₦airaland Forum

The solution to this paternity fraud which many look away from is for people to stop having unprotected sex when a child is not expected.
Also, the men that fall victims are usually the ones that think a woman’s past doesn’t count or a woman can be wayward but kind hearted.
It is very difficult for a woman to pin a baby on the wrong father except when the man is a simp. It takes a lot to try to pull this level of stunt but men don’t want to be accountable for their choice of women but instead scream fear women.

Hello house, Please is there anyone here who has survived stage 3 breast cancer for several years? Or knows the journey of a similar breast survivor. Kindly share the experience. I’ve watched some YouTube stories but mainly from foreigners. I want to hear it from a Nigerian if I can. Thanks.

row2ray:
Bro in terms of your "deal" lets break it down
You get:
1. Children (which you want)
2. The absence of a partner that could wreck you
3. Marriage (maybe)
4. Offspring that could be assets to you and your family

She gets:
1. offspring that could be assets to her and her family
2. marriage (maybe)
3. Lack of worry about upkeep for her children born to you ( not upkeep for herself or the other child as per your stated proposal).
Is there anything else I missed?

Objectively I don't see this proposal as worth it.
1 her having 2 kids for you without the guarantee of marriage drastically reduces her eligibility for marriage if you fail her, most people will view her the way you have viewed other females and promiscuous having children from different men without being married and as such assume she has bad character and is good for nothing beyond sex

2. She would have the strain on her body mental health, carrying 1 child I'm sure you've already seen certain differences in her physiology, 2 more? Mileage will be way up, plus the strain of raising 3 kids without the presence and help of a father... All in hopes they will be assets to her .. in my opinion not worth it

3. She has a constrain on her time for her own personal development. You aren't providing the comfort and shelter of marriage, she needs to better herself so at least equip herself economically, which two children out of wedlock will hold her back from, we as men all say no man wants a liability, you in my opinion gave her the option to choose to be a liability in hope of marrying you or a liability that the children will change her fortunes... Which is a 50-50 chance.. I'm not going to go into that.

So my dear bro... Think about it, is it worth it in her opinion if she is "objective" , you know her better than anyone here

You speak so cleverly and objectively.

I drank from this during service year but I’m not a legend. I stopped when I saw a wall gecko on the inside walls. Fellow corpers did not find it alarming, they said it was just enjoying the coolness and would never take a dive into the water. Never take a dive? But what if it defecated into the water? What guaranty was there that it hadn’t even survived a dive already?
Well, that’s the story of how I’m no legend by clay pot.

You have written your post very well. Please don’t marry her. You can’t know the true character of a woman who is not independent. Maybe she was caught for exam malpractice and that’s why her result has been delayed.
Lazy women are a big menace to society. Why did she go to a higher institution if she did not plan to work with it? How come her parents are comfortable with her staying at home doing nothing all this while? How come it was you who gave her materials and capital for a business that never kicked off? If her parents are not like her, they would have made her start something. She may also not be exposed enough to know how to even start something but she ought to be willing to learn.
How come your own family depends on you though? Are they just like her?
This one would end up having more children than you bargained for...There are too many intelligent goal driven ladies out there even among those who are not well educated to be settling for idleness in this present Nigeria. There are hard working women that can support your dream any where in the world and don’t let anyone deceive you that they won’t be submissive. The virginity of this lady may be about exposure and not righteousness.
It is even better to date a serious student than an undetermined graduate so that the house you ought to build by the age of 40 won’t tarry till you are 55 because you were buying your in laws clothes and sewing machines...
This is not to say that there are not women who can learn and surpass. Some women are unemployed but their inner strengths would kick in when it gets down to it.

