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Health / Re: Airport Authorities Announce New Measures For Ebola by jimjones: 12:33am On Aug 01
Idiоts. Always reactive, never proactive. This disease has been around the subregion for months, but these idiоts in government will only wait until someone dies of the fuсken disease in the Nigeria before they decide to do the needful.
Education / Re: Another Nationwide ASUU Strike? by jimjones: 5:07pm On Jul 31
Wittywizard: Good evening my fellow nairalanders.. I heard about the ASUU forthcoming strike but it seems the rumours is only been circulated in my school(UniAbuja). I just want to be sure that it is a Romours or not a rumours. Please is the ongoing proposed strike news been heard in other various institution or it is jus being heard in my school..
Thank you

What i wanna know is how you got into university. Jesus-farkin-christ!
Education / Re: I Never Had Sex With Any Man —21 Year Old KWASU Best Graduating Student by jimjones: 10:01am On Jul 16
Woopty-fuсking-doo! With that ratface, i'll be goddamned if she can get someone to fuсk her before she's 50.

On the bright side, congrats on the graduation!
Family / Re: Options Available For Same A.s Genotype Couple by jimjones: 7:59am On Jul 13
The question should be "Options Available For Same A.s Genotype Couple interested in having children."

There are tons of same genotype couples, not least AS couples, out in the world with no interest in procreation.
Family / Re: Why Are Some Marriages So Boring? by jimjones: 9:17am On Jul 12
Hexzyz: The reason is people don't depend on God for his perfect will in marriage. They go by what they see. God knows the heart of every individual and who is perfect for each other.


1 Like

Religion / Re: Traditionalists Demand Public Holidays, Board, Political Appointments by jimjones: 9:18am On Jul 06
Seems pretty legit.
Celebrities / Re: Charly Boy Disgraces Okorocha At Oputa’s Burial Over N20M For Arrangements by jimjones: 4:18pm On Jun 28

According to a statement by the Seniour Special Assistant, SSA, Media, to Governor Okorocha, Mr Sam Onwuemodo, “It is highly regrettable that the son of the late Justice, Mr Charles Emeka Oputa, aka, Charly Boy, threw caution to the wind and turned the church service into a political theatre that saw him acting or playing out the script he drafted in Abuja with some Imo politicians, who have remained cowed by the overwhelming popularity of Governor Rochas Okorocha.”

Onwuemeodo insisted that the state government made “substantial financial input and also organized a special day of tributes for the late Justice Oputa at the expense of state government with Charly Boy also present with other members of the family.

”We condemn that ugly incident and also wish to advise politicians from the state to stop heating up the polity over power since God is the giver of power. In 2015, God will decide who will be governor of Imo State and when God decides that, there is nothing anybody can do about it.”

And right there's exactly the reason why Charlie Boy was 1000% right to nip that sh!!!t in the bud. A funeral service in honor of a man of impeccable character like Justice Oputa, should under no circumstances, be turned into a political theater. That's no way to show respect.

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Nairaland / General / Re: My Experience With A Native Doctor by jimjones: 2:41pm On Jan 06
Jerrick: Anytime I think about the scenario, I laugh and just shake my head. It was Christmas week and I went visiting my Uncle who stays in Ibadan. On 23 December, my uncle gave me some documents to get them photocopied. It's a known fact and no news that my uncle is the very stingy type. He calculated all I would spend and he made sure I won't be left with no change, imagine? undecided.

Anyways, in no time, I was on bike and I arrived my destination. I alighted from the bike and went to the shop where I will get those document photocopied! But as I was going, I noticed something strange frm afar. It was a man dressed in red clothe with something in his hand. I watched him for some time and I noticed he was conversing with people he sees on the road. I walked very fast cos I was scared. When I asked those people in shop what the man was doing, they said he's a native doctor and that he collects money frm people whenever Christmas is near.

