₦airaland Forum

Tensor77,

It is easy to want to portray oneself as modern, westernised etc here on NL. Also easy to preach what one cannot practice.
What is the balance of power when people forget their culture and copy western ways verbatim?
I know of a few naija ladies married to Oyinbo and one husband has even discouraged/virtually stopped her visiting Naija: dangerous place he claimed. That white guy would be your bossom friend. Oh not to mention the physical abuse some of them have suffered in the hands of white husbands. I don't know of any black friends abusing their wives like that.
Oh well Tensor, it's alright as long as the men are not naija.  Self-loathing of the highest order.
I wonder how close you really are to married white people to know the balance of power thing. Oh everybody is an armchair expert these days thanks to internet.

If you are really so westernised, you will know that lots of European women earn more than their men.
I dated a white  lawyer, an accountant, civil servant, all in their early 20s when I was a complete beginner in Europe. They didn't shoot me with a gun for being a nobody.
Tensor what do you want the man to do? Force himself on her when the woman is tired? Who is spiting who right now, the man or the woman? The man would become a real loser if he hangs around too long a become a "samatutu": Rag.

Many people here are talking as if those people bringing wives from home have never dated other women before.

A lot of guys have spent years with foreign women and soon realised that the cultural differences are too many.
Some can hardly have contact with kids born to them by foreign ladies.

Many Naija ladies abroad are too angry as someone mentioned. Good ones are few and far between. Indians ladies in diaspora are highly educated but they have not ditched their culture for oyinbo culture. The marriages are much more stable.
Many Naija ladies' motto is: African culture bad, european culture good.

Some imported ladies will misbehave but over 70% will still be Ok. That's far better than the angry ones around. It's still worth the gamble.

POSTER: she has already given you kids. Maintain contact with your kids. If she wants to go, it might actually be a good thing instead of cheating on you and God forbid, getting rid of you. Get your papers sorted. Be patient.  The kids are your reward and blessing from God. Forget your investment in her (time, money, hope, emotions). It's hard I know. Don't be bitter. If she would not change after much effort on your part, move on.

I have seen something similar happen to another man. They married back home (Naija) virtually as teenagers and had a kid back there. The man came first and brought her and kid later. He sorted her papers out first for the kid's sake. They had more kids here. Once her papers were ready she began to misbehave not even helping the man sort his out as work became irregular.  She finally kicked him out when she was making more money. She might pretend to be a madam today but is not a happy woman.

POSTER:  You are not alone. Years back, a Gahanaian brought two ladies one after the other from Ghana and both ran away within 18 months of arriving. In the country they lived in, you get ilr (10years card actually) after a year of marriage. No kids. He had dated a few white girls before that so he wasn't impotent. excreta happens. Chill out man.

OYB,

You must be a very young person and not really aware of SW history to boot.
It is nice for each person to fantasize that his region will be the next Singapore or Kuwait.

You seem to have missed the fact that it was the feud between Awolo & Ladoke Akintola that led Tafawa Balewa to impose the first state of emergency in Naija (in Western Region) after riots broke out in that region.
Many historians believe Naija never fully recovered from that feud before the first coup.
With Fayoshe feuding with OBJ, OGD with almost everyone, Alao Akala not much different, progressives like Fashola & Fayemi, will hardly have the chance to rule SW peacefully if it were to become a country.

ND has many corrupt leaders BUT Duke had the vision of Tinapa.  Any region can have a person with vision AND each region has its fair share of crap mis-Leaders.
You may be surprised that the losses that Biafrans will incur in other parts of "former Naija" might actually galvanise them to get their acts together.
Many in the North might just be satisfied to have a religious state. Prosperity as you see it might just be irrelevant to them.

No one can tell which of the new nations will truly succeed. On paper, Naija has everything to do well but what is the reality today?

Happy New Year everyone!!

My wish list for Naija:

Progress, prosperity
Successful election
No unprepared president
No corruption/lootocracy
Responsible legislature
No bombings
No kidnappings
Everybody especially prayer warriors, babalawos and imams/mallams in da house please help me shout AMEN!

Hot-angel,
Thanks for bringing up this topic.


