₦airaland Forum

You want to wait until your kids are grown, you will not be young and youthful and to re marry will be less than possible. You will be bitter, aged and miserable, I just pity you. Time waits for no man. You better start making moves right now before it’s too late, trust me your children will be fine. Forget about what people say, because right now in your situation people are still mocking you. Or you think people haven’t observed that your husband is jobless? People will still talk about you even if your reputation has no stain. Lol you better sit tight and face reality. This is if you truly plan to leave and live in peace.

If you want to stay, I can only tell you the reality. It is highly unlikely that he will take the financial burden off yu. He has been complacent for 6 years, it’s not going to end any time soon. Put yourself in a mental state where you can accept this and cope in the best way possible. You can encourage and push him, but there’s only so much you can do as you cannot force a man to change. He has to be willing. Don’t bottle this up, talk to the RIGHT people. Emphasis on right! They might be able to turn this situation around for you.

You can not overcome this problem on your own, you have tried for 6 years. You cannot do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Think fast and act now, you are not getting any younger. Don’t waste your youth, because once it’s gone.. it’s gone forever. Good luck.

RichGal:
Hello everyone

Long post alert.

I feel like I'm burning out. I have been married to a guy I think I'm crazy in love with for 6 years plus. We got 2 kids.

I have been solely responsible for the bills, I mean every single bill. From houserent, to school fees, to car maintenance, to feeding and toiletries.

I have been very patient with my husband cos I'm not a materialistic woman. I really don't attach much value to money, it's just a tool to achieve required stuff.

Here's the issue. My husband is an unambitious person with no personal goals.
When we were dating, I always pushed him to achieve more and I felt since I was the ambitious one, I could always motivate him, so long as he was willing to be motivated.

But now, after all these years and two kids, I AM TIRED.

My ATM card is mostly with him, all he knows to do is spend, spend, spend while I work, work, work,plan,plan,plan and save, save, save.

I feel he has no understanding of responsibility and he has become so comfortable with me wearing these shoes.

I always have to push my personal needs aside and think of the family first.

Now I'm at a point where I'm just waiting for the kids to be grown and then I'll leave him. I don't even know sef. I feel emotionally neglected. I feel resentful. I feel all these things cos I can't walk out of this marriage cos of my Christian beliefs, my children, and maybe cos a part of me still loves him.

But, I feel myself growing apart from him daily. Sometimes, I feel I would have done way better if I wasn't married to him. I feel burdened.

If I could have an affair to maintain some form of mental stability I would, but I can't. I think he knows this so he feels confident that I ain't going no where but I'll shock him.

I'm just tired of taking care of everyone without being taken care of. I keep pouring out and giving

We look like the picture perfect couple. We are both very attractive, young looking and have great chemistry but that's all there is to it.

I can't even remember the last time we both had a meaningful conversation on an intellectual level cos while I'm all about self development, dude is all about whatever he is all about.

I really don't know. I'm really sad and getting to my threshold.

You are not the first or last.

A Co worker has a Nigerian husband from edo, he went to start a business in Nigeria… Spent 30 million on this, bought 50 million naira car.. finished building his parents house. Yet they have no savings here…living off government housing and funds.. and struggling. Even though my Co worker is aware of everything, I told her to be wise and sharpen up. She’s young in her 20s so shes naïve. The man got his papers through her, he is saving his money and allowing her to suffer with their child.

This is Nigerian men for you, you have to be smart when dealing with them. Don’t make it too easy for them to dupe you, because they will. Hide your money and let them pay for everything. What money will they have to do anything shady behind your back? Thinking about re starting their life in Nigeria will not even come to their head. But if you are forming miss independent I can do everything on my own, they will use you as a stepping stone to upgrade themselves. Especially if they got their papers through you. If you were not the true type of woman they wanted to marry, but you were the only option due to lack of papers, they will re start their life with a woman from their hometown eventually. No uk or us born woman should ever settle down with an African man without papers, it’s too risky. Unless you are 90% sure he is honest which is rare. Most of them are desperate and fraudulent. Be wise !

VEXT:
All these naija fake atheist wey dey scream blood of Jesus if car want hit them..

lmaoo I actually laughed so hard

AnonyUser:
I'm thankful to all the contributors on my previous thread here: https://www.nairaland.com/7032114/how-greet-neighbor-just-gave

I took the advice of some matured Nairalanders, rehearsed them couple of times, went with a little courage and overcame.

Some people from my previous thread were asking me what's difficult in going to greet someone who gave birth?

Well, that's what makes us different. To you it's easy. But for some of my type, it's very difficult.

The one I hate more than anything is going for condolence visit. I don't know of any other visit as hard as that. I always avoid that sh!t

Anyways, once again, thank you all.

well done. Us introverts understand you jare, it is well.

