gap I think will eventually down the line lead to some problems. When I speak of "problems" I mean 20+ difference.  No matter how mature you are, this older person mindset will differ from yours one way or another.  Say for instance, a young 25yr old vibrant woman/man dating a 50+ year old woman/man gonna want to go out, party with friends, travel and so on and then you have someone twice your age trying to keep up.  Your partner has probably already lived their life doing that and find issues with that.  Then their thoughts automatically switch to a "parent" mode to talk you into staying home.  Age difference may not matter to most people, but it will some people. And livedit is one of them.

Maybe it is to her.  Why don't you ask her why she don't like kissing since the two of you have "relations" whenever and however?  Why all of the sudden you have the shyness about asking her about her issue with kissing now?  It could be various reasons why she's not into kissing.  It could be that she's not big on it and don't think it's a big deal.  It could be she thinks kissing is too intimate of an act and that you only share with someone you love.  It could be that maybe she finds your breath offensive?  Maybe she is not skilled in that area and thinks she will disappoint you?  Maybe she is not keen on just kissing you?  Maybe she knows you mess around with other woman and whatever you doing with her, she know you are doing with them too? The list goes on.  Your best bet right now is to ASK HER.

If he's your "ex" WHY is he still calling you? What do you two possibly have anything to talk about? Sounds like the "cat" and "mouse" game. You "claim" that you no longer love him or even want to talk to him for that matter. But just to "save face" you keep answering the phone when calls so you won't hurt his feelings. Who cares if his feelings is hurt? Why wouldn't you tell him that you wish to have no longer contact with him and then if he continues to call after that, then you take the appropriate measures. It sounds like to me that neither one of you wants to "truly" let go of this relationship. Because if you did, you wouldn't have this problem. Since you stated he has stop calling, just try and find the courage and the strength not to call him and move on with your life. Let it go! That is IF you TRULY want him out of your life. Be truthful with yourself. Pride will get you no where. You can be using that time to be doing something productive or going out and dating other guys. Occupy your time with friends, family, work, school etc. Sooner or later you'll realize you no longer thinking or dwelling about him and that he is indeed now a part of the past. For your own good, leave him there and he should do the same.

Hmm, I would say budgeting my money better and continuing on sticking to my weight loss program. I'd lose the weight then gain it back. I'm sick of the roller coaster ride. Way too old for this and need to get it together for good. Far as my fiance I really can't think of anything he needs to improve on/or change other than him learning more about our American culture and teaching me diligently about his.

1one:
I'd pour her one drum of holy water.and pray seriously, devil I bind you,
I bind youuuuu, you can not take my destiny away dieeeee devil dieeeeeeeeee

What the?  

violent:
hehe. . .31th. .how's that even pronounced? [size=5pt]{not trying to be funny, just really curious to learn}[/size]

You ain't right   Too funny though

Madukaele:
What if a fine lady cums 2 u on 31th 9th and say take me as i am and do whatever u want with me. what wil u do wit her?

Some "stranger" comes up to you on New Year's Eve (31st) and basically tell another "stranger" to "take" her.  Umm, does she sound mentally stable to you?  Who in their right mind would be like okay, "thank you Lord, this must be my lucky day, great, come with me lady"? NOT! You don't know this lady? Didn't your parents teach you not to talk or go with "strangers"?  Wouldn't you be wondering if she is so "fine", why she don't care enough about herself, no dignity nor integrity by lowering her self to some random guy, well, in her case guys and tell them to do what they want to her?

You have to be careful nowadays.  "She" could've been a "he".  Who knows what disease is processing throughout her body.  You best believe before she came to YOU, she just fed that line to many others. The buck don't stop there my friend.  

Let me tell you something, ANY respectful lady who thinks highly of herself with honest and innocent intentions will NOT demean herself by approaching a stranger and saying something like that.

