₦airaland Forum

Stupedinluv:
The world is not a pretty place. For e.g Often times we hear jibes, insulting remarks about west African women esp Nigerian women having features that are unappealing from our east African brothers and sisters mostly out of ignorance...but what do our men do, they either stand back and watch or join in to spite us more.

Why bother why waste your time, energy, develop yourself for men who will never see anything good in you? After all you are putting in your best for them?

ok, just wanted to be sure about what you mean... The bold is exactly the problem!
Develop yourself for men Are you kidding me? What happened to developing yourself for YOU?
what happened to developing yourself so your parent(s) can look at you and be proud?
Some women just center their whole existence on a man.. how do you expect not to get hurt?
You see ladies dress up and be like "what will he think? " how about "what do I think of myself in this outfit?"
And same applies to every other thing in this life. We should channel our thinking to what God thinks about us and secondly, what we think about ourselves...
If you don't love yourself or you are not happy with yourself from within, you can never get it outside(from men) ever heard of the saying "you can't give what you don't have" sure you have.
But I say, "you can't have what you don't give" if you don't give yourself respect, you can't get it from any man.
If you don't love yourself, you can't get it from any man,
If you can't pamper yourself, then you certainly can't get it from a man. Stop doing things for men, and start doing things for yourself!

She is beautiful in and out!
Sis lami!!! You are definitely planning my wedding by God's grace.

Stupedinluv:
Secondly, if things get to a point where my man would stand back and watch me praise myself in self defence, then things have really gone bad and i must have to gradually begin to let go. If my man is without my praise on his lips then of what essence is my beauty and earnings for. He is not worth it and should know you are not a fool. Let him depart with his gifts.
If team foreign man would only praise foreign women they've never been with and abuse you, ever heard of boycott!!! Don't fill his thread with your posts, let him go. And weep not for the road untravelled.

Please can you throw more light on this part? Expecially the bold.

Smh, I won't blame you sha

Smh

I feared this was going to happen. their chances really looked slim....

These things you mentioned are just avoidable situations sexycleopatra... let me analyse it from your points.

Sexycleopatra:
1. After taking us out for an expensive date, we must reciprocate by sleeping with u guys.
Can u just imagine? Do we look so cheap? So u think we will open our precious legs for some worthless food? Or some expensive outing, sort of Oh come off it... some of dem even feel like it's their right.. you can't buy sex wit food na, it's so not right.. a girl will only give u her cookie if she wants to, not because of ur "damn outings" u take us to. Don't think like dat next time please. We ain't sex dolls.

You subconsciously opened your "precious legs" the moment he paid for that "worthless food" you ate" (how can you refer to something you ate as worthless tho ). That gave him the right to ask for whatever he wants from you.
If you had paid for the food yourself, trust me, he won't expect any reciprocation through sex. It will just be a lovely night well spent. Nobody lost anything. Simple isn't it?

Sexycleopatra:
2. We must give you guys our number wen u ask for it.
That's how this dude offered to give me a lift in his car, so befor I accepted to enter, he said I have to give him my number... lwkmd.. who just does that cmon.. don't be a loser. Even some after giving the babe a lift, dey see it as a must to ask her for her number.. and if she declines, they begin to curse our generation at our backs.. u just wonder what runs through their minds after telling dem No I can't. They be like, "very stupidd girl, she doesn't knw what she is missing.." etc. Well newsflash, we have a device dat can read minds now

If you had turned down the lift offer (politely o) there won't be any reason for this experience and story. I mean, you left your house with the intention of taking public transport abi? Why the change of plans when you see a lift from someone you don't know?
You don't feel it's safe to give "a stranger" that lifted you your numer, but you feel safe to ride with the said "stranger" Who are we deceiving abeg!

Sexycleopatra:
3. We must say yes wen u toast us
Some guys r just so funny in this part. U"d see d likes of tosyne2much coming up with sweet lines he probably copied from cutehector, and want to try it with estharfabian. And will think estharfabian will say yes to his advances just like dat.. sorrrrrrrrry... it doesn't work dat way.. don't try too hard when toastin us na, we knw konji is really catching u, but sorrry, we ain't dat cheap. Hence we say no.

