₦airaland Forum

De Beauvoir: @bold, Oh please.
Human beings really know how to pretend to get what they want. If theman really wanted to marry the girl, maybe cos she was a virgin or a good cook or a really good looking person then he could have pretended to be an angerl just to marry her thus keeping her from knowing his dark side
@ rest of your post; the Bible clearly says that wives should submit to husbands, it doesn't say husbands should submit to wives. I don't know what religion you are following that teaches you that men can also submit to their wives.

Then you can't blame anyone for the fact that a man pretends to you that he was an angel because it means you failed in your job to know him. That's what courtship is for. In courtship, there are no emotions. You investigate the person properly before agreeing to marry.

I know what the bible says but not everybody is a Christian and the bible does not apply to everyone.

enigmatique: My dear bros, I totally support ur line of thinking, but d problem I just av wit u is d usage of d word "roles". My broda make we talk true, roles change. But let us look deeper into "purpose" e.g why does the female av a womb while d male doesn't? Of course d answer will be "Because she is meant to bear/carry the children". Roles change e.g don't women av careers today? Think about it.

With the way the world is going, roles are changing so fast. That's why i said, irrespective of what role the man and woman will take, both of them have to be in agreement. When the bible said a woman should submit to a man, it meant that a woman should submit to a man's authority. That invariably means that a man makes the final decision in marriage after due consultation from his wife.

De Beauvoir: Of course you won't see anything wrong with the idea that women are supposed to be subservient to men because you are male and the misogynistic laws of your bible favour you. Why is it always incumbent on women to submit to men?
What if she's married to a poor decision maker? Or a sadist? Or sociopath?
She should always submit to him because the ancient jews that invented your religion said so abi?

Why must she marry a poor decision maker, sadist or sociopath. I can't phantom how a woman will see all these negative qualities in a man and still go ahead to marry him and go about complaining later in marriage and complaining why a man should be the head. It's incumbent for a man to be the head because popular culture dictates so. That does not mean it's cast in stone. Anybody can be the head and anybody can submit imo but both parties have to agree. Marriage is about agreement. You don't go marrying in a church where you took an oath to submit to your husband and now later have a problem with doing what you swore to do. if you can't submit then don't swear by that oath or don't marry at all. Marriage is not by force.

gothrones: There is no equality in the Nigerian culture; in particular, there can be no equality if a bride price is paid. Where I live, you simply marry anyone you want to. You don't buy them. How can you claim equality if you are paying?

There can never be equality in marriage the way you mean it. That's where you live, in their attempt to make marriage equall, they keep running into problems that lead to divorce. The reason why most of our parents have been married for decades is because they respected each other's role and not try to usurp the other person.

Triciana gal: Yes he is the head but not because of bride price or shelter, Yorubas do not collect bride price and in today's world most women contribute to the rent or house building in fact some women are the full breadwinners. Those are not the things that make a man the head.

Bride price is not just about money. The man came to pick his wife from her family to make her part of him and that's what she has to be - part of him. I also agree that a woman can be a breadwinner and possibly the head if implicitly or explicitly agreed to by the husband. But when she becomes that, she should remain that and not try to take over the newly assumed role of the husband.

gothrones: @divine2043
Let the woman speak Yoruba to the child and let the man speak Esan to the child.

Is it now a competition. If this happens then the woman is bound to win. Esan cannot win against Yoruba as the latter is spoken by wayy more people and they also live in the SW.

De Beauvoir: Wonders shall never end. In the minds of Nigerian men, marriage=slavery.

After suffering through pregnancy, giving birth and then spending her entire life taking care of the child, the man still decides every single decision they take concerning the child because one fabricated book said that women should be submissive and men must always be the head regardless of whether they have leadership skills or not.

Women have really suffered.

So, do you suggest the Man now submits himself to his wife instead? There's really nothing wrong with that as long as everybody takes their role and stop trying to usurp someone else's position.

yemi2plus: No. I only posted infections that can be contacted ONLY through sex.

CORRECTED.

When i saw the topic i thought you were in your forties or fifties. It's never too late to learn your own language and you're even very young, so i don;t know why that should even cross your mind. You have to make a concerted effort to learn your language. Even if it means spending some time in Edo state.

Enough of all these small small issues abeg. There's no single marriage rule that everyone should adhere to. Just get to know your spouse's likes and dislikes and see if you can keep up. If you can't go find someone else and avoid getting into a marriage where small issues such as this will cause unnecessarily problems.

gothrones: @Afam4eva

I actually wish that my father had taken this man's stance. My father did not even try to teach us Esan. He only took us to his village twice. I am 28 years old and I have only been to my village twice. I felt more at home when I arrived in the USA than when I arrived in my hometown. And why is that? Language. The conversations with my grandmother and relatives were very awkward.