Yes, he should be forgiven not for his sake, but for hers.  Far as getting back with him.  Frankly, if it was me, heck no! But your friend has to make her own decision.  I'm assuming he has maned up , matured and ready to be responsible now and ready to take care of his child he abandoned.  Your friend has to use her own judgement God given common sense and decide his true intentions.  Nobody needs a part-time contractor father.  Meaning not trying to use this child as his gateway back into her "personal" life.  In this case, if he will stick around permanently to help raise and take care of his child, then she should let him.  Hopefully, he indeed has changed and don't pull another "David Copperfield" dissappearing act.  

If she decides to give him another shot again, I advise her to definitely keep her eyes and ears open and proceed with caution.  He has proven to be unreliable, unfaithful and a liar before and it takes time to rebuild that trust again.  It's possible he could've changed, but considering his track record, he has some SERIOUS making up to do with his child and her.

I'm not too "educated" on cell phones. But I know I would be one of the top of the lines.  One that's 4G, not so complex, but have everything you need, sleek look, class, diverse with a nice feel.

Not at all.  I pray I never "venture" off where I don't belong.  I love my fiance to death! He is everything to me and I refused to violate and disrespect not only myself, but him too.  I'm very loyal and will forever remain that way.  Livedit too old to play "games"

Okay, livedit has decided to moonwalk into this convo. 

1.  For all those that can't handle "criticism" then don't dish it out.

2.  If you DO feel like your "criticism" is in order, at least be respectful about it.

3.  The way you "truly" feel and think about yourself, IS the type of woman/women YOU will attract

4.  What goes around comes around 10 times worse

5.  If you respect yourself first, then other people will respect you. Treat people how you want to be treated

6.  No means no,  not "maybe"

7.  You get back what you put in

8.  Patience is a virtue

9.  Keep it 100 in everything you do and say, don't pretend like you are "leather" when you are actually "pleather"

10. Women are to be respected and appreciated just like your mother/daughters.

11.  Not all women are the same, so don't treat us like we are

12. Just like your woman can be replaced, so can YOU

13.  Not all women you come across is not just interested in you for your money, cars etc.

14. Proper hygiene is pertinent, not only in the bedroom, but in your every day waking life.  So regardless if you are "busy" or not, a daily shower (soap) is an absolute must, (oh and don't forget about the "boys" too.  Keep it tight it tight always.  Clean drawls and clothes is a man's best friend.

15. IF you have a problem with halitosis, there are other avenues you can use to take care of that. 

16. For all the men who IS well endowed and boast about it all the time thinking you are impressing us, in reality, we are thinking that you have the exact opposite

and last but definitely not least.

Your manliness do not make the "man", it's the WHOLE package

Wow kokoye, we have very similiar taste in music! 

Umm, I'm a music freak. I absolutely LOVE music as that's all I listen to. I'd rather listen to music than watch television.  But the following are:

Joe: All That I Am (anything by him actually)
Luther Vandross: So Amazing and Secret Love (kokoye hit on the other ones)
Color Me Badd: I Adore, Me Amore
Shai: If I Ever Fall In Love and Comforter
Toni Braxton: You Mean The World To Me and 7 Days
Stevie Wonder: Ribbon In The Sky, My Cherie Amour, You Will Know, You And I,  and I Just Called To Say I Love You
Keith Sweat: Make It Last Forever
George Michael: Father Figure and it's another one I can't think of the name. I think it's Teach Us 
Pebbles: Always
Mint Condition: What Kind Of Man Would I Be and You Don't Have To Hurt No More
Lionel Richie: Hello
Whitney Houston: You Give Good Love and Greatest Love Of All
After 7: Ready or Not and Sara Smile
Tyrese: Sweet Lady
Anita Baker: No One In The World, Angel, Just Because, Giving You The Best That I Got, Sweet Love and Body And Soul
and many many more!

My man is taller than me. Not much though, livedit is 5 "7" my fiance is 5 "9".  So that's good for me.  In the past, livedit USE to only like men 6ft tall and up. But again, my tastes have changed throughout the years.  In my past, the men I've dated were big and tall. Now my new man is lean and average height. So my likes and dislikes have changed kinda drastically over the years. Back in day it was all about being tall, thick and light skinned.  My fiance is the exact opposite of that and I couldn't be more happier and satisfied.