I could hardly swallow my saliva cos I was scared. I have never seen a native doctor except in films, let alone conversing with one. When he was close to the shop I was, I could clearly see he's got a horn with him. The horn is wielded with red and black cloth. I wanted to run at first but I saw a lady beside me, I noticed she wasn't as nervous or agitated like I was. This boosted my confidence and I decided to stay! cool. The native doc got to the shop I was and stopped...... Ghen ghen!! sad

Seriously, I was standing but 'dead' and buried in fear. I don't know maybe because of the supra canvas I wore or my nice outfit, he approached me. They've already told me the native doc approaches those he sees as rich people. Because if you see me that day ehn, u go confuse me with dangote's son cool #fact undecided. So, he pointed the horn to me and said money. I initially wanted to rebuke him by calling Jesus but I never wanted to fall my own hands infront of the babe, I kept quiet and hoped for the 'worst' grin . I handed him 1 hundred naira. He collected it, looked at me and further pointed the ugly horn at me, he kept on saying money!

When I noticed he was going to touch me with his ugly horn, I moved back. I started to empty my pocket, swearing that the 1 hundred naira was all I had on me grin he danced and left... Phewww, that was close, I thought in my mind. Those I met in the shop laughed @ me that I was doing like a weakly! I too was laughing but my legs were shaking...... I left the shop and trekked home. I got home and never uttered any word to my uncle. He ignorantly asked, ''why were you that late?'' I said people were too many that we'all had to queue. A very stingy man he is undecided

imbеcile...with a stuрid name. what the hell kinda name is jerrik?

1 Like

Culture / Re: Which Is The Easiest Nigerian Language To Learn? by jimjones: 6:03pm On Jan 05

Ibibio is a Nigerian Language spoken by the South Eastern people of Akwa Ibom & Cross River.

Rеtard. ibibio is neither spoken in Cross River nor by Cross Riverians. And akwaibom is not in the southeast.
Food / Re: Rice Is The Common Food Cooked For Christmas- Why? by jimjones: 4:22pm On Dec 25, 2013
water is the common drink drank after every meal - why? undecided

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Religion / Re: What Does Christmas Mean To You? by jimjones: 12:47pm On Dec 25, 2013
fuсking nothing.
Politics / Re: Nigeria Needs A Female President - Oshiomhole, Fashola by jimjones: 9:56am On Oct 23, 2013
nonsense. nigeria needs leaders that are selfless, have the best interest of the suffering masses/majority at heart, and know what the fuсk they're doing. not clueless alpha-numbskulls like jonathan. gender is irrelevant.
Religion / Re: What Have You Suffered For Christ? by jimjones: 8:48pm On Oct 06, 2013
i have suffered absolutely nothing for bros j. and by god i intend to keep it that way, in jesus mighty name, amem.
Art, Graphics & Video / Re: Man Who Paints By Squirting With His Eyes- 'Eye Painting' by jimjones: 8:44pm On Oct 06, 2013
no disrespect, but the point of this is fuсking what exactly?
Politics / Re: President Media Chat On 29th September 2013 by jimjones: 12:13am On Sep 30, 2013
today's presidential media chat is the most inspirational thing ever put on television. i sincerely believe there will never be another president as inspirational as goodluck ebele jonathan. my sincere thanks to the lord jesus h. christ, pope frank the first....oh, and of course Joe the fuсk could i forget Joe Pesci?

Religion / Re: Who Is The Most Powerful Angel Created By God? by jimjones: 2:35pm On Sep 29, 2013
oh, that would be the archangel ogbuefi ogunigbe nwanganga. his power broke the richter magnitude scale in 10000BC...repeating the same feat on 17 different occasions.

thank you.
Properties / 28billion EUR Luxury Italian Fashion Brand Looking To Expand To Nigeria. Advice! by jimjones: 11:11pm On Sep 18, 2013
Hi everyone...apologies if this is the wrong section.

