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Romance / Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by topup: 5:54am On Nov 16, 2009
I think it's good to be selective, then the person you end up with knows that you don't let any old cow in her place, that there's a certain criteria and that she has won her right to be there.

I think it's only bad when the person plays along with it, later to just 'come to their senses' and let you know that you were all wrong for them from the get-go.

Honesty is the key here, but time is also precious.
Romance / Re: Romance Section End Of Year Awards {people choice awards} by topup: 5:46am On Nov 16, 2009
Lol, I love you all!!

Not because I'm a crowd pleaser but because I've completely forgotten everything :/ and I'm high on euphoria of being able to access the internet again!!

A few names I do remember, don't ask me why:

The Seeker
ThoniaSlim
190
Karmamod
iice
C2H??,
Gabry
pc_guru
bluespice
sisterwoman (gone forever??)
whitelexi
monica9 (sp?)
eyonigger

. .

There's more!!
Romance / Re: What If Your Guy Should "slap" You In Front Of Your Friends? by topup: 4:17am On Nov 16, 2009
Dump him.
Culture / Re: ????????? by topup: 3:32am On Nov 12, 2009
Any positive movement towards becoming 'rooted' is great. It's worth understanding why you feel 'lost' though, is it through your parents lack of understanding of their culture or is it because of your environment, really be honest with yourself, is it external or internal, is it an inner feeling or are you fully sure, it is purely because you don't eat African food, can't cook it, can't speak the language etc. but you look like an African or like someone who is black??

What's getting you down, narrow down the root of the cause, because I would hate for you to do something rash like move into the depths of Africa to only feel like you don't belong again, it's not too late to become rooted, anyone can, you just need the right approach and the right mentality, willingness to learn, willingness to persevere (sp?), willingness to make mistakes and make corrections to those mistakes also matter greatly.

You are not alone, you are attached to us, as we are all attached to one another, African, non-Africans alike, we are all human being, and we all speak the same language of wanting-to-belong.

Are you close with your family, do you have siblings, how do you relate to your family, is there a place or person you can go to find out more about your direct (not necessarily your historical) heritage.


After you've figured out what is the source of this feeling, you can begin taking courses in language, dance and history, finding like-minded people, maybe travel and live in different places in the world, and really defining for yourself what it means to be you, and if that means it's your direct heritage then fine, if that means your future legacy in any family you create, then that's fine too, just do what feels right, and know that you're not alone.
Romance / Re: Confessions Of A Transexual. I Had More Fun As A Female Than As A Male! by topup: 2:52am On Oct 29, 2009
Your girlfriend is less likely to be happy with the fact you withdrew this fact from her and you will find that maybe she's not the girl you would like to be with. Since the deed is done it's not worth dwelling on the past and I believe you should get a proper psychiatrist though this may be expensive to do. You may also need to recover from your transformation by yourself, who knows. I advice you google this issue too, I doubt you're the only one. Try and find non-harmful things to occupy yourself for now.
Romance / Re: Confessions Of A Transexual. I Had More Fun As A Female Than As A Male! by topup: 2:46am On Oct 29, 2009
I just want to say that thank you for your honesty, I'm sure it was hard putting everything out here, especially after being judged initially. In a way we are like your girlfriend, you tested us the first time and some of us rejected you, but surely this time we are much more compassionate. I think it is very necessary to secure yourself with someone you can be REAL with, to have that support, to talk openly with someone you trust. I feel to pray for you but I think it's worth giving it a try too. .
Romance / Re: Too Busy To Be In A Relationship by topup: 11:41pm On Oct 25, 2009
Pharoh:

@Poster he is truly busy with his work and there is nothing bad seeing twice a month provided you people communicate through other means like phone and chatting. He is busy trying to prepare for the happily married after life so you don't have to worry about any financial obligation.

He's so busy making preparations to secure a wife when he hasn't even begun preprations to secure a girlfriend. .
Romance / Re: Cure For Double Dating by topup: 11:34pm On Oct 25, 2009
Confront it, don't hide it, maybe tell someone you can trust, allow yourself to become ashamed, tell any girl you're interested in, obviously she'll be put off, and hopefully losing a chance to be with her, will stun you into realising that it is almost like having a contaegous disease, no one will want to be with a cheater.
Romance / Re: Nigeria Is Blessed With preety ladies by topup: 11:09pm On Oct 25, 2009
What's the point of having a girlfriend?? Is she just a side-chick??
Romance / Re: Can You Spot A Cheater? by topup: 11:08pm On Oct 25, 2009
I agree with Oyinda's first post/analysis, a lot of cheaters will fall into this category.

