₦airaland Forum

How do you expect her to do her masters when she’s pregnant? Are you alright?

Babe

I feel like you are trying to consolidate yourself, which is fine. But the truth is that, married or not.. you will still encounter stress in your life. It’s something you can’t avoid. You will still have worries and sadness. The older you get especially as a woman, the less you will want to do it all on your own. It’s just in our nature. Most men of this generation are not going to sit back and allow you to do it all, contrary to what you read on social media. Most men help their wives, they just don’t come out to say it. When you have kids, taking care of them becomes like second nature. It becomes a part of you. Watching them grow is the happiest thing you will ever encounter in life, nothing can replace that feeling. I’m all for women choosing to stay single if that’s what YOU want to do. But what I find with a lot of single women, is that they try to comfort themselves with exaggerated lies, and it doesn’t make sense.

Mercychen:
To me, nothing really special about marriage because I've moved closely with married people and all i see is stress, stress and more stress!

Imagine the daily routine of a woman. Especially those who are not working.

Wake up early ( when youre not ready)
Prep the children for school.
Prepare their food breakfast.
If hubby is nice, he'll help drop them off otherwise, you do the school runs.

You get home and start putting the house in order. And attend to other chores staring you in the face. Time is ticking

Get ready to prepare lunch.
Then before you know it, it's time to go pick the kids.
Come back, freshen them up.
Serve them
Attend to their home work.

The you get set for dinner so hubby can have something to eat when he gets home. Before you know it, the day is gone and you're fagged out. Same thing continues tomorrow and on and on until....

Imagine if you're a working Mom and now have to combine all these with work...

Now tell me what will make a single viewing all these want to get married?

Truth be told, that's another thing I calculate and i relax and continue enjoying my single life.

Many married women are not happy. They are silently crying!!!
Forget all that fake smile they wear when they come out. They are not happy

Even the men are not 100% fulfilled. Responsibility wan break their neck.

Let's tell ourselves the truth. Even if you're rich, it's still not that easy.

I've seen a rich couple who both drove madly to school at the same time to pick their ward and were reigning heavy curses at each other at the gate because they both argued earlier on who's going to pick the son. So it's like non of them wanted to come and it was already evening and the boy was still in school.

I guess they called the house and the nanny who was babysitting their twin babies then, told them the boy was not home.

Omor.. see the speed they drove into the school compound with. Wify packed one side, hubby parked the other way and they both jumped out of their cars rushing Into the school and abusing each other.

Wife : " You shouldn't have come" useless man" As she stormed into the classroom

Man: ori e ko pe. why did you come? You should have remained at work"

Hmmm... So much hype about marriage. Abegi!

Nwachi22:
…..Come to think that this comment is coming from a female. Always making insensitive and agbero comments.
It’s not about the woman’s mentality. It’s about respecting boundaries. The OP should either respect boundaries or rent his own apartment.

it has nothing to do with respect but everything to do with oppressing outsiders that come to spend time in your house outside of your comfort. If your mother/siblings/close family or friends came to stay at your house, will those rules of “respecting boundaries” still apply? We both know the answer to that deep down. When in-laws come to the house, there’s this defence and shield that wives suddenly like to pull up, even when there’s no need. You’re actually doing more harm than good.

I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

I’m going to be real with you sis, you cannot find the solution you want unless you cheat on your husband. Your husband is stuck in his ways, he’s not willing to compromise or sacrifice his beliefs for your satisfaction. Let me tell you the truth my sister, most men just want to cum and sleep. All this extra gra gra is work for them, and like you said they have other things to worry about. This is how most married women feel, men especially become laid back once they are having sex with the same woman over and over again. Married woman to married woman.

My real advice to you is to satisfy yourself with your hands or a toy when you are Hot. Focus on your child and your career. Accept that you can never have it all in marriage. Your partner must lack in one department, it may be sex, finances, compassion, good looks, hygiene etc.. there’s always something. The easy thing to do is to look for that missing thing in someone else. The smart thing to do is to focus on the positives and try to enjoy your marriage the best way you can. You said you are like friends….go on adventures with him, go out clubbing, go to parties.. you will begin to overlook this missing void you’re feeling. This is feeling is temporary, good luck to you.

