₦airaland Forum

There is one way you can answer that question. Stop communicating with him altogether. Don't think about him. Condition your mind to believe that he is history. In short accept that the worst had already happened.

If he is testing you. If he is interested in you; if he appreciate you; if he is worth the stress, he would communicate with you to find out what is wrong. If he doesn't communicate, then he does not care if you are alive or dead. Forget him and stop wasting your time. But if he communicate, set in motion events that would make him talk. Don't be the man again. Let him say what he want.

Toyinrayo! Na wa o! Prospective heartbreaker. Just make sure he isn't a beast at heart,

Jayon,

what else can I tell you?

Good luck!

Don't quit. Stay tuned.

Thank you jare. They thought Nigeria is the only country in the world where beggrs are found. It is better we analyse issue that condemn everyone. I gives money to beggers if I am in the mood.

We have forgotttten that these people are everywhere. Campus hostels. Homes. Offices. Industries. Everywhere.

My head does it for me.

Nihil ce-M,
I didn't buy your argument. The whole thing is a mixture of reality and absurdity. Breaking them down would merely waste my time since the poster had decided on what to do.

I learned dt human being are not created to reason alike.Our knowledge & experience is the compass that guides our attitudes & response to issues.While some of us are positive & always looking for the best,others are chronic pessimists with a sharp intuition on why things will never work even if it work for others.They are constantly exploring ways to win argument &fights, even if their action have no long term benefit.Their major concern is to prove & not solve a problem.

There is a clear difference between solving a problem and resolving a riddle. Many people are forever focusing their attention at the riddle while the problem festered.

People like you who had so far been analysing the undesirability of domestic violence are merely resolving a riddle & far from solving the problem.Those with common sense & integrity had been in addition to resolving the riddle, profering solution to the problem.

It makes no sense at all to bite away at the problem and turn it into gender war while the solutions are not analysed. Luckiy,we have those who have strongly condemned domestic violence of any type & still profer solution.

Your last post, demostrated clearly your intention.I therefore refused to be dragged into it.I comments on it because you are quoting me,hence directing it at me. Otherwise,I would simply have laughed it off.It help no one to compare & contract men/women psychology with intent to create meaningless argument that lead to nowhere.

I however,strongly object to your saying that women are stupid. I have mother who is a woman; I have sisters, & I have friends who are women. I have not seen a trace of stupidity you described in any of them.I am therefore tempted to say that you saw what you looked for. Stupidity is not gender specific. Any irrational human can be stupid.

.

Why na?

Why na?

So zignor is still doing space shuttle?

Easybabe,
Are you really all over Zignor, Or Zignor is all over you? Any wedding plan?

Mellow,
Better stay on the planet and enjoy the mirror. Mar is cold. . .

The poster is surely not seeking self pity or whatever. She is expressing public sentiment not her personal opinion. She merely want to know what the public think about it.

A very serious mistake if carried out. I disagree with Seun.

David, care to read her again? You didn't get her message right, sorry.

Iron lady. A no nonsense that can match him wit for wit.

Lol

Tell us a little about your last relationship. Maybe we can get a clue from it. Be honest.

Alimondjoy,
good inclusion. "Mentor do not find job for people". I hope the would be protegee get those important fact.

Bolaoni,
why not? Let those interested post their career brief here and we'll see what to say. As for the major project, we are working on them. It is better slow and effect than a rush project that wouldnt go beyond a year.

Alimondjoy,
still waiting for your email. I left a message for you last night, hope you get the content?

@poster,
did you ever give her the benefit of doubt? Did you asked her what the thing is? I have to be human here and take a deeper look at the girl. If you are indeed telling the truth, I think that truth is incomplete. Your girl may have been carrying that thing ignorantly. She may also be using it for good and not evil. For all the hoax about church, she might even have gotten it from a pastor. Don't over rule anything. The thief you catch is a small thief. A man/woman interested in harming you don't need your presence. If she is begging you then listen to her explaination before you conclude.

What she had may be a goodluck charm or a protection against evil. We all comes from difference backgrounds. It is just fair that you learn to understand her.

Now tell me: if you leave her now. Do you think a woman that intend on harm you won't use "African Remote Control"? What step would you take to investigate your next gf? Would you be searching for voodoo or wait for another accidental discovery?

My man, running may not safe you if she want to harm you. I suggest you talk to her to hear her side. She may not be guilty as charged. Anything can happen.

Nwando,
and the jim jim mean what?

Jkpretty,
there are still othere areas to explored. African pretends alot. They have these problems and pretend as if it never exist. The only thing they do is wish it away. "let this cup pass over me" is their characteristic slogan. Then when the cup drop on them, all you hear is "why me of all men!"

Wise counsel. Thanks.

Seriously, that 21 year girl with three kids was real. She is still alive and ended up marrying an area boy. The kids are not living with and if you see her today, she look like a fifty something year old. Yet, she is just in her late 30. My calculation is that had she delivered two set of twin, she could have made it 5.

But, you ladies should educate yourself and take a second look at Brady Bunch formula. I think one way to be unselfish is to love other people children even when your spouse is alive.

The result is when you are no more, "someone" would love your kids and take care of them. And if you are that "someone", you won't find it hard to embrace other people's kids.

Jkpretty,
I never want anyone to die. I want us to live. I want us to reacy 90 before joining our forefather. Much as we all hate to talk about death, we know deep down in our heart that it is inevitable. The victims of plane crashes, armed robbery etc never wish to die.

