₦airaland Forum

onlyievera:
Thats not the point. I was just trying to say building a good life for oneself should be more important a priority than sex and relationships.

this would be "more important" to the women seeking for such made men, but to these men they wouldnt be able to function without sex and someone caring in their lives. to us men, sex and a mate has an important part in what we describe as a good life.

Midehi:
guy na wa for you ooooo....you just nailed everything maybe with anger...nice one anyway.

thanks, but pls, dont mistake my passion for anger.

@ MrsChima @ Deehvahrzz,
i am the one who should ask you which world you live in that you think that we shouldnt look at someone's past to evaluate them? bwaaaaaah. what anyone has done in their past is part of who they are today, you MUST use that to evaluate them and build a r/ship on solid grounds. you cant possibly build a great future with someone, while hiding from him something you did that he is against.

let me ask you this:
- if i suddenly tell you a few days before marriage that i was a child molester, a rapiist or that i've killed my 2 ex wives out of drunken rage. would you really NOT sit down and re-evaluate your stand in this r/ship?
- if i suddenly tell you a few days before marriage that i have kidnapped a few children and ate their organs, done money rituals to become who i am today, and that baba ijebu has still not been settled. would you really NOT sit down and re-evaluate your stand in this r/ship?
- if i suddenly tell you a few days before marriage that in the past i was a male prostitute selling my aaass to underground gay ogas at the top in lagos, without using condoms. would you really NOT sit down and re-evaluate your stand in this r/ship?

what i am trying to make you understand is that, what she did is wrong (in his mind), and from the day he discovers what she has done in her past, that man would not be able to look at her the same way.... its now a different person in front of him (a gal that did something he is against). so this is why he has to re-evaluate! r/ships crash everyday so this one aint any better. any woman who thinks that her past is irrelevant to her future, is fooling herself royally. your past will always be connect to your present and you future, and sometimes there are consequences

if a lady dreams of having a child, and discover just before marriage that her future hubby has low sperm count, then she must re-evaluate and decide if she wants to continue or not in the r/ship.... she has all the rights to do so.

so now, some virgins are barren OR some runz gal who had a few abortions got married and had 5 kids, so men shouldnt have an opinion on the past of the woman they are about to marry?!?!?!?!?!

@OP
you did nothing wrong here, the only mistake you made is that you should have drove her to her parents place before explaining to them what really happened to their daughters so that they could do the needed.

MrsChima:
What she has done in the past is her business....she is not his wife yet and she doesn't owe him shit. Making a choice not to tell someone you had an abortion is not deceit.

IAgain...if he ends up marrying someone else who never had an abortion and she NEVER conceived then WHAT?

Divorce? Infifelity?

That's bullshit.

Mrs chima, i dont know what is your idea of a r/ship but in the "real" world, it's all about CHOICES. everyone has the right to decide what they desire/require for their lives. see how you want to FORCE this man to settle with this (possibly) damaged cargo. this lady has to live with the consequences of her action, and part of that is accepting that some men do NOT want to settle with women who has had abortion in the past.
deceit is hiding the TRUTH from someone, and waiting until later to divulge her past.

if he decides to marry someone else and she cant conceive then thats his problem because that would be a decision HE took, and not one he was forced into by a deceitful partner. why are you hell bent on making abortion something that EVERYONE should be ok with?!

divorce has always been a good choice in such matter.

@OP
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nonsense of the highest order!

FAIL #1 going through your girl's phone and finding out that she is cheating on you, but yet you dont know what to do with this information.... then what the hell did you go and search in her phone?! waste of time!!!

FAIL #2 finding out that your gf is planning to introduce some dude to her parent, and you completely ignoring that fact, thinking that you are still in a r/ship with her, while you are in fact the biggest mugu in town.

FAIL #3 you catch your gf cheating but she turns the table on your weak self and instead blames you for sneaking in her phone (and make this a lack of TRUST issue on your part) while your sorry self completely ignore the fact that she is the untrustworthy cheating person here.

OP please accept all my condolences!

MrsChima:
There is no hard clad fact that abortion cause infertility. SORRY....

never said there was any facts like that nor that it caused infertility, but since most of these ladies have abortion through quack docs, the chances of getting damaged womb are higher. a damaged womb could leave a lady infertile.

it is still her business regardless.

it would be if she did not plan to marry and start a family with the OP. the minute she decides to "share" her life with someone, then her business is also his (and vice versa). it's like buying an used car, you want to check the VIN history to make sure that all is in order. most women without any skeleton in their closets would have no problem with disclosing their past.