There is nothing wrong in turning a guy you don't like down. I mean, it's your choice. But what is wrong is when you lead him on... This is just wrong! How can you allow a guy spend on you when you know fully well you are not going to date him of course he expects you to say YES to his "toasting" since you can't say NO to his spending! A girl did this to my friend and I will pressed P on his behalf I'm serious tho hanhan, you can't let a guy's spend and turn him down. And you expect him not to be pained?..

Sexycleopatra:
4. We must play "wife" all because we answer "ur girlfrnd"
Just because a babe is your girlfnd doesn't give u the right to think she must play wifely duties to u, like cook clean wash etc. U see the likes of wristwatch(no pun intended), they will just want to convert u to housemaid, they will expect u to come and visit to cook and clean and wash their dirty boxers.. sorrrrrrry.. doest work dat way. If u want all these services please kindly put a ring on that finger.

If you are not ready to play the role of a wife, then stop making him play the role of your parents (if you are still under them) and if you are not, stop making him play the role you are suppose to play in your own life! I mean, you owe that to yourself, your dignity and pride.. ladies that work hard to provide for themselves and even their aged parents don't have two head. Be responsible for yourself and no boyfriend will expect you to play a wife role for him. It's common sense.

And as for your NO.5
No, they don't expect you to give them money, they expect you to assist them when they are down just as you expect them to assist you.

Shortyy:
I don't get it. Is patience ozokwor a born again or what?

what is your defination of a born again?

harbdulrasaq88:
The photos were shared by Yakubu Adamu, SA Communications to the Deputy Governor of Bauchi State, Engr. Nuhu Gidado. After the cut is the conversation that took place between them



Funny Conversation
Girl: I know you. Kai ne Deputy Governor.
DGov: That's brilliant of you. What's is your name and how old are you?
Girl: I want to be a Deputy Governor when I grow.
DGov: Which means you have to read your books very well and be a good girl at home.
Girl: They are all looking at me somehow. Nikam kace ma police din nan bazan sauka a cinyan ka ba"

http://www.newshelm.com/2016/03/photos-little-girl-tells-bauchi-state.html

lol, did she really say the bold?? If she did, then I'm a little bit worried..
Sharp mouth tho

Dannidom:
You dont get the point. Ofcourse it will be nice when a girl pays our bill after a date but then when you sub the fun part of it with blatant refusal to sheath your wallet even when the guy is practically begging. says one thing "This is a pity date and i dont want you to feel that I am indebted to you"

Lol, fun part indeed. If the girl wants to have the "fun part" I don't see anything wrong and that doesn't mean she doesn't love him

A man is obliged to provide for his FAMILY........ I don't know about a gf.
Or is the gf part of his family??

Dannidom:
4. If she goes out of her way to make sure that you don’t foot the bill entirely on your own, she is not interested. If it’s just the two of you (in the off chance that this happens in the first place), she will enforce the idea of going Dutch; if it’s a huge group of people, she will still advance her share of the damage. This is a sure sign that she doesn’t want to be indebted to you in any way possible, so that you don’t claim later on that she used you without being in love with you She is nipping it in the bud, buddy!

I don't agree with this one.. I mean, when has footing my own bill on a date become a sign that I'm not interested in the guy?
And I don't see anything wrong with the bold.. you guys sef, what do you really want?? A lady allows you spend on her, and you all call her a gold digger. She doesn't let you spend on her and you say she is not interested in you... Really?? haba!
Mu'n dai shiga uku

kibzz:
ouch... your probably too fat or too ugly..

yeah I am...

mineANDurs:
See question! . I wonder when my fellow womenfolk will learn. Oya go and marry a Ticking Time Bomb and come back later to complain when it Explodes. Mtcheew!

some will never learn! You are seeing the signs clearly and you are still confused about what mbok?
You will get married to him with all these signs, and when he starts beating you in his house, you will open your mouth too to insult Nigerian men. Your female children seeing what their dad is doing to you too will have the idea that Nigerian men are bad. And your male kids will see the way you nag to your husband( without knowing the frustration he is putting you through) and think all Nigerian women are nags... and that's how it all begins... and they will all go into the society creating threads on how Nigerian men are useless or how Nigerian women are useless... and start the #teamforeignguys and #teamforeigngirls

Please henergygirl don't marry him before you bring another generation of hateful kids into this alrdy hateful world,
The ones on NL are enough

Brymo:
Feminist

how?

