₦airaland Forum

mutter:
Ujujoan,
let me give you one advise you would do well to take to heart.
Most women say allot of things but what happens on their home front is totally different.
This " I can never take it, " it`s all lies, sometimes unconscious lies, Most women take allot of poo.
You know all these things you have written so far, I cannot fault this man in any way.
Look at it this way- are two not to be one. So why do you not let him pick the tyres just because you are the one driving the car.
My husband is that way. He takes allot of decisions that, I sometimes felt, should actually not interest him. Sometimes it is something so trivial like the soap we use, or he insists on not replacing the dishwasher. Sometimes one would thing he is totally in control. However with many real important things he gives me my freedom to do it my way.
Well what I did  is when I know he would say no, I just go ahead and buy it without telling him first. When he asked I would tell him I mentioned it, but he was probably not listening to me as usual. After sometime he confronted me, on this tactic and I told him, I knew I could not do it when he said no, so I decided to opt for the lesser evil of doing it without telling him. I turned the tables on him telling him he had instilled so much fear in me that I had to go sneaking behind his back like a child. Well I got what I wanted without hurting his ego. Over the years it has became easier.
I realised that we women sometimes take men so seriously. I hardly get into arguments again because I avoid serious confrontation but mostly use teasing and laughter to get my way- When he gets angry, I hug him and tell him how much I live him and make jokes about it. Later on when tempers are calmed we can talk it out.
You need to learn the secret of moving a man to think that your decisions are his. You need to learn to succumb sometimes. In a relationship compromise is the key word. There are things we compromise and a few we don`t. Words are very powerful and when you learn to speak his language, communicate on his level, he will lean to listen.
You have a caring man wanting to change your tyres. You did not accept that offer? You hurt him with what you did. Letting him know you can handle it. The tyres he wanted, would have done it too.
Certainly women have a better intuition than men but a woman needs to let a man take decisions and also stand by him when the mistakes are made.
I believe that when this man realises that you also respect his opinion, then he will relax.
By he time you accept some of his ideas, I am sure that when you tell him I know you are right but I would love to have it this way, he would not have anything against it.
So what you need to do now, is to apologise to him, for having slighted him.
You might be loosing a good man for nothing.
I know it is hard when one has been independent, to adjust to a man, but you can learn to do so. Men are like children in many ways and when you understand that, you can cope better. When you really love, you can find it easier to make compromises.

johndoe200:
Having multiple husbands is as old as having multiple wives. It is called Polyandry. In a lot of places where this is practiced the woman marries two or more brothers at the same time and it is sometimes called fraternal polyandry. It is common among the Polynesian people.

johndoe200:
It is culturally driven. People can adopt any practice that they feel comfortable with. As for God he already supports this, or do you think that God resides in Nigeria alone?

jay bee:
Then I'm afraid you are not yet ready to get married. Most men have ego problem (Me Included) and reason for this can be explained by our cultural beliefs and whatnot.
You are also talking about 2 different things entirely. Being close minded doesn't necessarily equate to being controlling.
I could be close minded but still allow you freedom to choose whatever rocks your boat as long as it doesn't affect me.

jay bee:
You have to tenses along the line of:
I see your point but what if we do it this way.
I accept your opinion but don't you think doing it this way might work
I know you have made up you mind on this but i was just wondering if it might work if you try this
Let's try my way first and i will apologise if it doesn't work then we can do it your own way.

The point is you have to allow him feel he is the man as you don't want to crush his ego but still get your point across at the same time.

johndoe200:
Are you a man or woman?

ifyalways:
Silence and patience works so also is a lil'bit of strong head. I think CC had a disclaimer attached to her posts too  
That single act of forcing her on a drink she clearly said she does not like is alarming.
Silence and patience does not work all the time neither does strong head.
Maybe she needs to use both  

naijababe:
Haba, this is just controlling jor. I agree with chaircover

Ujujoan:
@ Ninapha
What if your silence only makes him feel like he's right! If or when he makes a mistake, he simply dismisses it as 'part of life' and puts up some annoying cliches like 'we'll try again or nobody's perfet'!

MRbrownJAY:
@poster
if you do believe that they get mad for no apparent reason then you are not at fault here, THEY ARE. . . . . . . therefore THEY should work on their issues while you go on your business!

Ujujoan:
Close-minded as in annoyingly inflexible and unreceptive to new ideas!!!

It’s often very frustrating trying to get them to see things from your own perspective because they are incapable of that. They tend to hold fast to their ideas, whether right or wrong, and any contrary opinion is often ignored.

How do you intelligently deal with them?

Boboribo:
@igochopur$ - what's the mischief please?

Beaf:
It is so funny the way the pepper soupers manufacture, lie and distort, because their hero (who is a wanted man) is no better. What are Atiku's plans and policies that can be used for a clean campaign?

None?
. . .Just grown men telling tales by moonlight and Iya akara stories!

I de laugh o!

zionic:
Poor man dey cry rich man dey laugh and mess!

Bawss1:
It is rather condescending that GEJ is using the fact that his kids school in Nigeria to score political points. They are probably in Nigeria because they are still youngsters, when they reach the age for university education I can bet that they will not be in schooling in Nigeria. . . but all of this is besides the point. Nigeria's educational system needs to be overhauled, what are his plans to address this; thats what we should be discussing here.

tkb417:
if that portion is true, then he is not loyal to his wife, and by extension, i wont bliv the rest of his statement!!
@TKB. . .chillax!!
uncalled for


ok sir

sexygold:
u guys should understand that GEJ is not[b]" NORMAL", [/b] if we can recall how he was chosen to be the deputy governor to governor to vice president to ag v.p to president, so u see,let me SOUND it so clear that,if GEJ destined to be the next president, NO BODY on EARTH can STOP HIM except GOD or DEATH, so u see is FAR from ZONING or DEFLECTING to parties, BE WISE GUYZZZZ

koruji:
It goes like this. Nigeria's leaders tend to see themselves in the role of emperors instead of high level employees of the people - it is an ego problem. Of all the candidates so far, both of these guys seem to have a good perspective in this regard - that is unless their actions are helping the people it is of no use. I believe that unless any leader gets this right he will ultimately fail.

Again I am looking at the choices b/4 us. Which of these contenders do U prefer?

Ninapha:
Ugo,

Thanks for all your help and support.

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Bawss1:
^ And he is also a Nigerian graduate.

No wonder his communication skills are . . .

Maxidoe:
So what is your point and what are you insinuating? all indices points to the fact that he is most likely guilty.The best we can do for the lives this beast and his cohorts have taken is to ensure that he is brought to justice, he is fuking criminal for crying out loud,and he has always being.And the coward act of lying that a government official told him to blame northern politicians is even more insulting. He was said to have had an interview with Al-jazera which was later found to be false, till today he has not named that so called government official he said called him, i wish you understand what his allegations on the blame of north could have caused.