₦airaland Forum

Why is Nneka sounding as if her aunt in-law just won a trophy? Seriously, I don't think the aunt missed out by getting married late because she could have had children even as a single woman.

What she actually escaped is the authoritarian and chauvinistic display of the typical African husband. And of course, she escaped being a maid which is what the typical Nigerian wives have been subjected to.

It beats me why people think marriage can't happen at any time;especially since marriage should be more about companionship. All I see are two grown and matured adults who know what they want, and who have decided to share the rest of their lives together.

People should realize that getting married at an early age is no guarantee that you will stay happily married later in life. As a matter of fact, early marriages these days can be a disaster, and the spark tend to fizzle out too soon.

Anyways, she looks happy and I wish her the best that life can offer.

honestman1987:
pls, I need advice concerning this issue I am presently going through.
we have been courting for more than three years we did introduction last year and we fixed our wedding for February 2020.
recently my mother called me that a prophet told her that i should not marry her that she is not my wife and that if i go ahead something terrible might happen. please, people, give advice on what to do.

At this point, you should call it quits with her. This is because, most prophets are diabolical. They give false prophecies and if you doubt them, they use their diabolical powers to make such prophecies a reality. This is so they can prove themselves right.

And please, kindly ask your mum to stop exposing you to these so called prophets. Most of them are no good.

When you open threads on marriage and relationships, you read stuffs like:

"My relationship is threatened due to my partner's inability to satisfy me in bed".

" My man is a one minute man. How do I cope when we get married? "

"My marriage is falling apart;I no longer find my wife sexually attractive".

" I want to settle down with someone that I am sexually compatible with".

And the grumbling goes on and on. You can hardly hear people say that they are getting married because they need a companion, and their prospective partners make wonderful companions.

Nowadays, young christian men and women who love sex, but don't want to be tagged a 'fornicator', jump into marriage so they can indulge in sex without feeling guilty.

This is because it is assumed that marriage is for sex, and sex is for marriage. It doesn't matter whether their intending spouse will make a great companion. All they think and fantasise about is how they will start enjoying a guilt free sex life.

So my question to married couples and people intending to get married;who see sex as a priority is: When the sex drive is no longer there, or peradventure your partner becomes impotent, what will become of your marriage? Will it die just because one or the both of you can no longer perform in bed?

Couples should learn how to start seeing marriage as a contract. Draw out a plan, state your likes and dislikes, discuss about raising kids and how they will be raised. Learn how to reach a compromise, split roles and responsibilities. Every year, learn to review the contract and if it is worth renewing, then go ahead and do it.

The problem most couples have is that, they just jump right into marriage without having any form of major discussions. Then they begin to live by assumptions. While the wife assumes that the husband should be responsible for the financial upkeep of the home, the husband assumes that all the wife needs is to be a stay at home mom and raise kids.

Then the disagreement sets in and before you know, everything hits rock bottom. And the Lamentations begins: "Oh! Had I know".

Dataanallysst:
I just moved to a new city. Then I went for an interview where I met this damsel she was very okay, very pretty lady. We got talking and luckily we both finished the interview at the same Time. As we got talking further I got to know we both moved in newly and funniest thing was we stay in the same area. We exchanged contacts and we even took the same bike home. Then we started chatting on phone. The chemistry was there and for 4 days we were chatting intensely. Then on Thursday she just read my message without replying then as a bad guy sef I lock up throughout yesterday. The thing is I know as a lady she might want to do shakara so I don't know if I should text her again?

The thing is I know as a lady she might want to do shakara so I don't know if I should text her again?[/quote]

How old are you? 16,17,18,...... Sorry, but you sound like a kid(the type that will kiss and tell just to prove a point).

Making calculations on whether to text a girl and even seeking for advice about it is very childish of you. It's not that you're asking her out. If she didn't reply your last messages, what stopped you from calling and checking up on her?

I'm sure in your head, you're already adding and subtracting the day you will sleep with her;hence your paranoia. Mister, learn to grow up.

Inzaghifilippo:
Im sex starved. It's been months since I had sex last. Im so Hot everyday day. All what i think of is sex. I broke up with my girlfriend because she ask for money alot. Im thinking of visiting a brothel to get this conji off my shoulders. This lack of sex is really affecting my productivity. I have summoned the courage twice by going to a brothel in warri here but I decline approaching a prostitute after so many thoughts of contracting STDs. Please im confused. I plan on going to a brothel tomorrow after service. My fellow guys is it safe to sleep with a sex worker?

You sound too desperate. While some people are dying from real starvation, you're here lamenting about being sex starved. And thinking of visiting a brother is the height of it.

