₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Do what you feel, the best way to learn is to work hard at things and experience them. However, if you don't think you can tolerate heart ache and head ache in the sake of learning, then maybe you should just take a break from her - which can then become a breakup if you feel that the break is the best option (have a talk to discuss what went on - so you can learn her reasons).
[/color]

[color=#008855]I guess, it would be smart to ask so that you know what you're going into - however people lie!!

I personally don't know what the hell he wants to meet up for, and no I'm not scurrying over there. In fact I'm not even planning my schedule around it, he hasn't arranged a date, he only text to say he'll be in town soon and hopes he could see me.

The phone call which will explain more is still to come - if he goes through with it anyway.

Here's my opinion, if he calls, he calls, I'll be frank and listen so I can guess what the meeting's about (but never forget that people lie and can pretend to be genuine).

For all those people who think that for one second I could sleep with my ex. I don't have proof but the next best thing, I just KNOW that it will never happen, to go into details and explain how it just wouldn't is personal, so you either believe me or not.
[/color]

shanda:
The funny thing is that most ladies think they are strong enough to handle such situation. There's no ex of mine that i've not laid with after we broke up. Don't just assume u r strong. If he's someone that u were attracted to and fond of, blv me that part is inevitable. I'll be waiting to hear from u, i just op u'll be open enough.

Feelitx:
What's the point meeting with this guy if you don't want him back? I have never met an ex that we did not get to sleep together. If you are sure you want nothing from this man as regards a relationship, stay away.

[color=#008855]Who's to say that the exs you met didn't hope to get laid either??
[/color]

ThoniaSlim:
From your replies so far I don't think you trust yourself around him. . .

Personally I would advice you to stay away from him, cus there's a 80% chance something you do not want to happen might occur. . . . Never Say Never. .

[color=#008855]I don't think that my replies imply that, I think they imply that I'm being cautious & careful not to put myself into positions that could increase the likelihood of something that wouldn't happen (if I put myself in a different position) - happening.

e.g. what's the worst that could happen during a walk in the park?? (Hope I don't get kidnapped lol!!)

I'm also trying to get across the idea that I'm human, so I haven't seen this guy in a year, even though the relationship ended really messy and disasterously, I think I'm bound to miss him >>>after he leaves<<< (that's when he's gone, when I can't do anything physical with him) - in the moment when he's around I believe that I'll be fine, I'm impecable with self-control. I have never been in a compromising position that I wasn't able to get out of - to date.

[/color]

MrCrackles:
Topic

Not a problem

Poster

Good to have you back

Meet up if you feel comfortable and dont forget to write him a long essay on how you miss him!_{Like you normally do on NL!}

[color=#008855]LOL!!

Well, no point planning what I'm going to do, after all he may not call, and if he doesn't call to meet up, there will be my answer.

As for the advice about asking him what his intentions are, my response is: people can lie, and they can lie very well.

I think there's nothing wrong with meeting an ex, especially as I am not the type to just hop into bed because my hormones are swaying that way. In fact, I don't think I could even kiss him, I CAN'T - I have to be conditioned into these things, I don't let gusts of emotion carry me away.

I KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT MYSELF.

Aside from prittigrr; anyone got experiences to share??

Oh yes, make him sweat?? Well, I don't really have time for that, I really don't want him to be the centre of my attention, really. If we meet we meet, if we don't we don't, but anyone with stories to share??
[/color]

[color=#008855]I believe it's simply because the majority of black people (in 'black populated areas in the UK') are Nigerian.
[/color]

lechatte:
I don't know about you but if it was someone I felt something for, I would be careful about meeting with him and where. Are there still embers that stand the risk of being of fanned into flames and do you want those embers to be fanned into flames? It really depends on what you want, however set your boundaries and stick to it! All you gotta do is be nice and polite to him.

[color=#008855]I can't guarantee that all the embers have been drowned. But, I feel nothing for him - right now, if anything it's like a game to me, it shouldn't be, but I'm just going to catch up because I'm interested in seeing whether he's changed or not, even if he's changed, I've almost pictured the girl he's with and it's not me .

Thanks for the advice.
[/color]

shanda:
Don't be scared, the worst that'll happen is that u'll get bleeped!

[color=#008855]LOL!! Give me a break!!
[/color]

Ejadamen:
I presume that you are not married. Meeting up with an ex can be tough because dying embers can catch new fire. I don't think you should be worried about his plans rather be worried about yourself. If you must go, arm yourself with self control and self discipline.

