Topup's Posts
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 Romance / Re: My Friend Wants To Kill Herself by topup: 5:00am On Nov 29, 2009 |
This is a lesson in love. It happens to the most of us. He's not worth it. She is worth it. He won't feel any remorse. She has a long life to live and goals to fulfil, and to throw that away because her heart is heavy with momentary sorrow is. . Someone out there will appreciate her, and she will get over him when she lets that man appreciate her. |
| Romance / Re: Me? Do The Dishes With You? For What? by topup: 4:45am On Nov 29, 2009 |
speaker7: Yeah, it's a sad sad world, full of parasitic behaviour, instead of working cohesively, we attack our arms and legs, not realising that we are all part of the same body, and become surprised when we fall as a nation. |
| Culture / Re: Out Come Of Marriage with white and black skin. by topup: 4:26am On Nov 29, 2009 |
Ok, so if you have black paint and mix it with white paint, do you think you can get 'pure' black paint?? I don't quite get the mixing idea and then asking about 'pure' black kids. There are no such things as 'pure' in the mixed-raced children category, let alone when Igbos marry Yorubas, or Oyo Yorubas marry Ekiti Yorubas and we get all these inter-tribal mixing arguments. If a black man marries a white woman, it is much more difficult to instill his 'black' culture into his children, it is usually the woman who is responsible, for taking care and rearing the children, and they will most likely spend more time with her. She will speak her language to them more than he will, unless he really is a committed father, and they will learn as they are being shown. If one parent shows the child their culture and the other shows the child the other, the child can either have a diluted sense of his/her own culture consisting of a mixture of both the mother and father's culture, or the child can acquire a strong sense of both, but it is much more difficult to achieve the second option. My opinion. |
| Romance / Re: . by topup: 4:21am On Nov 29, 2009 |
Awwwwww. . sorry. Ok, well this isn't as embarrasing but it definitely made me cringe. I met a guy during one session at school, who happened to be the only other Nigerian in my group, we had a long conversation at which we ignored the other group members and talked about our pasts and I learnt a lot about a stranger, I even learnt that he worked in a restaurant near where I lived, (and there are about 4 of those restaurants in my city which is why I have never bumped into him), an unusual conversation indeed, where we both found out what we had in common and had a lot of common ground - he even said he'd invite me to his birthday party, before he left we both agreed to keep in touch via an online site. I smiled smugly, I had made a friend, and this friend was cute too and seemed (even just a little) interested in me - if just my personality. Well, the next day my sister and friend had had a fun day of shopping and were so hungry, so we decided to go out for a meal, and upon entering a restaurant, I thought "Imagine if he was in here, working today." and what do you know he was. I initially played it cool, and joked with my friends, pretending I had not noticed him, and then as we approached where he was sat, I looked to say hi, but instead he just had his face glued to his mobile phone, and looked quite embarrased and stiff, which made things awkward. I knew we both recognised each other, but I was stuck in that state where you don't know how to undo the awkwardness. Anyways I ordered my food, and my friend annoyingly chose a table directly infront of him, and I sat trying not to make a fuss, and thought, there'll be another chance to say hi, and explain that this was merely coincidence, but there never was, he disappeared behind the kitchen and worked towards the rear of the counter, far away from us. He never said hi, and also it's been about 3 days since now and he hasn't added me on his online site, and I know I will bump into him again, since we have the same lecture, and I'm just left thinking "what was that all about. Aren't we mature adults. Why are we ignoring each other". I don't think I'll be getting any invites to his birthday party anytime soon lol!! *sigh* Life! |
| Romance / Re: Have You Had A Girl Crush Before? _strictly For The Girls_ by topup: 4:07am On Nov 29, 2009 |