If I knew the man, I would advise him to let his children spend vacations in his hometown. I have a Nigerian American friend who speaks Igbo almost perfectly, as judged by my Igbo friends. And he said that spending his summers in Owerri, for 16 consecutive years, really helped him.

Your Father was probably a different man. He probably didn't care about issues such as what language his children speaks and all that. But i think Fathers should care just for the sake of their children as is mandated by African culture. The worse case scenario should be the child learning both languages from both parents. Inter-tribal marriage is a great thing when managed properly.

divine2043: Marrriage is a contract. All parties must agree. Terms can change/be modified to suit both parties.

The default language for the child must be English. That's simple enough.

It is up to both parties to decide what second language the child should speak, first. It sounds as if in addition to speaking Yoruba, the husband speaks his native Esan (fluently, I believe) as well. The child must speak Esan and know about his culture - regular visits to the village (or whereever his people are).

It does not make sense for the child to speak Yoruba/English when he goes to his father's place. This is African culture. Whether you like it or not, that's the fact. 10 years down the line the child should speak English, Esan and Yoruba.

I spoke 3 languages aged 10.

I disagree with you. While i believe it's recommended that all parties agree in marriage but what happens when the husband for example refuses to agree on a particular issue? Does the wife's choice take pre-eminence? Who has the final say on the issue?

Why should the default language be English? This is what couples should discuss before marriage. There's no set rule for marriage and no set language for it either. If the default language should be English according to you then i guess the default mode of dressing should be English or American in other not to offend the other party. Like i said, marriage is about sacrifice and shouldn't be viewed as a place where you go to choke your partner with your desire and opinions.

gothrones: If it is not a place where you go in to represent your village, then why does the husband insist that the child learn his language? In this context, there is nothing to sacrifice. The wife is speaking Yoruba to her child. Let the husband speak Esan to his child. Why is the husband relying on the wife to teach his child his own language? Isn't that his job? Is the wife demanding that the husband should learn Yoruba?

as much as i find the husband's attitude distasteful, i think he has the final say on the matter. That's why he's the man. The woman should trust his judgement after letting him know what she thinks. Btw, i didn't see inn the post where the husband told her to teach the son Esan.

gothrones: My brother, learning a language is not easy. How do you propose that she learn the language in a Yoruba setting? As long as they live in Yourbaland, the child will not speak Esan. I and so many others are living examples.

Of course i know it;s not easy and i wasn't really advising her to learn it. She should just become fond of it and chip a few to her child. Her child might grow up learning to speak it more than her.

gothrones: You do understand that the child belongs to both parents. Since so many children have two names, it makes most sense for both parents to choose exactly one of the names. I have a problem with the word "allow." Why would a woman need permission to choose one of the two names of her child?

The child belongs to both of them but one person makes the difference. Marriage is not a place where you go in to represent your village. it's all about sacrifice! sacrifice! sacrifice! It's a place where you give and not expecting anything in return. There's no federal character in marriage.

gothrones: I completely agree. We think that love will overcome all and refuse to talk about very important matters such as this.

The reason why the OP may not have discussed it with her husband is that she assumed too much. She assumed that since her husband was a fluent Yoruba speaker, he would see nothing wrong in her teaching her child Yoruba. She forgot that he will always remain an Esan no matter how much Yoruba he speaks. Somewhere in her mind, she probably didn't even see the marriage as an inter-tribal marriage and went into it seeing him as just another Yoruba guy and she's shocked about some of his utterance as relates to tribe.

lacicrips: It shouldn't. I'm yet to meet an ika/ukwuani person who can't speak or understand core igbo. They're almost similar. Although most igbo people find it difficult to comprehend the ika/ukwuani language. Weird, huh?

It's not weird cos what you call Igbo is actually Central Igbo that most people from the Igboid speaking tribes understand but most of them have their own dialect. For example, what you call Igbo is actually not my dialect. There are people from my town that find it hard to communicate in Igbo(central). What i've noticed is that people from Ika, Ukwuani and some parts of Anioma always think the Igbos in the South-East speak the same language. We just addopted that Igbo for easy communication with other Igbo groups. I'm sure you won't understand my dialect easily just as i won't understand Ika or Ukwuani easily.

obi alfa: backward thinking.

Can you tell us what is not backward? Causing unnecessary confusion that will lead to divorce? It's because of people like you that the average human being now marries up to 5 times before they die(i made this up sha). When God created man, he apportioned roles to each of them. It's when one tries to take up the other person's role that problem starts and it can eventually lead to the end of the marriage.