To answer your question, I wouldn't find a problem if my man was a "little" bit shorter than me.  As long as I don't look like the Jolly Green Giant walking next to Joe Pesci then that's fine with me.  I once met up with a guy who claim to be "the ladies man" and we met up, I had on some low heels maybe 1 1/2 to 2 inches and I swear it looked like a toddler standing next to me. He was a sweet guy, but I would feel insecure being that "tall" over him.

[quote author=%Mr Cork link=topic=576885.msg7434204#msg7434204 date=1293720136]Mr Cork, AKA, 17inches Badonkey karata!! [/quote]Mr. Cork 17 inches?? Almost 2 feet long? , I swear, you, 190 and Mrs. Eve just tickles me so! You both always makes my day.

koolchicco:
Wow! What a hella journey that was. Oh well, tank gawd it was worth it in the end hence

its safe to infer that you're a very special ccum reserved woman. I'm sure your fiancé understands that though. I certainly WOULD!

! Yes, that was back in March and my father is STILL trippin about me doing that.

Yes, he couldn't believe it, but koolchicco, to see his face while I was coming out the airport doors when I got there, he was so happy, it was priceless. Although I wish I could've been looking alot hotter, but after that long flight, I was out of it. I didn't know airports were that big. I guess livedit watch too much tv, I thought as soon as you walk through the metal detectors, your plan was right there and you just get on. Lol, Silly me,

koolchicco:
Am glad your effort(s) and resilience to all the pressures from family members payed off, amazingly.

And with regards to the highlighted lines I reckon it was Naija u visited?

Exactly!

But actually koochicco, no, it was South Korea he is currently living and working there.

koolchicco:
Wow that's cool, I'm glad we share the same testimony experience.

Twas one hell of a crazy stuff. . . and could be frightening too though ''the end justified the means''. NO REGRET!

I feel you brotha.  That was real crazy. Now when I think about it and look at pictures, I be like, was that livedit over there? That's not livedit? No she didn't just fly to a foreign land for a "stranger".  But like you said, no regrets as I prayed numerious times beforehand and I trusted my instincts.  Of course my family tried to stop me and tried to think of everything in the book of what will happen to me.  I heard from that I was going to be kidnapped, tied up in a basement and made into a sex slave or a prostitute. All the way to I was going to be drugged and wake up in a alley with pieces of my body missing.  I understand they were just looking out for me because they cared.  because this day in age, it could've happened. But livedit is grown and does what she wants. Now I'm glad I didn't listen to them and went anyway.  I had a ball and couldn't be happier!  

I have to side with some of the others.  Although, I love to flirt, trying to "mack" somebody isn't my fortay.  Plus I'm too darn silly, I'd bust out laughing if I try to spit game at a guy. He'll look at me like I been drinking and sniffing crack.  I'd be too nervous and start studdering, you'd swear I was a female version of "Forrest Gump." Can't do it, I wait for them to approach me. But I make it easy for them as possible as I am friendly, just not a "mack mama".   

koolchicco:
Flew about 5000miles just to meet a STRANGER(tho a friend now)

koolchicco: I did the same thing! I flew across the country to visit my now fiance. What's crazy, I never flew before in my life nor traveled out my state since 1985.  I was the only fool "squealing" loud in fear while the plane was lifting off the ground.  That was my first time flying. What a way to start flying huh? It was like a 14hr flight.  It was cool, I met some really cool people and had the time of my life! Other than this, livedit been kinda lame this year.  

