₦airaland Forum

brownsugar007: right now i am so so angry and pisses off,how do i handle

Below is one of the things I said in your pre-wedding thread and I still stand by it. Disregard the first part since you are already married, concentrate more on the latter part. You both need it for sanity to reign in your home.

The guy painted in this scenario is not yet ripe for marriage including the OP. They both lack anger and conflict management. Even if they will marry, I will advise that they postpone their wedding for them to train and educate themselves on anger and conflict management.

Since you have married him, the best bet is for you two to work in making your marriage work. In daily relationship with people including marriage, you do not resolve issues everytime with force. There are times that silence will do for you what thunder and brimstone can't.

You lack patience, tact and maturity going by your first thread and your husband too isn't any better in dealing with a situation without turning it into war. You are newly wed, I believe this period should be used to cement the bonding you have been feeling for each other and not for a localised world war in your home.

I hope this phase pass away for you for better days to be ushered in. Divorce is not something you should be throwing around like a dice. whatever the case, please strive and fight for your home to make it a positive example for others.

It is well

pickabeau1: hawaii....ive not been there before though but there are other places that are not as far.. its quite far from continental us

Maldives - close to india n allows you do dobuy en route

Seychelles - i hear its paradise

The Seychelles isn't a bad idea....

What nutritional advantage does a cereal has over pap? Could someone please educate me?

Changing from cereal to pap is not backwardness except cereal is more nutritious which I doubt. I don't trust those additional bio-chemical contents of cereal.

I believe gas is cheaper than kerosene in the long run. Gas does not come with additional costs of washing your blackened pots from the stove's soot. It lasts longer than kerosene too.

Like I suggested earlier, take your annual leave now to plan whatever you will end up doing. During the leave period, think and organise your strategies and whatever you desire.

For a daycare center, you can read this foreign link for starting small. I wouldn't know how your sitting room is, you will also need a separated place for the kids to take their nap and lots of educational toys. You should also get approval from necessary authority to forestall future trouble, probably from ministry of education

http://www.childrenview.com/daycare/starting_a_daycare.php

May God help and guide you in the right way to go.

Lifted123: Sorry you quite misunderstand the analogy. Nigerians do not believe in accountability and the duration and circumstances of events affects our view of issues. That is what I meant. The holocaust was war and war is no child play so one could excuse the excesses of the nazi. Even till now, nazi war crimes are still being punished. get it now?

I'm sorry if I misunderstood your analogy but I think I didn't misunderstand your grand message. With respect to what I deduced here, your definition of accountability in this case is subjective. Not a straight target.

Meanwhile, some Nigerians may not believe in accountability but some demands that you are completely. Being accountable still doesn't mean there wouldn't be room for pardon when a party errs. Every country, race, culture and tradition has her own deficiency of accountability. Some are only not obvious. No system is perfect.

Lifted123: The original post was placed on another forum in a Western country and the comments were quite the opposite. I want to believe I can make deductions from this as a basis for understanding value systems in Nigeria as against another western country.

There is no hope for our dear country Nigeria. The things that are unacceptable in other climes or morally are so deeply rooted in our psyches. We as a people do not understand the importance of responsibility or even accountability.

I couldn't get to read your initial submission but read through people's comments to have an idea of what you posted. All I can deduce is your wife offended you prior to tying the knot which you discovered late, for that you plan to divorce her.

I may not have contrary opinion to what other posters have advised but I have to completely disagree with the crap you wrote up here about the country being hopeless. How can you arrive at such a conclusion based on the little issue you had with your wife? If you have problem with unforgiveness, does that mean everybody should tow that path?

Your analogy of the Nazi holocaust is quite opposite and at variant with overall picture of your own scenario. If we are to go by your claim of western country's moral uprightness, Hilary should have divorced Bill a long time to mention only one of numerous cases.

Bro, stop comparing Yam with Banana..

^^^ I smell "polymonikering" here

1. Ask some of your colleagues in the office if by chance there is an affordable creche around your work place.

2. Ask your husband if there is an affordable daycare close to his own place of work. He can be taking the baby and bringing her when he closes.

3. Its a new year and new leave year, take your annual leave now and find a lasting solution to this issue during the leave period.

