₦airaland Forum

Why not get your younger sibbling to stay with you? Househelp is not someone you get on the street. She must be someone you can trust.

You girls are living up to the challenges. I am happy that something positive is being projected to the folks out there who could not contribute. I am also happy that unlike many topics that are gender sensitive, there has not be voracious attack on opposite gender.

I would however be glad to hear more from guys. Maybe they have not been reading. Maybe they are just watching with keen interest. I am sure they are following.

Whatever, I think there is more to unveil. Since only those who have seen it know better.

Alimondjoy was right about men being a good planner and knowing what to do. But that suggestion to ladies to get some close to their heart can easily be misinterpreted by a lady with rapacious flirty mind. She may see it as licence to flirt. Moreover, ladies are emotionally weak and therefore prone to error. We may find that as she get closer to the "other man", she lost control and God forbid, she fall in love! That is a problem every responsible ladies want to avoid. Extramarrital affair? Maybe you have another thing on your mind. Am sure you would clarify.

There is also the issue of kids. What can we do? When a woman dies first, kids are left to the father. If the father is a man that had no idea whatsoever on how to raise kids, then he would either send the kids to grannie of marry another wife. These two options have far reaching implications. But there is something similar in them: the kids are eventually raised by a "woman" not "man".

This brought me to another observation. Why is it difficult for the "other lady" to treat the kids as her own? Men cannot be blame for this. Men are often in dillema on how to handle the conflicting scenerio. Sharing the love and memory of his late wife(and kids) with a new wife who want absolute attention. It is really tough for men that have hearts. But, then, what do you ladies think about it and what solution do you profer. After all, this is also a natural fallout of the lost incured when a spouse die first.

@poster,
watchout for that guy. You can help him change and you can aggravate your situation. As a man, I can guess a bit of what is happening to him. I would not ask you to get out immediately but I would have to know a little more before recommending such a drastic solution.

1. Can you tell us why he suddenly transformed to a beast from an angel you used to know? What are your suspicious? Are you the cause, and what triggered his change of affection? Let me tell you why I am asking you this. Every action of a man must have a motivating factor. Positive or negative. It is not possible for a man to change a habit without some sort of catalytic events. A gentle man can't become a devil overnighu unless he is under a demonic possession or potent curse.

2. Why had he, in spite of his intellectual endowment refused to improve on himself? What effort did you make to persuade him to develop his ability?

3. Was he like this before or after your first child?

4. Have you ever "communicated" (not "discussed" with him and what was his reaction?

Please give honest reply.

And what do you suggest?

I am always at the right hand of God, counting the number of people that smile everyday.

I agree with alimondjoy. By the way, the poster said one of the guy had got admission to undergo his "masters" till 2010, I hope that is a typo error. How many years does it take to do masters in Sweden? 3? Whatever, I think they can marry before he jet out a low key wedding is okay.

Alimondjoy,
Holiday indeed! Compulsory holiday.

@poster,
Yes it hurts when those you love turn their backs on you. But it is, as pointed out earlier, a part of experience. A part of life. For our world is created to accommodate two sides. The life and death; love and hate; joy and sorrow; each pleasing attributes closely followed by it opposite waiting to take over at the slightest opportunity. It is our duty to choose what we want, safeguard what we have, and protect ourselves from the dangers lurking around.

The only way not to make mistake is to gain experience: the only way to gain experience is to make mistakes!

For those who are hurt, sit back, and replay the experience in your quiet moment. There, you would find what went wrong. If you are wise, learn from it and let go. You can't undo the past. It is gone. Face today in anticipation of a better tomorrow.

As alimondjoy had put it, "Happy holiday"

Alimondjoy,
Holiday indeed! Compulsory holiday.

@poster,
Yes it hurts when those you love turn their backs on you. But it is, as pointed out earlier, a part of experience. A part of life. For our world is created to accommodate two sides. The life and death; love and hate; joy and sorrow; each pleasing attributes closely followed by it opposite waiting to take over at the slightest opportunity. It is our duty to choose what we want, safeguard what we have, and protect ourselves from the dangers lurking around.

