₦airaland Forum

This thread is just an extension of the cruise.

InTheCloudySky:
Yawn. The blame-shifting on Nairaland is real. If the Police were to charge someone now, it would be Will, not Jada and certainly not Chris. People are responsible for their own actions - you keep that in mind.

This 2022 is just gbas gbos.

Prior to now, they taught us no level of verbal provocation deserves a physical response.

2022 came, Ebele was Biancified and Madam B was hailed.

Next, Willi Willi slapped the Rock because of love wantintin and he is a hero.

Shey we will not update the manual so?

1Sharon:
That's funny because alot of successful BLACK women are single.
Look at the Nigerian women in entertainment, in music and film.

Compete with who? A man?

Have you thought that maybe the 'successful black woman' doesn't want a man?

1Sharon:
I've seen some men state they do not want to marry highly educated women because they feel she'll butt heads with them and be too opinionated. So instead they feel lowly educated women make better spouses and opt for them instead.

Now when these men have daughters, they wouldn't want her to have little to no academic education, they'd want her to make the most she can of herself. They might even call her lazy or unambitious if she decides not to pursue further or higher education.

Now these type of men are encouraging and moulding their own daughters to be the kind of women they would have never picked for a spouse.

So is this hypocrisy or nature?

For men like this, if women that are highly educated are a turn-off and have already priced themselves out of the market:

Why do you encourage your own daughters to be exactly like them?

It is not a 'man' thing, it is a human nature which is hypocritical:

We have a proverb: werey dun so, ko she bi lomo.

While it is 'fun' to watch a mad person display, nobody wants to have a mad child.

Studymore123:
That's not the worse joke to be said about someone. I'm not endorsing Rock's actions neither am I undermining the effects on Jada. I'm saying that Will was wrong in his actions because it could have been better handled.

He went against the Oscar code of conduct and the US law. "Everybody will forget a bad joke. Nobody will forget a bad attitude"

That was a moment of madness by Will Smith which will now forever be etched into the rest of his career and totally spoilt what should have been the greatest moment and triumph of his life.

Do you think Will would have acted that way if it was a bar/club? He may have been in the hospital right now.

If you're telling us that Will acted in the best way. You're saying that violence is the best way he could have addressed that issue and you would have acted same way.

LA police reached out to Rock but he declined pressing charges.

Shalom

@bold:

Very nice of Rock.

Ishilove:
Chris was very professional, despite the very shocking assault.

He really was.

Or maybe he was too shocked to react?

folake4u:
After the slap, Chris Rock should have said, "That was quite an entanglement, I'm going to feel that slap till August".

I don't understand why he laughed at the joke in the first place until he turned to her and saw she wasn't too happy about it.

Will Smith has a seemingly "soft" persona but this new attempt of trying to be a "bad boy" just because of his wife is not going to take him anywhere. The damage has already been done long ago, when his wife disrespected him couple of times, even admitted her entanglement with August Alsina on live TV.

Is this how it's done in monogamous marriages? Hell no.
I obviously forgot they're in a Open marriage.

I also don't understand why Will Smith was shedding tears after, and why Tyler Perry, Bradley Cooper were trying to comfort him.

@bold:

You go make heaven so?



The whole thing was ridiculous.

The audience sure caught cruise sha.

The skirt is too tight for a Church service. I wondered who let her minister in that skirt.

A skater skirt with those shoes would have be fantastic.

She has a lovely shape & her shoes are on point

Hydronium:
I'm looking forward to getting married in a year or so, and I'm looking for counsel which can help me and those who are in my shoes.

Are there certain exercises, experiences, plans, or actions which you regret having not taken before you got married?

Married folks, come in please.

Your marriage is what you & your wife make of it.

While your principles might not change, your tastes and wants might change in line with your pocket and/or association.

If in 10 years time, you want to try bungee jumping, how would you turn back the hands of time to your singlehood to do it?

Or correct money touch your hand and suddenly you can only eat goats caught on Mount Everest, how do you rewind to today?

Or twenty years in, you feel the need to go back to school to read Law, how do you time travel?