Even if she didn't have an abortion....it still doesn't mean she is fertile.

correct.... but its all about taking all the precautions to make sure that your family does not start on the wrong foot. marriage is a big deal and you dont want to discover (after marriage) that your new spouse is damaged good.

Many women had multiple abortions and still able to.conxieve.

and some women out there had ONE through some quack doctor and could never conceive ever again. if you are a gambling person then so be it, but some people dont believe in luck and prefer to never gamble, especially not with such subject.

@OP
if you have been together with this lady for 6 yrs and managed all this while (and say that apart from that she is perfect), then you simply just need to accept that this is who she is, and you should never believe anything she tells you until you have a visual confirmation.

MrsChima:
Abortion is a personal matter she doesn't need to tell him anything regarding that and if we are going to get technical then we need to SHARE EVERYTHING private and public...no one will do that including OP.

but since abortion has to do with a woman's womb (possibly damaging it), that womb that is needed to start a family, that same family that most Nigerians wouldnt value unless a child is born.......then i would understand why a future husband care that much about his wife's past abortions.

- what kind of guy goes to a gal's parents to ask her hand in marriage WITHOUT HAVING ANY PRIOR AGREEMENT/CONTACTS with the gal (that one i will never understand)?
- what kind of miserable parents do we have today that would sell marry off their children to the first donkey that comes their way?! i dont get it!!!!
- what kind of low life begging society are we living in that the happiness of your child is irrelevant whatsoever when it comes to the question of marriage?
- what kind of children do we breed that they cant even revolt and say no to such misery?

i do hope this is a scam and that the gal indeed wanted to be with that other guy but couldnt tell her bf, and therefore cook up this BS story.

KAYD007:
Good to have you back MR BROWNJ!

thanks man

MrsChima:
I was waiting on you to slip! Lol.

If the relationship is based on deceit then he needs to run like hell. However, we have to be realistic if she was never asked about her medical history and she doesn't disclose that information then no deceit has been preformed. It is no one business of how many abortions she had.

Mrs C, the guy wrote that:"I had told her in our previous interactions that i cancelled the marriage preparations with my ex when she told me she had once aborted a baby for her ex" ....... what that means is that she fully well knew that this guy was against women who have had abortions, therefore at that moment , she should have been honest and let him know her past. not doing so was just a way to delay the obvious. it is her "possible" future husband business to know if this lady has done things in the past that can hurt their future together. just like a man has got to know if his future wife was an ex ashewo, so that he can decide if he wants to be with such woman, since people (friends family neighbours) would surely know about it with time.

If she has a life threatening disease and can cause harm to him then she has legally bound to disclose that information because that is a deadly weapon and attempted murder.

you are right about that.

Abortion is not a life and death case nor it doesn't Mean she can't get pregnant again.

it depends who you are talking to.... some overly religious people would NOT want to be with a gal who had an abortion, while others wouldnt care. some people care deeply about such things, some much so that they not want to marry such person. its all down to each and everyone of us to decide what is best for us all

He doesn't love her unconditionally because that is not something to leave a relationship for especially if he never inquired about it!

sista, you can only love someone unconditionally, as long as they still have what you desire/require in a mate. the minute she does not meet any of your criteria, you have to re-evaluate your r/ship, and take a decision as to whether stay together or move on.

Women don't go around telling the world they have had abortions and she told him before marriage! He has a choice to deal or deal....many don't even get an opportunity before marriage!

she should have told him the same day he told her he was against such practice? why say it now that they he has made the introduction?! THAT to me is even a bigger deceit, because she waited when he had already made a big step to reveal such nonsense. just because many get fooled this way does not mean that this man should automatically accept her because she revealed it now, because the outcome would be the same whether before or after marriage.

@OP
it all depends on A) the type of union you are in and B) the type of partner you got.

onlyievera:
I don't ask men for money, you buy me nice things,i pay you back in your coin

so a man who does not buy you nice things cannot date you?

nwachivis:
Do i continue with the marriage ?

why should you? all what you have with this lady was build on deceit. this lady knew fully well that you were against such practices and why you broke up with ex..... so she has only herself to blame for where you guys are now. its called RESPECT and she should have respected your stand and told you then about her own abortion so you could decide (then) if you want to continue with her or not.
dont change for anybody, if that is what you are against then you cant continue with this lady.

