₦airaland Forum

factormatt6:
My story is going to be lengthy, because I need you to understand my situation and offer useful advise. Please pardon any Grammatical error. Help me with advice.
I lost my dad when I was 11, mum take care of me and my education in all possible ways. She die immediately I finished my waec. I have grown up sisters and brothers.
I am from a humble Christian background. My dad denounced an idols practices and even make effort for church to be planted in my village.So basically, I never lack love.After my mum's death, everyone chart his or her part in life. I went with my uncle, struggling to gain admission but was fruitless.
I started hustling by myself and by 23 I had my first car, get a plot of land and start building. I lived in one of the Nigeria oil city so girls wasn't a big deal.
One of my mentor advice me against falling in love. I live with this principle, one girl for one day. No matter how beautiful you are, the moment we have sex, I will lose interest.
Being from a royal root, I strongly believe that a prince should not sleep alone at night, so I always have girls around me but never get to love them, we have fun and it ends there.my Anty taught me how to use a condom (she is a nurse) so I never for once sleep with a girl without condom because I don't want a commoner to exchange blood with me unless I am to marry her.
I always wanted the best for myself. After seeking admission for quite a while, a friend introduce me to a consultation who gave me admission in one of the West African university. Something happened and I had to go to my embassy which I was strongly advise to visit Nigeria. I did, only to be told by ministry of education that NUC doesn't recognize my school and the course I am into. So I lost all, become depressed. Start drinking, traveling to places, have a lot of fun, I just wanted to end it all.My late mum talk to me in a dream and from that day I stop everything fun, I start dreaming again.
After some year I make up my mind to start afresh. I wrote waec, used my ND gain admission this year. I have a dream to go into space science or oil exploration. So basically I'm am living my dream. I make up my mind that no girl will be in the picture, having traveling to five countries in Africa, I don't want to live in Nigeria, Can't raise my kids here, it a very toxic place.
I got engaged in a business, I make some good money. My family member requested for an help in her building project. I discarded her plan, instruct the building planner to draw another plan. I start the project for her, money got finished, she ask for my help. I told her,I can only help her with my capital, she beg and I release 400k to her. After paying for my admission process, school fee and my feeding, I had little left. I left the building at roofing level. My Anty didn't refund my money, I plead, make trouble, involved police,she refused to give me back my money. This is the third time my family has dealt with me financially. I make up my mind not to have anything to do with my family members.
Now here is the real story.
In one of my business deal, I met a girl. Natural skin, flesh in right places, very smart and intelligent. The more I get to know her the more I desire her then for the first time in my 30 years,I fall in love. We both want the same thing, we have the same dream. She visit me in a neutral place, I emptied my account to part pay for the place we will be staying, I even help her to acquire one of her document.
We instantly connect.I make love to her skin to skin ( my very time of doing that),did other things I won't dare with any girl. She is so real and sincere,she is truly amazing and an angel. For three days we stayed together we never had a dull moment. I saw in her a future,to a point that I call her my mum name. I told her everything about me.we make a lot of financial plan because she give me two years to get married to her or she walk.
She is already a graduate but she accepted to marry me while I complete my studies then we move to Europe,or Australia.
She make some sacrifice, give me some fund to add and start a business,but the lock down affect our plans.
Here is the problem
She has started acting up. We video chat for hours every day but since two days ago she wants her space.
Now I need advice: 1: Can I stay with her and we continue planning our life together or I should let her go and concentrate with my studies? Note she doesn't affect my ability to study negatively.
The most important question now
2:If I should allow her to wait for me,how is it possible that I will achieve my dream and make a family with her? I don't want to frustrate her, I care about her to a point I can let her go and hurt my self.
Please anyone who has gone through this before can share his or her story. I will share it with her freely and we take a decision. Also anyone with useful advise PL drop.
Please note, I am not obsess with her. I am truly in love with her.

How can you ask for advice from commoners?

lefulefu:
any lady telling u she has no boyfriend is lying oga.they only say that if they want to take advantage of u.

That's not always true. Some ladies are busy hustling for the money and are truly single.
Not everyone has time for "what's your weakness baby"
Money over Ds, man
@OP you saw the chats and you are still asking questions, smh

Casemiro:
So I and this lady decided to have an evening stroll and to my surprise she walked on the path (sand) rather than on the main tared road.



I asked and she says she doesn't feel comfortable on the tared road.


That it makes feel like it is sucking under her legs, like a magnet forcing her and sucking her blood, making her feel like falling and unconscious.



But if she walks on normal sand or road she feels comfortable.




This is not the first time and I'm wondering what could be the cause.