EDITED: Yeah, I think I might have posted about 'girl crushes', In this day and age, it's not completely unexpectable to hear of a girl having a crush on another girl because the media constantly presses the female body, face, form and essence in our faces, also every woman has an image of what her ideal figure, ideal looks, ideal goals, ideal personality would be and to see another woman who has those can bring on a sensation that makes you get drawn towards them. I don't quite know how to describe it, since I'm pre-empting a roar and outcry of people disagreeing with this whole idea. I'm refering to the purest idea of a crush, and that is taking a liking to someone, not sexually. Purely admiration, wanting to be near the person. I mean after all what is the difference between admiration and a crush. Of course, today we use the crush to hint lust towards a person, so most people are shocked. I've had a girl crush before, on a best friend, she was just so cool, and I wanted to be more like her. I had no sexual feelings towards her, I just really thought she was pretty, she was nice and had a lot of qualities I wanted in myself, this was ages ago. But now I basically call it admiration and not a crush. . |
| Romance / Re: My Girlfriend Got Raped: What Should I Do? by topup: 4:03am On Nov 29, 2009 |
Sounds very complicated, I don't think I have enough info. to make a reasonable comment, sorry. I can only advice that you continue to pray since you seem like a very spiritual person who has a relationship with God, and you speak to him, hopefully you'll gain wisdom to make the right decisions. |
| Romance / Re: Why A Lot Of Black Woman Are Single. by topup: 3:53am On Nov 29, 2009 |
stillwater: I know, lol!! I think dreeldee needs to buy a copy of Cosmo mag, and read all the comments and stories western white women openly discuss about problems with their boyfriends and also how they solve them, which most of the answers result to 'leave him - he's not worth it.' But in a way, if Black men are complaining that we should be more 'white' then I feel to shout out to all those black women suffering out there, and tell them, 'it's not worth it, leave him'. 'we're not expected to stick things through, we don't have to force ourselves to do anything we don't want to do, if it doesn't feel right, leave him, find someone else.' |
| Romance / Re: Why Are Some Pregnant Women In Nigeria Ugly by topup: 3:42am On Nov 29, 2009 |
Because some[/b]times, people don't conform to [b]your standards of beauty, and they see these women in the light that everyone deserves to be seen at least once in their lives. If it was up to you, would every woman who you deemed to be ugly, be barren or single or prone to miscarriage?? |
| Romance / Re: Why A Lot Of Black Woman Are Single. by topup: 3:39am On Nov 29, 2009 |
platinumnk: LOL!! *Looks at your location, *sigh* * |
| Romance / Re: Why A Lot Of Black Woman Are Single. by topup: 3:33am On Nov 29, 2009 |
'dreeldee' I am really disappointed, that here is a black man (I'm assuming) with stronger prejudices than I've heard some of my 'white' friends say about black women. I suppose you think we're all easy, we all wanna trap you down in a long term relationship, you probably assume we are snoopy, don't have any career goals or nothing better to do than to shout down black men. Well you know what, maybe you should take a walk for a bit. I think black women especially African women, being more traditional than western white women have always respected the authority of a man, where will you find a woman who is so afraid to leave a marriage because she feels that everything will fall on her shoulders, and people would call her a bad wife. Where else do you see women who tolerate a lot of crap, not just because they have been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship, but because it just isn't done in their culture?? Where, tell me. Honestly, I'm really disappointed that you think all the 'evidence' you've given have been true depictions of the issues that cause black women to stay in the zone of singledom, Really. If we were to really analyse the reasons, I could go on and on, but I actually don't believe that black women are as 'single' as people make it out. I know several black women who are opting to open their minds, much like their male counterparts have done for decades, and marry non-black men, some have successful marriages and relationships and other don't, but we are becoming less and less loyal, if anything. Black women - though I don't like to say this and reinstate it, are unfortunately seen to be at the bottom of the pyramid. Whilst the black man is congratulated on his sexy hot temper, his wild strength, his argumentative-ness, his passion and drive, their female counterparts are labelled ANGRY BLACK WOMEN. Well, I have met many black men who have confirmed to me, that any man who says that they don't want a strong woman, is a man who is not sure of himself. No woman should make a man feel less like a man, fair enough, when love comes into the equation even a celebrity could be made to feel like dirt. But making someone feel like a piece of crap is not gender-determined, after all there are charities that deal with women involved in domestic violence. This is not confined to any sex or race, a woman who thrives on making her man feel below her, obviously isn't going to get too far in life, and if all black women are like this, then we should all be single, we would have all been single and you probably wouldn't have been born, a mixed-race equivalent of you (with probably a better understanding of black and white dynamics would have been born instead). |