Do i accept that it is my destiny to settle down with a lady that has done abortion in the past ?

No you dont. you have just been unlucky in that aspect....and you have to remember that unfortunately many out there have done it, but there are gems out there and you need to keep looking and not act out of desperation to be called a husband.

Do i insist she get pregnant for me before our wedding ?

why are you against abortion? is it because you are afraid she cant get pregnant or just that you are against the act? if you are just afraid that her womb is damaged then tell her that this is the only way you can marry her. remember that you can only accept to marry her after the baby is born, not after a positive pregnancy test......but beware as this can lead to many hurtful outcomes.

Do i just go ahead and marry her with a positive mindset ?

there are no positive mindset here, and there would never be, especially if she does not get pregnant quickly.
you have to sit down and ask yourself what is important in your life, what you are seeking, what you desire...... and when you do know, come and let us in on it

@OP
did the lady told you that she was NOT satisfied? and if she did then you should have asked her what she was lacking.

sadly, thinking that you can satisfy women by doing a same routine with all of them is why you are failing here. all women are different and what works for one does not work for the other. so you need to study these women, then evaluate what is needed to satisfy one, and if that is what you can provide, and if it is then follow with the procedure. too many men out there expect to satisfy all women and crash badly. some women out there are "UNSATISFIABLE" (aka attention n.ymphos) and even if you gave them the moon they would want more.

also, the most important point here is not to focus on how to satisfy strangers (if you knew them then you would certainly know how to satisfy them) its about focussing on yourself and to satisfy YOU before others. whats the point of making others happy if you are still miserable?!
so get your priorities straight bro!

@OP
have you considered that maybe the BF is simply hitting that cootie cat so hard that he is injuring that poor lady?!
many clueless men believe that good sex is just to have a lady scream, and therefore they must make her scream (of pleasure or pain).
so ask her is the guy is gentle to her? or if he has a big dikc? is she wet when he enters?

@OP
since you are clueless about men, let me be the one educating you on the subject, because some of the things you mentionned are pretty basic and normal to most men:

onlyievera:
1. Masturbating, why should a grown man even indulge in this

we men are wired differently than you women (thats why you cant understand us at the 1st place), and sexually we are satisfied differently. since the day that we were born, we have an untamed tiger between our legs, and this tiger can get really mad at the slightest touch/look or even thought. now, most men will try desperately to tame that tiger, and with a healthy/fulfilling/satisfying/rewarding sex life it is possible, but sadly the majority DONT have such, and therefore CANT tame the beast...... and that's when mast.urbation comes into play. mas.turbation is there to temporarily tame that tiger so that these men can function properly in their daily hustle.

2. Looking to find happiness in girls instead of building their own life. I believe a man should build a good life before even considering having a GF. I am not a gold digger, but money keeps a man in charge, of you're not well to do you leave yourself at the mercy of some good for norhing girls who have no value to add to your life than a pretty face and some asss.

the word happiness is very broad, and although you (women) may be happy to find such "made men", most men want to find some friendly person to share that struggle with, someone that would understand their hustle and who would in return respect it. the woman that was not by a man's side when he was struggling, does not deserve to be by his side when he has finally made it. money does NOT keep a man in charge, it just pays for the golddigging criminals that would flock to him, now that he has a sudden change in status.

3. Football betting, i just hate gambling why not work like other men instead of living your destiny to chance. Someone might win something huge but you may never.

how do gamblers make money to bet if they did not work?! of course gamblers work, but they decide to do what they please with their money (and they have all the rights to do so). some foolish men spend all theirs on paying for a criminal in their lives that would ask for recharge card, Brazilian hair and Gucci bags, while others spend it all on further themselves in life. the point here is HAPPINESS, and whatever makes them happy, so be it!

btw, would you turn down a rich man that made is wealth through football betting? life itself is a gamble, respect the game.

4. Visiting prostituites

if you read my response to #1 and #2 then you will understand why pro.stitutes are needed in this world. when you have women (like yourself) that dont want to look at a man who hasnt got a lot of money, yet dont want them to have focus on gf, and further dont want them to mas.turbate, then we all know how ashewos are needed in society. the truth of the matter is that YOU are the reason why there are ashewos in this world, because if you were more nice and helpful (sexually) to these men i just mentionned, then they would not need to go to prost.itute....... so help a brotha and do what is needed to solve the prost.itute issue..... if there is no customer, there would be no ashewos any longer.