4. A more creative approach, depending on what your company does, you can discuss with the management to create a creche location in the company's compound. Staff can be putting there children there with deduction from their salary.

pslm23: sorry oh, but please what is NID and NIN I guess i have been away too long

NID: Nigerians In Diaspora

NIN: Nigerians In Nigeria.

Aybank: Thank you sir for your reply.... Pls how long do you think this process would take

Depending on the matured time for payment. But the fact that the account owner is late maybe they can pay immediately once the necessary documents are received. Let him go to the PFA's office for detailed info.

The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury...........Marcus Aurelius.

A man that studies revenge keeps his own wounds green..................Francis Bacon.

While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself..................Douglas Horton.

He will only be wasting his time plotting revenge. The girl will meet her waterloo ahead, let your cousin move on with his life and dumb her ass. She's 27 and still playing game. I hope she will not become a special prayer point in her church someday.

If a father does not care for his children, who else should do it?

One good thing is that he lives in a country where he can get paternity leave. In countries where such opportunity are best existing in the dream, he would have been deeply hurt to make it happen.

Well, this is another counter to those who claim blacks make bad father..... Kudos to the guy and I wish him well in his parenting duties..

If his mother filled him as her next of kin, he can claim the pension fund. However, pension fund has law guiding when payment can be made. I am not sure if the pay-out is already matured.

Meanwhile, he can go to the PFA for enquiry, he would be told the documents he needs to bring for the claim.

The looking down on others syndrome is not restricted to divorce women alone. You will be looked down on if you do anything regarded as against the norm of cultural or religious practise.

Like you have been told, give no attention to them. Forget what is in the past, look forward to the happiness and fulfillment ahead. Do you plan to remarry?

laminaria: thanks for ur responses please could u do me a favour of Anu skul of TAFE that doesn't need ielts.....2 or 3 wil be fine. perhaps I can get or email.

Bro, somethings are better done yourself than waiting to be spoon-fed. The thread is meant to provide guidance, encouragement and counselling to prospective applicants when they are stuck during the application process and not for dashing out information you can get yourself.

Google is a very powerful tool that can answer all the questions you have asked so far. Type TAFE Australia, in google, you will get information needed. Between nobody on this thread works with any Australian university, your best info are on the schools' websites.

If you encounter difficult problem, you can ask. You can do well by reading from page one of this thread.

Peace be still........

^^^ Religion, tradition and ignorance are reasons why most behave they do.

In the religious circles where people should get succour for their travails and challenges, are places they get condemned the most. We are mostly religious but not godly.

I understand your point. From such people, best is to keep away. Hypocrisy and religiosity are contagious.

Why do they look down on them?

Maybe they need something to gossip about or someone to look down on as being below them.

In life, people should care less about the useless opinion of others and focus on becoming what they want to be.

Meanwhile, it is not just a Nigerian thing, it is human nature but with different mode of expression.

rudedough: I totally disagree with you. It's 50% Y-Chromosome and 50% X-Chromosome.

Actually if you bring weight into the equation, the female X-Chromosome carries 3 times as much DNA material than the Y-Chromosome and in reality, the woman X-Chromosome has more say in determining the gender of the Child.

What are you saying?

shizzle11: Ileobatojo can you deny its not you?

Don't go there bro.... She is not the same as Omotenah

salsera: Even to thief designer bag for here you go sweat sotay u go give up

She needs Jesus.....

salsera: I swear if she fit change her pikin go believe say GOD dey truetrue
Me sef go bornagain again

I found this online, I wouldn't know how it can help her. Maybe she needs to be encouraged to start giving out some of the stuff to charity as the first step.

“Shop” without any method of payment. If the in-store experience is what you crave, then simply go there without any method of payment. This method lets you spend your time there as you wish, but keeps you from putting anything else on the credit card.

Do a spring cleaning. Go through all the stuff you have and decide which things you actually need – or even want. Collect together all of the useful stuff in one place, then really look at it. For some, the sight of how many useless things they’ve wasted their money on often can shock them into a change.

Chop up your credit cards. Don’t allow yourself the option of charging any more – simply chop up your cards and delete those numbers from any online accounts that may use them. This way, the only method you have available to you to spend is your actual cash.