wolfgangg:
No single day am here, there's gonna be a thread either against Nigerian guys or Nigerian ladies!
And the most annoying thing is that it's always about the same thing. It's either against broke, ugly, unfaithful guys or against biitchy, lazy, unfaithful girls!!!
If as a guy you can't cope with a lady that cheats on you' then move on and let it be rather than you ranting and if as a lady too you can't cope with broke guys' well there are many rich guys waiting for you' stop ranting!!!
You guys scream all the time #teamforeigngirls!! you girls too #teamforeignguys!! but 95% of you all still get married to Nigerians!!! So why all the ranting!!!
It's not compulsory you date a broke guy, and not compulsory you date a lazy chick!!

hehehehehe you just said nothing but the truth! And every Saturday a Nigerian man is getting married to a Nigerian Woman.. you now begin to wonder if NL is a different continent on its own

You should change your topic to "when will NAIRALAND guys and ladies stop ranting"

Hehehehe
This one is actually boring., I enjoyed the comments in the other thread more. This one is just full of anger than experience

Omg!!!!

ourchoice:
I have no option than to believe totally in all you wrote! You are a true reflection of a great woman or woman-to-be, keep it up and remain focused and don't let those irresponsible ladies derail you. You will be great! My little advice: if you are still in school, learn ways to earn passive income online and offline now that you are still under your parents care...it will help you grow faster...don't just wait for a white collar job after graduation, it hardly make people rich, stay blessed, I so much love your comment

I have a little company alrdy, thanks for the advice may God bless us all

[quote author=Fabulocity post=43672981]10) Very immature : Finally, they could be so immature! I always shake my head in disgust when I see grown ass men behaving like babies. What would make a grown ass man who has gone through formal education and the four walls of a university do immature things like releasing the nudes of an ex (again, fůck boy syndrome), beat up a woman, ask his babe to return everything he got her while they were dating after they break up. Like Seriously?? Just because they might have a penis and they grow beards doesn't mean they are mature individuals. They are just kids in adult clothing.

1.. what will make a girl that is mental and emotionally stable send her nudes to her bf
2..any man that beats a woman is not mentally ok.
3... women! Woman! Please stop accepting gifts you can't afford!!!!!!!!! This is just wrong! If the gifts he gifted you are things you can afford, giving it back won't be a problem! Even if you think he is not mature, just give them back, that's how far his reasoning can go. Simple

ourchoice:
And I am sure that if you are sure that a guy haven't bought you any of the aforementioned things the guy listed, then you must be below 25yrs of age and still under your parents' care.

In Nigeria, ladies believe that their boyfriends and husbands ought to buy them their phones, wigs, hair fix, clothes, etc...and its very absurd to say!

It speaks ill of our societal values

let me start with the bold, true I'm below 25 but may I remind you that it has nothing to do with age.. We have Nigerian ladies of above 25 and not depending on any man for nothing.
We also have girls of 16 alrdy depending on a bf or just any man for stuffs(in most cases iv seen, not that their parents are not financially capable. No, some girls just see it as a right which is totally wrong. And I don't blame guys who treat such girls like trash. I mean, what do you expect??) No man can look me in the face and say "I got this for you" never. And if you got a gift for me and you feel it gives you an edge to disrespect me, ill buy you double of what you got and that's it! I always say this life is simple we humans just tend to complicate it by all means.
I don't see anything wrong in my parent still providing for me before i can stand on my feets. I am their responsibility and not any man's responsibility. And when I get married I will be responsible for my own self and my parents and not depend on my husband. It's that simple!


And the second part, please can everybody stop generalising??! Not all and I repeat not all Nigerian women are men dependent! I can speak for myself and some of my friends too. Men are alrdy domineering by nature. I always tell ladies, giving them the opportunity to buy stuffs for you is like fueling their alrdy alrdy domineering spirit.

The OP went off with her number 1 point. She speaks for herself and not every Nigerian lady.

SmoothCruiz:
How many girls on this thread bought the phones they're using with their OWN money? The fake wigs? The eyelashes? Heck! You even beg to purchase sanitary pads.
[/i]

no guy has ever bought me any of those things you mentioned

Mtchw.
Anyways most of the Nigerian men iv met are nothing like what the OP has mentioned(met more of the positives than the negative). I know alot of responsible NIGERIAN men.
and I'm definitely going to get married to a wonderful NIGERIAN MAN. By God's grace
The thing is know your class and evaluate.
If as a lady, you keep meeting the "wrong"(because everybody's defination of wrong is different) men, then check yourself. There is something wrong with you or what you are doing. Same applies to the guys also.