Dude, lack of sex isn't killing your productivity. What is affecting you is your sense of reasoning. You feel sex is indispensable, and see it as abnormal if a man abstains from it. Get that thought off your mind, and everything will be okay.

lieNEWS:
I called my girlfriend to check on her, because I have been on a business trip for about seven months now, only for me to hear funny sounds like she was having a sec session. I had to hang up to get earpiece so I can listen clearly to the sounds around her,
but unfortunately when I called back, it sounded like she was in the bathroom and when I asked what she was doing she claimed she was lying down. that it was network.

can network sound like one is having sex? she always claims she is not a sec freak and can go a whole year without sex.. can this be true?
we are in a serious relationship as I believe in my own side though. and we are just a year old.

please what do I do. she has been sending me irrelevant message on whatsapp

Were you faithful to her when you were on a business trip? Listen, she's just a girlfriend and not a wife;so both of you have no commitments to each other.

If you don't trust her, then let her go. And yes, some people can even go 10 years without sex. Sex ain't food and you don't need it to survive.

Hmnn...it's so funny how bad things only happen to broke people. Parents, try as much as you can to raise kids you can cater for. That way, they won't end up being treated as slaves.

I hope he wasn't pushed to his death. Anyways, he has moved to the other side of life where his life will continue.

Chatting isn't the same as co-habiting. You can never determine your compatibility with someone only via chats. Anyways, let's see how far they will go.

Great100000:
When babe cut the cake and saw the iPhone box.. she burst in to tears and hugged her boo, kissed him and said “nothing in the world will ever stop me from loving you”.

When she finally opened the box and found out that it wasn’t an iPhone as she expected but an ordinary apple, ,she started raining insults and curses on him…. “stupid idiot, ugly fool, I don’t even know how I started with you in the first place, I should’ve dated ‘him’ instead of you, am done with you”.

Out of anger and disappointment, she then threw the box at him. And to her surprise, an engagement ring and a car key dropped from the box.

Will you forgive her if you were the guy?

Yes, I'll forgive her. But I won't forget the fact that she is a diamond hunter. And that will make me walk away so I can get to keep all the diamonds.

Let the women lie as much as they can and tell guys what they want to hear. The society is structured in such a way that hypocrisy rules. If you as a man isn't a morally upright, and desires to have a virgin for a wife, then you deserve to be lied to.

My problem with people having multiple sex partners has nothing to do with morals. But the thought of STD's scares me like shit;reason I'll insist on protection regardless of my marital status.

If you know the sexual practices of most men and women, you will feel so disgusted and appalled. Even some people on this forum go as far as sleeping with animals.

I have been clean all my life, and wouldn't want anyone to infect me with an incurable STD. I really don't have the energy to start any medication.

Sanchez01:
What she stated is nothing but the Gospel truth. Relationships have been ruined just because a close friend borrowed money and couldn't pay back.

Whether or not the person is dying the next minute or not is one thing but humans have proven to be the same over the years. Act like you are on the verge of dying, run around and take advantage of the goodwill of others then become comfortable and claim you don't have the money when the person comes calling.

My personal experiences in this area alone has taught me a lot. The friendship today is no more and the money remains unreturned. You can lend to anyone but the line should be drawn the moment it becomes something you can't afford to part with.

You had that experience because you were buoyant enough to lend a hand. My take is, what happens when the table is turned and you become the one in need? Won't you go to your friends or family members for help?

I am not justifying any act of irresponsibility, but I am experienced enough to know that situations can change any minute, and we can end up at the bottomless pit. And the only ones who may bail us out are the people we know.

Plus, it is easy to castigate others until we find ourselves in the same situation. When we have a good life, it is easy to have a set of rules, and expect people to obey them.

When you are very BROKE without a dime, and you tell me that no one should lend money (that he can't afford to lose) to his friends and family members, then I'll take you seriously.

izospindle:
So friend of mine told me that his girlfriend is about to lose her admission, Because school fee deadline is tomorrow. He asked me to borrow him 70k. I know how he loves ths girl so I asked him to fill form before I give him the money. am I wrong for doing that. He started saying a whole lot of things and has not spoking to me since. Note this is half of all my saving and I have a purpose for this particular fund just that the time has not come. Advice is needed please

No, you're not wrong. But I have one question for you, and I need you to answer genuinely: If the tables were turned, and he asked the same of you, what would you make of it?

By the way, did you ask him to fill a form because you don't trust him to pay you back? Or were you concerned about his motive for requesting a loan from you? Either way, what he does with the money shouldn't be your problem as long as he can afford to pay you back.