Avoid the stores altogether. Do anything at all besides going to the stores where you’re tempted to waste money. Whenever you even think about the possibility, just do something else.

Change your routine. If part of your daily or weekly routine is to go to a particular place where you’re tempted to spend, change the routine. This may involve finding a new commute or any number of things, but the key is to take temptations out of your daily routine.

As a friend, however, you can go an extra step to help someone overcome their shopping addiction. Here are five things I am willing to do to help her out to get past her addiction.

Introduce her to inexpensive activities. She can come along when we do free, fun stuff like spending time in the park, doing volunteer work, and so on. These things can be a ton of fun, and so I strive to show her the fun parts of doing things where you don’t have to come home with an empty wallet.

Show her how to shop frugally. I could also go on shopping trips with her, showing her how to shop frugally and find good deals on stuff. Instead of dropping $300 at a clothes store, spend some time looking at what’s available at less-expensive clothes outlets.

Help her rework her budget. Spending an afternoon with her going through her spending in detail and showing her some better ways to optimize her money. This works well if the person is also taking some steps to actually curb their spending, as she is.

Invite her over to eat. We make simple, frugal meals all the time at home, while she usually eats out. Thus, inviting her over to eat and getting her involved in the food preparation works really well. It takes ten minutes to make a big batch of spaghetti, requires two pans and a bit of silverware, and makes enough that you can eat it multiple nights – a perfect example of how to cut down on spending. As does the crockpot.

Offer lots of encouragement. This seems strange to some: encouraging a friend not to shop? The best way to do this is to keep tabs on what they’re doing and make it clear that not buying a bunch of stuff is in fact a great, positive thing. Have a party for them when they pay off a credit card, for instance.

salsera: Its not just clothes and shoes - buys suitcases, kitchen ware, duvets, towels, bedsheets etc many of which have not been used in the last 5-8yrs
hmmm

That house is a potential store. Organise a garage sales there...lol

The rodents must have cursed you both for having such an empty kitchen.....

I am sure, the gossip must have reached the uttermost part of rodents world warning their fellow migrants not to consider your abode. To them, it is a wilderness with no water....

The person is fashion crazy and addicted...

How is addiction broken? By facing the demon head on, how? I don't know...

Be patient bro.......

damiso: Bellong no mind me jare . I will get there by His Grace . It's not easy but nothing good comes easy so will keep that in mind.

Now, this is more like it. May the grace be abundant. If I had known too, I would have started early than leaving it late.

PhD is good and interesting especially the research part. Its adventure....

damiso: How una dey . I don miss una oh.Na acada walahi singles abeg finish all school work before those babies start coming o. Me wey I say I wan reach Phd e be like say my liver don dey cut.

How your liver go cut? Abeg, push for that PhD degree oooo.

One of my supervisors started PhD after two children.

onegig: That is better. May the God's wake up healthy from their stupour.

I dey hail o. How was the break?

Forwarded that regimen to a friend of mine who's overweight. Should get a feedback soon.

The gods are shayo master, they will surely wake up healthy and sharp....


Share the testimony when he/she is done with it. The person needs to be seriously disciplined with food to observe it.

jaybeyblu: I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me. And told me to be prayerful that let God's will be done. That if we were meant to be we would be , but if he is not the right one for me, my own MR RIGHT would come soon. I am hopeful, and I thank you all for your advices God bless you...

Why would you hide the main details from your dad? If I were your dad, I would have given the same answer he gave because you hid the main details. I am sure if you have told him everything, his response and action would be different.

You shouldn't hide from the person that will bath you. Your dad above everyone has the right to know the details. Not telling him the details is a defeated course.

onegig: Just passing by...

I hope the gods eyes are closed and cant see me.

The gods are still celebrating. They see no one now, effect of too much "oguro"...

folymania: Thanks.

But u don't expect me to confront her with dat, do u?

Why not, its a friendly chat. Something like "whatever he deposits in my bank is what I will give the interest after 9months." Saying it jokingly and laughing it off..

[quote author=Logan_Rebirth]Her husband also does not have any say over the child's se.x,neither of them does,nature does.It's not as if he wishes and donates whichever xsomes he wants.[/quote]You can say this during the 18th century. Medical science has gone past this stage..