₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]I'm travelling, urgh![/color]

[color=#cc0066]He's only asking Seun. . .

So we will wait.[/color]

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=168114.msg2760088#msg2760088 date=1220634445]That's why I say it is an act of desperation. I prefer the guy to give me ample time to show my true colour and see if i am still worth it after a few months, and see if they can handle me, rather than jump in with rose-tinted glasses because they see fine gyal.[/quote][color=#cc0066]Yup, and if they leave then good ridance, because the marriage would have probably been disasterous if he couldn't handle me after a few months [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't listen to it, if someone told you that. It means NOTHING, his behaviour is what matters most. If you respond to it by being more intimate with him, it could have just been a ploy to get you to see him in a more romantic light. If you're not currently going out, or the best of friends, or have known each other for years, then the guy is just testing the waters to see how gullable you are, or he is really desperate for marriage, who knows he could have said the same thing to another girl last week, but she rejected him.

Don't let him make up your mind for you or rush you, if you weren't interested in him before, this shouldn't change things.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]No.

Simple, without all the background info, the mad man story, and the signs, just don't do it.

There are implications, yes there may be a buzz at first, but then afterwards what? And what if worse, she falls in love with you again, and she jeopardises her marriage because of you. That is unfair to the husband who believes his wife is being faithful to him.

Be moral.
It doesn't hurt.[/color]

Missy B:
I carefully take ma time to probe the suituation
B4 making ma verdict.I'm not the kind of girl
to cry over what I gave away or eat ma cake and have it back.

[color=#cc0066]I understand, that's the best way

But then the reply could be applied to the ex, who wants you back, who is human and made mistakes, then would you want him back?[/color]

hollandis:
In my case, we approached each other first(no one really made the first move), After the first time (she broke my heart),I realized I felt so depressed and hurt for 2months,Although I tried to move on and created a world away fromher but I realize I couldn’t forgive her. I just felt it bad to gloat at her for inflicting pain on me. whenever she breaks my heart ,we only come back to become stronger in the relationship.She knows she will be faulting an innocent person.So when she breaks my heart, the repetition makes my forgiving her a habit.I later realize that the quarrel was unnecessary.Don Williams song about “breaking of heart” always gave me inspiration during those times

LOL neither bro
when it happens[b] I can't move past what she did to me. It's very hard .It affects me[/b]

I record events in my diary (since i was 7),she still doesnt realise I have a record of this,but she suspects because of my natural daily recording attitudeThe day I told her she had broke my heart 15times ,i felt sorry for how she felt.she wanted to cry.(When she cries she gets sick).I hope not to tell her (hope we can get married)

[color=#cc0066]This has to be one of the messiest stories ever, but yet the last bit in the brackets is sweet, though you hope not to tell her something else. Wow, if I was to give you advice . . you know I'd tell you to Vamos! However, if you feel like you've got everything under control, even if the heart breaking is regulated, I guess you can reassure yourself that you'll be fine.

I don't get it, if she gets upset when she breaks your heart, why does she keep doing it? I hope she is commited to you so that you can get married, because I'd hate for her to break your heart again by leaving for good.
Anyways, what does she do to break your heart, it seems like it was something forgivable 21 times.

And you said you can't move past what she did to you, yet you want to get married to her, is it thta you have accepted that she is the only one you want to get married to, or what is it that is causing you to neglect your feelings?[/color]

ramonacee:

yes!!, reason? i was so much into the guys.
now, ? ^{my heart is under serious key and lock, wont giv it to no one!! God forbid.}
to serve it from broken.

[color=#cc0066]Ahhh, just let it be, if you try and protect your heart and yet it gets hurt, it hurts ten times as much as the original, believe me.[/color]

Missy B:
Why would I want him back when I sent him away?

[color=#cc0066]Because you are human, who is bound to make mistakes every now and then.[/color]

ecomog08:
I don't need my ex back

[color=#cc0066]Same - says the rational side of my brain.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hahaha, spikedcylinder said it. That is what I'd do. If he left me, I'm not going to be begging, not because of pride, but because I know ME. I know I would have given the relationship my ALL so I would not need to be begging that he forgive me for my mistakes or me mistreating him. Oh no! He would leave because he thinks he can get better. So if it was meant to be, I would be expecting him to be knocking on my door. If it's not, I just carry on with what I was doing before and not wait up.[/color]

iykedee:
I have gone through an ordeal where my ex told me she wanted a break-up because she wanted to achieve God's plan in her life only to end up hearing she wants to marry some guy she said was a family friend 3 mths later. Things like this really hurt but make you appreciate life in it's intricate details.

[color=#cc0066]Why do I feel like apologising? I am sorry you went through that, that must have been painful. Grrrr, girls like this really upset me, they harden these guys, who come to girls like me and mess me up![/color]

Pappyshoes:
@poster
why are u still crying? its better u cry the cry u want to cry finish so as not remember to cry any cry again.

Grow up man are u a baby?