The only way not to make mistake is to gain experience: the only way to gain experience is to make mistakes!

For those who are hurt, sit back, and replay the experience in your quiet moment. There, you would find what went wrong. If you are wise, learn from it and let go. You can't undo the past. It is gone. Face today in anticipation of a better tomorrow.

As alimondjoy had put it, "Happy holiday"

So what about when the wife die first? Men certainly don't find it pleasant to lose their wives. What is the scenerio like?

dablessed,
thanks for sharing that part. Could you educate us on the emotional cost? So far, we have concentrated on the wealth. But l suspect that side is nothing compare to other losts. What do we have to say of losing a partner you love so much at early age with children? How do we find the experience and what do you suggest?

The prize of honesty. My congratulation to your friend. And kudos to guys in the Nland.

This is really funny yet, it is a good idea!

Yes, it was stupid. I wonder whether assasins now sells MTN recharge cards.

This is unbelievable! 11 years of courtship? Did you start from primary school or what? There is little a courtship that had gone through a decade would lead to marriage if you have been dating after your secondary school. Primary school is not courtship if yours fall into that. But if you are mature and in your 30s, then I need further detail on this.

You see, he is obviously tired of you and want a way out. You are spent!

Well, it is your idea zignor. Let face it. A patient don't just approach a doctor for cure of an unknown ailment without the doctor asking for clue.

Many ladies claimed they could not find a man to marry, yet, they are constantly found in the midst of men. When you asked why they can't pick from among the men at their proposal, they most likely tell you they are still searching for MR RIGHT! Who is MR RIGHT? What make one man right and the rest wrong?

In their directionless, voyage, they inadvertently pass by MR RIGHT without knowing.

I have heard of broken homes, broken hearts. I know from my understanding that it hurts. Yet, these same people once thought of themselves as the best thing God made from dust. Soon dreams turn into nightmare and there eyes open when they discover that the beautiful dream they nurture is after all, a mirage.

Let me add that no marriage had ever succeed without some trials along the way.

Our ladies want a ready made man from heaven, who would be flawless and infallible. They would get them, but they need to sacrifice something. There is no more free lunch.

Aisha2,
yes they are. But we must draw a line. The kind that eliminate Funsho Williams are not the hungry types. We must analyse their words carefully before jumping into conclusion. 419ers are careless with words. In most cases, they would only deceive a coward or greedy man.

I got loads of 419 mails asking for my addresses. I used to reply them by giving them contact number of SCID panti. At times, I use EFCC office address. That is their trouble if they go defraud EFCC or the police. Surprisingly, they don't write back again. What I get is another person's email asking for opportunity to fool me.

Let me cite an example. A young man from france had never been in Nigeria asked me to help him claim a fund belonging to his Nigerian client at a central Bank in Bukina faso. He gave me a hell of trouble to send him my account number. He probably thought I fell for his foolishness. I gave him some phony number for Savanah Bank, SGBN and those distressed and liquidated banks. His next comment was how come all my banks had either been liquidated or distress? I just laughed at his smartness. I replied by asking him how he know those banks were distressed and liquidated when he claimed he had never been in Nigeria and know nobody. You see, those guys have brain problems. They coin up phony tales hoping everyone is as foolish as they are. We must all keep our eyes open.

Crazy p we are not making jest. Believe me. There is a mysterous mirror the lady can use to grasp the images that keep eluding her. If she request for it, I would get it for her. The mirror is a property of all nairaland users, and therefore cost nothing.

Zignor,
I am beginning to feel at odd. Is it really possible for a pretty lady with good moral to fail to tie down a man after being with many? Is it right to say that men of now aday are no more interested in good girls?

@poster
Verily, Verily, I tell you that if you had been endowed with pretty face, kind heart, and amiable personality. If you are indeed as good as you think you are and had never met a responsible guy among your numerous suitors, then, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE AND WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE. Please check out before time leave you behind.