[quote author=laura-lee link=topic=576010.msg7424532#msg7424532 date=1293576448]Brothers and sisters please help me. I am dating a divorcee. Is it worth pursuing a relationship with a man who never keeps promises, who is as stingy as i dont know what and all he talks about is sex, sex and more sex. worried is it worth it [/quote]  Why would you want to commit yourself to someone with no integrity whatsoever.  I can understand if maybe he didn't have the extra funds to spend on you, then in that case, he should be doing everything else in his power to make up for it in other areas.  You already know what makes you happen in a relationship, and as stated above, he don't even respect you enough to keep it 100 by staying true to his word.  I mean, it's obvious he is unable to contribute to anything else besides what's dangling between his legs.  Unless you looking for just as "casual" hook-up, right now, that's all this man has to offer you at this time.  Granted he'll keep his promise and show up for that.  But from reading your post, it don't sound like this is the kind of relationship you are seeking.  Why sell yourself short? Let him go on about his business and move on with your life and find someone whom you CAN rely on to be faithful to you, wants a relationship with you, love you, respect you, take care of you, cares about your happiness and be in your corner.  I'm not saying this guy isn't "capable" of providing those things, but right now, he is emotional unavailable to meet your standards.  It appears all this man is looking for is a "playmate".

Because at the age of "14", you ARE too young and immature to be "pretending" and "acting" like you are an adult. These teens nowadays are trying to grow up way too fast. Why not take the time to grow and develop and learn about yourself first. Why some teenagers feel they have to run out, start having "relations" and producing kids so young? When you yourself are still a child yourself. Than to try and/or bring another life into this world. I hear and read about so many stories about these young teens (especially if you watch Maury) talking about at the age of 15, they slept with over 20+ men/women or on their 2nd kid. That is crazy! Then you find a huge majority of these "kids" (because that's what you are) trying to dump the kids off on their parents while they run out and "party" and try to live the stress free life as the teenager they should've been doing anyway without a burden of a child or a disease. It's just so sad.

Every time I hear some young "child" going on and on about having "relationships" I just think to myself that they bringing on so much stress on themselves at such a young age. It's sad that they don't know that they are so blind and irresponsible right now to be worrying about having sex, having kids and so on. By that age, you should be focusing and concentrating on living your teenager life, meaning going to the mall chillin, shopping, maybe working a little part-time job on the side for that extra pocket change and to learn responsibilty to get you ready for the REAL world. Let me stop before livedit REALLY get to preaching. I just wanted to give you a little insight on why an mature adult try to guide and stear young teenagers down the right path so that they don't set themselves up for failure or down the wrong path in life. Life is too short as it is already, why try to take leaps and bounds instead of baby steps enjoying life, stress free, only having to care for yourself. Then become bitter and you find yourself looking back on life 21 wondering, I didn't have no kind of childhood. Now I'm struck in the house, sitting here with 2+ kids, broke, stressed out at the age of 21. Then before you know it, you 50yrs old trying to re-live your teenage years you missed out on.

Oops, sorry peeps, I deleted my previous post and moved it to the appropriate thread.

I wouldn't say obsessed more like a "crush". My first crush was possibly at the age of 10. I had a crush on mainly celebrities. It was so long ago, I really don't even remember.

It should be way more than three ways. Here are a few:

1. She will tell you and back it up by her actions: Meaning how she treats you and her interest and involvement of anything that's important to you (granted it's not something crazy or morally sound)

2. She puts your happiness before her own

3. The way she makes you feel as man when you are in her presence and does "little" special "things" for you

Again, this is not for all women and it's definitely not limited to these replies. The list goes on and on. Most importantly, you should know how she "truly" feels about you without you asking.

Dang, that was shady as heck! I would postpone that wedding until I decide rather or not I would want to marry her. It's bad enough she cheated and gave her "gift" to an "ex", but a week before the wedding too! What is her reasoning for stepping out on you like that? I seriously think you should give this some more thought. Why is her "ex" even still around is what really tips the boat? Regardless, you have to forgive her, but that don't mean you have to forget. IF, you do decide to stay and work it out with her, you can't go back and hold that over her head and continue to make her "pay" for her "sin". Because you were given a choice rather or not to stay with her. So you must forgive her completely and marriage counciling should definitely be in order before taking those vows.