So somebody else has agreed to be his wife under his conditions, and you have moved on, so why are you opening a thread about this? At the end of the day If you’re having sex with a guy before marriage, what is the difference if the guy asks you to get pregnant before he marries you? Let’s not be hypocritical here. A lot of us like to act like we are above certain things, when in reality you are just deceiving yourself. Let’s not act like women dont date 5 men at once before they settle down with one. Move on with your life, you’re not better than the girl he impregnated, you’re both the same, just that there’s proof of fornication in her stomach. Ah beg jare.

Looool this one thinks he’s a failure at 20. Young people are so naive and foolish. God help them.

Gosh I remember my pregnancy. My whole body and face.. black. It wasn’t even a shiny black..dirty and ashy black.. swollen face and feet, stretch marks everywhere. I couldn’t brush my teeth well because i couldn’t stand the smell of toothpaste I would always throw up. Plenty saliva in my mouth and my teeth were no longer bright like before. Honestly, pregnancy and childbirth is too traumatic. I might give birth to one more child to please my husband.. making two kids. After that I’m done, my 30s are for me to enjoy and live life.

fearlessmum:
For those asking why i like village, well my parents are there should i abandon them simply because I'm married? He never discussed this with me before marriage otherwise i wouldn't have married him.

you can video chat with them and send them money, I know it’s not the same but you are still breastfeeding your youngest, your children are still small. Why do you even want to be carrying a breastfeeding child up and down? Your husband is only trying to protect you and release you from unnecessary stress. It is not an emergency, your parents are not ill and you have responsibilities to attend to. In this case you have to put your children first. Stop creating drama when it’s not necessary. Stop allowing your emotions to take over you, you will regret it.

Also do not compare yourself to your husband, as you are the nurturer for your kids. You are the one breastfeeding not him. If you go to the village your children must follow you. When the children get older and independent, you will have more independence to do what you like. You can keep the kids with your husband and go to the village for a few days. Be patient. Sacrifice of a mother.

You have no problem, you are creating issues for yourself. When some husbands are creating families outside, beating their wives blue and black.. your own problem is that you want to enter village, to do what exactly?

joyousever:
Speak for yourself! You've not seen where a married man left his wedded wife for his side chic for good! E be like say you never see anything. Join Shola Jordan Adeoye's page on FB and hear life lessons!

in exception cases, yeah. But majority of men do not leave their wives.

BRATISLAVA:
"80% of light skin women" do not bleach.

People are born with light skin. Everything isn't bleaching.

You people are always at extremes once you hear about light skinned ladies. What crime did they commit to be born that way?

Some are jealous and look down on light skinned women, others are just after them as if they are the only women that matter.

Naturally light skin women still bleach their skin to be lighter, so yes 80% of fair women bleach in Nigeria. This is facts and everybody knows this. And when you take off the makeup, the wigs, the waist trainers and clothes..look at them in raw lighting.. it’s not a pretty sight. All these bleaching products destroy the skin and by 35-45 they look aged and haggard. As you spend most of your day on NL quoting people, think twice before you quote me. Thanks.

Light skin beauty.. light skin children. Is it not stretch marks, saggy breast and green veins that will take over once she gives birth to to 2-3 kids after 40? 80% of light skin women bleach and they give birth to dark children. You will see them bleaching their innocent kids to cover their tracks. Forget packaging, beauty fades. Al these insta babes, if you see them naked and raw.. there’s nothing but flaws everywhere. Even girls as young as 25, stretch marks and discolouration everywhere. If you want your babe to package better, that’s a different story. But if you’re looking for a raw near perfect beauty, you have a long road to enter.

MyOleSolksjaer:
That is a lie. I knew this lady before I met my wife.

okay but have you married this lady and lived under the same roof? Go and marry her and she will treat you like the houseboy you are with all your baggage. She will never fail to remind you that she can do better than you. You’re just a hopeless lapdog lost in the world. You have gold in your hands but you want to throw it away for temporary satisfaction. I pity you.

Look at the way you described your wife like she is a dirty object that you were forced to be with… this is the mother of your child. I can only imagine how you treat her in real life. Yet you are still blaming her for nagging and quarrels when it’s obvious that you regard her as shiiit on your shoe. Does this make any sense to you? Not even one positive quality about her. The world does not revolve around you, you need to grow up and think like an adult. You have a child now. Think long term and destroy any short term temptations that are clouding your head. Because clearly you don’t know the fire pit you’re about to enter if you leave your wife. Your mother is warning you, she’s trying to protect her son.