6. Being lazy, looking for a girl to do your cooking or do your laundry. Except i am your wife, no way am doing that.

yet you want a man to do all the spending on you (pay for your meals, buy recharge card etc) while he is not your husband, right?
a man looking for someone to help him cook while he struggles/hustles is not called being lazy, its called LOOKING FOR A RESPONSIBLE LADY THAT UNDERSTAND HIM, AND STAND BY HIM THROUGH THICK AND THIN

Timbuktou:
Lol. I'm impressed at having such a basic conversation on nairaland of all places. Truth is most everything has been perverted to the point of revulsion.

I'm glad you raised the point of what is good for the goose being good for the gander, especially with all these self-acclaimed feminists littering the forum with their ideological BS. They want equality but a richer husband, who they can call a 'man'.

And while I agree that desperate men have messed up the game for the level-headed, we're at a point where the rules of engagement have effectively changed and it will take moneyed men to change the game as well as legislation. Truth is women will bangg bad boys and marry rich boys because rich boys have to make do with buying ass that bad boys get for free.

A rich bad boy knows the game, so he won't be fooled and they'd most likely avoid him except there's a really tangoble upside to it.

I look forward to the day where, you leave a union with wht you brought into or contributed to it, I assure you, that'd solve this dilemma by 80%

PS: How are your lovely daughters. Added a lion to the mix yet to ruffle the pride?

the revolution is on, and we have to let all these men know that their value does not lie in their wallet but rather in their MIND... and furthermore that WE rule this game, not the way around. therefore we should stop thinking with tittays and cootie cat in mind when accepting the proposal of these criminals.

sadly, there are too little rich bad boys out there, and too many poor fools who are willing to kill/rob etc, to get little money to impress these criminals.

PS: i already have 3 sons who protect their 3 sisters, the pride is secured.

brotha Timbuktou
even a woman with money should value a man without any, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, but as i have said countless times here on NL, the "no romance without finance" mindset has got to GO!!!!! and only we men can get rid of it.
listen, there are gazillions of women out there that are throwing totos at us like frisbees, yet we still have so many desperate men out there who will gladly lower themselves to satisfy these criminals called GDs. the mind of these women (along with the society that breeds them) is the problem here and only us (men) can fix it. if they get turned down over and over again, i assure you that there will eventually be romance without finance, as it should be.

what is the norm, really? do you think it is normal for a woman to value you as a prospect for marriage, depending on whether you have a fat wallet or not? that is these broke aasss women's norm, in order to find a quick and easy way out of their miserable lives. we (men) have to rise up and bring OUR norms to the table, and if you dont get toto to mount because of that, then go see ashewos for relief, lol!

if women dont want to deal with you because of your wallet size then you should not make any adjustments whatsoever in your life, and instead, you should seek to associate with better people in your life.

having money is not a "quality" that women should seek in men, and if they are, then these women are liabilities. here are the QUALITIES that the responsible women should seek:
- LOVE
- RESPECT
- TRUST
- INTEGRITY
- MORALS
- CLASS
- MANNERS
- COMMON SENSE
- CHARACTER
- PATIENCE

with all the above in hand, you cannot fail in life/love!

iphanyiuma:
We've been dating for close to 6 months now and I met her on bbm, she's a very nice person and my friends enjoy her company cos she's a very free spirited person, the s*x is explosive and I have no issues with her just that she's always talking about marriage and set this new rule that we must have s*x without condom of which I have a very big issue with that, she tells me about her friends who are married and she wants to see my parents all the time but the issue is that she's 8 years older than me I don't even have a shop in my name not to talk bout putting someone in the house and am still a student but I love her. Please I need ur candid advice.

is she your girl or your mama? she said this, she did that, and you are here coming to NL for advice. bro, take back your life into your own hands!!!!

- she wants sex without condoms, while you dont, then WEAR A DAMN CONDOM before she gets pregnant and forces you to marry her!!!!
- she wants to see your parents while you dont want to introduce her to them, then TELL HER SO AND EXPLAIN HER EXACTLY WHY!!!
- stop taking us for fools!!! if you had a shop and your own house, would you marry her (knowing that she would still be 8yrs older than you)?!
- stop lying!!!! you do not love this woman, if you did then you wouldnt come up with all the childish reasons above.

although ra.pe is certainly not a joke, this story has too many holes. how did she leave the house? how could she be ra.ped in a taxi and the driver didnt not stop or do something (abi shouting help is against the law)? but the fact that he ran away is not good for him.

