₦airaland Forum

mercy87:
Nigerian men are worse than the Taliban. Amongst these cheating, hypocritical, egoistic and evil commenters you will find religious men who raise hands or bow to pray. It seems unbelievers, agnostic and atheist value and respect women more than the religious bigots. It is terrible living as a woman in Nigeria in 2021.

@bold:

Very very scary.

Rogerss:
Not to berate you or your Sister, you just mentioned the main issue, she is rude to her husband.
I almost got married to a lady who was also hot tempered and I must tell you that I passed through hell.
I was not coming home in time and rather stayed with my friends than going home. This gave room for cheating.
I left her eventually and met a lady I am married to now, and I must say that we have peace. I take her anywhere I go to and have not cheated on her for 5 years we have been married.
Ladies these days need to learn how to behave.

So the wife's alleged rudeness is reason for the husband to cheat.

Are you a Christian or Moslem sir?

If yes, is that what your holy book taught you?

If no, have you heard 'do into others as you want them to do unto you'?

Gerrard59:
The comments here especially from most male Nairalanders is yet another reason why feminism is important and why Nigeria needs feminists. Just that they should be prepared to take responsibilities for their actions just as they accept rights which come with feminism.

The husband in question is very irresponsible! What happened to condoms? Vasectomy? Abortion?

Irresponsible men everywhere! Now, he has three children and I'm very sure he is one sickness away from stricken poverty!

How does feminism help this woman's case?

Gadafii:
Reno ma pa mi nau

The other day, a lady came out to say she can't marry the man that had sponsored her education,cos he's not educated and can't have such man as the father of her unborn kids, leeemao women


See any money you spend on a woman aside your sisters and cousins and mother, don't expect anything in return, do so if she's deserving and worth it.

My current girl has spent more on me than I have ever done, she buys me clothes, clippers, surprises etc, we have known for five years, she never for once asked me for anything above 2k, mostly na subscription, not that she can't do it her self oo, but naso girls be. And maybe when I take her out and stuff that's when I spend much, because she's relatively from a comfortable family, so she has almost everything she needs or wants

The bottom line is, date or enter into a relationship with a rich girl, if not girls from broke home will leech on you like no tomorrow

So according to you, it is better for a man to leech on a girl than a girl to leech on a man?

Noted.

Eriokanmi:
If she tries it, she's a loser for life. Please you people should just allow only those who are married to offer genuine advice. Most people's comments here simply showed you're all single. I'm not in support of this happening but this is expected in two out of ten marriages. It's an age-long happening. If it doesn't happen to one marriage, good luck but if it happens to another, the best way is apply knowledge in fixing it.

The lady could ask for space for a while until when things calm, instead of quitting. There are many more would-be baby mamas our there, waiting to enter. The one who had a baby for him outside wedlock could be the winner eventually. I'd rather advise her to seek God's wisdom instead.

If leaving behind a morally bankrupt likely STD infested unreliable husband is losing,

I am sure a lot of ladies would want to lose.

Before telling someone else to enter fire, light a match stick and put it on your wrist.

When you have successfully done that, you can come and mention losing to me again.

Morally bankrupt people always supporting their own.

mariahAngel:
Noteworthy!✍�
❤️ it!

Gracias.

CharisEleos:
Exactly my point.
Instead of waiting in anguish all through your prime just to revenge in old age, better to forgive and let go. Then focus on making yourself happy for a healthier and graceful aging.
Bitterness is like poison. It kills.

Their faces would now be etched with permanent frowns because they are bitter then they start hounding their daughter-in-laws!

Mbanu.

Baby girl life for life biko.

CharisEleos:

I always hear some women threatening their hubby with old age to deal with them when that time comes.

One day, I asked. Why do you have to endure all the suffering in your youth instead of moving out and doing something useful with your life, just to get back at him in old age? And she was like, "shey now, he's doing bobo bobo" but when that time comes he'll need her to take care of him but she'll make him suffer neglect by abandoning him. I was like .. hmm..

Men, be wise as this is a very common thing we see happening and many young women are still making that threat.

Stop with the "guy-yoyo" you're forming for your wife so that she doesn't abandon you when you need her the most.

Nuf said.

@bold:

Discussion for another day.

Why would a woman endure all sorts of nonsense because she wants to pay back at old age?

