₦airaland Forum

^^ some didn't even pay anything.

Iranoladun:
I'm a realist.

The pain of knowing is worst for me.

With wondering there is still an element of doubt. Knowing its true is like a deadly blow!

Exactly.

If I'd seen your post earlier, I'd have 'gbammed' it instead of typing mine.

While wondering, it definitely means something is wrong to put his/her trust in question, at the same time there's the fragment of hope that your wondering and doubts are baseless, that nothing is really happening. Though the wondering can drive one nuts, you still hope and pray silently that it's not so.

And in the case of knowing, you're faced with the reality and after getting over the shock or whatever, you can decide on what to do.

I believe the pain of knowing is more but even at that, I'd rather be in the know, feel the pain, get over it and move on.

mukina2:
what are you afraid of? na wa.

Now why did you use that word? Ok, it's you I'm afraid of. LOL.

The truth is that I just enjoy the anonymity. You know, one can get a bit naughty when anonymous.

mukina2:
ma'am its my real name ma, and my email its because of the scammers  chain mails ma.

sorry ma,  i was just asking ma.

erm meant Sir

I'm curious. Is Mukina a muslim name or your local name? I've always thought it's just a forum name.

Zaynee63:
I'd have loved to be there to fellowship with brvs & Sistas in deen but :
The very thing that drew me to this forum and makes it my favorite is the anonymity it affords you  to help you express yourself and share uninhibited unlike any other forum I know of.

I like the idea , buh, ain't ready to blow my cover here.

But hey, great idea that would have been better launched elsewhere where we are not faceless and are fake (fb )

I'm with you on this.

Interesting.

blank:
After having kids, it is not easy to lose the baby fat. So it accumulates over time with more kids. Also, regular sex makes a lady fat, no joke.

@bold
If that is the case, then a lot of single girls will get fat too because some of them get it more regularly than the married ones.
BTW I don't agree with that summation.

@poster

Where are you?

rose~75:
@ Arkhin,
Because the God of women is different from that of men, abi?  
Anyway, the unfair treatment to women 'cos of adultery started from the bible ,however, nobody was clean enough to throw first stone.
@ poster
Biblically, it's justified.But the truth is, it's uncommon to divorce a man on the basis of unfaithfulness, the woman always bears the brunt. It's a man's world, they'll claim. So also is it difficult to call a man a LovePeddler, even  though it takes two to tangle.

But if you divorce on this ground, you'd better remain single 'cos the next person is likely to be worse, if you care so much, protect your spouse from wolves.

@bold
There's no protection you can give to a man who wants to be unfaithful. You'll just go hyper.

Some people have spoken the truth here. If you can, work at it and stay, if you can't cope, bow out. If it's a one-off thing and the man is repentant, then one may consider rebuilding but if you know it's a continous thing, then it's good to choose one of the two options asap.

What are we talking about here? was the girl also drunk? Did the father violate her? No matter how innocent a girl is, a 17year old should know what's happening when her drunk father was approaching her. Why didn't she push him away? Why didn't she scream for help? Abeg I don't buy this story joo. Nollywood indeed.

rose~75:
Helloooooooo, who's deceving who?.
Thank God you already said the girl is an area girl,definitely street-wiser than you all. Revelation my foot!. You,sorry, your friend ,irrespective of his so-called "status" deemed it wise to keep a bedmate of that" status". Having seen all the goodies round about your friend, you expect her to go empty-handed like Aaron?. (No way, girlie thumbs up).
Your 'status' friend was not just careless, but also silly. He must face the music, more revelations are underway. Two things; he either comes down to her "status" or elevate her to his "status" so that there will be "status-equality". It's hightime such men got disciplined.

Correct yarn!

Letters, cards. I keep all of them.

naijangel7:
Davidylan has said it all. If people aren't ready to give up certain aspects of their individuality and share their lives fully with someone else, marriage isn't for them. Marriage aside, most relationships are about compromise.

And OP's original post was much too long!!!!

I think the problem is that men, and indeed the society expects only the woman to give up her individuality but the men could go on to live 'normally'.

Nice topic. Great contributions.