Any idea please

Ancient people don't like modern things
If you know you know

Inyayiz:
I off small

As in ehn
I just weak

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

My dear, since you have money, go to the market and buy 15,000 ring, go down on your knees and propose to your 'girlfriend'.
That 500k, you should have spent it on wedding and groom price.
Nairaland girls rushing to your wedding to take pictures be like

Paxie55:
Lol. True.
She will marry him, sponsor the marriage and be feeding him and his family and upon that, he will be feeling entitled to her money with the dangerous ego of an average stupid Nigerian man.
It's terrible.

And he will still cheat, with lots of women.
He figures that if she's so desperate to keep him by becoming his ATM, she'll put up with anything

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

OMG!!!!
At 24, already feeding a man and his entire family

Bringing girls to another person's house is stupid

jaxxy:
If ure very trusting or depend on people alot u will have alot betrayal issues. Make sm adjustments.

Before nko?
I'm blocking all those loopholes aggressively.

Betrayal stories, where do I start from?
Seriously, you'd think I'm a hundred years old.
What matters most is learning from those experiences. The funny thing is, after one situation has come and gone, a totally different situation will rear it's head and you wonder, "na only me waka come?"

Nwaotu:
I don't know if this is the right section to make this post. I got this girl pregnant. I want to settle this girl so I can move on with my life. How much should I give her? The deed has already been done but I need to move on with my life. She has completely changed since she got pregnant and very rude. In your own opinion, how much is reasonable to give her. Thanks for your input. Please no insult.

Set awon deadbeat dads........

Kingarthur21:
the bolded got me,they always say single moms should deal with the consequences of their "promiscuity",they say they should accept their well deserved stigma and rejection by men,so why cant men deal with the consequences of abandoning their kids?why should men be pardoned and welcomed back while the SM should live with the consequences?

The decision to accept the man lies in the hands of the woman, sure, we don't have a lot of strong willed women who will stick to their paths in life even after having a child out of wedlock, a lot of people bow to pressure, but life is what we make of it. Whether she accepts him or not, she will have a reason to regret her actions.

Kingarthur21:
when deadbeats dad leave,they will blame the women for everything. I have not seen any sect of humans attacked and ostracised like Single moms.
They date,break up,she had character issue thus he left.
They date,it is crystal clear the break up was his fault,they blame her for choosing him and opening legs for him.
They accuse them of promiscuity,even the ones struggling hard and selling roasted corn to feed her child,they must attack or blame her for one thing. Even the ones whose husbands baby father are continents away they suspect she is sleeping with him.
The kids arent left out,scoundrels see their kids are unfit for marriage..


And after everything,when the deadbeat father comes home to reunite,they chatise her for denying him his right to see his kid,they accuse her of turning kids against him,they want a royal welcome for him...he has done no wrong. Besides was she not the one who opened legs for him?
Nothing is wrong with a single dad,infact he must be a good man for taking care of the kid. Something must be wrong with a single mum,she must be wayward for opening her legs .


This are the people feminists should be fighting for,they will rather fight for irrelevant things.

You just captured everything a single mother goes through in this part of the world. How can we blame those ladies who abort their pregnancies?
Feminists? That's another story

Xone3:
Thanks, I really appreciate you. The fact that there I keep hearing that there is nothing I know how to do. I am viewed as not religious which I really don't want to be. You are not allowed to have an opinion or say. I am perceived as rude because of the tone of my voice, I am belittled every single day. I look more like the black ship even extended family capitalise on that to say, Oh! she is no good, she is this and that. I am drained and in other not to tarnish the name I feel it will be better to legally remove it. I am actually thinking of seeing a psychologist too and decide if I should go ahead with it. Lets I forget, it is my fault that I am still single because I didnt marry my ex of 6 years and no one will marry a bad person like me. Thanks

I won't tell you its an easy journey, try to do "odieshi" at anything they say, smile a lot, practice thankfulness in your own privacy, just be cool, its always darkest before dawn. Pick up your life one problem at a time. It will soon be over. Good luck.

Xone3:
Only

Just as there is a lot of pressure on the first sons and only sons in African households, there is the same amount of pressure on first and only daughters. It's your job to be the second mummy in the house minus the perks of a wife, you must be perfect, you are the unpaid househelp, the cook, cleaner, laundrywoman, you must chose the perfect angel of a man, marry the best man in your parents' perception, till you find one, you can stay single for all they care, they'll not help you find one but will haraunge you for being single. You must pick up after your brothers without complaints etc. Feel free to add the rest.
You're not alone dear.
Tell your parents you will do what you can, help out around the house for this short time, when you're tired, say it and go straight to your room but never let a day go by without you helping out. Block your ears to their insults, transfer some money and airtime to them occasionally, go out to the pharmacy and buy some few cool stuff for them. Trust me, it will reduce. Hang in there.