I think you can't see a man and know if he's a cheater, many good looking guys are annoying because they barely have time for other women, which can give the impression that they are egotistic or cocky, when in fact, they minimise the time they give other women, so they never get in a position to be disloyal to their current girlfriend.

I think a lot of cheaters do it because deep down inside they don't want to work on he hormones or that little voice that tells them to be reckless. Almost like when you get a food craving, and you find yourself eating all those chocolates, it's happened before, you understand how it progresses, from want, to have but you can't really honestly, be bothered to resist or work on preventing a 'relapse'.
Romance / Re: Playing with the hearts of men by topup: 11:03pm On Oct 25, 2009
It takes a while before men and women can identify a unique relationship, just because the guy or girl calls you daily doesn't mean that the relationship is genuine and unique.

When you know what to look for, you can avoid getting too involved with someone who is very likely to break your heart.

I honestly, think you get vibes from those who aren't completely trustworthy, a lot of people choose to overlook some of the dodgy behaviour from the person they are with, because they would much rather have less trouble and have a peaceful relationship, that test and ask the necessary questions.

Honestly, why are women and men afraid to talk about the future, why should talking about the future with your b/f or g/f be an awkward thing?? If the other person hasn't thought about it, what stops them just jumping ship and leaving the present??

If your friend's girlfriend was with him simply because of the money, there should be tell-tale signs, even if little, like maybe she enquires about his budget every so often, she may ask for pocket money, or maybe she brags about how much he earns, basically she is attracted to the image of him being a wealthy bachelor, the couple might find that their's is a give and take relationship in terms of items, whilst a strong relationship is usually a give an take of emotions and bonds. It is much harder for a woman to jump ship once she has invested her time and emotions in getting to know a man properly, knowing his address, his name and wage does not count.


. . . . .

At the same time, some people are really good at fooling even themselves, and excel at pretending.
Romance / Re: I Think I Am Getting Depressed: Help! by topup: 10:53pm On Oct 25, 2009
You're definitely not alone, there will always be pressure especially for those of us with strong African heritage, parents never let go on 'rearing' the child until the grandchildren have been born, and even afterwards they continue to stick their noses into your affairs, this is just the way most traditional cultures operate.

You're young, even though you don't feel like it, you're educated, and if you're a wonderful person to be around then you'll have no problem.

If you prefer Nigerian men, I'm sure you can attend Nigerian events, even if you can't make them all, you can attend those you are able to attend, and then you can network, maybe the people you meet aren't suitable, but they will most likely know some other people, who will know some other people and so forth.

It depends on your priorities, if you're not willing to compromise on your career and lifestyle, I guess you can always continue with your current choices, after all you are very open minded which is a great bonus.

I think you just need to up your networking skills, if you know any Nigerians you can ask to meet up with them and get to know some of their friends, the possibilties are endless, and never feel like you're running out of time, as of course, everything should happen in God's time, and if this is your desire, you just need to keep pestering God and paying attention to what you hear from him so that you can know what steps to take.

If your current boyfriend is the one for you, I am sure that the wisdom God has given you will clarify this, and if you have to continue searching it will be okay also. You have given yourself a deadline for marriage, but I believe you should just sort out your priorities, like I said before, blessings come in God's time, not ours, so maybe you'll end up meeting someone and won't have to date them for 3-4 years to know that they are right for you.

Lastly, stay true to yourself, really think if you are thinking about this for you, or because of the pressure you are getting, after all there's nothing worse than forcing something that doesn't come natural.

All the best
& God Bless.
Romance / Re: Responsible Bachelors Are Hard To Come By In Uk by topup: 9:55pm On Oct 25, 2009
Instead of pointing our fingers at the other sex, I think both men and women are just as bad as each other, nobody wants to earn a decent living, no one wants to take risks, no one wants to settle but in reality we are all settling.

Settling for men and women who barely have what it takes to sustain their lifestyles, instead of becoming better people. We can't just sit back and await our princes and princesses, we must become them first.

Nowadays, the idea of justice is not so publicised, everyone believes that a good man finishes last, yet another man without those qualities but with money and living a fast-paced lifestyle is the one we are subliminally advised to date and commit to, we are reassured a beautiful woman is what we need, or a handsome and wealthy man will complete our perfect picture, but in reality we are missing the point.

I think there is less emphasis on maturity anymore, and more emphasis on having fun, and some wild memories, carelessness is often a fantastic plot to many soaps, and morals are forgotten in the episodes, we see the rewards of being  frivolous but we don't always see the rewards of hard work. I mean more people google Kim Kardashian than they google Obama,
Romance / Re: Caught My Husband Of 7yrs In A Compromising Position At A Girl's House! by topup: 9:05pm On Oct 24, 2009
You are such a strong woman and quite rare actually, even if you think you might be a push over, I get the sense that you're really not. I really pray that your husband comes to his senses, I believe even a man can only continue to be so emotionless and frivolous for such an amount of time.