| Romance / Re: Help: Am Commitmentphobic! by topup: 4:45am On Nov 28, 2009 |
Seems to me that you have never actually practised looking for the sustainable type of girl and relationship, your criteria probably puts sex on high priority and often sex-based relationships are the last to be the ones you'll be fully committed to. What you need is to open up your perspective, a woman can offer much more than just sexual pleasure, have you ever had a good female companion, who you feel you can truly talk with and open up about the man you really are to? I really think you've spent 26 years doing the easy, and now it's just dawned on you that a great woman and committed relationship won't just drop on your lap, and that you'll have to work hard and persevere to make one last and to enrich one, not to mention search really hard. |
| Romance / Re: Help! My beautiful girl..... by topup: 4:38am On Nov 28, 2009 |
All I can think of is that the accident made her reflect on her life, she may have felt dependent on you, and of course you pulled through, showing her that your love was true, and most women wouldn't trade you for the world, but maybe somewhere along the line she became scared. There's this annoying fact that rational people do, and it's sometimes the decisions they make which rationally make sense, but are all wrong emotionally. Emotionally there is no reason for her to cut you off, but rationally, maybe she didn't want to fall into the kind of love that she found herself in, maybe being with you reminds her of the accident, and the time when she had to depend on you. As another poster said, maybe she just wanted a break really, to breathe and think. It seems to me that she does love, I can't say whether she'll return or not, but it would be wise to let her know you love her, but will not be messed around, and to give her her space. Hopefully this space won't cause you to become numb to her, if she ever does choose to return. All the best, sorry I couldn't help more, but this confuses me too. . |
| Travel / Re: Living In Nigeria For A Year. by topup: 3:46am On Nov 27, 2009 |
Very good points made here. Everything is relative, so maybe to some Lagos is not as dangerous as other places, but to others it may be much more dangerous than where they are coming from, and especially which perspective they are looking at it, at. Thanks for all the replies, REALLY helpful, |
| Romance / Re: Love Thoughts by topup: 3:44am On Nov 27, 2009 |
In response to Gabry from 2 pages ago, What I did 'yesterday' was church  , |
| Romance / Re: Love Thoughts by topup: 3:43am On Nov 23, 2009 |
Gabry:  Lol, well hate to be all sappy, but I really am loving God these days, especially after yesterday. As for a lover in the form of a hu-man, you've exposed me!!  Nope, but when I do, I'll be sure to return here. . as always. |
| Travel / Re: Living In Nigeria For A Year. by topup: 3:33am On Nov 23, 2009 |
Many apologies to everyone who was willing to help. I emailed over 30 friends and family members with the same questions, I've found a lot of the information here useful, and please. . I am not a foreigner, it's a shame if a Nigerian can't come back home even for a short while. I will ignore those who feel threatened by this topic for whatever reason and would like to say thanks to people who helped, or tried. Sorry Spike I can't give details because I have none, I was basically conducting a little research, when applying for these things, you need to have figured everything out before you start, so I haven't secured anything yet but I have the means to do so. Thanks all. Peace. (Will be back). |
| Properties / Re: Any Architects In The House? by topup: 3:26am On Nov 23, 2009 |
dblock: Sorry, I'm still looking for the answer to that question myself. This is a nice render, doesn't say too much about its context though, but I'm sure you were just trying things out. |
| Romance / Re: Love Thoughts by topup: 3:15am On Nov 23, 2009 |
This is so beautiful. I'm happy you posted it Gabry, and now I'm really hoping you and your guy remain together always. I love that feeling, that peace when you have someone beside you, always. Thank God for making men, and thank God for God I guess |
| Religion / Re: Pastor Tunde Bakare Blows Hot ! ( Why I Quit Redeemed Church ) by topup: 3:12am On Nov 23, 2009 |
It's actually a fantastic read, I don't think you should hide the truth or opinions, especially when there are so many lies openly broadcasted as 'truths' out there already. |
| Romance / Re: Her Past Is Too Much For Me by topup: 5:01am On Nov 19, 2009 |