Ladies hustle ooooo
So your husband won't call you wasteful oooo!!!!!

cococandy:
Ladies, few men can truly truly provide for you. Down to the nitty gritty. Secure your own bag sis. Ces’t finis

Loud it!!!

Xone3:
I dread going home, I keep my shoulders high out of fear of what next I am going to do wrong and get beaten for it. I isolate myself because I don't want to get in trouble or say something bad. However, I am highly outspoken, playful, annoying. They aren't bad actually, they don't understand me and I don't understand them either. They have their opinions and I have mine but no matter what, we haven't been able to understand each other. Dialogue hasn't worked. I don't want them to disown me but I want to severe ties so I don't run mad. It's always like I am not enough, I can never do anything right. Religiously, I am a failure because I am not spiritual. Also, I may never get married because of this. At this point, what I care most about is me and my job.

Are you the first daughter?

Castro2020:
With the capital I had, thought about a more stable business I could invest in. Now, I reached out to a friend back in school. He was into wood trade. He encouraged me to try wood trade. The biggest mistake I made. The Timber business has screwed me. Now, my girl feels we should have settled down while I had that 2million. She now feels like she is wasting her time with me. But my intention really was to grow the capital a bit more. I had even proposed to her.

Now she needs space from me and had even go ahead to block me on all accounts so I wouldn't reach her.

I'm really depressed.

I don't even know where to start anymore.

You need to change your business model.
What you have been doing, the Yorubas will call it "Àjàpá". Buying from one location and selling at a distant location.
All your ventures have that similar style.
Try to get a shop this time around for whatever you want to sell, sell something in your city, monitor your money and watch it grow. Good luck.

Smartsly11:
Am sure u read the part where I said the dad is only a friend of mine on fb

Tell him to stay away from mother and daughter, and take pleasure in whatever took his attention all these years.
Let everyone deal with the consequences of his and her actions.

Smartsly11:
Yes I know the man bleeped up,but please let's leave that aside for now...let's help reunite the two of them together..I'll be happy if anyone here on nairaland can be of help..thanks!

You want us to leave aside valid feelings, real life torture, pains of many years just because of a man's selfish goal of walking in and out of people's lives without scruples, now that the lady has become beautiful, deadbeat daddy wants to collect bride price!
Did you not know that accepting him back will not make the pain go away?, it will only open another can of worms!
I'm starting to think you are the deadbeat daddy

Yemialade:
Hello my fellow nsiraland members, j need your advice and I will be glad for the opinion each of you contribute
Am a fresh graduate and planning for my life so I started reading financial books to develop myself .my father saw me reading and was like are u preparing for exam that you will be reading, he told me that those financial book written is useless that am just wasting my time reading it.
This same father wants to control my financial life saying I must be a tailor by force. And I don't want that.he even threatened me to lesve his house if am angry.
please help me.

Don't allow hatred or anger to cloud your heart, in your bid to get out of that house fast, watch your steps and make sound decisions to avoid future regrets.
Good luck.

Why is he now looking back?
Can he imagine the names Nairaland boys would have called the mother and daughter?
Evening newspaper, after one, bastard etc
After they have both carried their cross and survived, he's now trying to use them to feel like a Daddy?

snitchbitch:
To cool her hot anger, she can leave the guy for some days for a friend, sister or neighbours house. If the man is shameful he will beg her to come back, but if he is a dog that he is , then he won't beg her. Then she can divorce him. My opinion though.

Chai, this one is a real inside life!!!! Fear men!!!!

She should leave her house for a side chick!

Fatality!

Akinboboz:
Man, u fit lie oo, that's Sango OTA, not abeokuta, very close to the bridge

Abi o, I thought I was the only one who noticed, the yellow bus, brown building by the roadside, some of those trees and the road partition sold him out.
How could he expect that Abeokuta, which is the cradle and gateway of modernization of Niger Area will not have enough defendants in the social media space!
(I don dey vex small)

totit:
Wow!

Ogun is really coming up.

I am shocked at this pictures.
Amazing!!!!

Indeed, Abeokuta has come a long way courtesy of steady organic economic growth and the people's sheer perseverance topped with the presence of fiercely patriotic past and present Governors. Thank you.

Legalcriminal:
Get sense
No commercial bus working within Abeokuta except few government buses and you hardly see Tricycle. So get your fact right zombie

That road is somewhere between Berger axis and Sango, don't mind the liar

nkwachii:
Abeokuta

That kind of yellow bus operates between Berger axis to Sango. That road is in Sango, not Abeokuta. You are posting misinformation just because you can't stop hating. Hatred destroys its bearer.

Akinboboz:
It's natural one check out Akure own

Is that Solab?

nofeeajoke:
Thanks to Amosun

Each former Governor has done his bit. Ogun is grateful.

Tell Jenifa and her husband