Guy, life can be brutal, and no one knows what will happen in the next minute. So if I were you, I'd rather have my friend owe me one than the other way round. Just my two cents.

virgoquin:
One of the unspoken rules of life is that never you lend money to a friend or family member that you cannot afford to lose or that will cause you great financial discomfort

BTW sef, him collecting the money to pay for his girlfriend's education is not an investment that will yield financial return now so how is he planning to pay you back.

If he have intention of paying back then why Is he angry that you are going to document the transaction. Red flag!!

I pray my brothers will not be this foolîsh like your friend

never you lend money to a friend or family member that you cannot afford to lose or that will cause you great financial discomfort

And never you ask for a loan from a friend or family member when your condition becomes critical and the future looks bleak. When you become broke and in need of cash, approach a stranger then.

By the way, if you really can afford to lose the money, then why lend it? Why don't you just assist selflessly?

Do you think those who end up committing suicide because they couldn't afford to pay their debts, do it for the fun of it?

While there are bad debtors, there are those who genuinely cannot afford to pay back due to uncontrolled circumstances. And it is only human to write off such debts.

YouareaBITCH:
I have this friend who has a guy in her life that spends alot on her, she doesn’t have sex with the man or anything because she feels this man is married even though the man is denying. Also she doesn’t get to see the man often because she’s running away from having sex with him. Yet this man keeps giving her money, now she’s getting scared. She’s asking if it could be a ritual process.
Please you all should come drop your comments let’s know her next line of action

Your friend should brace up. That guy has a sinister plan for her and he is just bidding his time.

Richy4:
It would have been better or safe to say that you were looking for a female Basketball player from Enugu or Anambra state... This one that she must be 6ft..

I can't stop laughing.

atilla:
^^^^ poster above me.
she is a minor at 16 years old. It is not her fault cause he should not be sleeping/chewing someone her age.

have u slept with someone 24 years younger than you before

Being called a minor doesn't translate to stupidity. There are some 16 year olds who are already in the university. If a 16 year old cannot decipher what is right or wrong, or be able to speak up and say no when it's necessary, then there is something wrong somewhere.

yeyeosoronga:
Look at this one. how many children have you successfully raised to start telling people about the basis of parenting?
so each time you masturbate and waste the sperm out of you, what do you call that?
who even cares about your wasted sperm, when talking about a living child who is hungry?
pls, you need to educate yourself further. cerelac isn't just your regular cereal. It's specifically for infants. When children get to a certain age, you introduce it into their diet with their regular milk/breastmilk. Because you've introduced cerelac doesn't mean you stop breastfeeding. You cannot afford to allow your infant child go hungry, and because a child is having cereal- cerelac doesn't mean they cannot die of hunger after a few hours. They still don't have enough body fat to make energy and hence cannot afford to go without food for a few hours.
What would the mother have improvised with if not for breastmilk for her crying child? She did that and that settled the child immediately. So what improvisation have you being on and on about on this thread?
You are obviously not ready to have children. Please, remain child free otherwise your child will suffer from neglect.. You have no idea at all....

Parenting is a skill, and the fact that you're a parent does not mean you have good parenting skills. Many parents fail woefully when it comes to raising kids, and breastfeeding a baby until when he is 2 years old doesn't make one a good mother.

What makes you a good parent is preparing your child for the future so they can stand the heat in case of an eventuality. And you do that right after the child is born. Have you ever wondered why some newly born infants are dipped into a pool of water?

So they can get used to the feel of water and prepare them for danger. But I'm sure most mothers will still argue that it is a wrong act.

That's by the way. The problem with some of you on this forum is lack of understanding. I know what infant cereals are, and I also know that the 'baby' in the poster's story was old enough to take cereals.

So trying to school me about combining cereals with breastfeeding is uncalled for because my opinion was centered around what happened when the mother in question was in transit. Did you read anywhere in the write-up where I outrightly condemned breastfeeding?

When does:"cover up during breastfeeding or bottle feed when in public", translate to "no to breastfeeding"?

And yes, I'm enlightened enough to know that raising kids encompasses a whole lot;and I'm the best at it. Whether they're mine or not doesn't make any difference to me.

rain21:
ok I'm done
keep being ignorant

I guess the word ignorance has a new meaning.

Curiouscity:
Some people can be arrogantly ignorant. This guy feels he is talking to secondary school kids here.