Rubyjade:
Fallacy of hasty generalization. Some women not all women, if you spend more than 10mins on me, I feel very uncomfortable

100% right, early cumming is not nice but anything more than 10 mins, you’ll be pounding a dry dessert.

Oh wow these pictures are actually embarrassing. Why you shared this for thousands of people to see, I don’t know why.


Happy marriage life to you, you can always renew your vows and take better pictures.

100 percent pregnant

Some Men are slaves to sex. That’s why it’s used as a huge manipulation tactic. It’s the downfall of many men, and they lose everything..blood sweat and tears over it. Go and ask the men who married beasts in fancy clothing, all because of a banging body. Ruined investments over women. The day some men wake up, Is the day they will witness everlasting favour upon their life.

pussyAvenger:
Men are naturally attracted to younger females.
It's a primordial instinct. The naked body a younger female makes our dick run amok.

you will grow out of this phase.no matter how beautiful the girl is, you will get tired of it. And the cycle begins, having sex with anything walking, trying to reach an ending fulfilment that you will never have.

So what happens after you date the girl for a couple of years, get married and her body begins to sag? After having sex with the same girl 50 times, the fresh body Is no longer exciting. Sometimes I just wonder the mentality of some guys sha, it’s embarrassing.

How old is your wife and how many kids do you have

Oche211:
Send that girl away at all cost before your marriage scatter.
15 years old ooo
How do some men have such erections?

I know the amount of men that tried to have sex with me from age 13-17. Men who were well into their 40s. Now at 26 looking back, I realise how a lot of men have no sexual control, and it ruins their life. A man with self discipline has extreme favour.

I mean his wife must be very stupid to think that she can sleep with a white man, carry his child and pin the baby on a black man. At least if you’re going to do paternity fraud, use sense to do it now. Sleep with someone that looks like your husband. I hope your friend gets the truth out as quickly as possible.

Why you carry second belle for a man that is useless? You’re supposed to re marry with the one child that you have, although not easy but still possible. Even if you marry a single father, is it not better than the nuisance that you call a husband ? Now you will have two children for this man, where do you want to go? You better sit down and manage your husband like that. You want to kill yourself before your time, carrying newborn up and down and slaving away to provide for your family. I just pity you. This is the reason why your husband sees you as a rug, because you don’t even respect yourself. Good luck.

Hmmm all I need is one night with this man just one night.

Mercychen:
SUFFERING AND SMILING
not every married individual is really happy or fufilled in their marriage. Most are masking a huge pain with fake smiles but deep down, they're are sad.

YOU'RE STUCK!
Even when you're tired and want out, you can't for fear of what people would say or how society will view you. So, you're stuck to same thing person for life.

NO FREEDOM
Your steps are calculated.

Your moves are watched.

Your movement is restricted. You can't visit friends anyhow and stay as long as you wish or even sleep over at friends'.> Problem.

Your time is shared/sacrificed for others by compulsion most times., you don't get to have enough for yourself.


FINALLY, YOU LOSE YOURSELF!
You live for your family and spouse. YOU, now seldom come first and slowly you forget you exist....

I'm not married but I'm sorrounded by married folks and I see what has become of their life's. Sometimes, I try to remind them that they still exist in this marriage hence the need to wake up and take care of themselves.

Phew!

this is such a lie babe. Your negativity is depressing and far from the truth.

Married women can still become single mothers. In fact it’s very common, go and ask women in their 50s and 40s. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life. Whether you have a child or not, most women have limited choices anyways when it comes to men especially after 30. Women should know this and have peace and never revolve their entire sense of being around a man. Vice Versa. Live life and create memories, if you make mistakes or find yourself in unfortunate circumstances, move on. Every day your are moving closer to your grave.

Mylordmygod1:
Hello nairalanders...

i got my girfriend pregnant since september, and it really got me crazy..

when it was 2 months, we tried to abort it, and so we met a chemist who gave her drugs and injection, he told us that the blood we rush out, but it did rush out just small and stopped.. So it did not work even after i paid him 8k..

now, we are about to carry out D & C abortion tomorow, but she keep saying she is scared.. Even me, i'm scared too..

i don't know what to do..

please, don't feel bad reading this, i only need advice on this, it is a wrong move but my mind is already made up to do it..

how i wish i can just allow her to birth it..

though, one of my mind is still telling me to keep it, but how can i be able to take care of her and the baby?

And she is just my side girlfriend, not my real babe..
pray for me nairalanders, i need strenght this moment to take the right decision..

lalasticlala..

aborting a 16 week pregnancy is very risky and needs serious medical attention. It’s usually a two day procedure, so do your research and be sure that your not doing the surgery with a quack doctor.