This life is one and I will start enjoying it from my small age. When I look back in old age, I want to reminisce about all the good times I had with my husband/kids/work/family/church/life generally and how I want to enjoy my old age.

I don't have the time to remember all the bad things someone did and how I want to start paying back.

My lifetime is to precious for that.

Redpillar:
Thank you. Better still, rather than whining, they can start from taking care of their old fathers and uncles. Are they not the sons to these neglected old men? Resign your jobs and go stay with them in the village or bring them to live with you in the city.

The same people singing their mothers are saints and fathers demons?

Luckily, fathers are now becoming much more intentional about parenting and would reap the rewards in their old age.

Arsenate:
You really think it's just an excuse and that there are no men who genuinely want to spend time with their children but their jobs just don't afford them such opportunities? Your minds seem made up and you guys are always eager to project few examples (like the one you cited) to all men.

Apparently, women find it hard to empathize with men and relate with their struggles. Knowing this, I'll rather just look out for myself and I also advise other men to do the same; save and invest for your old selves.

@bold: And women don't work these jobs yet make time to bond with their kids? Or the men work 24 * 7 and practically do NOTHING ELSE apart from work?


@last paragraph: Both genders find it hard to empathize with each other That's why men have their boys den and women have their ladies club. It is not a strange thing and no gender is innocent.

Redpillar:
Women also work 9-5s. Wherever it is that most Nijiriyan men work, women work there too. Yet these women are expected to cook, clean and attend to their busy husbands. Cut off the time you spend with Chidinma Ojukwus and go home early!

Arsenate:
This can't be stated enough.

Men, save; invest for your old selves. Higher chances you will be abandoned by the same people you made sacrifices for in your youth. Worse still, you'll be blamed for that. You'll be accused of failing to "bond" with your kids, which, let's face it, is a luxury most men can't afford with the harsh economic realities.

@bold:

Excuse!, excuses!! excuses!!!

You guys should learn how to be intentional about parenting like mothers.

A mother would go to work and still find time to bond with her children. I know someone who got home very late at a former job and bought a diary for her daughter. The daughter would summarize her day with concerns and the mother would respond either when she comes back or on her way out the next morning.

Naturally, they would discuss whatever was required over the weekend. She also took the daughter to the saloon, market, friend's place etc. to bond.

If you do not sleep at the place of work 24 hours 7 days in a week, you can do much more than a financial sperm donor to your kids. Take them to barbing saloon with you, ask them what they learnt at school, after church/mosque ask them to summary the lessons they learnt on your way home, take an interest in their homework, the subject you know teach them yourself, once in a while take them all to the kitchen and cook/concort something, be available when they want to discuss life issues. Have enough presence/influence in their lives that they will always say 'my daddy said; my daddy thinks' etc. Lead them by example: don't lie, treat their mother with genuine love and affection, let them know you as a person of integrity, lead them in prayers, be interested in their welfare, provide emotional, spiritual, mental and social support. Train them, set appropriate boundaries then discipline them in love when they err with the aim of correction. Let them feel safe and protected when they remember you as their father. Stop saying 'go to your mother, let me rest/I am tired' when they come excited to engage you. Even if you are an atheist, pass on whatever morals you want them to have. Know their likes, dislikes and preferences. Be approachable, teach them the life skills you know (how to repairs things/paint/polish shoes/fishing/farming/electrical works/trade/gist them about your job etc.)

I DELIBRATELY LISTED THINGS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE MONEY.

Don't be a third party relying on your wife to translate your love/annoyance to them. How would she be able to 'poison them against you' when you have a relationship with them?

I remember a scene I was blessed to witness and I have said it here several times: A keke driver drove his kids around the street on a fine Saturday morning to bond with them. Do you know the snacks they had? The akara their mother fried at home. And they were freaking happy. Back then, the man would not spend more than N1k to fuel the keke for that trip and prepare the akara.

otipoju:
1. I dont base my assessment on nairaland stories. I do real life observations and personal experiences.

2. Very few women are selfless, all their goodness always have strings attached and often times men will not see it until it is way toooo late.

3. Its not a hatred game as we still have to live with them regardless but knowing not to expect love from women is liberating. Nature that programmed a man's deepest need as " respect" knew what it was doing.

4. Even you say a man must give a woman something to respect...meaning that respect for your husband is conditional...so what are you arguing about.