I admire your sense of strength and honesty, of course you may feel like giving up on the marriage and having your own boyfriend, but you don't seem like a dishonest or adulterous woman yourself, so why let someone else's bad behaviour push you to behaving unlike yourself.

Your husband needs to work on his honesty, he is not being honest about his commitment to you nor his whereabouts nor any deep rooted issues he may have. A very insecure man will love this unstable and unsafe lifestyle and would disregard the feelings of those he supposedly loves, his daughter and his wife are left unattended and neglected which is just unfair.
Family / Re: mother to child care. by topup: 7:22pm On Oct 24, 2009
You can google this,
Romance / Re: He Says His Having Too Much Feelings by topup: 2:07am On Sep 16, 2009
TheSeeker:

I recognize with the guy from experience as well. There was this girl I was having friendship with. She was very nice, a very intelligent woman any man would be proud to have. At the outset, the feeling was mutual that we would end up being in a relationship. I was looking forward to that, so was she. Somewhere along the line, I saw a few things about her that I couldn't cope with. It stood as at then and still does now that I don't and won't change a woman to my kind of woman. She definitely has to be my kind of woman already or at least somewhat close. Then, these things that ruled her out of my kind of woman were stuffs I didn't know how she'd feel about them. It took me some time before I could tell her but I eventually did. This guy may not have had the courage to tell her (if that was the case), but also, I understand what you mean exactly.

I think I might be being harsh on the guy, and you may be giving him too much credit, careful before you assume that he's as good as you. After all you never know a person's intentions. I don't think it's his fault he lost interest in her, but being adults we have to be careful when we decide to participate in the game of love. Also as an adult we are aware when someone's interested in us, especially when you spend a lot of time with them, maybe flirting or 'communicating' with them. I will not blame anyone for deciding that they dislike what they've seen in a person, and they have decided not to pursue that person anymore, but come on now, we can't pretend that we don't expect to disappoint the other person. What I am trying to say is that, we know the consequences for our actions, even in a friendship, imagine having a best friend who tells you all their secrets, and vice versa, and you are very close, and trust each other, however, something happens to you in your life, and from that point, you suddenly stop calling your friend and stop telling them anything about your life. Do you think the other friend has any right to feel betrayed or led on?

Yes? Well it's like that, it might be a genuine reason, but he can't lie that he led her on, equally the girl you liked, would have been shocked if you decided to stop calling her and showing her attention altogether.

Yes the guy didn't actually do something but sometimes it's what you don't do that makes the difference.

Looking at it closely, don't you think the guy could have slept with her if all he wanted to leave her for another girl in that process? He doesn't sound like a user to me or he'd have slept with her and made her feel worse than she already does now. What I see here is she has looked forward[b] too much [/b]for the relationship to happen and now she's disappointed it's didn't work out; she likes him, that's for sure, but the guy doesn't sound ready to me and he's honest about it. There are issues laying somewhere around there and that's where his decision had revolved around. I agree too that he may have led her on but unintentionally is what I choose to go with.

I don't think he is a user totally either, but there are signs of a little bit of selfishness, but we are all humans, we have to be selfish at times otherwise we may never get what we truly want. He wanted out.

Romance / Re: An Unforgetable Experience About My Lover by topup: 4:17am On Sep 15, 2009
We don't need to see your pic to advise you.

You should continue to ignore her phone, unless you want to get all tangled in that mess again.

I'm sure the slap was embarrasing, she might want to apologise, but unless you really love her, I wouldn't go and willingly get myself entangled in it all again.
Romance / Re: - by topup: 4:13am On Sep 15, 2009
galatico:

All Girls are sluts!!!

I'm guessing you're not planning on having any daughters then. .
Romance / Re: - by topup: 4:12am On Sep 15, 2009
Ujujoan:

You have a very good point (as always), but from my experience I've come to realize that you dont butt into people's lives. The decision to tell should be left for the girl to make. I can tell you for a fact that even if your friend warned you about the guy you were dating, you'd still not beleive him. For christ sake when you are in love you dont doubt!! Even if your spirit tell you to, you heart just wont let you!!

Okay let me give you this scenario. The poster decides to tell his friend what he know about the girl and his friend confronts her. She has a thousand and one things to tell him to cover her actions. I mean the guys already thinks the world of her and all she has to do is to be smart about it. Lets say she was able to convince the guy that it was a one time thing and the guy beleives her, what happens to the poster? He becomes the enemy!!