He will be amazed when he gets there.
Kano is lovely!

IndianBwoy:
Dont be foolish . Her family clearly wants to preserve their culture. And there are good/bad, successful/unsucessful people in every tribe. If she tries hard she will be succesful.

Also marrying within the tribe preserves culture language and identity of the children. It will preserve family values and ties which act as a support incase anything goes wrong. Marriage is a union between two families. More stronger ties and background. More underetanding.

you could still air your opinion without the bold..

Jacksparr0w1207:
and what exactly is your point?

So giving her money is supposed to mean 'paying her for s*x? Which kind people come full this forum sef?

yes na, that's what the OP means. If not, I don't see why he should refer to what he has done for her all cause she refused him sex. It's obvious to him that's what the "love" he has for her means. "I spend on you, you give me sex" And did you miss the part where I said this?

amokeme:
Let me come to your level of reasoning

ebijimi7:
I have been dating my Gf for 3 years now which I hadn't had sex with each time we got into a romantic affair the question she always ask is will you dump me for another girl which implies she doesn't trust me now I asked her for sex then she said no way that I can't thou I am not willing to do it but just to see what she would say and this is d gal I have spent so much on and this same girl hurt me 3rice I still stood by her because of the unconditional lovei have for her but please do you think she is suppose to deny me of sex even if I am not doing it is it proper?

the bold is just really annoying! Let me come to your level of reasoning...
Why would you spend a dime on her when she is refusing you sex You people will jist be complicating life.

Stupedinluv:
I think Nairaland should consider our "frustration" too. By and by am not losing my head ...just, i don't find it funny anymore.

what a man says about a woman is not his fault and what a woman says about a man is not her fault also.. These things are out of experience. This is a faceless forum. Alot of people were brought up by terrible parent (s) while some very loving ones, therefore, the views about how each gender is perceived or should be treated can never be the same... imagine a girl saying all men are dogs, what kind of father figure do you think raised such girl? Or a man saying all women are sluts. You think he doesn't have sisters or a mother figure?? What I'm trying to say is all these bashing are piled up emotions and NL is just the right dumping ground

Stupedinluv:
Pray tell, why do topics that belittle women and our choices make it like the speed of lightening to FP? Not fair. This is injustice.

Men are pampered more on this forum so they feel relaxed and at home but women have to keep running up and down every thread to prove they are not all stup!d. This is injustice.

We have emotions and therefore deserve the same respect metted out to our malefolks.

The administrators should look into this please. This forum was created for Nigerians and the men are not more "Nigerian"

Thank you.

lol, at the bold, if you have the opportunity to meet with the people you try to "prove" anything to in person, you will just cry.
Nigeria is tensed up, and NL is some people's only chance of getting attention or venting out frustration, you don't want to deny people that do you?. Just relax and enjoy the fun, don't loose your head over anything trust me.

Epatty:
really scared nt to make d wrng choice all in d name of lukn for my tribe.

it's now about the tribe again?? Do you even know what you want? Do you love this guy sef or its a self induced love due to the fact that he is "your tribe" so your mum won't mind you marrying a beast so long as he is "your tribe" You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your mum. Because her insistence on you marrying your tribe is be clouding your judgement

Epatty:
My parents have always wanted us to marry our tribe and not like we are in our state that I can say to get them will be possible. I have met with several men but didn't go into a relationship with them because they are not my tribe. The ones that are my tribe are so annoying and wayward. Now, there is this guy I have known for 4yrs as a friend, he have been so good to me but a barber and also in his final year, he is my tribe but I have not paid attention to him all this while upon he loves me. Am now in love with him but he's a barber and am scared if loving him and going into a relationship with him is a nice idea or should I still wait a little more?

I don't know the guy, but for him to be a barber and in school shows he is not a lazy person therefore, the future for him is very promising. (From your write up, seems his financial status is a problem to you). He is a barber today doesn't mean he will be forever.
If you are sure he loves you and you love him too, then what has him being a barber got to do with anything? Does it make him less than a man Definitely not! Relationship shouldn't be about the financial gains.. your parents are there to carter for your needs.(that's if you don't have something to support yourself with) and not your bf.
How will you feel if a man says he can't date you because you are still a student? Please, stop thinking of what a bf can do for you (he might use it against you one day. Especially if it's financial ) and start thinking of what you can do for yourself.