Just ensure that the principles of you & your intended doesn't change, you are both teachable/coachable, you both have mutual respect for yourselves as a human being/person, you both put your family& marriage first and you are both willing to compromise.

Good luck.

Mariangeles:
Some of you people just hate it when some men are not promiscuous as you expect them to be.
Do you think everyone regard sex the same way?

@bold:

Very correct.

WBworldwide:
Good day everyone,

My daddy died January this year and even though the burial rites has not been observed, the eldest son(my step brother) wants to claim everything including where we stay.

My daddy married 3 wives, the first wife had 7 children for him and the woman eventually left the marriage in the 1990's. My mother was the second wife with 8 children as well. When my dad married the first wife, he built an apartment for her and her children, the compound with tenants inside has been the same place all the children from the first wife grew up from after their mom left the marriage.

My dad also bought a house for my mom which i and my siblings grew up from. The last wife, also had a place after my dad married her.

After the mysterious death of my very young mother(not sick, just died from two days cough) my dad followed, barely two weeks before he died too which was not too surprising cos he has been sick and my mum has been the one taking care of her. That loneliness and lack of bond. The first son which has been an enemy of my dad and the most hated son due to his aggressive nature towards inheritance even when my dad was alive, came and lock the family house.

My own elder brother(same dad and mom), a weakling has been away since claiming to be busy and can't come home, he has even abandon the property belonging to my mum thus leaving my unmarried sisters to nothing. I visited home last week to see that my house was locked by my step brother and the apartment which my younger brother occupied was rented out by this step brother too.

I don't know what to do, so when we had a family meeting recently, i told the elders that we were locked out of our house and my siblings are scared of being attacked spiritually citting the death of my mother. Yet, the elders insist that all the properties belong to the eldest son. I don't even know what to do. I was the closest child to my dad when he was alive, i was so close that I had access to even his land and other documents but i never thought a day like this would come, if not, I would have advised him to make a will.

Is it the right of the eldest son to inherit all the properties ?

What would you suggest I do now ?

See how you guys can reclaim the house your dad bought for your mother and rest.

eazzzy1:
1. I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores.

2. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone,

3. why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

4. I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy family, any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me.

5. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

6. Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If both couples work, they should both contribute financially to their family. If one of them works, the person should take charge of the finances till the other person starts earning.

7. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

1. Are you on this earth sir? Even foreign women are writing thesis about this issue.

2. In my experience, the average man's attitude towards chores in his birth home and marital home are different

3. Let's wait till you marry fess. More husbands are open to doing more chores these days sha. Drop your wife's contact when you marry so we can ask her.

4. Hmmmmm. I find that irrespective of the model a couple choose (except they sincerely follow wife provider & husband caregiver model), they default to traditional roles. The wife is concerned with the things a traditional wife is concerned with; ditto the husband. A change might just be joint decision making and anyone picking up some chores they like depending on availability and the wife is still tasked with home management. As a Christian, the headship of the husband is not tied to his financial contributions or chores he does (discussion for another day or not).

5. Ok, why 50-50 for cable though? Why didn't one person pick up the bill (just asking)

6. Ideally true. And I believe the person at home more/ have more time should do more of the chores. However, the OP is different from this and practically, a lot of families do not function this way.

7. Oshe!

eazzzy1:
Bukatyne, we have different perspectives on this issue. We can only learn from stories we see here. If every man will treat women the way women treat men no marriage will survive. Nice chat though.

@bold:

Most men wouldn't agree though. They know it is the other way round.

@Nice chat: same here.

eazzzy1:
1. I hate to refer you to a work of fiction but how many years did it take the man in Acrimony to get his App to work?

2. Leaving one’s job to focus on his business is drive, dreams and ambition to me. If the business worked we wouldn’t be here now.

3. There’s no way to know the guy isn’t doing everything he can to better his situation. We humans are usually more concerned with the results than the process. A man can do everything right and everything go sideways for him.

4. Remember Joseph’s interpretation of Pharoah’s dream? 7 years season of famine and 7 years season of boom? What if this is his season of famine? It’s not like he’s just sleeping, waking and playing video games.

5. I just feel it’s unfair how a woman can fall back to her man’s money if things go wrong with her, a man has to grapple with his loss of income and then have to worry about his wife’s reaction to the new situation.