@Gboliwe

Sad to hear that people still prefer less competent "able-bodied" people to people with some physical challenge with more skills/abilities even if they are not going to do agbero/garage boy or carry headpan on a building site. TELL people here on NL the kind of job you are looking for. ADVERTISE yourself.  You never know.

@Ibo man
Sorry to hear your story and thank GOD for the progress you made.

The reasons Utomi cannot win (maybe even the governorship of his state) are the same reasons why we're where we are.


A country repeatedly shooting itself in the foot. How are we gonna move forward.

American prediction of things falling apart may well come true.
GOD help us.

compliments of the season Yemi. please sond the details to: tommdude2005@yahoo.com

Rossike,

I sympathised with you until you said you would deny who you are in the future.

Kay-man,

why would you want to date someone who is not mature enough to know that each country has good and not-so-good people? Are you so desperate? If you need papers I can understand.

What emperical evidence is there that criminals per 100,000 population or any other parameter you chose shows that Nigeria has more crime rate than other countries of similar socioeconomic conditions?

All we see and hear is Western propaganda and copied by others. In UK, there are more Nigerian prisoners, more Nigerian doctors, more nigerian nurses, more Nigerian students, more credit card fraudsters than those from say Uganda or Gambia. It is all proportional to population. Because they know that for a fact, they have mischieviously avoided any scientific study into it. I AM NOT DEFENDING BAD BEHAVIOUR BUT FAIRNESS IS PARAMOUNT.

Of course we should be more careful in what we do and totally eschew things that can bring opprobrium knowing the predudice. I see Nigerians everyday here doing great stuff. The best the human race can do at the moment. I do not have any complex whatsoever.

Sorry mate. Excreta happens. At least you are still alive. He could have got rid of you and have ur wife to himself (with or without your wife's knowledge).
Take time to digest it and take the next step in a cool-headed manner WITH special consideration for the kids if there are any.

Divorce maybe appropriate because 3 years is a long time to cheat on anyone. Even her boss is sure that she's pregnant for him.  There can't be much left in the marriage that is genuine.
Doesn't matter why she did it. A one-night stand or a fling might be a silly mistake but 3 years. No sorry.

Enemies, if they exist, are just wasting their time. Anyway, some idle people might actually have time on their hands.

Still a symptom of poverty though to wake up and plan towards spoiling another person's own instead of working hard for your own progress. Tufiakwa.

GOD is the master. He may tolerate them for a while (to see if they will change) but they are ultimately doomed to fail woefully.

OK POSTER. Time for interim summary:
(1) Your wife trusts you more than you ever deserve.
(2) You admit your he-goat-ism that you cannot control your J.T. (Kudos cos most guys don't).
(3) At interview u were checking out the 18-year old babe's assets: near-sexy smile, curves, crevices and all.
(4) You awarded her grade B⁺ ("can pass for a fine girl" = RED ALERT cos most guys would bleep a D^- girl.
(5) Your body began to make  jigi Jigi like railway: Oshodi locomotive type.
(6)Now you want to do the practical of "lead us not into temptation" in Lord's Prayer.
(7) But your madam so trust your maturity and standing (perhaps as an elder/deacon) in your church?
( She cannot imagine u ever desiring to shove your J.T. down a  common "little housegirl".
(9) You cannot tell her why she (hot housegirl) must go: herein lies your dilema.
(10) NL ladies led by Chairwoman Chaircover don't want you to cover up your innate weakness in the dept of bleepology.
  INTERIM CONCLUSION: It's a matter of time before you stray. All the girls who "can pass for fine" cannot be concealed from your sight. You seem to have already worked out your potential excuses by implying that a blushing young girl who must have rehearsed for the interview was too well-spoken, confident and smiling near-sexily: i.e. seductive.
 Kudos though. You are taking steps to avoid it.
NEXT STEP: Sex therapy perhaps? Try to explore what you are not getting from your madam in the bedmatics dept that makes an 18-year housegirl such an irresistible object of yours.

I guess most people are saying the truth.
It is anonymous afterall. Cheating takes time too. If you get it at home, the incentive to get it is less.
Those who chase women do it a lot, while those don't just don't.
In real life some people do not believe my experience.

