₦airaland Forum

maclatunji:
So far, nobody has addressed the poster's questions. I am waiting for the response from the sisters in particular  .

Believe me, dressing is important but your behaviour is far more important. It is this point that I think a lot of Muslim sisters miss. And there is no doubt, balkanisation is going on in our campuses, where we have most of the brightest Muslims male or female.

I wrote a long response days ago, unfortunately, I couldn't submit it here. But I'll try and summarise.

MIrhABi:
I've created this thread to allow our sisters in Islam address these listed issues concerning them,


1. I have heard of a particular trend amongst of our devoted sisters that really pisses me off,i learnt some of them don't like to tie the knots or date someone whose knowledge on the Holy Quran doesn't match theirs.

2. It takes time to even get good muslim sisters,and if you're lucky to see one there's no way you'll get her to talk rather they snub or ignore you.

3. They out rightly judge you by the way you dress,must i stop wearing jeans and T shirt because i want to date an hijab sister?.



Why is it so hard getting good muslim sisters?,i really don't understand.Please i would like to learn more from guyz on this.

To start with, I'd say your post is rather judgemental and definitely does not represent ALL muslim sisters. Now. . .

1. A sister may be wary of tying the knot with a brother of lower Islamic understanding for fear of the fact that the brother may bring her down spiritually. Men are the heads of the homes. It's better for him to be of higher level of understanding and spiritually well-grounded than the wife in order to carry all members of the family along.

I've seen many cases where a sister married with her full hijabs and along the line the hubby begins to complain that he's not comfortable with it, she should remove her socks, reduce her hijab etc and gradually faith dwindles.

2. You call it snob/ignore. I call it bashfulness. You don't expect a muslimah to be too extroverted. Shyness is part of the deen. Most of those sisters you see are intelligent and interesting but they're not just loud. If you're responsible and a good muslim, I doubt if any sister won't give you audience if you have something meaningful to say. But remember, Islam discourages idle talk and unnecessary free-mixing of genders.

3. No, you don't have to stop wearing jeans and T-shirts in order to get a muslim sister to marry. Your disposition and intentions are what really matter. If a sister sees that you don't appear serious, and only wants to 'date', she will likely not give you audience.


Getting a good sister isn't that difficult. There are thousands of them out there awaiting Mr right. But have you stopped to examine yourself? Yorubas will say "ba ba se rin la nko ni'. If you're a regular guy on the street or one who parties, clubs etc and isn't seen as one who's serious with the deen, most sisters won't pay you any attention.

ola_pluto:
This is an issue that I want my brothers and sisters to enlighten me about.
Case Study: A muslim brother proposes to a muslim sister. She says Yes. However, she later got to find out that the brother had pre-marital sex with some of his exs. She terms the brother an 'adulterer' even though the brother stopped since. She quoted a verse in the Quran which says Adulterer for Adulteress. My question to brothers and sisters here is this: Who is defined as an adulterer in this verse? Should the brother who had a bad past know fully that he doesnt deserve a 'non-adulterous' believing woman?

The brother[b] WAS [/b]fornicating. Now he has repented and is no longer a fornicator. So the sister has no justification in that area not to accept the proposal, except of course, if there are other reasons.

If the scenario you describe is real, sister yen aa pe nbe.

.

.

^^^ What about your own profile?

Nice OP.

^^^

Well said, sister.

^^^

Perhaps poster has realised that his wife is innocent that's why we no longer hear from him.

She sounds like a wicked MIL. She wants to sell her 'son's' property to help her brother. She wants to force a document out of her DIL's hand. SHe doesn't care about the welfare of her grandson and DIL.

Even if her brother isn't in need, she'll still look for a reason to sell her son's plot of land.

She didn't leave the marriage because 'she didn't want to raise her kid in a broken home'. Now that she's dead, isn't it worse off? Is it not better to be alive and raise one's children as a single parent than continue in an abusive marriage?

This is truly sad. Reminds me of @Ujujoan's poem 'I got flowers' or something like that. Sad indeed.

na wa o.

Jum'ah mubarak.

@OP

Are you aware that we get news broadcast in pidgin English? What would you say about that? The truth is that Pidgin English is a part of us and has come to stay. Though I'm not in support of it being taught to young ones.

