₦airaland Forum

echomanji:
I have a wife and a 3Yr old baby. My wife is my issue tho.
1) she has low sex drive of which i've learnt to live wit without cheating on her.
2) she is overjealous to the extent of calling any of my friends that demands too much of my attention to backoff
most especially the female friends.
3) gets angry so easily and when she does, she doesnt even talk to me for days, nt even greeting. Even when she is at fault. I'll be the one begging. She only asks me for money to cook and that is all.
I'm tired of this to be honest and i'm considering calling it quits. I love her with all my heart bt this marriage is torment 4 me. I'm getting fed up wit the whole thing. I've tried severally to talk sense into her all to no avail. Need advice pls.....

1. Ok

2. Hmmmm, I don't what you mean by too much attention; I don't know if you & your female friends understand boundaries in relationships. Also I don't know if you have given her a reason to distrust you in the past.

3. Your reaction/response to her action is faulty. While angry, she doesn't talk to you for days and you are begging; why? Don't you have self respect? Let's assume you are wrong, you apologize and she decides to continue the silent treatment; let her be.

Then the height of it: she asks you for food money & you give her during the silent treatment. You don't want to talk to me yet you want my money or any other thing I have to offer ? If it is not a life/death matter, I will develop selective deafness till you come to your senses.

You need to sit up and lead your marriage by example the way you want it to be.

OnalowKey:
Is crazy the kind of men been raised by parents these days. The standard has dropped so drastically... Was on visit to my elder sisters house, the husband is jobless and can't even buy the baby's food. But that is not even the problem, rather i find problem in his IQ.
His thoughts and actions to make money are outrageous....
First, he started searching for Nigeria single ladies online, telling the wife ( my sister ) that if he can catch 5 single ladies and place them on #20,000 monthly that will sum up 100k lol
Secondly, after the failed attempt...he resulted to locations for medicine to make money; Yet still no headway.
My sister, searched his handbag and found over 50 pieces of AIRTEL Sim. She became even more worried contemplating if the said Husband is now into kidnapping or armed robbery cause he don't return home most night after the discovery.
Thirdly, he resulted to threatening my sister to leave her with an everlasting injury if she thinks she is going to leave the marriage. And if she leaves, he won't be collecting his dowry so my sister will stay forever single.
When the threat keeps coming, my mother had no option than to confront Him with the promise that if anything goes wrong with her daughter, she is going to wipe out His entire family.
He started ranting, saying that it is because my parents have money while he is poor lol. But those rants was when my mom was gone.
Mind you, the marriage is not even up to a year...my dad stepped inn, called my sister and ask her if she is comfortable in the marriage; and she replied my dad how scared she gets at late night living with the husband.
And immediately my dad ended the marriage.
Life is too short to bear the excesses of another woman's poorly raised child in the name of Husband/wife. They are all over the places cause parenting has failed and the society in shit.

@bold:

Sorry, I can't resist laughing.

Even Nollywood wouldn't be this ridiculous

Let's watch the story unfold.

I pray she fully recovers.

I am just wondering if the people videoing couldn't have dragged her after the first run.

I can do without both.

Ishilove:
Wisdom and truth. Hollywood is glorifying and glamourising homosexuality, witchcraft, sorcery and occultism, and we are becoming more accepting of them.

Nice read.

However, I am a HUGE FAN of personal responsibility; I only focus and deal effectively with things within my circle of control.

Hollywood has the right to produce whatever kind of content they will to suit their target audience.

If it doesn't suit us, it is our duty as parents and guardians to choose the entertainment that reflects our values for our kids.

The Bamiloyes have done extremely well in the Christian movie genre. Rather than stop at writing this epistle, I hope they will see a critical need for Christ based entertainment for kids and cater to it.

Happy Easter.

olawonder:
The best way to raise a child, especially a female child, is Islamic way! No other way can supersede

Men don't approach Islamic girls or they don't indulge in underage sex or they are not married off underaged?

Someone said he can't say 'to' them goes on to say 'tototo'.

LadyRosa:
But it's the truth.
If a girl start sleeping with matured man,as a very good observer I know, because I've counseled them before as a teacher.

If they are sleeping with their peers ,I also know.

If a girl gives out a particular odour,I know when it's odour associated with adolescence, especially when their body begins to develop in their intimate areas BUT there's also an odour when they start having Bleep.And a behavior that tends to either confuse them every once in a while emotionally and physically.

And when it's a matured person,it's something else.First is they begin to be very disrespectful.