Let live right and live best. Let live as though the end is in sight. That way, death would be reluctant to take us. Death visit those who are not expecting it. Except the suicide bombers and their group, death is slow to act.

How ironic, that those who wishes to die never die as quickly as they wanted.

I pray from the depth of my heart that the lord who give rise to man should give us long live, in prosperity and fulfilment of our dream. None shall lose his/her spouse at young age. We shall all live to good old age.

And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds.

Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true;whatsoever things are honest;whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

@poster,

I didn't see the last reply from the poster. I guess I skipped it. It is always good to give full detail of a case in the beginning instead of leaving members to guess what happened. That would have helped in shaping the direction of the thread.

That you are not living in Nigeria makes your case easier. You don't have much problem at all.

This is my advice:

Can him to order and have a heart to heart discussion with him when he is at his relaxed state. You lives together, and he isn't mad everyhour. Talk to him. Take him back to the good old day and remind him of the beautiful dream your shared; Your promising daughters etc. Then calmly, paint a gloomy picture of the scenerio before you. His change of attitude and transformation. Do this with intent to make him think and talk to you. You are a lecturer, don't lecture him. Create an atmosphere that would make him speak. Don't fear his beating you, be bold, yet humble. In short, let him say what he want, what is wrong with him. Let him talk. From his words, you would know whether to dump him or not. You are playing a chess, and this is countdown.

Give him another chance to change. If after that opportunity, he mess-up, sue him. You have a ground for divorce. Let me tell you that, if he is as useless as you portrait him, he would be the loser. I am sure, he would found himself back in Nigeria to trouble you no more. What an inglorious end to an insecured husband! You will get another husband if he leave. If your daughters have already witnessed their father's behavior, they won't miss him.

I know a lady who once passed through your case.
I insist however, that divorce should be your last option.

Alimondjoy,

The "flirting" option was not meant for dead spouse. I was refering to the possibility of a lady whose husband is alive. I thought what you meant was for the lady to come close to a man while the husband is alive.

On the second thought, a crazy idea entered my head. What if the husband is a foot soldier in Nigerian Army? Or a Nigerian Police? What if he is a security guard in one of the Nigerian banks? Or any of those high risk occupations? For the first time, It occured to me that indeed women are the worst hit. When I watch T. B. Joshua handling a bible and money to a widow on his programme, and all the poor woman did was to cry. I was filled with empathy. I wished and prayed, that her husband could see what he left behind.

That "BRADY BUNCH" formular is the best recommendation for young widows and widowers with kids expecially women. I wonder why many are not in love with it. Thanks. By the way, is it your invention or borrowed hypothesis? Whatever the case, we have another break through.

First is the INSURANCE option; second: the WILL; and now "ALIMONDJOY BRADY BUNCH" principle. Next?

Jenni81,
FYI, it is possible for a 22 year old to have 5 kids though I have not seen one. I know a stupid girl on the street I grew up who had 3 kids by 21. She had her first in j.s. 3, second 2years later and got pregnant again at 21. The idiot had the kids for difference guys and she never marry any though arrangee wedding was made for her.

Feesha,
No, I am not. I am just a student of experience.
But,
Nihil ce-M,
you got it all mixed up. You are dead wrong. Advices are given based on the nature of the problem and not gender. I hope you have a post by a man who was beaten to stupor by his wife. You see, men can be a victim of domestic violence too. But their pride won't let them come into open to say it. .

For your information, it is wrong to quit a marriage just because you encounter difficulty. While, I am always in support of divorce to seperate couples that can't mend their fence. I strongly believe divorce should be the last option when common sense fail.

Moreover, the most idiotic thing any woman can do is to walk out on her marriage without knowing what went wrong and without learning one or two lessons from the failed marriage. I tell you in truth, I have seen such a lady. She went into another marriage and the same thing happened. It took her the third marriage before she know that she was the problem. Sadly, she had children for all the men!

Shinatu,
kindly re-read my posts again. You picked up what you want. I am never in support of wife beaters, but, I am smart enough to know that even a mad man won't attack you without external provocation. There is always a reason behind every aggresssive acts.

alimondjoy,
as usual, I saw the wisdom in your words. Zoom time!

Yimiton,
Don't tell me you ll take my nephew to one of those places you mentioned. I'd rather do the papi, than let the innocent mingle with sharks no matter how much they are charging.

Yimiton,
Don't tell we you ll take my nephew to one of those places you mentioned. I'd rather do the papi, than let the innocent mingle with sharks no matter how much they are charging.

Then you are living in seclusion. It is fifty-fifty. Anybody can die first. Don't generalize.

Why did you say that seun?

I agreed with you segun. You've said it all especially on the insecurity. That is actually the likely problem and I believe the poster must have been a factor in strenghtening her husband insecurity. She can't treat her husband as her student and still expect a faithful husband. My guess is that the husband is silently seaching for replacement hence his infidelity. If the poster want to go, am sure the husband would not stand in her way if in his heart, he believe it is best decision. 11 years in a long way. Children are involved. I think the poster must indeed search her heart and identify what went wrong the first step toward solving any problem is to locate the root.

I agreed with you segun. You've said it all especially on the insecurity. That is actually the likely problem and I believe the poster must have been a factor in strenghtening her husband insecurity. She can't treat her husband as her student and still expect a faithful husband. My guess is that the husband is silently seaching for replacement hence his infidelity. If the poster want to go, am sure the husband would not stand in her way if in his heart, he believe it is best decision. 11 years in a long way. Children are involved. I think the poster must indeed search her heart and identify what went wrong the first step toward solving any problem is to locate the root.