DONT SAY WE DIDNT WARN YOU!

@ myolesolksjaer

You think the grass is greener on the other side. All women are peaceful and lovely during the courting stage, enter marriage you will see the the real them. I’m a woman saying this to you. The seven figured salary girl has nothing for you. You get married to her and you will see hell, your mother is warning you. Everyone on this thread is warning you because we see the trap you are trying to enter. You are blinded by money (that is not even yours) and lust. Pick your poison well. If your wife was such a devil, you would have never married her despite persuasion, deep deep down you know this don’t allow your emotions to confuse you. Stick with your wife, love your wife, grow together and grow your family. 10 years from now you will go on your knees and thank yourself. Good luck.

Same way guys don’t like baby mamas is the same way high class babes don’t like baby fathers especially when it’s not an ex wife or you don’t have plenty cash. Let me not lie to you, even after confessing don’t be surprised if the babe uses you as a placeholder to find her real young childless husband. Next time learn to be transparent with women and those who want to deal with your baggage will stay.

The wife should prepare for a lifetime of betrayal and tears. A man who can do this on his wedding day has no loyalty to anybody on this earth.

MufasaLion:
What I noticed in most of you advising him to marry is that y'all are just scared of being lonely in future.

loneliness is real I work with old people. The old men that are taken care of, are those with wives. The ones without wives sit alone in their house watch tv all day and sit in the balcony watching people walk past. Children will grow up and leave you. Family members/siblings/friends will not have your Time. Your wife is the person that will be next to you on your death bed. Women have it easier than men in old age, as people are more sympathetic towards women in general. But men are left to die alone. You will not be young forever, try to remember this.

omoharry:
Ya! You are right but I will never marry someone just becos time is not on my side and end up become miserable like so many Nigerian married women.
If I find love, why not. But if not, then, it's not a do or die affair.
A single independent woman can still start her family and bring up her children properly with good values .
She does not have to end up alone just becos she could not find the man of her dream .
Thank God for IVF, Surrogacy and adoption.

it’s true but let that be the last option.

omoharry:
My goal to make good money and be financially independent that will be more than enough to freeze my egg and get my baby through surrogate. Then adopt my second baby so that my baby will have a sibling . Life is not has complicated as we see it . Just have an open heart and work hard and the sky will be your limit .

do you want to be married ? Parenthood is much easier with two parents I think

Pregnancy wrecks a woman’s body not just physically but internally, there’s a lot that happens. I know what I went through during my pregnancy and what most women face through pregnancy and labour. It is not a joke it’s the closest thing to death. I was 24 when i got pregnant, as for me I cannot carry any children in my 30s, it’s too much stress. Not to talk of 39 or 40, I just feel logically it is very risky. Life happens of course and it’s not always the woman’s fault. But if you can I would advise most women to have their children in their 20s to early 30s and get it over and done with. Your body will also handle it much better 9 times out of 10.

00FFT00:
Madam, did you count all the chores you listed for one man to do in the course of satisfying his sexual partner?
And what will the woman be doing in that process?
Why una selfish like dis sef?

if you see all these simple things as chores, then don’t complain when your wife or your future wife doesn’t respect you or desire sex from you. Dont complain when your wife prefers her vibrator/masturbating than you. Don’t complain when your wife complains to her friends about her wack sex life. The best sex occurs when a woman is satisfied because it’s rare. That is the difference between a basic man, and a man who is exceptional in bed.

Men naturally do not require much to orgasm, you’re moved by what you see. Women need much more than that. Understand this and have peace.

It depends on how long you last because 20 mins of non stop penetration is not only a workout, it is boring and not satisfying. Especially as most Nigerian men think pumping hard and fast is good sex. There’s a lot of sucking touching teasing and slow thrusts that need to be involved. Your wife seems to get satisfaction from clitoral stimulation( which is the reality for 90% of women). So it’s either you keep her clit stimulated whilst penetrating or you simply ask her what she wants you to do.