The issue here seems to be primarily about location. A third of the team are set on the idea of Abuja as the best location, while two-thirds seem to be convinced that Lagos is easily the best location. Kindly help us settle this score! Also, kindly recommend the MOST HIGHBROW locations within these cities, if you can.*keep in mind this is a pretty high-end luxury brand*

Any advice on the challenges a luxury fashion outfit could face doing business in Nigeria, is most appreciated!

Thanks for your time.
Politics / Re: Ex-militant Tompolo Buys A Private Jet by jimjones: 4:19am On Sep 10, 2013
boys and girls, there's your government at work. thanks to the honorable imbeсile-in-chief, goodluck fuсking jonathan, boyloaf and co can be rest assured their miracle is on the way!

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Religion / Re: Would You Quit Your Job, If It Affects Church? by jimjones: 4:09pm On Sep 08, 2013
god forbid bad ting. unless pastor go accept my tithes and offerings in groundnuts and cowries.
Travel / Re: A Nairalander And His Family's First Vist To Nigeria by jimjones: 4:54pm On Aug 27, 2013
Donmichaelz: My name is Franklin Adebayo Oluwaseyi,I am a Nigerian born in Canada,I lived all my live there,even though I speak like them,eat like them I still feel like am not one of them.
I came to Nigeria two weeks ago(Abuja to be precise)

I felt something I never felt before and that feeling is Home,It might sound weird for those here in Nigeria but I never felt these way all my life.

First I was welcomed like a Hero and before I knew it my bag was stolen at the airport,as I was driving I saw a guy selling yoghourt and I bought it,lo and behold it was Fake it tasted like PAP.

I went back to Canada two weeks ago,I now know who Nigerians are,what they are like and how the environments are like,am not saying it is all Well but the last two weeks are the best in My life....God bless Nigeria and if you are thinking of going abroad put these in Mind

"No matter how succesful you are abroad always remember Home,you might not get it now but you might Regret you didn't later in life..
With Love from One of your brother in diaspora
Dr Franklin Olaitan

these fuсking attention seeking imbeсiles. smh...why not leave that cybercafe and go figure out where your next meal will come from?

1 Like

Music/Radio / Re: Mode9 Cries Out On Neglect Of His ‘type Of Rap’ by jimjones: 11:03pm On Aug 18, 2013
No No No! I just wanna learn how u side-step d censor,so I can do d same and curse all I want...honest to God! cheesy

i'm an atheist, kind sir. honest to any god just don't cut it for me. i wanna trust you aint with the government, but god knows i can't. his name is not enough. undecided
Music/Radio / Re: Mode9 Cries Out On Neglect Of His ‘type Of Rap’ by jimjones: 10:16pm On Aug 18, 2013
Pls bro(un-related to d topic,by d way); how did u spell "f.uck" in ur post,without being nabbed by nairaland's auto-dirty-word-censor?(Anticipating ur response;tnx )

don't i know you, homie? you work for the nairaland government, don't you? sorry man, i don't fuсks with the nairaland popo.

blessings. wink


Music/Radio / Re: Mode9 Cries Out On Neglect Of His ‘type Of Rap’ by jimjones: 9:14pm On Aug 18, 2013
farkin arrogant douchebag, this modenine is, aint he? i've always maintained that this guy is irrelevant. he and his dickriding fans have an unrealistic/exaggerated sense of his "talent"(and i use that word loosely). if he's not jacking jay-z's song cry or girls girls girls, he's whining about x, y, or z. farkin immature friend! i remember how he responded when he was asked 'what his opinion was on the 50cent/idris abdulkareem beef'. his response was not only juvenile, it was retаrded.