I wouldn’t mind dating this kind of 51 year old at 26. He is fineee

As a mother I will advice you. DO NOT have children due to family pressure. Children slow you down significantly. Find stability first to a certain degree, then children will follow. Your wife is still very young. Use it to your advantage and ignore the people who want to push you down the road of suffering. I have one child and I’m not having another one until maybe 5-6 years maybe longer as I know how life has turned around for me. Children are blessings but they are HUGE sacrifices. THINK WELL!!!!

James4358:
Am barely three years into marraige, the least reason i got married to my wife was for making babies.
My wife is going through a family planning method, but my mum and inlaws wont let us drink water.
It is grand children this & grand children that'. Even my own mum i always thought was learned & invoke with 21st century lifestyle has been in the fore front of disturbing our lives.
My wife is barely 26 and pursuing her master's programme to a conclusion & i've been busy traveling & attending various courses to gain speedy promotion & hit the peak of my para-millitary job. Where else would i get the time to start baby-sitting, which i know is a full time job.
Am not just the type to let a house maid take up the responsibility of training my children, this i know has negative effects & may some day backfire.
My mum have even gone ahead to tag this the handi_work of witchcraft. My elder brother has 3kids already, why the cry after my own.
This women wont just let us live our lives in peace!

DontBullshitMe:
Men are cheap but ladies can't get them to commit to them easily.

Keep deceiving yourself. It's just the sex and nothing more.

If men are cheap, why are 35-50 year old unmarried women bitter. No worry. You go learn.

Men are expensive for their commitment and that is all that matters.

you only need commitment from one man in the world. The truth is that those who are over 40 had many men interested in them for commitment but for one reason or the other they chose to remain single. Men are at loss here because they spend millions of naira impressing girls that they are not committed to. You think it’s all about sex and it’s nothing, but in exchange your blood sweat and tears transfers into the woman’s account. It doesn’t make sense to me.

Mille:
You just summed up the reason for my fear and resentment.

I have also been thinking of what my life will be after retirement without any tangible savings.

My belief in life is that people don't change. So you can imagine how my fears have heightened now. I have been thinking 32 years into the future.

people do change. People change a lot. Change is constant. That’s something you need to tell yourself.

I don’t like to spend money in my house too much but what bothers me is the fact she allowed her daughter to go hungry over night especially when she has money in her account. I’m really concerned about that as that is not normal at all. You need to be very weary about this, because these are signs that she may neglect her own daughter if times get hard. Very bad.

9japarts:
Would you rather a man that takes care of you, or one that wants to do roaster for house chores?

I know. I know

majority of men do not have the capability to take care of a woman and all her needs especially when children come into the picture. So that is the real issue here, not household chores.

Blah blah we know the ones that are married and those that yap on Nl to waste time. Some of you are so bored, come up with all manners of nonsense to write as a thread. Lool.

MufasaLion:
I can have my son at any age!!!

yeah for selfish reasons, but you cannot be an adequate father at 70 years old running after a toddler or even a teenager. Let’s be real here. You will not feel it, but your child will be damaged/empty, especially when there’s no money.

simplepee:
Cute couple.

I love seeing mature couples. Not all these small children getting married anyhow when 98 percent of them have no idea what they are getting into..

they don’t look that mature. Maybe late 20s to mid thirties. Mature is 40+

Just my opinion.

.

.

Maj196:
There's no such thing as too old in a guys book, only females have such phobia. In as much as you are ready then you make your move.

there is something as too old. A 40 plus year old cannot start looking for an early-mid 20s babe to marry unless he has multi millions in the bank and most men don’t have that in their lifetime.. take note that even with the multimillions.. you will be used as a money machine, nothing else. The best time for a man to marry if realistically he knows he can never be super rich is early to mid thirties. That is when he will have the best options, with an average salary.

jaelz:
I have a girlfriend. She is 21 while I am 25. She is using Blackberry and iPhone while I am using Nokia torch.
I bought the phones for her because I love her so much. I send 400 naira card to her every day but she doesn’t call me. She only flashes me. Whenever we go to a restaurant, I buy her Red wine, Juices and fried rice while I drink only pure water and eat groundnut.
One day, I bought 400 naira card for her. When we were together, she called another guy and told the guy that she loves him and will marry him. When I asked her who she was calling, she said that she was only
joking. She has never ever visited my house and she doesn’t allow me to visit her house. Whenever I want to hug her, she would shout at me harshly.
What should I do? Should I increase the recharge card I buy for her to 600 naira? Or should I buy another
Blackberry phone (N100,000) for her and iPhone6 (N458, 000) for her too?
I know that she loves me very much, but she’s just pretending as if she doesn’t.

I hope you have changed