Men please learn how to kiss properly(less saliva and not too much tongue) , learn how to give head properly ( suck mainly on the clit pleeeassee! Located at the top of the vagina above the hole. ) and please learn how to penetrate well. ( slow thrusts + fast..changing the pace). Also suck nipples slowly and gently (NOT BITING no teeth) and keep your hands on the woman’s body. Try to massage clit whilst penetrating if you can (not compulsory).

Please it’s not hard, try and learn ah beg. Your woman will never forsake you honestly. Good sex is very very hard to find. Most men are not good at it, even when they think they are because most women lie. This is why you see Married women withholding sex because they can no longer pretend to enjoy it because they don’t have to. Just a few tips for you.

DavidNative:
Need Advice Pls

Good Day, everyone, am having a serious challenge in my marriage, been married for a year and was no Premarital sex, since I need to promise her am a faithful guy and based on religion ground….

But honestly even in the marriage, it has been one sided, she said my private part is to big and I stay too long, I do every for her, love her, care for her, help her in kitchen, setup a home business/career for her to save her the stress of going out. I give her head, sometimes I suck and engage in pre-intimacy for long , but many times, since we had gotten married, I am the only active person, sometimes for a month no sex, am getting frustrated, I need advice.
Everytime i try to discuss it, she say i should try to understand that she is nott the sex type. Am tearing apart on my inside. What can i do pls

Come to me and I’ll make good use of what you have lool.



I’m joking oh I’m a married woman.

But what people are looking for your wife is complaining about. Oga oh.

So. What do you do when your man can’t even last 1 minute?

Most times im tired of being around my husband, but You have to suck it up and learn how to live with them. See them more like a friend.

galantjoe:
Do your best and leave rest for her to decide.

Where single ladies are finding it difficult to marry talkless of single mom of two.

Plus she has nothing doing.


I don't support cheating but where it happens one have to endure because you can't expect him to abandon his blood outside just to please her,. She is selfish and self centered

I know men like to base their reality on facts which is good. It’s true single women are struggling to get married, but are you telling me out of the millions of men in Nigeria she won’t be able to find ONE man to marry her with two kids? Are you telling me she can’t find a man who has maybe lost his wife, a mature handsome man in his 40s, a man maybe who doesn’t mind women with children..etc to marry? I know you guys like to say these things to make yourselves feel better about mistreating your wife/future wife because you think she will stay put no matter what you do. This is 2021, women can find men even on their phones. If that woman makes something of herself financially, has a good character and packages herself in a good way...she will most definitely find a new man as long as she is open and realistic. Thanks very much.

Pregnancy e no easy
Only get pregnant for a man you are married to
A man who can financial provide
A man who will help you or provide help for you
A man that will pay hospital fees with ease

If not, you will suffer

If you are lazy
Drink and smoke daily
Abusive
Not providing, or making efforts to provide for the family
Not giving at least 20% help with the kids (or employ someone to help her) , keeping late nights constantly
Fragile ego.


Then you have to expect some type of verbal abuse, because most women despise these traits. If you know you are doing any of these, then fix up. If not, then you are free to label your wife whatever you wish. It’s not about trying to be perfect, but you must make some type of compromise /sacrifice when living with a stranger (wife), otherwise there will never be peace. Women must also do the same.

Hammyaladin:
A fifty years old man is fresh wine. Fact proved is not me saying. You can conduct a research locally. By comparing in different condition (poor and rich)

And again it is advisable for a man to marry someone he is older then with at least 7 yrs.

keep deceiving yourself, when you get to 50 reality will hit you. Remember I told you this, Good luck.

Hammyaladin:
Op that a ten yrs gab! She won't get old fast. If she exercise, of you provide the right food and nutrition for her. And if she doesn't bath many kids.

Op just asked a very helpful question. And some angry old ladies are getting pissed.

If a man makes his money, he has the right to choose what and how he wants his wifes age to be. I see no reason why many I just been salty.

A fifty years old man is still fresh like wine. But can we say that about 50 yrs old women?

a fifty year old is not fresh like wine, please you men should please stop deceiving yourself. No 20 year old high value woman is Dating a 50 year old unless there’s multi millions involved and only 7% of men in the world acquire that wealth. Please stop being delusional, men peak at 35 and it’s downwards from there.