mr modenine, nigerians have heard your bs rap songs, and most of them couldn't give a fuсk even if they tried! i triple dare you to send your records to kings of hardcore rap like the wutang clan or jedi mind tricks or....fuсk it, name your pick....let's see if any one of them would even consider collaborating with yo weakаss. the world has moved on from wherever the fuсk you think you're at. run along now, charleh...go write another arsenal song...or put out a 40-track album. your dickriders would sure appreciate that!
Nairaland / General / Re: Is 123-yr-old Carmelo Florest, The World's Oldest Man? by jimjones: 4:08pm On Aug 16, 2013
yea, i could give a fuсk. undecided
Politics / Re: Abiola's Family Has Forgiven Al Mustapha, Others by jimjones: 10:38pm On Aug 11, 2013
forgiven him for what?
Politics / Re: Text And Meaning Of Patrick Obahiagbon's Discussion On Rivers Crisis - By Sowore by jimjones: 4:52am On Aug 07, 2013
ceah: I decided to share this interesting piece by Omoyele Sowore of Sahara Reporter which he posted on his facebook page.He posted the text and explain the meaning of Patrick Obahiagbon Igodomigodo's discussion while appearing on the Saturday Sunrise daily @ Channel TV. Enjoy -

An Attempt at Making Sense of Igodomigodo's Verbal Acrobatics. The Lingual Contortionist was quoted recently, in reference to the Cross River State Crisis:

“Let me say as quickly as possible, the political “crinkum crankum”, if you like, the political “higi haga” that has enveloped the politics of Rivers State for a period of time now has all the trappings of an odoriferous saga cum ‘’gargantua gaga," and I am bewildered that this situation is of no serious concern to the Commander-in-Chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria…It is very crystal clear like the biblical ‘teke teke menoyafasin.’ It is audible to the deaf and visible to the blind...If you look at the totality of the crisis in Rivers State just now, it leaves me with two conclusions that 2015 is inherently laden with a political and democratic ‘Thalidomide.’ Two, some social scientists like myself have gone to town for donkey’s years, saying that what we have is not democracy but civilian rule. But with recent events, I say no. Nigeria is neither witnessing civilian rule nor democracy but what we have at best is a form of government I call ‘kakitomoboplutocracy’ and that is bad for us as a nation...As far as I am concerned, I can see the ship of the Nigerian state hovering around the political Bermuda Triangle, and if we do not take urgent and responsible steps… My critical history and historiography of the study shows that the war of attrition in Rivers State did not commence with the Obio/Okpor political tendency. It commenced, strictly speaking, from the suspicion that Governor Rotimi Amaechi nurses an ambition for the Vice- Presidency of this country.’’ ~ Patrick Obahiagbon.

1. Crinkum crankum: Something full of twists and turns; A thing fancifully or excessively intricate and elaborate.

2. Higi haga: (Synonym of above?)

3. Odoriferous: Giving off a strong and offensive odour; Morally offensive.

4. Gargantua gaga: Huge, widespread madness; Celebration of insanity? Was Obahiagbon referring to the 16th Century novels written by the French author, François Rabelais, based on The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel, the story of two giants, a father, Gargantua, and his son Pantagruel, and their adventures, written in an amusing, extravagant, satirical vein?

5. Teke teke: Was he making reference here to the 2009 Japanese horror film, titled "Teketeke" directed by Kôji Shiraishi and based on urban legend? (I confuse!!!)

6. Menoyafasin: !!!#%@?Help needed!!!

7. Thalidomide: An anti-nausea and sedative drug that was introduced in the late 1950's to be used as a sleeping pill, and was quickly discovered to help pregnant women with the effects of morning sickness. It was sold from 1957 until 1962, when it was withdrawn after being found to be a teratogen, which caused many different forms of birth defects, including still- born babies.

8. Kakitomoboplutocracy: A Kakistocracy is defined as a government by the worst. A Mobocracy is a government by mobs or crowds, while a Plutocracy is either - 1. The rule or power of wealth or of the wealthy. 2. A government or state in which the wealthy class rules, or 3. A class or group ruling, or exercising power or influence, by virtue of its wealth. A 'Kakitomoboplutocracy' would therefore imply a merger of all three forms of government, as possible only in the "Igodomigodo" lexicon!