Timbuktou:
Lol, MBJ, nice to talk to you again. However, you conflate my opinion on this issue.

nice to talk to you again too, bro

While it is idealistic to think that women do not consider monetary gains or, at the very least, material comfort in a marriage relationship, it is unrealistic. And while a mank4 finances should not be the only thing that should attract a woman, it is a factor women do not normally overlook. A woman not marrying a moneyed man would have some guarantee that said man has "potential"-promise of wealth or, at least, some acceptable degree of comfort.

if a woman is willing to overlook me as a person because "we" (her and I) are less fortunate then there is a serious problem here. a lady that will automatically value a man with a Porsche, while overlooking me because i arrive on the bus, then i am sorry but she is a liability, and possibly the reason why so many are miserable in their lives.

each and every men out there have potential/promise of wealth, and therefore nobody should be excluded here, as for comfort i completely disagree that this should be something to value before marrying someone. again, you can wait (together) til its better while keep on dating, but overlooking a man because he aint got a house, where this lady can put her feet up, is wrong. all what you wrote above can be attained while growing as a couple, sadly the "less fortunate" societies of today teaches people that they are less than nothing, and that they will only be somebody when they have a car/house (aka riches), and therefore these people dont value happiness, dont value life, they instead value Louboutin, Iphone6 and Brazilian hair. I dont know about you but i NEVER want to end up with such a mentally broken person.

I don't know if you know this, MBJ, but men and women do not love in the same way, and they definitely do not set the same criteria for one to be considered a worthy partner/spouse.How many women, for example, would marry a jobless man compared to the billions of men who marry unemployed/unemployable women every second worldwide. Men believe in the love fantasy, women don't.

the problem is not what women desire, we (men) shouldnt care about that, the problem is these men who knowingly go into r/ships with these women whose sole aim in life is to find someone that will lift them out of poverty. thats like putting a hole in your boat, you are doom from the onset.

Women are more pragmatic when choosing mates. This is a fact of life. A woman's bank balance has extremely little impressive value for a man, the same could not be said if roles were reversed. Do you know the proportion of post job loss divorces worldwide, married men job losses, that is? It's funny and sick at the same time, man.

this is exactly what i wrote earlier, irresponsible women who will leave you when you encounter struggles in your life. NOBODY wants such a liability in their life, and therefore men should be extremely wary of such animals and shouldnt settle for them.

MBJ, I'm not encouraging gold-digging, on the contrary, I'm espousing that men rise above the prevalent narrative about an idealistic concept of love and be as pragmatic as women during the mate selection process. Men want a woman who will gladly drink garri if the pounded yam doesn't come for ever, but how realistic is that? Women could promise to stick by their men for better or worse but man, reality tells different. And millions of men have found this out the hard and bitter way.

wait a minute, first you tell young men of today to make money bal bla bla, yet now you say that men should be as pragmatic as women during mate selection. sorry but if you believe that you should "make money" in order to attract women, then you are already falling into the trap that these women are setting, by brainwashing these men and telling them that without money they cant get a good women (which is what all the golddigging criminals want you to believe).

this is life and the reality is that you do not need all the promises in the world from a woman, if you start down and find a good woman who will value you THEN and THERE , then thats all a good man needs. thats a sure and simple way to assure yourself that this woman is by your side because of YOU. now, if this lady did not value you when you were down but suddenly does when you make it in life, then something is definitely WRONG HERE and she should be avoided like the plague. as for the man already with wealth, he must be twice as much careful about the mindset of the women he meets.

a woman should be happy by your side eating garri, if you make it out of life then you guys will be happiER, and if you dont then you will remain happy. the problem is when people's happiness in life depends on your riches. what kind of monster is this that will either be miserable or happy depending on how much you got?!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OP, did you fell on your head this morning?! why write such BS this early morning?

khalebzy:
1. Investigating about the other woman: The truth hurts sometimes. Just avoid the stress and focus on winning your man back.

winning what?! if a man cheats on a woman, then that women should drop this man and move on with her life looking for a respectful/trustworthy man. taking back a cheating man is like shoving shit back up your aaasss.