As much as i don't see anything wrong in you speaking Yoruba to your son but if your husband has a problem with it, you have to discuss it with him and his words should be final. Yes, you heard me. The reason why he's the head of the family is because he reserves the right to make the final decision when there's a conflict. I also think you went into marriage with a wrong mentality which is to bring federal character into your marriage. If you love your husband soo much then you should learn his Esan and speak it to your child. Any husband that allows you to give your child a name from your language to speak your language to the child is just being nice and nonchalant. These are things people should discuss before getting married.

It will eventually be legalized one day but that day is very far away.

Can someone remind me of Don jazzy's crime again?

yemi2plus: HIV can be gotten through other means, not just sex alone.

Does that stop it from being an STD?

The should kukuma give it to Venezuela by default. The Miss Universe pageant is always dominated by Latin American countries. But i can't complain cos the girls are always gorgeous. Miss Universe contestants tend to be finer than those of Miss World.

lacicrips: There's been so many arguments here and offline about your argument. I always try to steer clear off of them.

I'm ika, and I can't say I don't understand the igbo language, I do. I'm always of the opinion that people should be left to choose/decide where they want to belong to or rather where they believe they originated from. And majority of them have vehemently rejected the Igbo origin. And I believe it's for a good reason; trying to create an identity for themselves. I know if you ask me, I'll tell you I'm not igbo.

I'm referring to the Igbo language and not Igbo origin. I'm also tired of the endless Ika-Igbo argument. So, i'm not for or against the fact whether Ikas are Igbo or not as far as this thread is concerned, i'm only referring to the fact that knowing how to speak Ika and mainstream Igbo shouldn't be soo much of an achievement because it's like speaking different dialects or a language. Note that i said language and not ethnic group.

lacicrips: Not sure about the bolded. Most people would disagree with you.

Of course some would but it's what it is. if you understand Ika, it's not so much of an achievement understanding mainstream Igbo.

No HIV?

The only thing i like about Ifeanyi Uba is his campaign song where a man was singing like a woman. Obanikoro had a better campiagn song than Fashola but Fashola won.

@OP
Ifeanyi Uba is a hustler and not a technocrat of good administrator and he hasn't shown any love for Anambra by investing heavily in the state despite being from there. I'm really indifferent about him cos i know he doesn't stand a chance.

lacicrips: Agbor is a town, not a language. I believe you meant to say "Ika".

Of course i'm aware of that. I was just giving him options of more Igbo speaking people.

I knew WestBrom would win but didn't know they would wrap up the game so soon. I've always known chelsea to be a fluke.

I speak Igbo, English, Pidgin English, Pidgin Igbo, Warri Pidgin, Engligbo, Yoruba and Sign language. I'm learning Spanish and Portuguese.

OPIA jesus: English, igbo, kwale, ukwuani nd 10,598 others

You for kuku add Agbor and Ndokwa language

agbameta: You are blaming the poster for expressing his entitled opinion, but you at the same time replaced the poster's entitled opinion with your own flawed and ridiculous opinion.

I know you are a skilled hypocrite, but must you make it too obvious?

I called him out for speaking for the majority of Rivers people and not for speaking his person opinion. What i wrote is what i think and not what the majority thinks. I've not come here to say Jonathan and Wike wields more influence than Amaechi. In Rivers, institutions are much more respected than individuals.

Pataki: I suppose it is the same way Tinubu is now a nobody in Lagos and the South-West region at large? Or should we also assume OBJ is a nobody too since he is out of government house, or perhaps IBB? Just because there are no reasonable role models from your region does not mean the likes of Amaechi does not command amazing followers from Rivers and the SS region at large.

You really should start thinking before writing your thoughts out.

If you must know, the political and social idiosyncrasies of Lagos, SW, the North and the former Eastern Nigeria is not the same. It's for that reason that a certain Chris Uba who once once powerful in Anambra state is now a relative nobody as far as wielding political influence in Anambra is concerned. It's for the same reason why Orji Uzor kalu made Theodore Orji governor but became a political leper afterwards. It'd different from Northern and South-Western politics where one individual can wield so much power for a very long time. Eastern Nigeria is egalitarian in nature and no one individual can be said to have an overwhelming influence over a huge number of people. What you have are local power wielders whose power does not cross their neck of the wood.

This team is one of the most rounded Nigerian team that i've seen. It's really hard picking a single player from the pack. They've all done a wonderful job but i was impressed in Iheanacho, Musa Mohammed, Yahaya, Alampasu and Nwakali. These guys made all the difference.