[color=#008855]I'm great under pressure, and won't do anything I'll regret. The only doubt I have is that after he leaves I'll remember all the good times and miss him, but I think I need to get over it. I'm young and I'll have to meet him sometime, might as well get over it. I've met exs before, it's just that this relationship had a messy end.
[/color]

[color=#008855]That's what I intend to do .
[/color]

[color=#008855]How's everyone in the romance board ,

Here goes. .

I got a text from my ex basically telling me he'll be in town in a few weeks and that he hopes to see me.

- Just when I thought everything was going predictably smooth.


I am inviting you to discuss (especially if you've been in this situation before), what your ideas are about **meeting exs**.

If I do go, I just want to show face, I've got no strategy, nothing, just to say hi, because as a friend he's one of those 'text 3 times a year' type (distant friend), so I don't mind catching up.

I pray to God, he's not got a plan either.
[/color]

iice:
[color=#9900ff]If you are not naturally nice.  .  .really make the effort to be nice?  I would like to see the day the person runs out of energy to make the effort to be nice.  When you cloud up things.  .  .eventually they come into the light and people don't usually react positively to that. 

Anyhoo, it's not for everyone.  It has always worked for me.  .  . fortunately   I can be very trying [/color]

[color=#008855]I don't think I can ever run out of energy to be nice. It's one of my main priorities.

I think an analogy is laughing, to some people laughing takes a lot of energy to do, for me, it's such a habit it flows effortlessly - 'tp don't you get tired of giggling.'

If someone is not naturally nice, shouldn't they try to work on that?? Nicer people are viewed as being weaker, but it takes a certain personality to be able to do that effortlessly, as the rest of the world is so tough.

It's not about changing your personality, since when was being agressive or rude (or anything opposite to being nice) what makes a character?? It's just about empathy sometimes.
[/color]

[color=#008855]It's such a shame such a thing happened to you, that particular girl took your love for granted. She cheated on you, and it's not just the fact that she didn't tell you, because even if she told you, it wouldn't change a thing, whether she would not do it again, or whether she would.

I believe what the others have said is good, you should suspend the engagement, if she truly is sorry, she will be willing to do whatever it takes to make things right and would accept the suspension.

You need to suspend the formalities because she needs to know the consequences of her actions, without letting her know (putting her on guard) you should observe her.

I always advice people to love with all their heart, but not blindly, keep an eye out for any suspicious behaviour, and it probably won't be the same signs, she'll probably be a lot more secretive about it.

A typical person will try to make their lives transparent after such a thing, she should be updating you frequently, reassuring you that you that she's not with someone or cheating again by just calling you to let you know how she's doing during the day.

Nothing should be forced, because after all if she wants to leave, she'll do just that.


If you can forgive her that's a great start, you two still have a fighting chance, but the both of you will have to do just that. You will have to fight any insecurities or doubt in your head, and she will have to fight to prove to you that she's changed.


You can also pray to ask for wisdom to deal with this situation and any more that arise in future.
[/color]

C2H5OH:
Topup looks and sounds good on paper, but as you may have heard, actions speak louder than mere words.
She might be portraying one image on Nairaland, whereas she could be the total opposite in reality. It's all about knowing who is who, getting to know the koko behind the kokolet. Do not let any ill conceived assumptions prevent you from going in pursuit of your heart's desire.
Feel me?

I don't know very much about you either.
Don't pray n hope they leave me if you don't want me. I need a strong woman in my life.

[color=#008855]Actions speak louder than words - indeed.

P.s. I'm just as analytical and 'deep' in reality .
[/color]

[color=#008855]Don't ever change.
[/color]

[color=#008855]What iice said about 9 pages back

Yes, not all 'fine' people think that they're God's gift, but there is an element of 'I'm better than you.' or 'Bow down at my feet.' LOL.
[/color]

[color=#008855]Hi, don't get upset. You're still strong.

Just because you've never been this way before doesn't mean that something's happening to you. Have you ever considered that you've never felt so deeply or cared so much about any previous relationship. If that isn't the case, maybe it's just personalities, maybe they remind you of someone you knew in the past, or maybe it's just a personality type that you've never come across before.

Just hand in there, you both seem to truly love each other, and are patient. If only your boyfriend was also here to ask for help, I'd tell him to stop telling him off. It's not possible to make a saint into a sinner, if he is not a bully, he cannot be made into one. He's shifted all the load onto you, so it's now your problem, when the two of you should work together to get past it.

You can't do it alone. Maybe the two of you could organise a day to rekindle the bond that seems to have weakened.

All the best.
[/color]

[color=#008855]Hi, I just wanted to post more reasons of why white women are beautiful.
[/color]

[color=#008855]This is difficult because, I'm sure the natural response for guys is to be mad, as he could feel embarrased since you knew about this for a good two months and have just been waiting before you pounce on him.