A toad who is stuck inside a hole and refuses to come out will think he is still in the 15th century. Not living by the status quo doesn't mean 'ignorance'. It means that I am enlightened enough to know when not to join the bandwagons.

yeyeosoronga:
What do you mean babies won't die if not breastfed for a few hours? Babies can die if not fed even for a few hours. They can go hypoglycemic easily unlike adults who have enough fat on them to convert to energy even if starving. Raising children is not a joke and don't ever try to trivialise the welfare of children with your pettiness.
You're even telling mothers to practice both breast and bottle feeding so as not to assault your eyes with boobs? You sound very ENTITLED yourself saying that. Who are you to demand babies should starve because you don't want their mothers breastfeeding in public? Who are you to demand babies should be allowed to be in distress and crying because you say their mothers are married and hence shouldn't be exposing boobs to feed their children?
Please, I beg of you, don't have children, get a vasectomy for surely your children will suffer from neglect.
You say mothers who can't improvise aren't ready for motherhood yet? Who or what are you to say such? Are you a paediatrician? Perhaps a nutritionist or dietician?

.

Don't get it twisted! I said no child will die if not breastfed(not bottle fed) for a few hours;especially if the child in question is old enough to take cereals.

But you hastily concluded and jumped right on the bus without knowing where it was headed. And please, try to decipher the difference between 'demand' and 'opinion'. The points I raised were based on my personal opinions. That doesn't mean that I was making a demand on mothers.

I am curious though, if you love babies so much, then why do you usually kill the sperm that is supposed to procreate each time you make out with your sex partner? Tell me which is worse: Killing a sperm or bottle feeding a baby?

Since you admitted that raising kids isn't a joke, then the more reason why mothers should be prepared for motherhood and learn to improvise in case of an emergency.

It's obvious you guys don't know the basics of parenting and are always quick to lash out based on sentiments. Well, I'm not surprised because you guys are used to the status quo, and are not willing to witness a change.

TheArchangel:
Express the milk and put it inside GUO or PMT motor fridge . Better be realistic here, Oga.

That is why there is a word called 'research'. It paves way for reality.

TheArchangel:
Just shut the hell up cos you know nothing.
The WHO and paediatric associations that has been promoting baby friendly initiatives by ensuring a conducive environment for mothers and babies are not fools. But here you are, trying so hard to take us back to the stone age of infant malnutrition and death.

The initiatives has come a long way with great success.
Recently through the advent of baby friendly and exclusive breastfeeding, mothers are now willing and proud to breastfeed their babies without being mocked like in the past centuries where the rich had to employ wetnurses to nurse their babies because breastfeeding was seen as not fashionable and gross.
Expression of breastmilk are for those mothers who has the means of storing them. These mothers are often the rich and the middle class in our society whom you will never see breastfeeding in public. Same can't be said of babies whose mothers do not have the means to preserve the milk.

When you have a baby, do not breastfeed on demand, breastfeed only when there is nobody about and we will know how many of your kids that will survive infancy without protein-energy- malnutrition.

Sometimes, when you talk without thinking, you end up making a fool of yourself. You obviously didn't read what brought about the initial talk of expressing breast milk, and you jumped right into it because you also want to be heard.

W.H.O. is advocating for exclusive breastfeeding just like religious are against abortion. Regardless, Nigeria has one of the highest rates of abortion prevalent cases. If women in Nigeria love babies so much, then why abort in the first place?

That's one hell of an 'African Mentality' we got right there! The truth is, more than 80% of African parents lack parenting skills:

They never say ' I love you' to their kids because they don't want to be seen as weak.

They don't discuss sex education with their teenage children because the topic is viewed as a taboo.

They make promises and never stick to them, and dare you to challenge them.

Even when they're wrong, they expect you to apologize because they feel they brought you into this world.

Whoever told them that I begged to be birthed?

Unfortunately, the most guilty of all are the poor folks. To the few African parents who are not guilty of the above, well, congratulations to you! You're what the world need at this point.

You can live your life however you want. But don't end up regretting what you felt you could have done or didn't do.

Omotola chose her path when she married as a teenager. Funke accepted what life threw at her and she seems happy right now.

Even though both of them arrived the same destination at different times, it's okay to question why she got there late;so she can prepare better next time(that is if there will ever be a next time).

What I'm trying to say is this: Healthy comparison is needed at times to push and encourage ourselves so we can get better.

It's normal as human beings to wonder why we ain't making any headway in life, while others don't have to struggle for anything. That's what makes us human!

And for those who think that their time will come, well, my sister waited for her time and within a blink of an eye, she was gone with the wind!

Let me guess: An acclaimed 'Herbalist' with the licence of a 'Man of God', must have told them not to set foot at the burial ground for spiritual reasons.

A 16year old isn't a kid and could have said NO to him;unless he used African jazz on her, or took her by force. But if it were a case of being sweet talked into sex, then the girl is a total disappointment!

Smart father+Smart son=Marriage of convenience. By the way, the dude doesn't look like an 'aboki'.

They say:"Don't ever give people a reason to talk". She just broke that rule.