₦airaland Forum

Do you take charge occasionally?? She should naturally consider your feelings but what do you do when she doesn't??

It completely depends on the individuals, sometimes some people find it awkward, whilst you have those friends who are merely pretending that they are in a platonic relationship, and they can make the transition pretty smoothly. In terms of time, yes I understand that a friendship can become so permanent that if the two people felt they had complementing personalities that they would find it difficult to transition. However, I believe that it's never wise to do anything if it feels forced, I witnessed a friend tell me how this amazing friend of hers who had all the qualities she wanted in a man was her close friend all along (1 year). However, when she admitted that she had feelings for him, he withdrew, it seemed to him, he was not attracted to her personality and her as a person, but just interested by her, intriguied by their discussions.

This made me realise that compatibility isn't the only requirement needed for a relationship. There needs to be some attraction, hopefully some physical attraction also, with this combination, it's perfect. I guess those 'fake' platonic relationships are those where the relationship is built on the fact that the two people get along so well, but also there is an undercurrent of sexual attraction to the opposite sex. I think these friendships are the types that stand a greater chance in being successfully converted into lasting relationships .

There's a song by Jason Mraz: Lucky. The line goes: "I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, I'm lucky to have had what could have been. ."

"They don't know how long it takes, to find a love like this." And yes the lyrics are right, a relationship like this is very unique.

TheSeeker:

On another note, he may have found out he can't meet up with her requirements hence, the need for him to work on his personality and be a better man and at the same time not wanting to ruin the personality he had already created. If you ask me, I'll tell you he did the best thing. Isn't it norm that you know more about someone before you fall in a relationship with them? He did, found out it couldn't work and did the best thing by telling her. It's as simple as that and I don't see any selfishness there. You think that's what he was trying to do??  Hmm, I dunno, it just seems too hollywood for me, 'figuring myself out', well the last time I heard that, it involved the guy going partying and having several one night stands because he was no longer 'leading me on and was now free to be free and be himself' lol. . Not saying this guy is going to do the same, but I think humans are pretty selfish in love, if we want something we go get it, and guys being predators are really good at this.

Me and my response seem likely feminist?? LOL, is that because I made some assumptions which work against the guy's favour?? I personally think that I made a few assumptions in that post, I did, I admit, I try not be too intense most of the time, but I think maybe this time I didn't have enough information to go on and it could have been too much. It was just the vibe I got from the poster, I recognise with how she is feeling.

It was the fact that they were both really getting along, probably flirting, and heading down the road for a relationship, and then now, out of nowhere he wants to stop everything - he's entitled to do so. I know a sensible and mature guy would think deeply before entering into any relationship however, I think this guy is simply doing a u-turn, he didn't think anything was wrong with the way they were acting with each other, until when it became obvious what she was expecting, who knows maybe he's just a flirt.
I think this guy is probably harmless, it's good that he at least warned her that he wasn't prepared to go further, so at least she has a choice to back out too. But intentionally or not, he led her on. .

Khemmi:
Wel,i wud say he led me on cos he kept comunicating n even when i wanted to stop,he begged me n said he was so fond of me.he got me a perfume of $74.everythng showed,bt he prolly found out dat his feelings were getting too strong.he said he wantd to be sure of himslf,dat he wasnt ready4a relatnshp.we were jst friends,but i saw d green light n he said he was interesd in me.maybe at dat time,he dint knw he wasnt ready,until his feelings bcame almost uncontrollable n den we ad to stop comunicating so he cud let it die. i knw am wat he wants,bt gues d timing is nt right.he mite av other reasons,though,i cant read his mind and i really dnt want to try,cos av moved on,there's always a beta person.thanks

Poster, I think the worst thing to do is to put all your hope into someone who is claiming to be confused, if you feel that you are ready to follow this challenge, that's fine, even though you are selling yourself short since you know what you want, but it all depends on how much you like him. I think he's definitely having doubts about entering a relationship with you right now or sometime soon in the future.