But i think my better half knows me better and I generally tell her about such hairy situations.

As a woman he would understand women better, so I get her advise on dealing with such women.

@Poster

The attitude of some of your AA people can be horrible. Even here in Europe.
My encounter with your blackmen is absolute zero to write about.
Years back there was this AA exchange student. He looked privileged. Perhaps he didn't expect to see an African in a so-called elite (ivy league) uni. African have been going through that uni for some 140 years.
He used every opportunity to show his hatred. He even burst out laughing at a presentation I was giving (possibly because of my accent) to the embarassment of the white American girl sitting next to him. He did not even clap like others after the presentation. The white American girl went on to ask me a few questions after the presentation.
While doing a menial job years back to support myself at Uni, myself and one  MSc student (a Nigerian fellow worker of mine) had this AA boy who vomitted all manner of excreta over a simple matter we tried to explain to him, and boasted about how hopeless we were and how he was a banker in New York. He knew nothing about us at all.
In continental Europe years back, I witnessed first hand how AA GIs would start telling white girls hanging out with black africans in night clubs that Africans come from the jungle. Of course fight broke out.  There was even a reported case of death (stabbing) for that reason.
There is an AA boy working now where I work. He never says hello or answer when you greet him. POSTER your people have a problem. If they keep going on about slave trade, they will remain mental slaves forever.  I live in Europe now and if I were to go to US, I don't intend making friends with AAs UNLESS it turns out that only the dregs among them come to Europe. Chikena.

NO.  But I was seriously tempted on a couple of occasions. One was very close. She literally threw herslelf at me.
Seeing a fine lady the way Olodumare made her is not easy. It could have happened if I was less mature (some years earlier).

Some ladies are very bad oo. They can make you go against your principles if you are not strong. Especially as my better half lived faraway then. It was a chance to have a quickie at work.
I feel very proud of myself for resisting it. She felt scorned/rejected. She never spoke with me again. That's life.

I believe that I will walk again, but until that time, I will continue to conquer and live this life.

@ hottie,

That's the spirit. I did manage to do it and you can do it. Of course neurologists/neurosurgeons would say unlikely. Never mind. You know your faith. They know science.

Amazing that you have dealt with it like a superwoman. The song "Hero" comes to mind.

Like you said, not everyone is lucky enough to have people who really care around them.
In Naija, disability awareness is poor. I wondered about this and many other things when visiting Naija last fall. Some even say disabled people are reaping the reward for their evil deeds or those of their family. I know people back then who suffered childhood polio. They were almost made invisible by their families to avoid shame. Sad indeed.

If our legislooters were not too busy sharing money, they could bring in legislation to force public offices to have wheelchair access or face a huge fine.
You can start with petitioning your state government for doing nothing in that respect. You are still very young. With time you can start an NGO.  Our good people here at NL have a big heart, never mind the constant bickering.
But then most disabled people cannot  even afford a wheelchair.
Thumbs up.

Enemies might want to shove lots of enemas down somebody's rearside if they had their way: imagine the diarrhoea.

I know people can be envious or jealous. That's the cause of bitter enemity.


The major cause of bitter enmity is jealousy. The devil can use people to do evil.
Your "enemy" is not always the person you think it is.
I do not pre-ocuppy myself with enemy or anything.
For some fighting the enemy is a major obsession. I don't believe the so-called enemy has so much time to dedicate to you anyway.
This enemy thing can become dangerous: we have read of men hacking down their mothers for "holding them back in life".
Psychologists/sociologists in the house should do a major study on this: to see the prevalence of this belief and how it affects us. We don't have to wait for some white guy from Cambridge or Havard to do this.

But enemy business is a major industry in Nigeria: thousands of babalawos/dibias and prayer warriors depend on it.
With textile/automobile and other industries folding up, we cannot also afford jobless dibias all over the land.

I hope some people will not start describing Orji Kalu soon as one of Ndigbo leaders if he starts wearing a red cap.

I would be really annoying and an insult to a region brimming with brilliant minds.

@ Poster,

Nigerian  population is not that large. Only few countries have such a vast arable land like Nigeria.
That WHO etc think that we have too many people is an indictment of us and inability to develop fast enough.

