₦airaland Forum

lastpage: SIMPLE SOLUTION!

The wife is Yoruba, she does not speak Esan language but Yoruba, so how can she teach a child, a language she herself does not speak?

This Esan husband forming "gra-gra' should take it upon himself to teach his son, his language.....

....instead of threatening his wife and shifting responsibility to her.

Wifey should just pipe down, dont speak Yoruba to your son in his presence and remind him to ALWAYS speak "Esan" to both fo you anytime he speaks to you or his son.

Sooner than later, he will get fed-up with his over-exaggeration of this his God-given paternal bravado!

Lastpage!

I still can't find where the husband told the wife to speak Esan to the child.

Castroii: I can speak English, pidgin English, Francais fluently, bt ibo n hausa, am nt that fluent with them.

I want to believe you're Igbo.

Illuminatus: You don't have a problem...yet. You guys have dated for six years and in that time, religion hasn't a problem for you guys, why should it become one now?
I guess it depends on what you're afraid of. If she won't stop the kids from attending your church, and you promise to not force the kids to attend with you, things will be simple for you guys. You like her, she likes you. You like certain qualities about her that you can't find in many other women. I think you have the answer to your question.
Good luck

Dating and Marriage are two different hings entirely. That you tolerate one in a romantic relationship doesn't mean you would in a marriage. It's good that he's asking questions now that he wants to take the relationship to an entirely new and different level. It's not ok to assume that since there hasn't been any problem, that there wouldn't be one. The lady in this thread https://www.nairaland.com/1511194/banned-speaking-language-baby thought so too.

You have to weigh the pros and cons and decide for yourself. You're the only who can make that decision. If her being an atheist is not something you can deal with then let her go or try to change her before marriage. Don't go into marriage thinking you can change her. If you accept her the way she is now then be ready to accept her in marriage. Don't make a mistake that could bring squabbles into your marriage. It's good to know that you're even discussing this before marriage so that some years down the line, you don't come complaining about how your wife has refused to follow you to church.

djeezy: Op, I have the same problem too. I despise being called upon to lead a group prayer. The last time I did, I ended up using a lot of legal maxims and legal words. I think this syndrome should be called prayerphobia.lol

There was a time i used to write down the path my prayer would take incase i get called upon to lead prayers.

CFCfan: The city I live in only has 1.9% of the population as Blacks

Chei It means Nigerian will be scarce in that city.

Amefrica: Alaska, Texas and California.

yeah. I think Florida and some midwestern states are also close.

That's really small a number. I can't live in a city with way less than the average percent of blacks in the US. Something around 10% or close to is more like it. I also can't live in a city with over 40% of blacks except for maybe Atlanta.

CFCfan: Fun fact: The U.S. is 10.6 times bigger than Nigeria in total area.

I thought it was more than that. It's reputed that Texas alone is bigger than Nigeria.

CFCfan: No. Anaheim is a totally different city.

You live there now? What happened to San Diego? Too much Mexicans? The population of blacks in Anaheim seems very small. I wonder hwo you guys cope.

shachris: So which of the Goliaths did david kill?

He killed Goliath of Gath.

Goliath is a title and not a name, so there were different people in the bible that were called Goliath.

CFCfan: Yes, I do. I live south of Anaheim.
Anaheim is one beautiful city!

Is Anaheim another name for San Diego?

I couldn't think of a better topic title for this thread. Pls you can help out.

The problem is that i always shy away from being called out when i'm in a gathering to lead a prayer session because i feel i can't pray effectively. Infact, whenever i'm called it's life the ground should just swallow me up and save me the embarrassment. This has been a recurring decimal and that's why i try as much as possible to stay away from small congregations where i stand a very high chance of being called up t o lead prayer sessions.

Now the issue exactly is that, while praying, i can't construct sentences very well and can't use the verbal aesthetics and theatrics that a lot of Christians use. I pray as if i'm just talking normally and i try as much as possible to be able to strong words together like a lot of Christians do. My prayers also don't last more than 1 minute. At most 2 minutes. Some weeks ago i was called up to round off a prayer session and when i was done, i could feel it in people's faces that "Na the Prayer be that?". Now, i want to know if one must use words beautifully before one's prayer must be answered. What is wrong with just saying your prayers in plain, simple English.