1. I also do real life observations and most of the fathers who complain of neglect were bad fathers & husbands.

2. Selflessness is not a very common human trait. Men and women would always do goodness with strings attached. (either expecting the person/karma to repay, expecting their wards to reap the benefits, in fulfillment of God's commandments etc. Even in the Bible, 'goodness and obedience' is always rewarded.; God even told us to 'Love our neighbors as we love ourselves.' So oga, men are not more 'selfless' than women. While men and women may have unique character traits, selflessness/selfishness is not one of them.

3. I don't see it as hatred game. If you don't expect love from your woman or the women in your family did not love the men, it is your loss. Day in, day out, men are enjoying the love of good women around them.

4. If you cannot intepret what is clear in my signature, how would I take you seriously? Mbok, read my signature again and take out the last line. And to address your point, everyone MUST prove themselves worthy of respect and loveable at all things. @ prove, I don't mean money because that's the only thing an average "Nigerian" man/husband thinks he has to offer.

Chinny024:
God will protect them. FG is not yet ready. Yusuf is on honey moon,the father had gone back to London for post wedding stress.The mother is looking at the pictures to be washed. Then,her daughters are having get together with their husbands.
Hope you understand the family business?..

I would be pleasantly surprised if the Federal Government thinks of evacuating them.

otipoju:
As you labor hard to take care of your wife and children...do not forget to invest for your old age.

There is no guarantee that your children will reciprocate the sacrifices you made. Women also use that period to poison the children's mind against their father.( they are very good at this)

A lot of women dont have the capacity to love....they calculate. If the man is not of any benefit to them right now, or does not have the potential of being of any benefit to them in the future, they will throw you in the dustbin.

Na men dey fall in love. Wise up and enjoy your time on earth doing whatever it is you love doing.

I am sure you have seen fathers well taken care of at old age (when they are no longer 'useful' financially).

Instead of repeating redpill teachings that don't make sense, do an actual analysis around you.

Women don't love? It is only men that love yada yada.....

I am sure the terrible stories littered in this family section from husbands to wives and the demonic posts from fellow men are actually women in disguise.

Instead of men to step up and be better fathers and husbands, they keep whining when they get the result of their handiwork in their younger years.

You cannot sow the wind and not expect to reap the whirlwind.

Good fathers all over are reaping the fruit of their labour and have wives & children always excited to be with them.

@OP:

Let them keep whining instead of stepping up their fatherhood and husbandry game.

Redpillar:
You are really a parrot.

I don’t blame you or your brother, I blame the silly girl that thought she could cohabit with an efulefu or that being pregnant for one must lead to marriage. Your brother is an NFA and you all know it.

Ladies should be wary of any advanced bachelor whose family runs around to ensure he gets married. Just know he is very useless to them and they want him to at least have kids as his own achievement in life.

Do whatever you want with him. Na your brother.

@bold:

Hahahahahaha!

Maybe I am very old school BUT I believe there is time for everything.

I wonder what a young girl was doing with an advanced bachelor who has no future ambition.

@OP:

There are some things called 'blessing in disguise'.

Let your brother send his wife and kids away while you establish them (since you already want to).

He is committing adultery without remorse, has no sense of responsibility towards his children, physically abusive and sleeping with a widow accused of killing her husband.

He clearly has no redeeming qualities so I am wondering the attraction to your sister-in-law.

Before the husband's family decides that your brother was the reason she 'killed' their son and come for him.

Your sister would not be spared their shenanigans.

The one she has done with your brother is enough.

descarado:
If I'm the sis, I will keep quiet,not snoop again, then try and find any means of generating income.
I will be in that house and pay for a house, pack out and file for divorce. Never be in a reckless marriage because of kids. The kids are watching and it's affecting them negatively.


Marriage is and will always be one of life's achievements. Our mother's groomed our lives around men and it has made men have very bloated ego even when he is wrong. Look at justifications and how fear is installed on ladies up there.
Mbok

@bold:

End of.

descarado:

I think unemployment and hunger has caused a lot of brain damage in this country.
E no go well for our politicians

This has transcended poverty; it is becoming wizardry.

Klass99:
Lol , you took the words out of my mouth.

Uyai, wetin happen?

She vex gan ni.

Acidosis:
What's the opposite of full-time housewife by the way? Career woman? Can you spot the joke? Why career woman instead of part-time housewife? That's how you know the intent of whoever developed that concept.