Interesting theory.

I don't know about scents and all but I know there is something broken in a girl when she sleeps with older age.

If that 'broken' thing is fixed if she marries him is another matter.

Yeah, you are very right on the disrespect. I guess this birthed the cliche 'she don dey do/eat wetin her elders dey eat'.

We4all:
I totally agree with you. A 15 year old girl is old enough to know what is right or wrong. I have seen a 12 year old tell a man to go to hell and reported to her parents.

Obviously, she didn’t have a great relationship with her parents to be able to open up to them. It’s a case of parenting gone wrong.

Great.

Sincerely great.

I am very interested in the girl's perspective.

A chat with her to know what was going on in her mind would have been nice.

18wheeler:
875k/mth.
16years work experience

You are doing well.

Bakbillz44:
40k fam. Transport to work, 46k monthly. I no know who dey pay who now

You should look at your circumstances and think of what you can do.

Hermzou:
Source: https://news.yahoo.com/four-men-arrested-raping-bengal-012732129.html

I don't agree they should be arrested.

I think they should be taken to psychiatric hospital and kept there for life.

Gang rape a monitor lizard?

A monitor lizard?

kingemaker:
150k is even a little bit below the comfort level for those who work and live in urban areas

True.

GloriousGbola:
Amcon

She should choose better biko.

Perhaps add ++ to her selection.

Truvelisback:
U are right too. However, the pressure is more on men than it is on women. Men bears most of the burdens Note: A woman can marry a man whether she has money or not, whether she has skills or not but men's case is a bit different. The society has made it known that men must be the absolute provider in the home. If he can't, then he isn't a man. This is one of the reasons some men shy away from marriage and its responsibilities. I must acknowledge the fact that some women have been a great helping hand to men by reducing the burden they bear.

@bold:

You are talking about financial pressure and I agree with you.

Nice one Toto.

Nigerian youths interested in politics can understudy her.

Just went through the thread and noticed:
1. It is a 2014 thread

2. I had engaged on it previously

engrtee:
"I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness". (I can't see the verse in the Bible)



If couples take a wedding vow that is not in the Bible, is the vow to God or to man? This made me to sit and wonder: what kind of vow Abraham and Sarah took and they stayed together for 90-solid years, even though childless? What kind of vow did Mary the mother of Jesus and Joseph her husband sign that they stayed together, even though Jesus was conceived by the Holy spirit? Were there any happily married people in the Bible that we can make references to? did they take any vows that we need to read and learn from? For better or for worse, our parents and grandparents, some of whom came from polygamous homes seem to still have it better than what we have nowadays. They didn’t take any vows, did they?
For better or for worse is not in the Bible, where did Christendom get it from? Are there not other things Christians grow up with, beliefs they have, orientations they have which are not in the Bible


the recommendationsmost Christians make for marriage are good. The failure of Christian marriage, however, is that those same people would tell you “for better or worse” means you have to put up with abuse, sexual neglect and addiction. My criticism of this concept has been the same for years: it works great as long as everyone obeys the rules; when they don’t, you’re stuck with no recourse for a spouse’s bad behavior. All the good ideas in the world mean nothing if your misbehaving spouse knows you will never leave. Such a marriage philosophy just creates a breeding ground for neglect and abuse.
I strongly believe that marriages should be for BETTER

Somewhere in 1st Corthinans 7, Apostle Paul said a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives and a husband is bound is his wife as long as she leaves.

For better for worse was never about behavioral vices, it was about situations of life. The next line says for poorer for richer, in sickness and in health bla bla bla.

Like you rightly said, it works well when everyone is aligned with it. Hence, I think the concern should be 'getting someone aligned' like Amos 3:3 and 1 Cor 6: 14 - 18 instead of looking for loopholes.

Besides, the Bible also says we should let the unbelieving party go (if they want to); Jesus said because of the hardness of the people's hearts, Moses permitted divorce.

Irrespective of how people choose to interpret their Bibles, one thing is clear: To run away from an abusive situation.

While I know the Church can do much better (I have opened a thread or two) in marriage teachings and counselling, EVERYONE NEEDS to take responsibility for their decisions.

The same Church tells you not to drink, commit fornication, adultery, lie, steal, pay your tithe, don't abuse your leaders, obey the authorities etc etc. yet people do not conveniently listen and do those things. Why can't you apply the same energy when it comes to marriage teachings?