6. She makes money, why is sacrificing so difficult? Would she put up her kids for adoption because of the financial burden on her?

7. I think if you love someone, taking care of them would be a privilege not a burden.

1 - 3. The acrimony guy is solid boyfriend material. If he did not have his wife to leech on, would he not have catered for himself? Which responsible person chases his dreams without a source of income to support himself & family while waiting for the dream to manifest? He could have picked up a low paying job that would allow his time to chase his dreams. Let's be honest, if the wife was not in the picture, how would fend for his living expenses?

4. If this is his season of famine, what did he do with his season of surplus? In the analogy, the season of surplus came before the season of famine.

5. You not being straight forward here. We both know this is not an issue of temporary loss of income; we also know that this is not just sacrificing on the path of the wife which I elaborated in my first post to you.

6. Should we really compare 4 - 6 yr old kids to husbands now? Should we?

7. Onyeoma! I would believe in this type of your 'love' when a sole provider husband drives the domestics + massage his wife's ego without complaints.

'Do unto others as you want them to do unto you';

'Love your neighbor as you love yourself'.

eazzzy1:
bukatyne, I get you and I understand you. However, in the OP’s case she didn’t make mention of being the one driving the domestics, she didn’t say her husband wasn’t doing chores.

Provision isn’t gender base anymore, equal opportunity for women brought about equal responsibility. Should a man be more involved in chores? Yes. Should a woman be more involved in providing? Yes. In a situation where a partner isn’t capable of fulfilling his/her obligations in the relationship, should there not be accommodations?

I think the comparison here would be If a woman who took care of the domestic aspect of her home was involved in an accident and confined to a wheel chair, would it be right if the man starts complaining about not wanting to do chores and resenting her and start cheating? The man who is temporarily financially handicapped needs all the support and encouragement he can get now.

@bold:

This is not a temporary 'I am transitioning between jobs' or 'COVID hit my business'. Let's assume he lost his job or business, he can't do Uber/Bolt with their car? Can't he use the Church connect to get another job? Or do something else to generate income since he is not looking for a job? He was even given capital of Laundry Business which yielded nothing.

This is a man who lacked ambition from the get go. Why the OP married him remains a mystery.

Interestingly, he had a job before they married but she saw the lack of drive/ambition. It is about the current earnings, it is about the drive & ambition.

If the husband genuinely cannot provide for his home or carry out any of his other duties, it is a different ball game.

The OP's hubby has no excuse and they are not strange.

@RichGal:

A lot has been said and I am sure you know where you missed it (marrying him + condoning him when you became uncomfortable)

While therapy is fine, you would be back to square one aka burnt out if you do not address the cause of it.

In addition to your husband's lack of ambition and unwillingness to provide, I am also worried that when he has the flash in the pan wins, he doesn't spend it for you guys or spoil you to provide rest.

Your husband has become very comfortable so there would be a lot of rukus when you decide to pull the carpet under his feet.

I do not think that conversations or reporting him to the Church would have any effect at this stage. If he is growing comfortably in Church and he doesn't understand that he needs to step up/ relieve you/ provide and protect, there is little the leaders can do.

After all, there are strong Bible passages that speaks to people (men) providing for their households and been productive/ hardworking.

First, stop funding his fantasies; if he wants to contribute in Church, he should earn; ditto any other expense that is not critical.

Also set auto-deduction on your account so that a percentage of your salary goes there for savings. If your kids need anything apart from critical things like schoolfees, urgent healthcare, basic clothing etc, direct them sweetly to their dad. Also build future investments for you & the kids.

If you can, look for a job for him. This is also a subtle way to involve people he respects. Just tell them he needs a job. This would address the productive part.

While it would be very tempting to maintain a standard of living commensurate with your salary (so that your kids don't 'suffer' or you look on point), please reduce it.

Adultery: you know it is wrong and hopefully as you said, would not indulge in it again.


P.S.: like a poster advised, check that he doesn't have a project/ another family/ sidechics/sidedudes he is spending on.

