₦airaland Forum

Heiterkeit:
If I remember well, you were still identifying as a feminist on this forum at least up to 2018. What really changed or is it a case of hypocrisy? And were you expecting gender equality to stop being a buzz word just because you said you have stopped being a feminist? Don't you believe in the same gender equality again?

ALOCORA:
Reading all opinions have cleared a substantial part of my frustration.

I deliberately twist the case the other way. This is a true life situation in my home/marriage
1. 17years of marriage
2. Married my wife as a muslim lady then
3. She started visiting churches when i was out of the country in 2018 just for 3 months
4. All sort of pastors will invite her to mountains for prayers.
5. Started attending sunday services in my environ. Estate.
6. Going to vigils on fridays
7. Going with the children when am not home.

In all of this situations i let her know that i will not be able to bear her practice but she was adamant

Fast forward, she has turned to prayer warrior now, most nights she will not allow me sleep.

She even packed all her things and moved to the children room.

She brings her pastors to our home mostly when am not home for prayers.

She has turned our children to her new faith.

Any little matter in the home she calls her pastors to report and they could not even call me , the church is in my estate i know all of them

Now my concern is
1. Is it morally right for pastors to encourage a woman whose husband is of a different faith and who they new quite well is a Muslim to attend their church without confirming the husband position.
2. Will it be seen as excessive or inordinate if i choose to part way with her as she is no longer submisive to the marriage vows and peace but to her pastors.
3. I am a moslem and have chosen to be abide by my believes while i also understand her rights too but i will rather live with a woman of a similar faith as that was a condition i set for my marriage.
4. She has not be submissive since her going to church.

This has degerated to crisis in my home since last year september while i have chosen to stay away from her.

Heiterkeit:
What is your reason for being against gender equality, if you are against it. And if you are for it, what is your reason.

Excober08:
All the women in these pictures are dead! All within a space of 5 months.

They were all victims of domestic abuse and they all suffered extreme physical violence in the hands of their husbands up until their deaths.

Growing up, I was told the reason many women stay in abusive marriages is because they don’t have their own money and they can’t run back to their fathers house….

Let me shock you!!!

All the women in these pictures were the breadwinners; they were all independently and financially well to do. They all had their own money and they were all richer than their husbands. They were all equally educated and relatively exposed; everything you know about domestic violence, they knew much more!
But yet! Yet! Their lives were ended by the dead-beat men they chose to love!

Dear Women,
If he hits you once, he will definitely do it again and again and again. And if you make excuses for him the first time, you will see yourself making excuses for him, over and over and over again.
Maybe one day he will change, but until then, leave! Because he won’t change if keeps seeing you to punch. He can only change when you leave him! So, leave now! Carry you bag and go. Just go! And don’t come back!

Under the flyover is better than a inside the casket.

We can blame society, we can blame religion, we can blame the church! But the truth is, you always have a choice and the choice is always yours to make.

Religion cannot go, tradition cannot go, society cannot go… only you can go!

If you love yourself, leave! If you love your children, leave! If you love your friends, leave! If you love your partner, leave!

The rate at which women are dying in the hands of their partners these days is alarming. It’s seems like the right question to ask is….Who Is Next?

Klass99:
The Litigator and breaking news .

I shock pass you. A guy once asked a hilarious question on this forum that made me laugh.

While it was funny it was also a loaded question with depth and it was this - Dem use marriage swear for us in Africa?

CsRockefeller:
Hello guys and ladies.

Need your thoughts on the topic, what do you think about getting married to a very young lady and training her through school after marriage?

Background Story

I've been looking to settle down since the past 2 years and there has been no luck. The exposed and educated ones are a bit too difficult and proud. I love my women ambitious and educated, but the ones I keep meeting especially in Lagos don't seem interested.

As a young man in his late twenties, the temptations and causal flings aren't encouraging. I want to settle down soonest and focus on other things.

Now, there's this young girl I saw in my village the last time I traveled about 2 years ago, she should be around 20 right now. Very young and pretty but hasn't gained admission to school yet. She's the first born and her family aren't too comfortable. I was discussing about her with my mum, but my mum said she isn't in school yet. I'm thinking of funding her education, after getting married to her that is, since she's still young and very homely.

She's not my preference as I said earlier but the mature one's seem to be waiting for one Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet.

What do you guys think?

TONYE001:
How, please?

TONYE001:
Well, from the research I did (cited in the article), it's actually getting worse now and this is understandable.

Before now, women easily acted their roles according to the African society/culture. Now, things are different. Women have to do more now. Because of the economy, women have to work. We now have education and women have to pursue their aspirations, just like men. So, they are overwhelmed. Imagine a bank manager returning home at 6/7pm and being expected by the husband to hurry to the kitchen and prepare dinner. Since women are unable to meet all these impossible expectations (without the help of their husbands), they are branded disloyal and in some instances, arguments from this scenario may amount to violence.

My point is, men should understand that we are no longer in the old days. This idea of the-wife-must-cook-and-do-the-chores must be thrown away. Men should be willing and eager to fold their sleeves and help out. Their wives are as tired as they are in the evenings when they return from their various places of work. This shouldn't be hard to understand.

truthsayer009:
I don't think this statement is true, Infact it was more rampant in the 70s to 90s. The difference is that we now have social media to broadcast it.

A decent young man in his 20s or early 30s are far more exposed.

Osinachi's husband is probably his 50s. Those are the older generations, that is how they roll.

If you do a proper research on Facebook or in churches, you will find that a lot of older generations from 45 and above seem okay with domestic violence.