Seeker, if I turned out to be right, would you say that my senses were correct, or would you still say that I was being feminist. .

I thought of a way to help people answer some of their virgin-related questions.

So people (*ahem* guys), whenever you feel like making a virgin-related topic, first replace the word virgin with human and if you can answer the question, then it's probably not worth creating a topic about.

If some of the virgin-related topics had the word virgin replaced with humans, because after all they are humans, then wouldn't things make more sense, and it would become pretty obvious, how silly some of the topics are.

e.g.

A HUMAN Got Pregnant. How Come?

Safer To Marry: HUMAN Or DIS-HUMAN?

I Suck Milk From My HUMAN Girlfriend's Breast. Is She Still A HUMAN?

Is My Girlfriend Really A HUMAN And Do HUMANS Get Wet?

How do I toast a HUMAN?

How can my HUMAN girlfriend refuse me?

Why you shouldn't trust HUMANs.


And many more. . .

Most Christians understand that there is the old testament and the new testament. The old testament was written before Jesus came to earth. We would be Israelites if it wasn't for Jesus Christ who we follow. The old testament is relevant, it is the build up to the arrival of Christ however, we specifically follow the teachings Christ told us, as Christ is the most reliable soure, almost like God in a human body on Earth (search the holy trinity if you're confused).

The old testament has a tint of the traditions during the times it was written, but that is why Jesus Christ came to Earth, he was able to clarify and set straight all the misunderstandings existing Jews had about the faith.

He came to capitalise on two things, loving the Lord your God with all your heart and treating your neighbour as you would like to be treated, he confirmed all the previous scriptures about how the Messiah would come, also he reinforced the ten commandments.

I could go on.

Hehe!!

I haven't come across this topic on Nairaland before. .

Great advice eddy1977. But it sure would break my heart if my guy didn't propose or buy it for me, I'd feel like he was teasing me, I probably would be too distracted by leaving empty handed to know any future game plans to puchase the ring behind my back. At least during this time, I would be able to evaluate for final, if this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Ask her friend, but a friend can sometimes spill the beans to the lady in question, so this is a very dangerous option.

You can crack a joke about your either, tiny or thick fingers, and joke about your size, and then ask her what's hers, comment on it immediately, saying something along the lines, of 'strong hands' (if they are thick) or very feminine hands (if they are thin).

Otherwise I know that most places allow you to resize a ring you've picked out if it doesn't fit

Other options is to surprise her to a visit to the jewellery parlour, say you want to get her earrings, and then surprise her with a surprise ring measure and purchase, visit the store first, to check their prices

Sometimes nice guys are too preoccupied with being nice, it's like they should let their hair down once in a while. I know they can, I mean I'm not trying to create an animal, but it's cool for people to let go every once in a while, we don't all have to be the same, as surely someone who comes across as being bland can really seem interested to someone who maybe like all that stuff, like tasting teas, or watching butterflies, or trimming grass to the same height with a pair of nose hair clippers.

Who knows, I've noticed most nice guys I know, put me first above other things, they are quick to agree with your opinions, they are quick to try and satisfy you, which doesn't give you the impression that you are special or anything different, since they are >>really<< nice to everyone, they are usually on their best behaviour so as not to offend you or disagree with you, and often I feel like I'm using them, even though they so easily lend themselves, life will teach everyone to get a little backbone, some will become charismatic, strong-willed and determined, whilst others can become really brash and unapologetic with almost robotic rationalism.

A nice guy who has an interesting personality, goals, interests and character is a C.A.T.C.H.!! Get him girls!!

We can afford to ask for everything we want in guys because in life, if you don't ask you don't get. . you know when you're at someone's house and they serve you a delicious desert, which you are dying for them to ask if you want seconds, but they never do. Then the little kid next to you goes; "uncle can I have some more. . " at which he answers; "yes, of course, we have too much to fit in the freezer anyway." and you feel kinda silly for feeling so inhibited.