Good luck.

eazzzy1:
Someone once made a post ‘asides money, what do men bring to the table?’ This same money you put aside is what many women will find exceptionally difficult to bring to the table like the OP in this case.

This is why I have always recommended that a man shares the bills on a 50-50 level with his wife no matter how much more he makes than her. Some of you men make more than your wife, you take care of all the bills and even give her something to supplement her income, you need to know that no woman will do the same for you.

You make more than them you feel the need to bring them up, they make more than you they feel the need to replace you. This woman has cheated on her husband and the reason it didn’t get physical is because the opportunity hasn’t presented itself.

To the OP, God has blessed you with the finances in your home, your husband is suddenly a burden, would your husband feel the same way about you if he made all the money? Divorce him. I hope what happened in the movie Acrimony becomes his reality. How can someone who has tried his hands on multiple businesses be termed lazy and not ambitious?

They say to women, marriage is like the flies on the kitchen window, the ones inside wants to get out, the ones outside wants to come in. Two months after divorce you will be on dating sites asking if there are no ‘real men’ looking for commitment anymore, asking why everyone you meet wants fwb or one night stand. Just divorce him, I’m sure he would have made something of his life if he stayed single.

I don't know if this continuous wrong comparison of male & female breadwinners in marriage is deliberate or male posters genuinely misunderstanding.

I would assume it is the latter and explain again:

When the husband is the sole provider/major breadwinner, the wife balances it with driving the domestic aspect of the marriage: chores, childcare/training/investment, husband management, in-law management etc.

The husband provides the funds while the wife used those funds to drive the domestics.

When a wife is the sole provider/ major breadwinner, she is still driving the domestic aspect of the marriage. The husbands in such cases are super insecure so in addition to breadwinning & driving the domestics, she has to massage his inflated ego.

So when a husband becomes the major breadwinner/sole provider and still drives the domestics, there would be a fair basis of comparison.

IceColdVeins:
Atleast, you now have a first hand experience of how it feels to be a provider(man). Woe betides any wife that treats her hardworking husband with dishonor.

Nope!

She has the experience of the primary provider + primary caregiver.

It is a disaster.

Hahahahahaha @Ms. Olosho.

Sha know that it was Mr. Olosho (your husband) that opened the door of your marriage for her to penetrate.

I come in peace.

bigiyaro:
This kind of questions are normally asked by irresponsible and broke guys, people that are mentally unstable, mentally and socially healthy people don't waste time asking stuupid questions, they simply get married when their time comes. Anyway, police treat married women far more respectably than single women, in the society, married people comes first before singles, in my work place, married people are given 10 of all gifts while singles are given 1.5, eg, last December, married people were given half bag of rice, 2 chicken, 5 liter v/oil and 25k while singles shared 15 to a bag, 5k, and no chicken and oil,

Ideally, this is wrong and discriminatory.

Employees should be given same thing after all, same output is expected from married & unmarried employees.

NoToPile:
See them making excuses for the husband, the man betrayed you OP simple, 60,000 dollars is not chicken change and the house would be a very very big one.

lefemmechoclat leaving you working double jobs take care of the finances and you guys are in debt while he couldn't assist and then uses 60k to build a mansion for his parents despite the fact they already have a home is selfishness and wickedness

I believe he is among the I must build mansion in my village, the house 60k dollars will build is it a small house, why can't he build something modest and then assist you with some of the bills.


I am not a fan of divorce I wouldn't advice you to, that man is a betrayer no two words about it, just watch your back that's all more is coming, brace yourself.

You too take care of your own end spend money on your own personal projects, then moving forward let him also pay for for the upkeep of the children.

Op should know that her husband is enibari and not a friend.

simpleseyi:
Why should only him provide for the kids? What about the woman that gave birth to the kids? Is it not shared responsibilities again?

Did you read the OP, are you the husband or you just want to be unfortunate?

Abi what is the running around you are doing on this thread supporting nonsense?

My earnest prayer for you is that your wife would treat you how the OP's husband (real or fictional) treated her.

I am waiting for your loud amen.

Congratulations to Dr. Omotola E.

I am so happy for this woman....

She has managed to get it altogether

P. S.: Loose the hair sharp sharp

DeLaRue:
Infidelity is a private matter between couples.