Kobojunkie:
And that's the same man you recommend in your thread to continue raising these kids... that the one you recommend shouldn't be locked away for the sake of the same kids?

gameova:
Bro he didn't kill her intentionally. She was taken to the hospital and put on life support. I'm thinking about the life of this children. If they were adults then the story would have been different

Ebubeslym:
When your sister is murdered by her husband....Come back then and let's have this conversation. ...........

Acidosis:
95% of small businesses globally fail in the first 5 years but we haven't seen any "business is a scam" thread.

By the way, there's no such thing as a "modern" marriage. You're either married traditionally as ordained or you're married by your own logical ideas. Marriages don't evolve. Love, trust, respect, and other ingredients that make marriages to work do not evolve. The only thing that evolved is your wedding dress and maybe the HD photoshoots. If you took that as having a modern marriage, then you simply played yourself and shot yourself on the foot.

That being said, I sympathize with you and I particularly love your courage to share your experiences. Now own up to your mistakes and leave the institution out of it. Like small businesses, marriage is not a scam. You were simply scammed because of your negligence or lack of foresight.

Hathor5:
Edited

Now that I have read the entire story, I have this to say. You blame that other people tricked you into marriage by saying that marriage life was sweet. Your experience was bitter though.

Did you ask those people how they made their marriages sweet? Or did you believe it takes a wedding ceremony for a marriage to be sweet?

You say that your single life was awesome. Did the things you were enjoying before you got married fall from heaven? Or had you worked for them?

Why do you people put so much effort into their careers but believe that a good relationship/marriage must fall from heaven? Why are people willing and ready to go the extra mile for their career goals but not for their marriages/relationships/families?

The truth is: if you want your marriage/relationship to be sweet, be ready to work for it.

I wish those other people would have told you that too.

marsup:
She left because Will said he was in love with someone else.

Katier00:
what do you mean by enslave? This is a public forum not a psychiatrist ward. The man in question is 56 while Rita is 47. Biko just wish them well

emmaodet:
You didn’t get my message.
I am against a married woman sleeping around but against the statement- if the hubby is doing it, then the wife can do it.
The woman should take care of her bills and stay alone if banging around is what she wants and not someone else taking care of her bills and another banging her.
If she is old enough to bang, she should be old enough to pay her own bills 100%

Rebuke:
This is very barbaric! Gosh, even animals won't do this.

I learnt of a similar incident somewhere in Osun where a vehicle carrying fish caught fire, passengers were burning and the locals came around to start parking burnt fish and some were even eating the fish right there.

Instead of rescuing the victims, they were more interested in the fish.

knowhowk:
Really ! that one na Story oooo. they are not Evil they are Just Hungry moreso the Vehicle does not belong to the Driver

Ya81:
God don butter their bread

Ifakiland:
Some will even go home and thank God .....Nigerians deserve thr leaders they have honestly

Funmicoconuts:
Yes a woman can rape a man.....The way we make things look as though men are made of steel and don't get hurt is disturbing

A woman can lace a man's food with sex enhancement drugs and along with sleeping pills that keeps him asleep while his penis is active due the sex enhancement drugs and have sex with him.....This is rape as its against his will.

But because a man's mind has been twisted to believe sex is for their pleasure and being the one with the penetrative organ gives you some kind of boss feeling, a man would go through this sordid experience and be proud that he is been desired by the opposite sex, he might even want to brag about it to his friend I even hear men desire that they want to be raped Sometimes I feel bad for a man.....The weight you guys have to bear just to be thought strong is enormous.

LaPrimero:
My Brother got gainfully employed mid 2021 due to the efforts of my parents. He had been struggling with a 10k job since he finished service before he got this well paying job. Everything was going well as he started well at his working place and was even getting applauded by his boss and higher ranking staffs as he was taken as someone of great promise. He was also in good times with my parents.

Around November last year, he sighted this chubby fine girl and became restless. He even said "she is the one". He hustled for the girl's number and soon started something with her. She accepted his proposal the moment he asked. Our Dad told him it was too early for all that and he needed to focus on building his still budding career but he turned a deaf ear. He soon started lavishing funds on the girl to my parents consternation. He even started discussing intimate details about our family with the girl within a short frame of time. Around January this year, Matters came to a head and started being utterly disrespectful to our parents. He even cut off Everyone that tried to advice him on the folly of the "relationship". He basically became a stranger to the family and his friends all because of a girl. The girl was so demanding, Manipulative and infuriating. The worst is that the girl was a serial girlfriend, having dated at least 8 men before him. She was a so called Dj and her whole life was all about parties and fleshpots. My brother on the other hand came from a strict Christian family and abandoned all the values he identified with because of the girl. The only thing he got from the relationship was premium billing.


The Crux of the matter now is that he went bankrupt trying to fund her extravagant lifestyle and even went into debts. He borrowed money from 7 different loan apps and they have been on his neck. We have been able to handle 3 of the loans and some of the remaining loan companies are even threatening to post his photos on social media and Newspapers as a fraudster and also blacklist his bvn.

He has been getting troubling phone calls from the loan apps and is basically ruined both mentally and physically. He looks so lean this days and has become humble to my parents and even to me his younger brother. The family he rejected and refused to even give one Kobo in his heydays is now trying by all possible means to rescue him from the slump as we are his only backbone . The girl in question does not even know what he is going through.

How do we rescue the foolish young man as he still isn't ready to fully give up the girl. A friend told him he can't even help him get back on his feet because it will be like pouring water into a leaking bucket. While I was at school this dude hardly sent me or my younger ones anything but was sending a sizeable amount to the girl monthly because he was "in love". I really need helpful suggestions from the house on this matter. Mods help me get this to fp

sisisioge:
When a man loves a woman.....