I've noticed that Obiano always switches to Igbo when he can no longer communicate in English.

C.Ovo:
I'm sorry,but you are so so WRONG!

Are you an illiterate? If i'm wrong, tell me why i'm wrong and don't just make a blanket statement.

Mr Uzodimma, biko mechie onugi there. I'm tired of these inept Igbo leaders telling us whom to vote for. They should focus on what they were elected to do and leave Ndigbo the hell alone.

Ukuts gp: when u do what is contrary to the word of God, will u go to heaven or not

There's a reason why there's grace. We don't operate based on laws any more. So, as long as you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior, whichever doctrines one may have adhered to does not count.

Ukuts gp: so when you accept jesus that's all. U accept jesus and u always do what he says u shouldn't do is called what? What caused the spiritual death of Adam and Eve? U think heaven is prepared for every nonchalant people abi? Every nonsense can stroll into it like their father's parlour. Isn't it? U amazed me

I'm saying what the bible says. Take up the issue with the bible.

Chanchit: Mhen, I'M highly scared of the comments i'm seeing on this thread. i have tried my best not to interfere on any tribal issues on NL. I just can't imagine how people could be so carried away by tribal sentiments to the extent of being lost bwt right and wrong. For someone like Afam, just put urself in the op's shoe, if ur sister comes and tell you that her Esan husband told her never to speak Igbo to her baby again, a language they both speak, would you be happy with it...? some people even suggest that the wife should go and learn Esan language so that she would teach the baby, are you guys really for real...? jeez...! this is really annoying. so after carrying the baby for 9months, she should start learning her husbands language again just because she wants to teach the baby, when her husband is not dumb
. I'm not surprised by that ChineloSA's comment, cos I knew she has no brain before now, but Afam just confirmed how far he could go.

I never said the husband did the right. All i'm saying is that it's now his decision and has to be respected. If my sister's husband tells her the same thing, as much as i will be angry, i'll know that the fact that she agreed to marry a Non-Igbo is something she agreed to and has to live in the consequences. Why do you think some parents go all out to stop their ward from married outside their tribe?

De Beauvoir: Thanks for sharing your opinion.

However, it will take me a very long time to completely show you how flawed your reasoning is and I am sure I want to put myself through the stress of doing that so let me just mention a bit of what I wanted to say.

A lot of the behavior you see people displaying today has nothing to do with 'how god created them', no offense. People are conditioned into believing certain things and once they believe those things, their behavior is shaped by those things and they act in accordance with their beliefs. The mind/brain is a very powerful thing you see. It can work wonders, the thoughts you have in your brain about yourself go a long way to shape who you actually are as a person. There was a research carried out sometime ago that showed that people who believe they have good memories end up with better/improved memories than those who didn't. The only thing boosting their mental powers was their beliefs.

Even on Nairaland sometime ago, there was thread posted about some people who were raised by animals. The mature ones among them who had spent a great part of their lives believing that they were lower animals, had a difficult time adapting to the civilized world. One of them even ran back into the forest to live with her animal friends after she was rescued because she had been conditioned her whole life to believe that she was an animal.
Read it here;
https://www.nairaland.com/1494144/9-children-raised-animals

So what I'm saying is that whoever you turn out to be is greatly determined by what society shaped you into believing about yourself. People's abilities and talents and the roles they should play in life is not and should not be determined by gender.
I hope my point is clear to you, I was a bit sleepy while typing this.

If i get you correctly, your point is that, men being the head of the family may have been created by humans and not nature. if that's the case then a woman that wants to lead a family in the capacity of the breadwinner or head should find a husband who will submit and she should not take an oath that says she will submit and later not do so. As far equality is concerned, like i've been saying is not possible the way you want it. That's why as the person you quoted put it, a man and a woman cannot hold a steering at the same time. One has to hold it while the other gives advice and direction. It's either you're one or the other. Both of you can't be both at the same time. Even people who come together to form a business as equal partners end of taking different roles how much more a couple.

