₦airaland Forum

Angelfrost:
Thank you for your courteous response... The instances you gave are also commonplace here in Nigeria. Courtesy (Polite gesture or act) is quite distinct from respect (high regard, honor or admiration for a person).

You can actually show someone (anyone even) courtesy without having any regard for the person... Courtesy can be momentary, but respect, once earned, can be indefinite.

Finally, most people show courtesy when convenient for them, or to win admiration not essentially out of respect... Courtesy comes in different forms, and it's not narrowed to one thing i.e. It's a form of courtesy to stand up for an elder when he is standing... It's also courteous to politely re-direct an elder sitting on the wrong seat to his rightful seat.

Angelfrost:
No one deserves respect... In sane societies, you actually earn it.

Now, say after me: "Respect is to be earned, not demanded".

Thetrueglobalma:
I do not know religion so having sex or a child out of wedlock is not wrong to me. Thanks all the same.

nahzyla:
Thanks to all the people that contributed helpful advice, especially the females and the few understanding males. I will have a discussion with him to convince him of the importance of my going. I think that is best for both of us presently.


To the guy that said my marriage will crash, God forbid.
My marriage will never crash in the name of God. Whatever you wish on my marriage will return to you tenfold.

mrblessed:
The overwhelming use of personal pronouns to describe your notion of marriage and the place of your husband says a lot about this woman and her ambition. Fortunately, she has find the validation she passionately seeks on a silver platter. Congratulations!

essenceplus:
Plz humor me more. The last paragraph

lafex:
I met this lady in January and I let her know from the beginning of our relationship that I want to settle down soon. We love other very well but the challenges I am having with her is that she's not mentally ready for marriage.
When I try to interrogate her she told me that she find it difficult to convince her parents because she is just in 100 level though she's 24yrs old. I try to convince her that I'll make sure that her education is not suffered since we are not in the same state. I told her that I believe her parents will allow her to settle down with me depending on her reaction at home when notice that she's really serious considering her age.
Please I need your advice on how to convince her further.
Thanks

Brother please leave that sermon... You totally forgot that her dad was in that field before you and may have played the "your education will not suffer" game you were trying to play here.. The game is still the same game but different players bro

Once she is married.. and you storm from your different state and gets her pregnant, will she terminate it?
If that happens, you will change your sermon... and start reading the epistle on how Chioma, Linda, Hawa and Bisi coped with pregnancy while studying in University... Please let her finish her studies first..

Imogenn:
Thank you. I’m that kind of person that hates crowds, If i have to interact with more than 2 people at once that I’m not familiar with, I get very paranoid and I start feeling very uncomfortable, that’s why I just avoid birthdays, or church events. I stay at home a lot. I know that’s one of my problems. I also think I’m very insecure, but nobody is perfect and I still have v good qualities about myself. I just don’t want to wait until I’m 30 then I’m running around looking for my husband, you get? I want to start now that I’m still in my 20s.

calgaryFriend:
I have 2 questions for you.
Are you abroad ?
Are you single ?
Are you a christian ?

There are single people abroad, I am talking of people with the same values and convictions...

Actually, U asked three questions.. So which one do i erase?

Anyways...I can't go around announcing my geographical location. it is childish But yes I am outside Nigeria..Some people are commitment phoebes that could be why they are single and does not want to get tied down ...and Yes I am a christian..

Just want to let u know that this is not about me.. It's about the fact that u made it look like staying abroad and being single is a sentence to life everlasting boredom... It is not and based on the value you were talking about you can still have a wonderful life abroad without going to a night club or bar..if that's what you are insinuating...

The Value you were talking about, Have u asked the OP if she has tried to locate people with the same value and conviction as u put it in her locality or location? It's not cool to paint everyone with the same brush.. There are people that are still good and still have that gentlemanly qualities in them..
U made mention that u will be traveling to Nigeria to hunt for a wife, I hope u won't make the same mistake others has been making.. Thinking that home based is better than those abroad..If you don't know who u want to marry and you think u will know her within 3 months period of your holidays, you might be in for a shocker... I don't wanna read your story here on how you went and brought a girl abroad to marry and she changed over night..

calgaryFriend:
Majority of people advising this poster are not abroad. Or they came to the abroad already married so they have no idea what it means to be a single, lonely , isolated, minority in a very individualised environment.

If you are already married or in Nigeria you will not understand so I will advise OP to listen to me.

Yeah, cos I am also going through the same thing right now.

Having said that, if you are someone that has lived in Naija or Africa having that sense of wanting to raise a good home, you will quickly find out majority of the people out here in the west are a downgrade from what you deserve or what your expectations are.

For me, what I see are very weak moralled people and I do not blame any one here, its just they way the society has conditioned them.

And the fact the p oster is female does not help matters cos unlike someone like me who is a guy and I can actually start hunting for people on the social media or whatsap groups, majority of people may prey on the poster if she does that.

So my suggestion is this, would you mind going back to Nigeria to spend a couple years to sort out that part of your life ?

I have about 3 years to stay where I am to get my citizenship so unless things change , I will probably just stay here till I get the citizenship and then go back to Nigeria to get a woman and probably come back here .

Its better not to be married, or marry late than to marry the wrong person.

I pray you find the peace you seek, I am currently in the same shoes as you and I can tell you, its a terrible place to be.

But with adequate planning things will become better. Just be patient.

You can hit me via mail, ayonaira@yahoo.com