I'd be more worried about the kinds of teachers we have in primary and secondary schools, especially so-called English teachers. If you listen to them, you'd be shocked at the grammatical blunders they commit and forget all about a 2- minute advert in pidgin English.

If adverts could be placed in English, Yoruba etc, then there should be adverts in Pidgin too, afterall Pidgin English now has national recognition.

Bottom line is, I don't see those adverts causing any harm to the kids in the adverts or those watching if they have a sound background (home and school).

Jarus:
Unfortunately, the effect was very insignificant in my own case 
In fact, Hajia Jarus is also about joining NL

Good for you. Most times, you guys are barely affected by marriage.

Hajia Jarus, welcome in advance.

Jarus:
Ramadan is near again. Let's stay tuned for 3rd edition of Nairalanders' Iftaar. May Allah spare our lives.

Amin.

It's just like yesterday. . .

mission08:
@ Poster.
That your wife gave you her ATM card in itself does not mean she is humble. Rather, she trusts your financial decisions. To me her action is based on trust. There are humble wives whose husbands are not that good with finances, sometimes such husband entrust the wife with issues  concerning finances.

A wife who knows her husband will gamble, drink, womanize with her hard earned money and goes ahead to hand it over to him to lavish in the name of humility is only being foolish. There are different ways of handling issues and decisions depending on the peculiarities of each family/home, that a wife doesnt hand over her salary does not mean she is not humble.

I agree with you.

while some people are crying their eyes out to have something, others get it for free and still blame God for it.

The man isn't acting responsibly. he's just using the kids as an excuse to leave the home. And when those kids grow up to become great, he'd proudly claim paternity. Nonsense.

You're bothering yourself over superstitions. Who are those who told you to stay away from her and not attend her burial? What are their proofs/evidences for saying this? What have you done to verify or clarify their claims?

Some people just like to add complications to an already complicated world.

They go for ordinary women, house helps, barmaids etc because they don't have the nerve to ask a respectable women for such illicit affairs.

And they can't run because they don't think with their heads but with their 3rd legs.

Some people blame women for dressing provocatively. What a lame excuse! Even househelps who appear dirty with big blouses and long skirts  are still found with these men. smh

@Natasha and Babe. You two got my ribs cracking.

You'd better kill the urge by looking for something productive to do with your life now. Go to school, learn a handiwork, volunteer yourself to NGO's etc.

If you get married now, you'll regret it later because you obviously do not know what you're doing. You're only going through teenage whims.

But if you're hell bent on getting a husband, then dress responsibly, don't go to clubs but attend ceremonies like wedding etc.

Not EVERYBODY have ex's. I don't have one.

chief Imam:
Set a goal for your self, and work towards it,  start now
[/quote



.

You obviously do not understand my point.

bilms:
i am not, i copied and pasted it here for all to see.

A friend shared it with me and i help share it with others, You may contact people in kenya if you have to help confirm this story or call the numbers there.

ok.

@bilms, where did u get this because I don't know you to be a pastor.

Wish someone could come and tell what the woman eventually did.

And by the way, experiences, events, circumstances and the likes make dreams change at times. So I wonder, should one's dream in life be etched on stones or made flexible for the sake of the unforeseen?

One's life could take a dramatic turn, in this case, what happens to your dreams?

Chief Imam, ave you told us yours?

Jarus:
Uplawal married recently; probably more responsibilities have relegated nairaland and facebook to far low in her priorities.

Just like it's done to you?

Even if you call it 'iyo' at anytime of the day, some may not sell it to you except you say 'isebe'. The superstitous belief is that 'iyo' means 'joy' or 'happiness' and they can't sell their happiness to you. LOL.

But I didn't know some don't sell at night. Maybe because I've not had reason to go looking for salt at night.

A true muslimah does not look for a rich brother to marry but looks for the most pious, God-fearing one she can get. If that one happens to come 'rich' then it's only an icing on the cake.

Who was taking care of her before she got to the age of 15?

Seun:
Just ask your husband to write a will. If he can't, then get the properties in your name. Kichena.

You make it all seem so simple. What if he writes the will and the family still goes ahead to do what they like? And you talk about getting the properties in her name as if it's all so easy to do that as well. How many men would buy a property in the name of his wife? Are we not talking about Nigerians here?