Part time housewife??

This place na cruise I swear!

What is even the definition of a career woman abi career wife?

LilMissFavvy:
Birds of the same feather. Clarion has married over 6times, I may not know about the other actress. So people like her will always support infidelity even if it's from a Pastor.

UyaiIncomparabl:
The fact that a woman is a housewife doesn’t mean she is jobless and/or a liability as you people call it. Being a housewife is a job on its own. Do you know what it means to take care of kids, cook and tend to the home affairs? Do you understand the monotony that accompanies the role of a housewife? Do you know that being a housewife is more monotonous than your regular 9-5 job?

A housewife is a homemaker and as well a home manager. And if she's a competent and energetic one, that's perfect.

Do you understand that a HOUSEWIFE can as well make money from home too? Do you know some housewives live better and more quality lives than you that run the usual rat race of trying to meet up to society's standard of being a career and industrious woman?

In totality, this means that she is likely to have a better home than her counterparts who are always out of the home because she is always present at the home front and for the kids.

For me, there are no DISADVANTAGES.

Side note; you are allowed to have your opinion(s). Don't force yours on me or make me see reasons why your reasons are superior to mine. And if you say that housewives are being maltreated or cheated on, then Ataga's wife should have been adored and be a monumental piece of worship by her husband. If you marry a man who's conscientious, kind and humane, you will know peace. Working class or not, you will be disgraced and trampled upon by a man who doesn't understand how to treat a woman right. Please, let people do whatever works for them.

Housewives dey and housewives dey, abek.

Mbok why did you bring a gun to a knife fight?

kay9:

Abeg do you live in Port Harcourt? That slang "colobi" has geographical implications in my ear

Nope.

This story is not clear.

The inmate initiated the kiss right?

So why did he record it?

Why did she resign?

Is there no punishment for the inmate who engages in consensual sex activities with a prison official?

MufasaLion:
He's a hypocrite trying hard to look like a smart person.

By the way, in your sig., you should change the 'Am' in your second sentence to 'I'm'.

Thanks for the correction, done.

galantjoe:
Do your best and leave rest for her to decide.

Where single ladies are finding it difficult to marry talkless of single mom of two.

Plus she has nothing doing.


I don't support cheating but where it happens one have to endure because you can't expect him to abandon his blood outside just to please her,. She is selfish and self centered

@bold

Extremely selfish woman. As in, instead of her to design a time table so that she and the baby mama take turns, she wants to colobi the husband to herself.

Why do peeps always put the caveat 'I don't support cheating' before going on to type a post that shows they see nothing wrong with it?

obiekunie01:
But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

@very nice conclusion:

Not the man that cheated or to be wild, not the girl that became a baby mama;

It is the wife who discovered it on her husband's phone.

Logic 101

2ndtimeuncle:
It rains everywhere, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

If by raining, you mean adultery, not all men cheat.

And she can decide to walk out and stay single.

2ndtimeuncle:
I am pro marriage, my first instinct about it is how to preserve and protect it. Little kids are involved, I don't want them to experience broken home. I know cheating is a big deal but my sis doesn't complain about anything else with the husband. I wish they can reach a compromise and keep the home.

Unfortunately, your BIL is not pro-marriage and it takes two to build a healthy home.

The emphasis on healthy.

I actually do not think cheating is a big deal for you.

I don't know the solution to your sister's issue: I don't if she is whining just because or if she is currently so disgusted with her husband that the only thing that would give her sanity is ending the marriage. So it is actually not on your place to want the marriage to continue; it is left for her & her husband to decide.

That said, if she wants to leave the marriage, then she has to be very realistic about it. She is currently not earning and has to be able to support herself and children before she thinks of walking away. I would have thought that the moment her husband had a baby mama, she would realize that phase one of the marriage is over and all previous agreements no longer stand and re-negotiate the terms of the marriage.

It is not too late so she should look for a way to earn and be able to support herself before talking about leaving.

When she can stand on her feet financially, your opinion would no longer matter in her affairs with good reason.

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

Apart from the financial support you would have to provide, why don't you want her to end the marriage if she wants to?

P.S.: The husband would always have a relationship with his baby mama especially since the child with her mother.

Why do you want your wife to be a housewife Viz a Viz your current family circumstances.