I wish this post would reach front page. It’s a good question and a sincere dilemma.
I’ve experienced dead beat fathers who genuinely didn’t raise their kids and didn’t want to despite having the means. Some to spite the mother and some just because they had no conscience.
It is our culture that accords biological fathers much regard over the ones who raised them morally and financially.
The family of my close friend’s fiancé insisted that they had to meet the biological father since he was alive and it happened that the man disrespected them and showed that he had no love or care for his daughter. He didn’t even attend the wedding. They had fulfilled all righteousness on their part non the less.But in other cases, the dead beat would be glad to be honored and treat the in laws well even though he is just pretending. He would bask in the recognition and later collect the bride price of a daughter that he didn’t invest in. Subsequently, would want to interfere in the marriage and continue to guilt trip the couple to keep the recognition going, knowing fully well that the daughter is grown and gainfully employed and needn’t make any financial commitments to such a daughter henceforth. Probably even receive gifts of sorts from the husband who prefers to be peaceful.
In all this, I still believe a man should meet the biological father to make proper judgement of the whole scenario and events that might have taken place in the life of his wife before meeting her.
How about a case where the mother did not remarry? Who would collect the bride price ?
Tricky indeed.

Most people here are commenting with indifference and it’s a reflection of how they view marriage and family.
A United and close knit family that hold each other accountable would certainly feel much betrayal. There are many reasons why one’s father would have a secret family but how come nobody here said they would ask why it happened? If the father’s reasons are somewhat justified then that’s one thing...
But to just assume that it’s their fathers choice and they would accept the secret family is another. What if the secret woman is a promiscuous gold digger? And the children also fee no remorse on behalf of their mother?
What if the secret family was treated much better than your own family? Morally and financially? Would you just accept all and everyone like nothing unusual has happened?

Loyalty tests are good but not necessary to be designed as a prank. Many people are deceiving themselves in relationships and can easily see the light through simple tests

What’s her reason for not wanting to adopt a child after all this while?
Why is it your mother to talk her into it?
Are you sure that it’s your wife that has issues with fertility? The story doesn’t add up...
As it is, there seems to be no marriage to save here... what’s the point?
Is your wife the bread winner?
I’m confused... Slap? Slapped your mother?
How are they living under same roof? In a house where there are no kids, I don’t think your mother should be living there....

Some comments are from childish people that can’t see what your mom saw.
I’ve travelled abroad a number of times and I’m fairly exposed on freedom of expression.
This lady in the picture is not the wife for you as an only son of a single mother...
I’m a woman in mid forties with foreign orientation but my knowledge of sociology knows that a girl who dresses like this publicly, not at the beach, about to wed the son of a conservative woman doesn’t upload such pictures to her status. She is more worldly than you think or know. If you are so sure then set her a trap.
This woman might be wife material for a man who understands the world but not for the strict Christians. Beyoncé may be wife material to JayZ but not for Bryan Adams.
Also, be careful not to let your mom control you more than necessary but she is right on this...

Ndubuisipaul1:
You got the point brother ...
This girl will not date me , if I was broke. And unfortunately my brother played a big role in my business.

So when she made that statement, I was shocked. I didn't know were that idea came from. I was speechless and angry at the same time, so I had ask her again, hoping she will say that its a joke. but she repeated it .

If you’re certain that the girl would not date you if you were broke then why do you want to marry her? Are you certain that you would not be broke ever again? You have problems yourself if you want to marry a girl like this. Why expecting standards for true live when you don’t have it? She is free to do as she likes because she is in it for the money and you are also able to do as you like if you provide the money based on this condition.

The three of you are making expensive jokes. Your brother started it by saying that he would be sending her on errands. Where and why would he be sending her and what would the errands be? Even if he is older than her, it is an insult to you but I don’t blame you, that’s what becomes of women that get married without a job and are unable to set boundaries. Maybe the house belongs to your younger brother. Any way, none of you in this write up are behaving properly.

Why is your brother joking about sending her on errands? Both jokes are equally expensive. Is she not working? Where would he find her to send on errand? If he sponsored your business why is he the one living with you? Your own statement is also expensive but serves you all right. None of you are behaving properly.