@OP. No, women shouldn't lose their individuality in marriage. Mutual respect for individual's aspirations is important, interdependence also. But I do not like the part of a woman doing things behind her husband or husband doing things without wifey's knowledge. That's sign of a disjointed family.

It's true some men do not like their wives been successful but I think there are ways of taming such men. Secrecy isn't one of them.

toba:
Zayhal im extending my greetings. Happy Ramadan

Many thanks.

@azharuddin

A reminder is always refreshing. Jazakallah khayran.

Inked_Nerd:
[size=14pt]Hello everyone. Although I'm not Muslim, I'd still love to wish my Muslim brothers and sisters a VERY safe, healthy, and wonderful Ramadan. Hope you all enjoy and have a good time [/size]

Thanks!

Your friend is sleeping with a girl who has multiple partners and he didn't bother to protect himself? What advice could one give such a person? He's obviously irresponsible. having an affair and keeping it 'discrete' because of his 'status'. What nonsense. He didn't consider his status before sleeping with her, before letting her cook, clean for him and keep his bed warm.

He doesn't need any advise here. He should simply take responsibility for his actions.

How can a mother force her own daughter on a man? Does this kind of thing still happen? The brothers should help the girl elope!

maclatunji:
Your responses show what the poster is talking about. How can you say you will not consider a brother with a Phantom. The truth is that you would be bemused by such a man even if you would reject a marriage advance from him. Sisters need to be real and stop forming. You can be firm, but do not present ridiculous points to try to seem perfect!

Again, you got me smiling. I'd be bemused if I see someone come out of a phantom?

I don't usually engage in long exchanges here so this may be my last response to you, on this topic.

I said before that you shouldn't be generalising. Now, you have used my response to judge all sisters, whereas you do not know a single thing about me. What gives you the impression that a boy coming out of a rolls royce would impress me? Do you ever stop to consider the possibility of me having something better?

I appreciate good cars and would even stop to take a good look at any that tickles my fancy, but believe it brother, if the driver of that car is dressed in shorts, I won't give him a second look, this is a personal choice. It doesn't mean I look down on the person in terms of his spirituality and it has nothing to do with 'forming'.

I'm very real. If I see someone I appreciate, I can even create an enabling environment for us to get together. But each to his/her own.

^^^You really got me laughing. Thanks for that.

Like I said before, everything isn't about wealth and affluence. Besides, I don't believe in love at first sight.

Now, back to topic!

You two need to go for real counselling or involve your parents. You're both not handling this well at all and I think coming on here will worsen your issues. Involve elders whom you both respect otherwise, if you both feel you can no longer live together, then call it quits. You only live once.

I just pity that little child in the midst of all these.

maclatunji:
Even if he just came out of a Rolls Royce Phantom and was smitten by you?

LOLs. @bold. That word has more than one meaning. Which do you mean? And why the mention of rolls royce? Everything isn't about wealth you know.

What if he's only a driver to the owner of that rolls or a friend's?

Barka Jum'ah.

tpia@:
I think it might depend on individual cultures.

I'm not used to the concept of a woman claiming her husband's place of origin if she's not from there.

Unless maybe she has a long familiarity with the area.

Dad's hometown + or - place of birth are what people usually go by.

Exactly.

Lagosboy:
Salam sis, i have been doing lots of travels recently across the atlancic and highlands of europe. However , these days i have been more active on the politcs thread as sometime ago i was not too happy with this section   

However, I dont think i generalised and if it sounded as such it was never intentional . I stand by my point though that some medicore lecturers have over the years created an image of an ideal husband which unfortunately places an emphasis on outward appearance for a male.

I have delivered talks in places where when i am called people look down on me because of my looks initially , but mellow down when the listen to the content of my speech. I was recently in Lagos and was at the palms in Lekki and i wanted to pray and saw a brother whom i asked if he knew where i could do salah. He was shocked and later on told me i should please try to dress in "sunnah clothing" because he could never imagine i was a muslim or practising muslim. ( i was wearing a bermuda jeans shorts and a t shirt". 

The definition of "sunnah clothing" is not what i want to go into here but with all humility i dont think there is anything called sunnah clothing aside any cloth that covers the awrah of a man, which makes the word sunnah clothing insignificant to me.