GloriousGbola:

If you hear when the guy was talking about his spec, you would think it was a virgin pastor shopping for a wife.

He went on how girls who have tattoos are 'immoral & loose' with no 'home training'.

Truvelisback:
There is. This has to do with what men must have or the kind of money he must have and the responsibilities he must carryout before he would be recognised in the society as a man or that he is man.

Ok, thanks.

Women also feel the same thing.

The pressure to look good, maintain the home, train the kids and at the same time perform very well in their jobs/careers/trade.

Men and women are under pressure in the world. Even children are under pressure to perform to their parents' standard.

Since the focus is on men, perhaps the discussion should be 'how should men manage the pressure'.

I wish you happy discussions.

GloriousGbola:
1. It is an African thing. It is why so many men who carry wives to obodo oyibo go crazy to the point of murder.

2. A woman in obodo oyibo with any of the issues listed - if she should complain to her fellow women there they will immediately tell her to exit.

3. One can only say it is like this in india/ Pakistan and there too women are fighting back.

1. White men don't murder their wives (white or non-white)?

2. A woman in Nigeria would get the 'exit' response aka same as obodo oyinbo if she laid same complaint on Instagram Nigeria or Twitter Nigeria. Does not mean they will be taken seriously and actually move on. I am looking beyond the politically correct responses to what actually happens.

3. I heard a study on radio that Australian women who earn more than their men are 25% more likely to experience abuse/violence from their men. This was March 2022.

Like someone said years ago, there is bullshit everywhere, the model is just different.

What happened to the previous ones?

I feel great pity for their parents given their background.

May God give us female daughters and male sons.

Amen

Truvelisback:
Good day, fellas. A guy created a post on fb saying: It is not easy to be a man, that God should bless the works of our hands. A guy replied saying: Been a man was as easy as been a human, till men started creating traditions against themselves. Do u agree with him?

No context to the referenced traditions.

Northernblood5:
Nose ring.

Although we love sleeping with ladies, but we also hate sleeping with prostitutes. In our mind, nose ring signifies a very wayward lady

You remind me of an old neighbor that only commits adultery with non-tattooed women.

Klass99:
Bukatyne na wao for you o. If yòu don't get it, in the context of this thread I am not sure how best to explain that question, but I will try.

Dem use marriage swear for us? Is not about marriage being an African thing or not, it is about the feverish frenzy surrounding it in Africa, the crazy stunts we pull or razz things we put up with in the name of marriage or for the sake it.

For example;

1. Mother and daughter taking a boyfriend's photo to the baba's place to tie him down (fact, it happened to friend)

2. Arranging girls for anal sex with your husband, just so you can keep your home/marriage like Nwaikpe said above.

3. Repeatedly asking a candidate during a job interview why they are not married yet, when your job ad did not indicate what sort of marital status you prefer (fact 2, this happened to my colleague)

4. Taking a young girl in your care, whom your husband impregnated for an abortion. Then preventing her from returning to her hometown, for fear that she will reveal the truth of her ordeal to all the village people who know this couple (fact 3, this happened for real as well)

Number 2, the anal sex thing happened with Tracy (a former co-worker) and she told me herself she couldn't deal, with her husband's sexual preference in the bedroom and that led to their divorce. In her case, I can say dem no use marriage swear for her.

The question, is a thought provoking one that should cause people to pause and think about the things they do for the sake of marriage. It should also prompt them to self assess and ask questions like, is it worth it? Will my sacrifice to keep a marriage be worth it at the end of the day?

If rapture were to take place now, where do you think the wife arranging anal sex for her husband will end up? Or the couple who facilitated an abortion, to protect a man's reputation and their home?

We have a serious problem in Africa when it comes to marriage, anyone who says otherwise is just in denial. Look at the comments women are making to another woman for sake of marriage. I bow and tremble.

As for me, dem no use marriage swear for me o. That opium some women take that causes them to lose all sense of decorum, fairness, justice and equity for the sake of marriage, I did not swallow it o and as we like to say in Naija, it is not my portion.

I understood your context.

I don't think 'crazy things women do to keep marriage' is an African thing.

It is general, might just take different forms in different places/cultures.

Soffyh:
where una dey see this job 150? For 9ja

You don't believe people earn N150k in Nigeria or you are yet to break through in your search for a good job?

angelfallz:
You don't mean it, when was it changed to gender equity? Is it a global change or its just in Nigeria?

I don't hear gender equality mainstream anymore.

I noticed it is 'gender equity'.