[color=#cc0066]

What happened to him is a BIG deal, it happens too often, it should cause more than a blink of an eye, but hey, what can we do about it, these stories are becoming more and more common. They hurt like hell, but we are told, 'it happens'. Yes, I guess. . it happens, but man. It really shouldn't.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Eluma, your pain. . I feel it, I really do.

It is a shame that such poetry and elaborate description flows from the heart that has been stabbed and broken.

Eve. Harrison. Do they even deserve a mention? They are below you, I am quite emotional whilst typing this and my heart is beating fast, because it is as if I am anticipating a volcanic erruption.

Please, for the love of God . . . FOCUS!

Now, before you read what I am about to type, I want you to get a glass of water, drink it, wipe the sweat off your forehead, and try for one minute to clear your mind and focus only on the words.

1. They are not worth it.
A valuable quote to learn is; "the only person worth your tears won't even make you cry." remember that. I must be frank with you and admit that this is not going to end or go away overnight, it could take years, but I think you deserve the honest truth. This is when your truest test begins in life. How to cope after a heartbreak. It's illogical isn't it, you love/d her she 'love/d' you. So you were meant to be together. Right?
Wrong, sometimes when two people love each other the love is not equal, you obviously loved her more than she loved you. Please, don't do anything rash, you WILL regret it, because they are NOT WORTH any criminal record, sentence, death, crime anything, they're not even worth a sneeze, or a tear (though you probably will cry - but it's okay, everyone does). Keep your eyes focused on the goal, which is happiness in the future, it might be far, but it'll be worth it.

2. Your life is worth more than that.
Can I ask you, who are you hoping to spite? Eve - who could careless about your feelings (unless she is begging at your feet RIGHT NOW). Or is it Harrison - the 'friend' who took advantage of your abscence?

3. Thank God you found out.
Or else you would have continued to invest into a dying relationship. You may believe that there was no way you could have loved her more or gone to a higher level of love for her BUT believe me there always is, one more week, is one more week of undeserved trust, and it is better now than in another month or year's time.

4. Guys like you are like gold, should be cherished and loved. A loyal, caring, thoughtful and loving person (who hopefully does not have any seriously bad traits), you unfortunately came across a rock, your love could not penetrate into her heart. You have escaped (not married her) and now you are able to continue the search for your equal - they exist, believe me!

5. Please feel free to keep posting, let it out, let it all out, whether it takes weeks, months, years. . . let it out. Holding it inside may affect future relationship, though right now your focus should be on getting yourself back into tip top shape.

6. Leave God to deal with Eve and Harrison, what they did was terrible (I am stating the obvious because sometimes it's what people NEED to hear), what they did was disgusting and believe me they know it, you are not in the wrong, you didn't do anything to deserve this, even if you were away, there were ways Eve could have vocalised her doubts or concerns in the relationship, she chose to take the sly way out.

7. Whether you believe it or not, ONE day, hopefully as soon as possible, you have to forgive them. Once you've let go of the pain, they no longer mean anything to you, if you keep holding onto the anger, you are letting them continue to have an effect on your life, and allowing them to keep messing you up, even without them having to lift a finger, since you are doing the damage yourself. When you have forgiven them, a light weightless feeling should be in your heart, all that junk from them will have been shifted and you can make way for your new love and new found happiness.

8. If you're down look to God, don't be surprised if he tells you that he's got something better planned for you, and if you thought Eve was good, you ain't seen nothing!

Take care of yourself!
God Bless.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]How many women will be understanding if their guy says; "I cheated on you because your sister is sexy." - nah, it doesn't work for me.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Are you merely physically attracted to her? If so, you know what to do, you need to find someone who is attractive and has the qualities you are looking for. Looks are superficial, and if you are not attracted to her personality (which you said you already tried to change) then you really shouldn't be investing any more time in this relationship. However, if you are only looking for a bit of fun and nothing serious in your relationship, or no serious outcome, then you could continue with it and see where it leads, but don't be surprised if in 2 years time, she still hasn't changed.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Seems like the case of the 'addicted to using dashes' syndrome.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Those are contributors not reasons, there is no reason.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]By working on using your rational mind over your heart, thinking with your heart causes all these tears after the breakup, but if you can manage to think rationally, you will understand that it is only a stepping stone to get you where you need to go in life. That there are many people out there who can replace the person who you loved, they may never replace the love, because every love is different, but you can replace the old love with a new thriving, vibrant love.

I agree with crying, crying allows me to be human for a while, feel the hurt, really feel the hurt, and then wipe the tears away and move on. The more tears I cry, the stronger I become, instead of this strong pretence I've been putting up for months, I should have cried. It feels so good [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't keep it all inside, it needs to come out out out![/color]

bigboyslim:
Not that easy to say if it was the ex that broke up with you and not the other way round

[color=#cc0066]Yup, that changes everything.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Ruby_Pearl

All I can say is that girls don't tend to listen to advice from girlfriends, they really don't. If you sound like you are giving her orders she won't listen.