I have been passing by the thread without reading it. I must admit I read a story like this from one of columists in Nigerian papers not long ago. I did not bother my head because I thought he was trying to sell his paper.

Indeed this is a corporate 419. It is however easy to detect. Assasins don't demand for recharge canrds. They gobs after cash.

Assasins don't give you empty threat, they back it up with action. Assasins won't spare your life, unless you pay twice their original fee. And from the above, it is clear that the caller is indeed an hungry man looking for bread and butter.

Thanks to Yimiton, I honestly don't imagine people can do such thing. I am happy I read this.

Morals:
we must be careful of who we give our numbers and contact info. You never can tell, a real armed robber may be lurking around.

If people you don't know call you without introduction, don't disclose your name first until you are sure they are worthy of your time.

If you are in a vocation that are attractive to robbers and fraudsters, for instance, finance institution, oil and gas, please, always seperate your business phone from personal phones and don't put your personal phone number on complementary cards unless it you are sure you can handle it.

We lives in an insecure country where everyone is his own police.

By encouraging inter-tribal marriage.

Zignor,
If she ask for it, I would be glad to do that. My fear is that she may use it to apply her make-ups.

Hope you are enjoying your time?

Zignor, I think you have point.

@poster,
I am tempted to say you have either been the cause or you have been flocking with wrong guys.

Please take a second look at the mirror.

Zignor, I think you have point.

@poster,
I am tempted to say you have either been the cause or you have been flocking with wrong guys.

Please take a second look at the mirror.

Complicated remedy to a simply problem.

Complicated remedy to a simply problem.

Just talk.

Nihil ce-M,
I quite disagree with you that the language of geegee was meant to appeal to readers' compassion. Perhaps you read only a part of her post. Perhaps, you read it upside down. I also strongly disagree with you that everyone reading this is looking down on her. It is important for you to know that human being don't think or reason alike. From my knowledge of psychology, I could understand your frame of mind. You are speaking your mind which is good.

The issue had to do with the betrayal of trust by a family member. It does not matter what the subject matter was. One thing I can tell you is that it is not only on HIV matter that a close family member could betray trust.

By the way, HIVs carriers are better than some people. People with terminal illness like cancer are experiencing excruciating pains but we say little of their plights. We talk of HIVs carriers as if they are dead already. A carrier may not have the disease yet. Please do your research to know the difference. I admonish you strongly in your choice of language because, an innocent HIV carrier reading this would be psychologically affected by your negative words.

Fortunately, some people have God on their sides. Fortunately, the poster is well informed. No amount of negative expression from stinkin thinkin people can overwhelm their faith. To God be the glory at all time.

Feeqtee,
what kind of mentor do you seek? What kind of goal are you aiming at? What kind of person are you? Your mentor would be interested in those things. He want to be sure you won't mess up his time. Let hear you, who know someone may help you out.

I hope you understand that mentoring is not godfatherism. It helps to know in advance.

Alimondjoy,
I am not sure we have one here, but it is good to search.

Nwando,
Thanks for your contribution on the insurance. Maybe we would get to that stage where insurance can cover every aspect of our life. We would get there. But that bttuck insurance sound crazy. Of what use?

It is true, some men are secretive to their wives and this stem from lack of trust. This observation is enough to let everyone know that sometimes, what we call love is nothing but exageratted affection. Most couples sustain their relationship not for love but for the sake of their children. In such instances, they are bound to be secretive. It is good for us to be observant right from the courtship. Sadly, many are blinded by love to see the trap before them.

Jkpretty,
some people get it right but we lives in a world where the wrong outweight the right.

Uchetobi
A widow at 28? that is a sad news indeed. Yet it happens. Maybe we all need a new orientation. Men and women.

Shinatu,
you are right, but it is not just about in-laws grabing the "family cakes" after their bread winner departs this sinful world. It is more complicated if the departed soul is the only bread winner in the family.