Looking at Kano, Lagos, Ibdan and a few other urban centres, we may look overpopulated but you can go over large  swaths of land & see nobody far and wide especially in the North.

In terms of family size of 5, 8, 10 or even more: if you were around to witness the 70s & 80s, child mortality was quite high. I know of people who lost 3 or more kids to things like typhoid, cholera, convulsion for unkown reason, etc. Subconciously, large family is still a kinda insurance policy God forbid the worst should happen. Over 75% of people live in rural areas where you expect your kids to look after you in old age. More kids = more care (potentially).  No state benefit for old people.

If medical care was of a better standard like in Singapore by now, many people would have few kids knowing that the government would do its utmost to protect those few they have.

Tradition: The desire of our neighbour's husband to have a son meant that she had nine girls before a boy came!! If we had prospered at a faster rate as a nation, tradition would have elvolved faster.

I thought the Igbos claim to be Jewish. Orthodox Jews only consider you to be Jewish ONLY if your mother is Jewish.

  So the Igbo paternal igboism is not very Jewish!

Amazing that Nigerians have brilliant ideas but yet no solution to our problems.
Is Nigeria dysfunctional because it was destined to be dysfunctional from the onset?
Is it because it was destined to defy logic and solution and ultimately fail?

Is it that such a kaleidoscope of tribes, cultures and whatnot cannot really gel in a clanish and tribalistic African clime?

Ezeuche and Becomerich (President of New Benin Republic in waiting) where are you?
While regional, religious and tribal squabbles are going on, the country is decaying badly.

Do the legislators know what we don't know? Do they know that the country is destined to fail soon and are therefore just grabbing as much as they can while they still have the chance?
I don't want to be a doomsday prophet but we need to look at these things critically. Being complacent and looking at things through tinted glasses can be dangerous. Biafra stands as a lesson. Sorry, we don't learn lessons in Nigeria.

Please elaborate on number 16 property: Offin Road Ikorodu.

How are roads in the area? How far from Ikeja?
Title documents?
Omo onile palaver?

Most people in Naija (Sorry aunty Dora, Nigeria)  do not care about research, innovation or invention especially if it is not done by a white man. If you don't have billions to splash around no one llistens to you.
Before you know it foreigners will get their hands on the formula and patent it.
This Nwabilo man will not be able to fight with the Europeans or Americans if they get their hands on it.
From what we know from Wilileaks, one of their ambassadors will just order GEJ to shut the noisemaker up.

With the potbellies and rampant diabetes among our politicains including OBJ, you would think that they would show proper inteest in this matter and make it a foreign exchange earner.

But then again if they don't go abroad for treatment, that avenue to loot the treasure will be gone.
Biko Nwanbilo, don't let them intimidate you, it is your sweat, so fight them for it.

Was it allocated to you?

Where exactly in Kuje? How developed is the area?
Transport/roadwise in particular?

A few things to clarify.

Now that the awarded road has not been constructed, what is the current distance from Abuja city (minutes of driving)?
How far roughly is it from the airport?

Is KDA in Nassarawa or Abuja (but not under stringent FCT conditions)?
Who processes the C of O for 5% of cost?
The photocopy of C of O you get upon purchase, is it of the current owner's C of O?
What immediate expenses come with the purchase directly, legal costs, agent's fee, etc?
How safe is the land from acquisition?
Suppose you want to start developing straightaway, how feasible is it especially if you have no close family member in the area?

Is there a maximum limit of time you can allow the land to remain undeveloped?
Answering these questions will prevent having to say too much on phone.
Thanks.

Yeah,
Price, procedure and duration to secure a normal visiting visa (shopping) please?
You may also give some info about cost of hotel stay for a week in Dubai.
Thanks.

Eya,

Celebrating with cuvette and absorbance is a different kind of xmas indeed.
I don't know of any lab.

But wait, oo? Do you think a lab will just let u use their spectrophotometer or for a fee?

If there is demand for its use, it could be a business idea. Never one to miss a market niche.

Hi,

Please tell me about the price of the foundation at MFM Ibafo. Where exactly is ibafo?

Laff ke, i dey hold my ribs. 

Amos Adamu must have a hand in this, lol.