Maybe he doesn't deserve your love, and I pray that he doesn't take any more advantage of it.

I think if you have proof of anything he's doing recently, use that instead of the evidence you found months ago, if he tries to deny it or you argue, then maybe bring in the text message.

Instead of saying that you were waiting to confront him, explain it in a way that you were giving him the benefit of the doubt, but more and more evidence has made you unable to stay silent.

My question to you though, is . .
-What if he lies, what if he makes a convincing story?? What if he claims it's harmless fun?

What will your response be then??
[/color]

[color=#008855]I think for the most part, my appearance is wifey, I still think I'm sexy, but most people describe me as being cute, and only boyfriends see the other side, and the sexy side. I think any girl can appear wifey if she dresses accordingly.

It's funny, my friend of one year only discovered about 2 months ago, that I have a huge bum. I don't go around wearing tight clothing.

I think I'm naturally sexy, and a natural flirt too, so at times I could appear like the girl you don't wanna 'wifey' but instead,

Luckily I'm not overly plump, so it's not too difficult for me to hide assets

I wonder what the guys I know would say about me, to their friends because they've so far described me as wifey and stunning, but who knows what goes on when the girls leave the conversation.


[/color]

[color=#008855]Addicted to "Mu Na Gi", (despite not knowing what it means).
[/color]

MRbrownJAY:
[b]if she is found guilty of the crime at hand then her mothers pleas or whoever shouldnt matter a bit and she SHOULD DIE for the crime she committed.[/b]a life for all the life she destroyed with that drug she is "supposedly" selling!!!!

[color=#008855]No one should die for any crime. That is my strong belief.
[/color]

[color=#008855]She's probably a victim of human trafficking, anyone who reads a little about her background, will really think, why is a straight A/B, shy girl from the UK, going to be travelling from Holland, to Thailand to Laos. And also why would she >>CHOOSE<< to carry 'just' over the limit that implies the death penalty, if she was carrying a significant amount, then that makes more sense, than trying to carry 180g, that 180g could have saved her life.

Lord, I just hope she gets justice, NOT WHAT SHE DESERVES as most people call it, but I hope the Laotian government treat her like a human, or how they would like to be treated.

Whoever talked about slavery should be careful, they treat EVEN their own people like dogs too.

Another guy who was arrested actually admitted carrying the stuff, but said he it was almost at gun point, he knew who was behind it and everything, but they still executed him. If they were smart, they would have caught the guys behind it. To think he did to save the life of his brother from the Mafia,

The world these days
[/color]

[color=#008855]Not to be rude or anything, but these people insisting she get shot. I'm sure next time, someone accuses you of something and you don't get a chance to even defend yourself (since you could be innocent) - you would be pleased to hear the jury shout 'Just shoot him.'. .

The FACT IS. . she has not been tried - fairly in court -, so how do we know that she wasn't framed, or that it wasn't some sick joke by Laotian police on a vulnerable looking black woman. What if they wrongfully arrested her, but are trying to get her execution over and done with before there is any chance to prove that they were wrong.

She was probably raped in the prison and is carrying a baby, her mother is in bits trying to stay strong and plea for her daughter's life.

How can you be quick to shout 'shoot her'.

HEARTLESS.
[/color]

[color=#008855]Seems like the poster hasn't learnt the hardest lesson in life, not to judge a book by its cover, and that looks aren't everything.

I hope that the woman in question has taken herself somewhere else and stopped wasting her time.

The fact that the poster encouraged the girl who was reluctant to meet him, to meet him, made her think maybe he was really interested in her, and since he made no advances or attempts to even been friendly, I doubt she walked away with her self-esteem in tact.

I just pray this woman gets the man she deserves.
[/color]

[color=#008855]Nope, and not because I haven't trusted someone a lot, but more because it's never gone to the extent that I've been extremely mad at anyone. We all make mistakes, I try and forget the hurts of the past too.

I have noticed that my innocence LOL!! tends to make most people feel guilty when they break my trust, maybe it's the subtle underlying pressure I subconsciously put on people not to break my fragile heart.

I have not met a heartless human being yet - I've come close but that was high school,
[/color]

[color=#008855]The girlfriend is showing signs that she's losing interest in the relationship, if you're the one to notice that the relationship isn't getting as much attention as it used to then you need to know that you're the only probably putting in the work needed to sustain the relationship.

Seems to me that the girlfriend's taken a back seat, she probably doesn't really care where the relationship is going or whether it's being nurtured or not.

All you can do is to talk to her about this, because being humans we all have reasons (excuses at times) as to why we behave the way we do. Ask he what's her reason for not calling and neglecting the relationship and listen carefully to her response, if she becomes overly defensive then maybe shes not being genuine, if she becomes worried by it, it probably means the distraction wasn't intentional.