In that instance, the wife must refuse to play a house wife no matter the million allowance. It is a critical situation. Even if the family does not come for the wealth, she would find herself in a humanitarian situation where she had to assume full responsibility of the family on both sides. And if she did not have managerial ability to manage the resource, as in case of my neighbour, then, it is all the same.

On when a wealthy woman, dies first, it is rare for responsible men to neglect their children even if they re-marry. Often the tell-tale signs are there to guide women. Beside, women must always write their will in favour of the children if they suspect their husband is irresponsible and if he is polygamous husband. I think a careful observation during courtship would make one decide on the steps to take.

It is your first? No wonder. I think you should be patience. Try doing things that keep your mind off sex. I am sure she is finding the experience a tough one. Adultery can't help you unless you want to practice polygamy.

Sweet T!

Very funny! You really break a rib here.

Maybe we should include that theory in Encyclopedia Nigerianical. What do you think?

Spoilt,

I don't know why they assumed. But I do know that, no matter your qualification, if you don't practice what you know, you would sooner forget them.

When a woman spend 10 years sleeping, waking up, shopping, and watching movie, you definitely can't expect her to know much than that. She must have programmed her subconscious to "spend, spend, and spend" leaving major decision to her Almighty husband. That is a disadvantage to her, should the husband travel to the land of no return.

As for the greedy family members, I go with Aisha's suggestion. A woman should know her in-laws in advance so as to prepare for their antics. If she has greedy in-laws, then she must begin to plan all the way to the end. But if her in-laws are good people, she may relax, but she must never sleep without insurance. Like alimondjoy had said, "BE PREPARED"

nwaodo,

Unfortunately, insurance is in mess here. To be frank, most of the insurance firms here are fraud firms. They don't want to pay claim. They are just interested in profit. People's reluctance to take life insurance were borne out of their experience with vehicle insurance. If it is very hard for you to anything on your stolen vehicle, how many people would go for life assurance? It is only recently that Insurance Firms start make concerted effort to discharge their duty. They have been acting more like collection centre over the years. I wishes, hopes, and prays that the ongoing reform at the sector is successful. ( oh lest I forget, it was reported as a fraud! The govt is still probing them. See?)

Another observation is that, the average Nigerian spends his money on food, shelter and clothing. They would rather pay their money into pension fund, and spend the rest on sausages and Gala than patronize insurance firms!

I cries for these folks. I have promised myself that I'd rather die a bachelor than marrying a stupid wife who would refuse to discuss her future. It is better for her to be richer than I am than for her to a borrowed life. Guys must learn to be unselfish and let love be all encompassing.

Spoilt,
it is not just about leaving provision for the family. There are two sides to this issue. Failing to plan and planning to fail. Failing to plan is self explanatory. Planning to fail is a situation where the partners made ineffective/incomplete  plans that could not compete with the reality.

The man may leave billions in Bank Account. Of what use are those billions if the wife has no skill that can be used to manage the wealth? Of what use are those billions if the children he left behind are untrained in the art of managing finance?

This thread should be a clarion call to our generation to rise up take steps toward eradicating this social malady.

I wish, and sincerely pray that Dead people are allowed to see what is happening to their family from their graveyards. I wishes and prays fervently that they could feel the agony of their widows so that they could offer curses or prayers to those who are perpetrating injustice against their beloved.

Iice,
what next? From courtship to marriage, we must plan for the end. I agreed with Alimondjoy, on that quote. If we live as if today is our last day, we would be in position to do something no matter how little. Inch by inch, they say, make cinch. But will many young men and women poisoned by love ever stop to ponder on this?

A man I used to know lived as if he was immortal. He forced his wives to stop working and pay them daily allowance. He sent his children to expensive boarding schools without giving them basic knowledge about life. And he wrote his Will.

But a strange illness afflicted him and he ended up emptying his bank account treating himself. In the end, he kicked the bucket.

When the Will was read, it was discovered that "his children" were the beneficiaries!

The family  couldn't manage the businesses he left behind. And soon, it crumbled! They are back to square one.

Would this have happened if he had allowed his wives worked?

Couple must recognize that it is in their interest to plan ahead.