It is not the responsibility of government to police fidelity.

This sort of policy puts Nigeria in the same bracket as say, Pakistan.

Married men in NYSC most likely cheat more than their female counterparts. So why is the govt targeting the females.

Typical African patriarchal subjugation of women.

Until the Govt confirms this, let's not be quick to assume everything is 'patriarchy subjugating women'.

From my little experience, married women always sought for waivers to be transfered to their husband's base.

In the OP, there is a warning for corpers who plan to claim being married or have health issues as a means to get re-posted to their state of choice.

This clearly shows that this policy is considered a favor to married women.

Re-deploying them to their husband's state of residence would not stop them cheating if they are inclined.

@Married male corps members: They are a rare case. Only few men can afford to marry after school without getting a job.

If they also want the concession, they can request for it or request that the policy covers married male corps members.

oshaosha2014:
Who is the head of the family?

What has headship got to do with the post you quoted?

Just 21 days?

As in 1, 2, 3........ to 21 days?

All these jokers sef.

When some women have been feeding their families for months & years.

Videour:
Actually she's a good girl in all aspects. We have been dating for 3year now, she's all I want in a woman, her smile gives me joy every time with dimples.

I am 35 years she should be going to 25 this year. A career lady that has this hustle spirit in her but my problem is that she's obsessed with sex.

Imagine a man at my age having 2 to three times a week, which I know if I don't put in work she's definitely going to get it else where.

Psychologically, it's affecting me.
Please what is the best way to handle this?
My Nairaland family.

Disadvantage of long distance relationship.

How did a 22yr old in her prime agree for you a 32yr old man?

Leave her for the young men who can satisfy her.

If at 35, you are complaining of twice a week, what would happen when you are 45 years? 55 years?

It is well o.

IamV:
They sees it as fashion ,when in reality,they are losing their identity.

@the highlighted,your reaction is very effeminate, especially the dysphoric emoji .

So even the OP is effeminate?

This effeminate thing nor be general market so?

Nonexisting:
Younger boys, I agree. No thanks to single motherhood problem we have these days. Women now raise simps simply because men no longer give fuccks about marriage. I thank God for my generation. Still don't rejoice though because simps of today turn out to be daredevil redpillers of tomorrow. God created man with emotions but Eve killed it and Delilah buried it six feet below.

How can Eve & Delilah killed what God created?

Something Satan can't achieve?

You typed your initial post with disgust for the men who does those things: disgust is an emotion.

An emotionless person can't feel anything: disgust, anger, rage, joy, happiness, shame, disappointed, love, hatred, embarrassed, discouraged, sad etc etc

Have you ever met a man who doesn't feel anything about anything?

WoundedLamb:
Nail polishing is actually believed to have been starting by men (by the warriors of ancient Babylon) and it's coming back now due to the quest for uniqueness. People like to stand out. Standing out is cool even if it's in a weird way. That's why black guys go for haircuts/hairstyles that command attention. They pierce their ears for the mere fact that it's believed not to be man's thing. Anything but usual is the goal and nail polishing hits the spot.

The truth is, men do tattoos, they grow thier hair, they pierce their ears, and they polish thier nails. It is what it is. Deciding you'd never talk to someone because of thier polished nails is way too judgemental in my opinion especially seeing as you wouldn't do that to men with pireced ears. If you need anything from someone or someone needs anything from you, such individual differences shouldn't get in the way.

@bold:

Interesting.

@coming back: except this is the span of 20 years, I have always seen men with short finger nails neatly polished with black polish.

Nonexisting:
I'm not surprised at all since after I walked in on my cousin watching Telemundo with his girlfriend. God please give me only male children and not just male, real male with zero emotions.

Real males have zero emotions?



My brother, you need clay to make yours.

All the males today have emotions.

GOFRONT:
This is what you get when all the men now wants to keep Dreadlock....Some even wear suspended earings and paint their lips to have a pink lip........

Guys just wan do like woman by fire by force. I hope they will accept to start seeing their monthly Menstruation when God would make it as a part of their body system.

Dreadlocks has always been male.

It is females that copied it.