9. Historiography: The writing of history, especially based on the critical examination of sources, the selection of particular details from the authentic materials of those sources, and the synthesis of those details into a narrative that stands the test of critical examination; The term also refers to the theory and history of historical writing.

When we cry, we must also find time to laugh!

the sahara reporters guy tried, innit...but he didn't have to go and start making some droppings up. so i'll just address his made up droppings:

4. gargantuan(NOT gargantua!) gaga - he aint referring to any 16th century bullsh!t. gargantuan, amongst other things, simply means "of immense size", and gaga in this context refers to irrational $h!t. so the high chief is saying the rivers crisis is massively irrational/nonsensical. simples. so of course, the sahara guy was on track until he took decided to push his luck by taking us to the 16th century.

5 and 6 go together(when spelt correctly, of course!). like @richardbry pointed out, it's "mene, mene, tekel, upharsin" from daniel 5:25. no further elucidation required here as @kgdavid and @adenlemmanuel done did so already.

*...meander the interstices of eschewable cataract* - well, here's one for yo a$$! while interstices(plural) means small narrow spaces between stuff, eschewable is not a word. it's one of those words obahiagbon creates in order to drive his point(you know, like kakitomoboplutocracy). obviously created from eschew, eschewable would therefore mean, that which could be eschewed(haha!). cataract in this context should mean a furious/violent downpour of kasala.

**for a good number of the other phrases he used, like transmogrify(metamorphose), terminus a quo(starting point), fons et origo(source and origin), terminus ad quem(end point, destination), etc, etc...he did also state synonyms for the good of the lesser mortals.** cool
Politics / Re: Al-Mustapha Visits TB Joshua Immediately After Release by jimjones: 3:51pm On Jul 13, 2013

I can't rememeber who once said "to leave an error unrefuted is to encourage intellectual immorality". So, on that premise, I will correct some obvious errors in your assertions above for posterity sake.
1. Isaac Newton did not invent electricity, Michael Faraday did.
2. Michael Faraday did not invent the Aeroplane, the Wright brothers did.

eh..."...for posterity sake," michael faraday did NOT invent electricity. he invented the electric motor. NOBODY invented electricity.

1 Like

Politics / Re: Al-Mustapha Visits TB Joshua Immediately After Release by jimjones: 11:38am On Jul 13, 2013
My brother that is what happens when people try to get ahead of themselves..

mandem, wetin persin nor go see for nairaland? you know, most troubling is the confidence with which he made those absolutely reтarded statements. also troubling is the fact that imbec!les like solidbroda often end-up in politics..."leading" and/or "representing" the hell outta the common man.


Politics / Re: Imoke Donates 23-Months Salary To Church by jimjones: 5:03pm On Jul 10, 2013
at least he's not spending 1 billion naira(tax payer's money!) on food like jona-cassava and his fat ugly wife.


Politics / Re: FG Signs Ceasefire With Boko Haram by jimjones: 11:53pm On Jul 08, 2013
chidindufrank: Did they surrender their weapons? JTF and FG should better watch their backs. Maybe this cease fire is for the ramadan after which bombing would continue.

chaleh, it's a ceasefire, not a surrender. that means they keep their weapons....they just don't shoot them for a specified period of time(x to indefinitely).
Celebrities / Re: Iyanya To Yvonne Nelson - I Lost Your Medicine by jimjones: 3:51pm On Jun 29, 2013
there's plausible deniability here as inyanya did say he was joking. albeit, very classless from the guy.

notice the chick(emenaira) in the background twisting her waist or whatever that move is called? this time next week, next month, or next year, she'll be catching feelings and tweeting droppings on the twatter....she'll prolly make it into iyanya's next freestyle record.

ps: @ mr tim westwood, the least you could do is learn to pronounce the name of your guest, one would think.

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