My advice is to just advise her and let it be, and you need to get out of this ASAP, because if anything goes wrong, your involvement will somehow be used against you. It always happens, when friends should be getting stronger and closer, often girls see the other friend as a cause.

It is probably obvious to everybody on this forum that the girl should avoid the so called friend, but that is assuming that the girl somehow wanted the demise of her friend's relationship to begin with. If the two girls are close in such a way that dating the other's ex is not a taboo, then maybe the friendship can work (for the time being). It seems that the other girl does not really care about her friend, and would rather chase the boy.

Like I said, let them be, give your friend a scenario in which you can phrase the situation in such a way she views her situation as an observer so that she can take a step back and view the situation clearly - without getting her emotions involved. Let your friend know that she doesn't have to be best friends with someone in order to be amicable with them. Let her know that it would be best to take a step back and focus more on herself than the friendship with the other girl, it's not being mean it's being realistic. A friendship like that will be hard to maintain if the 'friend' is dating her ex.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't try and control it, just give the relationship your all, so you have no regrets, however, if you mean, declaring your undying love for someone after the first meeting, I believe try your best to use logic, let your love show through actions, you don't need to say you're madly in love with someone, you can always show it.

If you try and hold back your emotions, yes you'll think more rationally, but at the same times, there are more regretas through rational decisions than irrational decisions.

You may cringe that you were professing your love for someone who took you for a ride, but you may feel absolutely terrible if you knew you broke up with your girlfriend because friends were telling you that you needed to focus on your career first.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Nope, for me, when the person I love is out of sight I appreciate the times we were together more, when we are together or 'in sight' I take for granted the fact we can be together whenever we want, for when we are apart, I would do or say anything for us to get the chance again.

But that has to be real love, the realest of loves. Not some infatuation, if I'm infatuated with you, other people may be allowed to gain my attention when they shouldn't. When I am in love with you, I sense the signs of temptation quickly and cut off the person early.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]After 3 months is usually when most relationships get serious, my ex was exactly the same, he even told me that our 3 month relationship was his longest.

Truly, if you find the most amazing girl in your life, you will do all you can not to run away. I won't be quick to diagnose you with a phobia, I personally think they are excuses. It is contributing factor to your inability to make these relationships last, not the sole reason.

I think this because, I genuinely believe that none of the past girlfriends had an impact on you, you seem more fed up of the ending relationships than anything else. I believe that if any of the girls in your past had made an impact on you, you would have tried to save that relationship.

It is good that you have at least finally confronted your fear, but we can all advise you to be positive and to treat every relationship individually, but I myself know that believing it is a totally different thing.

My advice is to try to observe the females in your world, as friends first, from this neutral standpoint you can observe qualities and problems, without being involved in a relationship, after knowing these girls for a long time, you will feel less scared to make that jump and commit to them. This is because having a sense of the true person you're with will help you feel secure in the relationship. If you notice yourself starting to distance yourself away near the three month mark, please feel free to post on this forum. You need to start forcing yourself to give the relationships a fair chance, not to run away when the honeymoon period is over, to continue to communicate with the person you're with, you can even open up about your fears if you feel safe enough to do so, and don't just jump into the conclusion that a relationship isn't going to work. In your case, you might have to go against your natural urge to leave or disappear, and force yourself to see the relationship through, to give it your all.

Finally, remember that you're not alone, yes heartbreak hurts, but it hurts everybody, whilst everybody gets up dusts the dirt off them, and go and find love, you shouldn't let it defeat you, that is if you want to find love.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]30 his closest friends and family will say grow up. When it gets to 40, when people hear his age, even strangers will wonder where the wife and kids are.

It's the culture.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]This has to be one of the few occassions I will post on this board.

Tope your profile picture is gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!

[/color]

[color=#cc0066]You can start by trying to increase the number of female friends you have so you can observe their characters, don't make a mistake of finding girls who are only desperate for marriage because they are graduating also, it will be perfect to find one, who will love you for you and not because you can be a quick husband.

Really, wooing girls should come naturally, but if it doesn't, you're going to have to go out of your comfort zone, try speaking more to girls in your everyday life, and make jokes and test your lines, as your friends about how they found their 'special somebody', just start actively searching and looking and acknowledging the women around you and you should start seeing progress.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]My current obsession is shoes, but my current lack are funds. . can you sense my predicament?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I'm a little confused about this one. Honestly, if I told a guy to grow up, it would imply that he settle down with one female, who he intends to spend the rest of his life with, if he chooses not to marry, that is his choice, I believe friends are only warning the guy to grow up because it is better to do it now, when you have so many options open to you, when you are older, health and age work against you, you can't change you're mind at the age of 70 to have kids with your 65 years old wife, maybe they are simply telling you that you are at your prime.

I would most likely tell players to grow up and wouldn't bother interfering with any decent guy's life, as long as he is being mature, god centred and sensible it doesn't matter which direction he takes his life.

When a player reaches the age of 30, really it is time to grow up, to finally accept responsibility and behave like a man. To invest in things that don't only benefit you but to help others as well.[/color]