(I know asking can be seen as greedy and isn't really encouraged in Nigerian tradition, but you understand right??)

13 days, 3 hours and 54 minutes

I like Gabry, but I don't like mean people. .

I'm stuck!!

IFELEKE:
now that's a sensible poster going scarce. . .
hwdy topup?

Howdy to you too. Thanks for the appreciation, I still visit and post in the Romance board, be it in the wee hours of the morning, hope all's well .

eyonigger:
Topup i love u, u have really helped my love life, and its still going on for better.
I miss sisterwoman too, I wonder where she is

Hahaha, really?? What did I do?? The last thing I remember is yelling at you when you said you cheated on her, but I also remember adding my own here and there into your lovelife.

TheSeeker:
sistawoman is not coming back to NL. She told me that. Sorry

Oh no!!! That's sad . .

I guess she's moving on. .

Not enough willing ears I guess, it depends on networking and links, as everything else in most industries related to construction, however, in other parts of the world, there is the element of the person with the best skills gets the best positions.

Thanks for allowing me to use it on my blog. I will add it and the appropriate references to you as soon as I get enough time to do so.

He's not being honest, humans are selfish, no human would let another go, unless they didn't 'want' them.
Sorry, you're too good for that anyway, surely someone else will not play games.
Another girl probably gave in quicker, and he's probably dating someone else right now, or he's simply realised that he doesn't want to date anyone right now. Somehow the relationship has led him where he doesn't want to be.
I think it's good that he at least ended it now.

Yumi's right, men only say things like 'working on themselves' when they don't want the relationship, since rarely do they call up to tell you, "I've figured myself out, I'm ready for a relationship with you." XP.

After all no one wants to seem like a nutcase, but they're always making themselves seem complicated, mysterious and deep.

Yumi:
Oh and don't worry he will be back in a few months time when he's realised how nice you really were and what he's lost. Men never seem to appreciate a good woman till they have lost her.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately when he comes back, he might disguise himself as wanting to just be friends again, and to be honest, he probably won't display any of the signs they show women in Hollywood movies. He probably won't beg for you back, or do a big romantic gesture, he would probably do it slyly, slowly working his way through friendship and back into your current thoughts and then at the end of it all, he might just leave again (when things get too serious).

Might might might!!

Magz:
They want to make gay "marriage" legal in the States.

I think if they do that, there should be legalized polygamy too!

They shouldn't have either, I think.

I think you should just mention to your friend that you recognise her but you're not sure, if you make up your mind in future to stick your nose further you can expose her, otherwise you can just leave it at that. Your friend might pressure you to tell him where from, he might ask you questions about who she was, and which circumstances you met her, but if you just keep a tight lip and just act like you genuinely can't remember, it would work, thing is most people would blurt out where they met her from, or if the friend jokes about something close to the truth, the truth can be detected from the guy's reaction.

There should be some sort of system of telling friends about things like this. Maybe some anonymous cards??


It all depends on how much you think your friend's at risk.

1. Has he been 'in love' before or frequently.
2. How long has he been dating her.
3. Has he talked about being serious or getting married to her.
4. Has he been behaving very differently??

A friend of mine never told me the truth about a guy I knew, he warned me slightly, but reassured me that the guy had changed for me, and that the guy was a homeboy of his. Only to find out that the guy wasn't serious about me, and then the friend was like; "I knew it from the beginning." My point is, it sucks not knowing from the get-go some vital information about someone you're dating. However in all honesty, I probably would have succumbed to the belief that; "he's different now."

Yes, like someone mentioned earlier, like minds stick together usually.

Any devoted Christian girl will find the traits you described to be very enticing, and prayer would be involved to clarify if you are their match.

Also, have you read the nice guy Vs bad guy posts.

You can be a Christian man, but it would be very good for you to also have an intriguing personality, socialise more, even if just in little groups of friends.

26 is not old.


pc_guru I thought you were contradicting yourself then, as you advised the poster to get some experience, but I re-read your first post, and I think you were refering to 'dating' right??