All these ITK people sha... The bible says that anyone who does not accept Jesus as their lord and saviour will go to hell and not anyone who has doctrines. The basis for making heaven is accepting Jesus. Chikena.

tintingz: She's not a yoruba woman anymore because she's married to an Esan man and she should start thinking like an esan person? When are we going to stop seeing women as properties. She's still a yoruba woman no matter who she is married to. Yes she might be one of them but not an esan person.

I agree with you.

ndu_chucks: No time to read all the comments. My suggestion to you is to note that it is most unhealtly for a baby to be raised in an environment where you and your hubby constantly bicker and fight over, of all things, speaking your language to your child. For your child's welfare and that of your marriage, I'd suggest that for now, you stop speaking the language to your baby while your hubby is arround. But make it a point to continue to speak the language to your child on a daily basis.

This way, you kill 2 birds with a stone

One day the child will say to his dad "baba mo love yin gan" (baba I love you very much), let's see whether the insecure man will disown the child afterward.

Pls don't take this advice This is a recipe for disaster. You don't go cheating on your husband. What if he finds out she's been doing it behind his back?

Triciana gal: What are you on about? Of course the women who had loving husbands were not entrapped. My point is even women who were abused could not divorce their husbands in those days and it was mostly because of financial reasons. I am not saying a woman who doesn't have money is entrapped but rather the ones who are in a bad marriage but have no money cannot leave. In an ideal situation it wouldn't matter who makes the money unfortunately in bad situations lack of more can make one very vulnerable. You should try not to be so emotional and jump to conclusions.

Now you're shifting the goal post. You made a bold statement and i quote:

"Actually the fact that they didn't divorce is not necessarily because they were happy but rather because most women were fanacially dependent in their husband so they basically had no where to go to"

Mujah1deen: Please don't stop there, kindly give us the link where you took your bogus statistics

Lol

Triciana gal: Actually the fact that they didn't divorce is not necessarily because they were happy but rather because most women were fanacially dependent in their husband so they basically had no where to go to. The higher rate of divorce is not so much because people are coping westerners but now women who are miserable in their marriages are no longer trapped since they can survive alone. Let us not blame everything on western world but rather the society has changed since the roles if women has changed a lot.

I won't blame you if you call it entrapment. That's the word the proponents of the warped equality in marriage have been using. Our mothers never complained about their roles and were doing it willingly, so who are you to tell them that they were entrapped? Did they tell you they want to be financially independent. Are you aware that when you marry a man, both of you become ONE and everything he owns becomes yours and vice-versa. So, why would anyone say a woman is entrapped in marriage because she does not make her own money. You people should fear God oo.

De Beauvoir: Is that what the Iman preached in the mosque yesterday?

Anyway I don't agree with your biased and sexist opinion. Women are equally as intelligent as men so there is no reason why they should throw away their decision making abilities and start "submitting" to another person and letting that person decide how they live their lives.

Marriage should be about understanding and agreement and couples should discuss anything they want to implement in their marriage instead of following ridiculous laws about how the women must always submit to what the man says.

Women are/can(be) intelligent in their own things. They mustn't try to do exactly what their husbands are dfoing to show that they're equally intelligent. God created everyone with a role in mind. Everyone has a mission in this world. A banker does not go about doing the job of a lawyer. A husband cannot go about telling his wife the amount of maggi to put in a soup, so why should she tell him what to do in his own line of work? Isn't that what causes conflict in marriage?

gothrones: And what about in Nigeria? We have many marital problems as other Western countries. I lived in Nigeria till I was 19 and so many women in Nigerian marriages are not only unhappy, but they cannot escape their prison because of societal disdain for divorce. It is easy for you to hold your position because you are a man.

If a woman told me that she was the head of our family because some god said so, I'd be pissed too. God did not appoint any roles to anyone. They are all societal constructs.

The reason why people are having problems in marriage in Nigeria is due to the same reason. We're trying to copy the westerners in their warped definition of equality in marriage, that's why the divorce rate is increasing in Nigeria. Tell me why our parents were not divorcing like no man's business. It's because they understood that there's no such thing as equality in Marriage, the way it's defined.

But some years back people were equating the dwindling fortunes of Nigerian football to Jonathan yet Jonathan shouldn't take credit now that things are beginning to look up in that sector. Is the Sports ministry not under the administration of Jonathan? Are their workings independent of the Government? I don't know why human beings are just wicked.