What the poster can do is to try and convince the girl to be open to her BF. If she decides to tell, she'll then tell eveything. But if you force her to, beleive me she could string the guy along for all he's worth and he'll still love her!!

I belive karma has a way of taking care of these things for us. Maybe his friend deserves that kind of girl! Maybe they bothe deserve each other. Who are we to question that

Yup I completely agree!! It's almost a lose-lose situation, that's why it's good not to get involved, ofcourse you want to hear the juicy details of your girlfriend's relationship, but when the problems start, you'll have to play the role of confidance, and it becomes a triangle, not safe, dangerzone, beware!! tongue I almost lost a close friend because she refused to tell me a secret the guy I just stopped seeing at the time told her. She didn't want to break his trust because he made her promise not to tell me, and it wasn't detrimental, it was just that he loved me and always will blah blah, believe me she had no feelings for him, she just doesn't like meddling, and no, I did not side with the guy, I sided with her, the only thing is that this pressure of knowing something I didn't know, made her withdraw from me, and so I was practically begging her for 'what was wrong', thank God she finally told me, and I had to really fight the urge to resent her keeping the secret from me, since I made decisions thinking he didn't care about me, after all she didn't want to get into it, and she seemed really sorry.

Some people think friends are replaceable but I think they're for life.

"Bros before Hoes as they say &
Sistahs before the Mistah!!"
Romance / Re: Do Virgins Expect Their Boyfriends To Give Them Monyey? by topup: 4:02am On Sep 15, 2009
Lol, please treat her like you would treat any girlfriend, because she is a virgin doesn't mean she's entitled to anything.

You are not her daddy so why should she be entitled to some of your earnings?? You should decide to pay for it willingly, not be coerced into giving her pocket money for 'upkeep'.

Silly really, if you think about it.
Romance / Re: Calling All Virgin-related Topics! by topup: 4:00am On Sep 15, 2009
Seun:

The topic is meaningless of you don't link to the topics listed.

I initially linked the first few, and then decided to un-link them, I thought that was little unnecessary, since these people actually do believe their questions are worthy of thoughtful consideration, are being completely serious.

After this topic, yet another person has posted:

"Do Virgins" >>> Do HUMANS "Expect Their Boyfriends To Give Them Monyey?"

*slaps head!!*
Nairaland / General / Re: Please Where Is Topup? by topup: 3:56am On Sep 15, 2009
eyonigger:

Topup, I do not remember your yelling, I only remember the good things. Chikena!! grin

Well, I like your memory then tongue
Romance / Re: Naija Girls Need To Gym For Christ Sake. by topup: 3:56am On Sep 15, 2009
So you're criticising other women who you think need to go to the gym, yet you are the one who wants to join soon??

I'm confused, if other women don't want to go to the gym, then they don't have to, what about the ones who are naturally thin??

Gyming isn't ALL about how you look, but keeping healthy, but most of all about a personal choice to change your life.


All this said, I think daily exercise is the key. .

Swimming??
Aerobics??
Dancing??
Properties / Re: Any Architects In The House? by topup: 10:29pm On Sep 14, 2009
http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=646288
Properties / Re: Any Architects In The House? by topup: 6:44pm On Sep 14, 2009
Do not give up, you have so much potential, if you do then your argument about unfairness in the field becomes weaker. Who is no one anyway?? If someone misses the opportunity to team up with you for such a project then that is their loss. It could also be that that piece of land is already being developed by another company.

I would pursue it if I feel that the stress and will be worth it, as surely the rewards of seeing it and thousands of Nigerians seeing it and being able to benefit from the improvment in traffic flow, not only this, but being able to achieve such a thing will surely launch you into a more challenging atmosphere. I hope that you always remember to follow your dreams.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So the average price per lot would be:

£58,756.84 which is affordable.

With the use of networks you've already acquired in the building trade, there are still no supporters?? Is it that sending around plans could allow others to 'steal' your idea?? I really think you should go for this, after all some wise Nairalander said that the situations we are in in life, is through choices we make. I really wish that I had more power, but I am just a student.

Is there any way you can complete the project bit by bit, it might take several years, but if you are passionate about it, you can do it. I know I sound naive, but I can only have faith in those who have faith in themselves. I haven't seen the particulars of your design, and if you don't mind you could share it.

By the way are you registered on www.skyscrapercity.com??
Dating And Meet-up Zone / Re: Multibillionaire Seeking 4 Wife by topup: 6:20pm On Sep 14, 2009
I always find it strange when 'large' businesses have a yahoo email account as their email address.

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