I agree.

In most churches they don't encourage dating for experience, they only encourage you to date, if you think you are going to marry that person, and who knows the woman on the other side may not even be thinking about marriage, especially if she is quite a bit younger than him.

I think what iice said sums it up, it's the confidence, the "I don't care what anyone thinks attitude." women love, however, we think 'he'll be different for me' - because he'll fall in love with me. However, most times he won't, and then we think somehow because we're with him, we'll be on his good side, that he'll respect us, love us, and treat us like he wants to be treated, but a bad boy has no good side, a lone dog out for himself.

We want to see the good in people, we want to believe that he's just misunderstood, or all those other women before us, were not prepared to deal with him.

One thing I will say is that, I don't agree with the sentence: "you get what you ask for." by iice, I know what you mean, I know you mean you get what you allow them to get away with, but in all honesty, the reason why no one will ever have a fulfilling relationship with a bad boy (like the one I've described - not the more tame ones) is because he has no loyalties, so even if he knows where he stands with you, he doesn't care if you leave, he can easily replace you, and it's that fear that can also really make some women lose the courage to leave, from insecurity, and feeling 'picked' even if they know it won't last forever, let along long.

I personally am not attracted to the bad boy. I do believe there is good in everybody, but I know that if men want to supress this, they can do this for years or a whole lifetime, and I ain't got time to waste.

C2H5OH:
I thought studies show that there is a surplus of men? Anyways, it's your problem as much as it is theirs because you are looking for the man of perfect character, who in reality does not exist.

You're right, it is as much my job (not problem) to look for the guy of my 'dreams' as it is the guy to look for the girl of his 'dreams' who may or may not be me. After all, the guy I would like to get into a relaitonship with may not want to get into a relationship with me.

I am not looking for perfect character, humans are not perfect, I am not perfect. I don't appreciate being told what I am looking for. Am I asking too much? Have I said anything that sounds unachievable because some of the guys I know would beg to differ and say that it is very achievable.


And what exactly have you done to make yourself available to these men? 

No wonder you can't see.  It's safe to say that you're blinded by your heart's desire and not what reality can afford. Hehe, I will never date anyone who tells me, "I'm not your heart's desire.", but instead; "This is reality. . ." babe LOL!!

stillwater:
Fine, I am human and I did have crushes but little boys are not worth it, abeg. Enjoy your girly days jare, emotional entanglement can wait.

You can say that again!!

[quote author=Aloy~Emeka link=topic=321396.msg4534477#msg4534477 date=1252833692]What is African role for women that is different from the western ideas?. Same wine in new bottle if you ask me.[/quote]Western ideas, allow a woman to be 50:50 with the man, it is much more usual to see men and women being equal in their journey in relationships and marriage, and those who believe women should stick to their role, look pretty, trophy wife, are labelled as being old fashioned and closed minded. A woman is a human afterall, she can utilise herself, to bring out the best for her family, just like a man. Yes there are some sex-related limitations, however the person should be willing not forced in assuming the role, like a man who is forced to provide EVERYTHING, or a woman forced to COOK ALL MEALS.

I really like no. 6 & 7 and no. 9 is witty.

Thanks for sharing I really appreciated it, sometimes it's hard to see things properly, but when love is put into sentences like that, it makes it obvious that it is us who make it complicated.

*sighs* Romance section is long gone. . Well iice does a good job already anyway.

platinumnk:
"Not that its bad, but i feel like ure chastising somone for being single= being unattractive

If u live where I live these men are the cute ones and the not so cute ones have bad personalities so what then?

Its gets harder especially when ure not sweating them for money, girls tolerate bullcrock for a couple dollars. "


"I have a friend whos breathtaking beautiful, yet she always complaing about being with a good man.

Whats her excuse then, men come up to her everday, shes a cool girl not highstrung or anything like that, just that men here are losers.

what then??"

I didn't want to be as blunt, but that was what I meant by my first post, the situation here is pretty much the same.