2. Insulting your husband: You will eventually give him a reason to make up his mind.

bwaaaaaaah! the minute he went to mount that other girl, he ALREADY made up his mind to DISRESPECT himself, his wife and their r/ship.

3. Insulting the woman: By doing this, you are just giving her the spotlight she does not deserve.

oh lawd! she already got the the spotlight she did not deserve when her husband mounted her.

4. Asking him to choose between you and the other woman: Your husband really wants to be with you. Asking him to choose is a big mistake.

are you serious? no, REALLY?! the choice was made when he fukced that other woman, and if that is how a man shows his wife that he wants her then we are doomed.

5. Monitoring him like a baby: He will begin to avoid your calls. Men want their privacy sometimes.

if ever a man cheats and his wife finds out about it, and is foolish enough to stay with him then that man has LOST all his privacy until further notice and wifey has all the rights to monitor is cheating behind.

6. Fighting the other woman: Don’t act like a tout. People will end up blaming you. You might even get hurt.

as much as you are starting to make some sense here, who gives a damn if people do blame her?

7. Leaving your matrimonial home: BIG!! Mistake. He will bring her in.

its called "being able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning". if a man does not respect a woman then why should she stay with him? this woman wont be able to proudly look at herself in the mirror if she stay with that animal, and if she does not do it for that reason, let her leave because life is too precious to be dying of deadly diseases because your disrespectful husband couldnt keep his dikc in his pant.

why put an end to it? if they are happy then so be it.... there is no taboo even if you are dating the sister of your bro's wife

Timbuktou:
Any woman who goes into a marriage relationship without looking at the husband's finances is probably insane and likely doesn't exist.

any women who looks solely at a man's finances, in order to decide if she wants to marry him or not, is the type of women that men DONT need in their lives. a proper responsible woman would simply delay the wedding (and stay with you) or have a registry marriage, until they BOTH can work together to make it better for the both of them. any wise person knows that you are always stronger when you are two, instead of one, duh!

Young men, believe women marry for love at your peril.

why shouldnt they? too many misled young men believe that they should "make money" and therefore they will get women falling on their lap.... in fact, it just wrongly teaches them that their sole value in women's eyes will depend on how much money they have, which is wrong on so many levels.

but here is a clue: if MONEY is what attracted women into your life then A) this is not a r/ship, it's a business deal where you pay an ashewo to be by your side, and when money don finish she will leave your sorry behind B) a man with more money than you will easily take this GD (golddigger) away from you, and C) you might as well hire a maid and go fukc ashewos everytime you are ho.rny, it's much cheaper and less wahala!

In due time, nairaland will hear of your tales of woe; how she banged the soup pot on your head while you tried to get a meal, how she banned you from meat-eating for a month, etc.

its called LIFE, and finding a GOOD, RESPONSIBLE woman who will respect you as man, whether you have money or not. since when did money was the basis to respect your husband or not? men should stop associate with these broke aasss, golddigging, hungry, desperate, good for nothing women that does not know what a "good man" stands for.

Get your money and get a good woman who will not spend it all on Channel and Louboutins. A word is enough.

here we go again with that fallacy........ sadly, the message above is wrong, IMHO. what young men should look for in life is a great person, caring, respectful, trustworthy, understanding and loving who would MOTIVATE her man to do better (not throw stone at him when he is down and/or leave him); a woman who understands that money comes and go but good values are there for life; a woman who will be by your side through your struggle and who will appreciate and VALUE the rewards of that struggle; a woman that is ready and willing to cross oceans for you and not one that will jump ship as soon as trouble is on the horizon; a woman that will educate your children to be happy and passionate about life rather than educate them to look for riches...... THAT woman is a keeper!

and by the way, a wifey can buy Louboutin and Chanel if/when she knows the value of what you guys have BUILT TOGETHER, sadly many of these broke aaass women out there (who are looking for men that will lift them out of their poverty stricken lives) dont, and only see them as an atm card with an expiry date.

@OP
sadly, the women portrayed in what you wrote are a disease to struggling men all over the world, because :
A) it infers that poor men are therefore irresponsible people who walked into poverty with their eyes open
B) your success/failure has nothing to do with poverty
C) if a woman was not by your side when you were struggling to be successful, then she has NO business being by yourself when you make it.
D) such women are not "responsible", they are lazy women who expect a smooth ride in life, being mentally (and possibly monetary) poor themselves.

now here is what i MBJ believe is a responsible woman
- a "responsible" woman would NEVER let what a man brings to the table be only what she can eat.
- a "responsible" woman would understand that all the blessings of a man are NOT material.
- a "responsible" woman that loves her man would certainly understand his struggle, remain loyal to him, encourage and lift his spirit up, whether they start/fall in poverty or not.