You ought to treat the land lord’s house how you would like yours to be treated when you become one
I know for sure that a responsible tenant who met the pumping machine functioning would not even argue about waiting for a landlord to fix something as important as a pumping machine.
The type arguing are the type that like free ride and feel entitled to it as long as you’re going in the same direction

Sorry guy. She is using you and your would never be happy with her. Why did you pay her school fees?
It’s a scam 95% of the time.
You have to dump her completely. Don’t pick her calls. She would cry and beg and make you feel guilty but it’s all tricks. It would be hard but just believe that it’s like eating food that is poisoned because you’re hungry at the moment. Bye

So sorry about your loss. May you find strength to cope. May his soul rest peacefully forever

Guys don’t understand that giving a lady money for upkeep means the relationship is transactional. If she did not ask four days later, she was only pretending and waiting for the right time to yield best results. It is one thing to give an expensive present during a special event or random gifts to show your love. If she has a project ahead of her, you may offer financial support as loved ones do (friends , family or co-workers)
But any lady that asks for money outrighy or a man feels the need to keep her on a steady stipend to keep her can NEVER get true live from her.
Paying for her rent, school fees or upkeep regularly means you are being played. You might be lucky that you’re not being played by someone totally heartless but you’re being played all the same. That’s why she is in the relationship. Even asking you for money for a business is also a red flag, believe me. How was she living before she met you? Would life not go on if your break up? Would she go and ask a rich man out just because she wants to start a business? She would die if you did not ask her out? How has her family been living before she met you?
Is there any strong relationship you know where the woman is not positively impactful in the man’s life?

What was the cat meant for? For her project?
If we warmed you then, you wouldn’t have listened. You would do it again and again.

For your to love your wife’s child this much means that your new wife is not the woman for you. I am glad that you are a man of your words and looking after the girl like your biological child. The new wife is a wicked woman and I say this confidently without hearing her side of the story. She knew that you had four kids and what difference does it make who gave birth to who?
A woman that can resist a child who has no mother is not a wife material. I am a woman myself and I tell you this as a fact.
Don’t let people guilt trip you for not co FiDi g in her earlier on since you have raised the girl before she was two years old. You are the the only father that she knows. It is different if she was 15yrs before you adopted her.
You are even kind to think of renting an apartment for this selfish woman. If her family supports her, they are also wicked. Your first born is much older than her own kids and how does she know the future? Maybe this girl would be a mother to them. A woman that marries a man with kids ought to know that she is in for a lot of drama. Just make sure that she has her own income before giving you rules and regulations and terms and conditions.

If only all these people were kind hearted but many of them are bearers of false witness, sociopaths and coveters seeking for Gods mercy to continue making the world a bad place.

He is playing mind games
He wants you to come on to him so that he can continue playing games and use it to end the relationship later...
It is pure mind games but how would you like believe me, now?

One sided story
There is no peace for people that visit so called spiritualists.
It is such that your life would always be filled with confusion.

I blame the wife that had five children that she could not afford to raise alone despite knowing the promiscuity of her husband.
Side chicks are wicked but the man that did not secure his children’s future is even more wicked.
I pray the OP would return some of their father’s money to them and still get what’s coming to her.

In case something happens?
Like if you die, she can withdraw your money because that’s what preoccupies her mind.

The solution is simple but people don’t want to be realistic.
The rules are also simple but people want to eat their cake and have it...
Some people don’t even know what they seek in a life partner so they just go with whatever is readily available.
One major rule to follow is family background . The level of dysfunction that is tolerated in that family.
Some men just marry for regular sex and house maid.
Some women just marry to secure steady meals and shelter...
Then expect us to pity them when cohabitation becomes toxic...

Since it is tour mother that dictates to you then you have to go on with the wedding. You have bo set goal for marriage or standards for a life partner and that is why you did introduction with someone that you know barely bothering about .
The outcome would be the outcome because your decisions are not in your hands any way

This is the result of marrying a woman who is from a bad family.
Maybe she married you to continue collecting pocket money from you. Are you sure the children are even yours?
Don’t marry a woman who depends on you for livelihood.

I wish I knew the song that was so irresistible ��

Read this on Twitter just now
https://twitter.com/postsubman/status/1535581886025711616?s=24

I’ve googled it and could not find anything about her personal life growing up. To have raised such sons, I am curious about her educational background and occupation as far back as the time. I’m also curious about her own ancestry. Whoever knows more about this woman can kindly send me a link. She deserves the respect accorded to her, no doubt.

Notyourtype:
the first should be 8years now

You and your friend have misplaced priorities.
He has no control and 6 children in 8 years is very abusive.
Has God guaranteed him long life or riches?