I can't really advice you more on it, because how you take the relationship depends on what response you gain from her.

However, if you get NO response, then I think she's already removed the relationship from her priorities, you might as well be going out with a recharge card - eating machine.
[/color]

[color=#008855]As far as I know, there's nothing incriminating on the voicemail. Is your girlfriend allowed to talk to guys?? Seems like she was walking around, or in a rush to get somewhere as there is a lot of background noice and constant clacking.

Please don't make yourself paranoid, just ask her why she called or play her the clip, joke about it because it's far much better to assume that it's an innocent mistake and nothing scandalous was being done.
[/color]

[color=#008855]The song doesn't leave an impression on me, it's not that memorable, it doesn't quite hit the target to be called a dance track, nor does it have the qualities to call it r'n'b.

It's a shame as I'm sure her voice is lovely. Nonetheless, if she continues to develop herself, she could eventually find her unique niche and style.
[/color]

[color=#008855]Before I can really respond, I need to establish one thing,

How strong your relationship is. She's known you for 20 years now and you're married to her, people are advicing you to leave her without a second thought, but I advice you to think again.

What is in need here is for you to lay your position down on the line. She needs to be aware that you are aware of what she's doing, after all she may just think she's having some secret harmless fun (not insinuating that she's having an affair).

It would be great if she could justify why she needs to be in contact with this guy, I mean not every relationship has to die just because the spouse is fond of old memories or keeping her friends from the past, but if it's really affecting you, your body language and response to the idea should be enough to cause her to slowly kill the calls and the friendship she has with him.

Before you go and do anything rash, talk to her. Marriage is not something to be thrown away just like that, it's not like every other relationship, you have to work at it, and try your hardest at it, pride shouldn't be at the forefront of your mind, and you should allow the person to see what they've done to offend you - as some people are really unaware of the pains they cause their partners through their actions.

Talk to her.

I hope that helped.
[/color]

[color=#008855]I've always thought that what we dream about is out of our control, obviously as Christians, we choose to intepret everything positive as a message from God and then we stumble when it comes to dreaming about things we shouldn't be.

All, I'm going to say is that you have to read the Bible and make up your own mind about how you feel about the dreams. As for me, I think your boyfriend being in these dreams is much better than him being in your nightmares.

Sexual dreams on the other hand can convey many many things, for your boyfriend to tell you specific actions you must perform in your dreams, is very unrealistic, how many people can actually control their dreams. However, he probably wants to protect you from fornication, as fornication with the mind is still fornication.

Anyways, when I last had a sexual dream about a boyfriend, it served as a warning, a very helpful one, that made me more aware on guard and protected me from doing something foolish.

P.s. Lloyd's bulky build and his slimey voice make me not at ease ,
[/color]

[color=#008855]It's easy to prejudice things that stand out and we don't understand, and people especially.

It's laziness at its prime, we can't be bothered to be politically correct, and some people just work that way; they find it easier to put types of people into neat boxes when humans aren't like that. We are a diverse lot, we have the 'oreos' which when you really break it down can include; feminite guys, or guys who just like to take care of themselves, or guys who are aware of the impression they give, or guys who have alternative interests. But catch a black guy listening to rock music and people will call him this, 'sell out'?? As for African women - thaty's the way we are protrayed in the media and African men don't do much to rectify that, my non-African female friends will always say the speech the African man told her at why he preffered dating her; "African women are a lot of stress, they take too long e.t.c." We can't blame other people though, African women also give into this stereotype, the whole idea of; 'they already think I'm an angry black woman, so I might as well be one, no one will understand anyways.'

There are so many different reasons.[/color]

[color=#008855]I always wondered this. The hell some people put their partners through, especially when they are in fact doing something on the low, or cheating. The scream of; "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A THING." It's ridiculous, but some people can't handle blame that well, and it could be a defence mechanism - how they bounce the anger you should feel towards them back at you, and for what reason?? I do not know!!
[/color]

[color=#008855]When you make confusing topics, "I ain't mad at Ya!"

Anyhoo. Is it more about being the bigger person and looking past these things or about being okay with lowering your standards and compromising and sharing the person who's picking up other people's phone calls e.t.c,

Poster, how do you feel
[/color]

[color=#008855]I chose the latter option, I remember making a topic about this, and I said what I thought to be the best revenge, which was to walk away smug, get someone better and move on completely.

As for the latter, I don't know yet, but I don't think I've been unlucky - I'm not a cruel girlfriend, I maintain composure as an ex-girlfriend and finally, I'm just too cute to want to hurt .
[/color]