megacity: Sounds to me that you are someone who doesn't believe in equality, in the slightest, you seem to think women are stupid and naive and like little toys you can play with and swap when you don't like the outcome or you get bored. Like collectors cards, you felt yours was dirty and used, and suddenly got the urge to get rid of it, and find a new one. . It was only until she decided it was time to introduce you to her parents that you started thinking of a future together!??! I mean how disrespectful, you were probably just looking for a reason to lose her, since you'd had your fill of sex. You probably didn't really love her, you probably just enjoyed the freebies that came with the relationship. It would just be a good thing for you to reflect how you approach women and really check your intentions, it is not unwise to ask about questions that concern you during a relationship. In terms of breaking the relationship without hurt, that's not possible unfortunately. She definitely sees your relationship as being serious and is possibly considering marirage, so her feelings are pretty much tied into this. You won't be able to explain to her, properly why you have chosen to leave her, because it isn't a sincere reason. So just get it over and done with, it's obvious you've already moved on emotionally (if there were any emotions there to begin with). She'll be hurt, and you should give her her space, she needs to heal and then find someone who will cherish her. |
| Romance / Re: Ladies And Gents! Which Type Of Nairaland Guys/girls Would You Show Your Loff? by topup: 2:29am On Nov 19, 2009 |
Yummy food platinumnk !! |
| Romance / Re: Stalking 101 by topup: 4:36am On Nov 18, 2009 |
Sometimes you've accepted that it's over, but you can't get rid of that curiousity, not wanting to be shocked by things, you update yourself, secretly hoping; "I hope they're not having a great time, because I'm not." Usually the stalking stops when the person finds a new partner or I guess, a new obsession. I think everyone stalks, someway or the other, even if it's that everytime you drive by someone's house, you peep into their yard to see if they're t home, or you just update yourself on how the house looks, whether they've moved, decorated etc. |
| Romance / Re: Question From A Curious Black American. by topup: 3:36am On Nov 18, 2009 |
Hehe, from the sound of your post, it seems like you're preparing to swoop in and grab yourself a find from Africa. Well, I think one thing that's SO important is to not think humans are different, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Yes, in Africa you will get a larger selection of African beauties, but you will find some not-so clear-skinned ones too etc. . Just keep open minded, I am even sure you can find some in America (it's a HUGE place). If you're planning a trip to Africa, treat it like you're going to somewhere, where you don't understand the language (though most countries speak English throughout), what I mean is to be eager to learn the differences, and don't ever assume. This can be applied for anywhere in the world, in places like Africa and Asia, it's very important that you keep yourself to yourself, keep safe, don't try and mess with the law etc. keep these rules and you can never go wrong anywhere. |
| Romance / Re: Romance Section End Of Year Awards {people choice awards} by topup: 3:29am On Nov 18, 2009 |
The Seeker. . lol Thanks |
| Romance / Re: My Fiancee Is Hiv Positive, I Love Her And Still Want To Go On With The Marriage by topup: 3:11am On Nov 18, 2009 |
Before the results come, pray, pray very hard (it doesn't hurt), and it can help put your mind to rest. You should research the meaning of this, it means that everytime you two want to become intimate and have intercourse that you must wear protection or also contract the virus. Secondly, your children, yes there are drugs these days that can surpress it, but supposed she develops full-blown AIDS in the future and becomes very ill. I am not saying you should or shouldn't continue with the wedding plans, in fact you are smart for making your own decision but also asking for some advice too, you could google some of this, you'll find a lot of testimonies and hopefully a lot of tips too. |
| Romance / Re: You Hardly See Virgins Nowadays by topup: 11:11pm On Nov 16, 2009 |
Who cares about virgins, nobody is naive anymore!! Most people even if not in the western world or major cities, know what they can get from life and how they can get it, the message that keeps resounding is that you should 'go out and get your own'. And some people do that however possible. If you're looking for technical virgins, those who haven't had penetrative intercourse those aren't too rare, but a woman who upholds morals about what she will and won't do sexually, is hard to find. There are many technical virgins who have done everything under the sun except penetration, does that make them 'virgnal' and 'innocent'?? |
Please keep it in America.
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