I have had intercations with some sisters who say "i love the sunnah look", loving something is not a problem as it is a personal choice but looking down on others who dont have a look the mirrors the image you have been taught is what i frown upon.

Islam should never be reduced to dressing and the length of a sisters hijab is meaningless to me as regards her taqwa, faith, knowledge and spirirtuality. Some people might disagree with me , i respect their opinion but hold on to my opinion due to my experiences in life and with many muslims around the world and Nigeria especially Lagos inclusive. Hijab is mandatory for a woman and it is the barest minimum , there are a million things beyond the hijab but unfortunately some of us dont see beyond that.

I do agree with you that the way a guy carries himself also matters and if he is just around to play and fool around then many sisters will not give him the audience. In conlcusion, sisters should look beyond the appearance of a guy and not repulse him because of his looks and not wearing a beard. Those things would not take him to jannah and what will take him is his taqwa which is reflected in his actions and not his dressings.

And God knows best.

@bold

You can't run away from here all the same. All of you guys running away from this section are making here rather dull.

@topic

I agree with your summation but I wouldn't pay attention to a guy on shorts and T-shirt o.

Ujujoan:


I think we (women) should hold onto our individuality in our marriages for as long as we possibly can . . . The truth is that, it's all mostly an illusion. A married Nigerian (especiall those living in Nigeria) might as well resign herself to the fact that her identity is now a reflection of who her husband is.

So my advise to you namesake dear . . . Stick to your father's state for as long as you can. But don't fight the change, it's inevitable!

I don't agree with the bolded. I don't see myself claiming a state I don't come from. Perhaps if the two places are close, e.g different towns in the same state, that's understandable but different states? Nah. I'm an individual, abeg.

^^^Ok now I get what you and OP are getting at. But I still don't agree with you entirely. My point still remains that if a brother observes his prayers, dresses normally (there's nothing wrong in wearing jeans and T-shirt) and carries himself with respect, I don't see a reason why he should have problems attracting a muslim sister.

Of course, not everyone will be an MSS member, I only used MSS as example since it's about the most common on our campuses. There are sisters who don't even join MSSN. Aside school, what about work places, neighbourhood etc.

I still maintain that a brother who appears responsible won't find it difficult getting a sister to marry. But perhaps I too should be careful not to generalise. I'm talking based on what I've seen around me. Perhaps you guys have experienced something different. So it'll be good if more sisters would come up to tell us their take. Or betterstill, I'll begin to observe more closely and perhaps even ask sisters around me.

Ok, now I just remembered this, there's this family friend of mine, male, who said I'm the one who changed his perception about muslim sisters. He used to nurse the belief that those sisters in hijab are unapproachable and would scorn any brother who doesn't have an 'alfa' outlook. He saw sisters as snobs, just like the OP. He had all of this in his head without a single justification. All was assumption. All these changed when he and I became friends. We talked a lot, about academics, social life, sports, everything. He confessed that he never knew 'hijabites' talk like this. As a result of this, he changed his view and became more confident to greet and talk with the sisters in his class in UNi. My point here is that at times, we make assumptions and draw conclusions from these assumptions without verifications.

@maclatunji have you had any unpalatable experience with a muslim sister? And please, let us separate personality traits from muslimah's character.

Lagosboy:
It is becasue of they way they have been brainwashed by the mediocre islamic lecturers in their midst, who subtly teach them the level of their faith is a reflection of how they dress. I dress in jeans and t shirts and they are my favourites !!

@Lagosboy

I wonder where you have been.

Can't believe you wrote the above. It's unlike you to generalise as such.

maclatunji:
^^^ Interesting submission. Okay, but I must agree with OP, there is a serious disconnect between young Muslim men and women in Lagos at least. In addition, divorce rates are also increasing based on my perception, there is obviously a problem somewhere.

Divorce is a topic for another day/thread entirely.

On topic, I beg to disagree with you. In Lagos? Nah! What part of Lagos? As far as I am concerned, lagos sisters are too social for my liking. do you attend muslim gatherings? Have you ever been amidst Muslim students on campus? They relate well! Brothers and sisters. I doubt if any MSSN brother will agree with you and OP.