@OP
this your friend's insecurity and jealousy BS will have him possibly loose a good thing. the ex is appreciating her now that she is not in his life, possibly repenting about not being with her, and there is nothing wrong with that. she didnt not entice him or encourage him in any way so where is the big deal? maybe the sex was indeed good with that bobo and she was remembering the good time they had, but thats the PAST.

i can already see your insecure friend telling her to never have any contact with her ex, in order to pacify his weakling's ego.

@OP
although you dont need to hear it from her, but there has to be concrete signs that she cares a great deal about you..... if she can "show" love, its even better.

@OP
let's make something clear: whether good or bad, your mother is YOUR MOTHER. you may want to remove her from your life for good, but she will always remain your mother. now, everybody wishes to have the caring/loving/generous/fun type of parents but sadly living in fantasy land wont help anything here. so the quicker you get that, the best you can deal with your LIFE!

here is my humble opinion:
1) dont you want to have some kind of "relationship" with your mother before you expect her to save you from your current life/crisis? obviously, you dont know much about the woman, dont know what she does or how she is surviving over there. you know that she is unpredictable and not trustworthy, so you should have taken her at face value... meaning: when she called to invite you, you should have taken her offer right then and there, and leave. now a few yrs down the line, circumstances have changed (as usual) and you seem to be mad at her.

2) i can see that you expect a lot from your mum, and blame her for what happened last yr but may i ask: where was your father, step mum, uncles, and what not, then? you are making it seem like, because your mother was never there, she suddenly has to do 10times as much as everyone else in your life? you have to be a little bit more sensible about the issue.

3) if the problem is NOT financial, then why did you miss all the admissions last year?

4) i think the only person who is indeed playing with your life and ambitions is YOU. you said that when your mother called to invite you over, your focus changed to "moving to UK". what was your life ambitions prior to that? what was your aim in life? and why was it so easy for her to sway you away from them?

5) you do not need to prove anything to anybody... just prove it to yourself that you can do whatever you have decided to do! focussing on other people while you should focus on yourself is wrong. this is your future, and yours alone, so you have to deal with it maturely and understand that there is no free meals in the world. what happens to you is not nice but it is good because it forges you for the hard times that may come ahead, both emotionally and physically.

6) what would removing her from your life is going to achieve? you are putting obstacles in your own path. as you said yourself, your mother is unpredictable, and therefore, as much as she can let you down, she could also appear tomorrow and bring you the help you need to possibly succeed. you need as many bullets as possible in order to hit your life's target, dont deprive yourself of any.

7) do not make any decision today with your mum in mind, but certainly dont exclude her from your life. you have never been her priority in life (and she probably has her own reasons) and therefore dont make her a priority in yours. if your decision takes a toll on her then so be it, some of her decisions did also take a toll on you.

ojjp:
We v been together for four months b4 d intro. And he wants d weddin done next month.

He has called somebdy at whr i'm servin to tell him everythin i do. He is feelin insecure kind of. Its like he doesnt trust me, n dat is really makin me feel like cryin.

the reason why he is acting in such a way is plain clear.....you guys DO NOT know each other and that man wants to enslve you because of his insecurities. 4 months is just too early to really get to know someone and to fully take the decision to spend the rest of your life with him. i suggest you guys slow down and take time to discover one another, to have fun together, to bond in such a way that marriage is NOT going to be the only thing that link you guys together.

who plans a wedding in 1 month anyway?! lol this man is indeed in a hurry!

i can certainly understand why men of today want to get woman and marry them as young as LEGALLY possible. the younger she is, the best chance they have of being virgins, and we all know how many out there cherish that cherry.

so long as she is 18, then no big deal here!

the responses on this thread had me laughing real hard....... but lets be real for a minute: what is life for if your woman cant even suck your toes?!

now, i MBJ will suck a "clean" women's toe without a problem BUT i can fully understand why a 9ja person wouldnt do it. some people out there have been walking barefoot all their lives, sucking on such person's toes might injure your mouth or have you catch some deadly diseases.